• Anything new - neophobia. *shock* (What about clothes, shoes, undies, makeup, nice new cars, sealed food??? Who are these weirdoes? WHO doesn’t like new things?!?)
• Books - bibliophobia. (My guess is none of them will be reading this blog.)
• Peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth – arachibutyrophobia. (I’ve no comment for this; what could I possibly say? This phobia writes its own joke LOL.)
• Air - anemophobia. (This doesn’t even make sense. You can’t live without air!!! Or is it that they are scared they’ll run out of air to breathe?)
• Bathing - ablutophobia. (Anyone that suffers from this, please keep your distance. UGHH.)
• Body odors - osmophobia or osphresiophobia. (I’m in this list LOL.)
• Water - hydrophobia. (I’m guessing the ones with ablutophobia also suffer from this. Oh, and BTW, what do they drink when they are thirsty? Vodka?)

• Beaten by a rod or instrument of punishment - rhabdophobia.
• Burglars, or being harmed by wicked persons - scelerophobia.
• Buried alive, being or cemeteries - taphephobia or taphophobia.
• Choking or being smothered - pnigophobia or pnigerophobia.
• Rape - virginitiphobia.

• Erect penis - medorthophobia. (Bawdy Babe, is that you?)
• Female genitalia - eurotophobia.
• Girls, young or virgins - parthenophobia.
• Love, sexual love - erotophobia.
• Love play - malaxophobia or sarmassophobia. (Er, does this mean foreplay? Because if it does, I’m thinking most men are malaxophobics LOL.)
• Love, falling or being in - philophobia.
• Pleasure, feeling - hedonophobia. (Apparently, these people will enjoy the phobias from the last category.)

• Puppets - pupaphobia.
• Clowns - coulrophobia.

The New York Times puzzle is printed in the International Herald Tribune, a paper sold at just about any Paris newsstand. I was recently attempting to finish a Wednesday and, stumped over 21 down, “A friend of Job,” I turned to something called The Order of Things. It’s a reference book given to me by my sister Amy, and it’s full of useful information. While thumbing toward the Bible section, I came across a list of phobias arranged into various classifications. I found myself delighted by genuphobia (the fear of knees), pogonophobia (fear of beards), and keraunothnetophobia (the nineteen-letter word used to identify those who fear the fall of man-made satellites). Reading over the lists, I found myself trying to imagine the support groups for those struggling to overcome their fears of rust or teeth, heredity or string. There would definitely be daytime meetings for the achluophobics (who fear nightfall), and evening get-togethers for the daylight-fearing phengophobics. Those who fear crowds would have to meet one-on-one, and those who fear psychiatry would be forced to find comfort in untrained friends and family members.

The long list of situational phobias includes the fears of being bound, beaten, locked into an enclosed area, and smeared with human waste. Their inclusion mystifies me, as it suggests that these fears might be considered in any way unreasonable. I asked myself, Who wants to be handcuffed and covered in human feces? And then, without even opening my address book, I thought of three people right off the bat. This frightened me, but apparently it’s my own private phobia. I found no listing for those who fear they know too many masochists. Neither did I find an entry for those who fear the terrible truth that their self-worth is based entirely on the completion of a daily crossword puzzle. Because I can’t seem to find it anywhere, I’m guaranteed that such a word actually exists. It will undoubtedly pop up in some future puzzle, the clue being “You, honestly.”