Monday, October 30, 2006

The idiots' Bitches' guide for doing laundry

Not sure if I should post this since I think it’s freaking embarrassing, but for the first time in my life I’m faced with doing my own laundry, *gasp* and I don’t fucking know how to go about it!!! So, what did I do? I asked my trustworthy friend Harlot to give me some pointers, and this is how our conversation went:


laundry01

laundry02


Now, does anyone have some real and useful (which I might have specified to Harlot in the first place) advise on how to go about this laundry business? I’m going to give it a go tomorrow, so tips are mighty welcomed!

**Sorry for the typos in the chat. We’re pretty bad spellers LOL.
***And YES, I KNOW, Harlot, the pics are ugly and not the same size, and the post is fugly, but tired, cranky and sick. So bite me!

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29 comment(s):

Blogger T-girl said...

ROTFLMAO!!! Well, ok. First read the lables for any special instructions BUT baring that a general rule is Whites, lights and darks! I do white stuff on the hottest setting. The lights (this is stuff that is NOT red, black DARK brown, DARK green ect- Darks! LOL) Go on COLD the FIRST time I wash them (if I have something new in the mix) other wise they go on warm. The reason if you are interested is becuase the color is set in the dryer the first time- most things these days do not use bleeding dyes anymore but why take the chance? The lights go in on warm. To be honest you can do all in warm if it is easier to remember. Until you get the hang only use laundry soap (read the individual package for how much- unless you are using commercial washers then read the washer itself if there are directions- if not go with the box of soap). Read the labels though just in case there is some special need. If there is a setting for colors/whites/jeans ect use it, if not put it on "normal/permanant press" the water temp if you need to and hit go! LOL (My European dryer now that I think on it had an eco freindly cycle on it too which is fine)

NOW for drying. Do NOT just stick it in the dryer on high! LOL Most items can handle this BUT sweaters, silk and ANY wool product MUST be line dried (and handwashed if you can not do that just make sure you put them on the gentle cycle). The best way to do a sweater is to lay out but over a chair or something is fine if you have no other place, just don't put on a hanger until it is completely dry... you will get hangers shoulders! LOL Most items though can be hung over a shower rod or chair or whatnot if they need to be air dried.

I am sure I made as much sense as mud but I am not sure what to say!

Good luck! LMAO... this may have been the funniest post you ever posted. I promise I won't judge though, when I was in the military I had a girl who worked for me who litterally stared at the mop and bucket (which had been filled for her) and had NO clue WHAT to do with it. We had to teach her how to MOP! LMAO Laundry I can understand! OH, and if worse comes to worse, many cleaners have a laundry service were you drop it off and get it back folded and pretty! LOL

10/30/2006 04:00:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

I cannot believe you'll post this, you heathen!!!!! Oh god, very embarrassing. :S

Well, will fix your post babe. It looks bloody ugly. :/

10/30/2006 04:57:00 AM  

Blogger Jordis said...

You two are incorrigible! LMAO!!!

10/30/2006 06:20:00 AM  

Blogger Vanessa said...

LMAO! I know this laundry problem is a serious one but this is just funny! I think T-girl sum it up well, all I can say is good luck Trollop. :P Harlot, you have to learn too! To do laundry AND to cook lol!

10/30/2006 10:05:00 AM  

Blogger Chantal said...

Ohmygoodnes! My Eight year old can-and he does do laundry. LOL

I'll give you a cheater tip..If you don't feel like seperating colours, then use cold water. Hot water will make some items bleed, so when in doubt always use cold water.

Good luck, rotfl

10/30/2006 10:38:00 AM  

Blogger Ladybug said...

OMG ROTFLMAO

You know I have a several laundry baskets for each type of clothing I sort. One for whites, darks, jeans, delicates, and so on. That way, I don't have to sort them everytime I do laundry. Oh, and the most helpful tip, always check the labels on your clothes to know how to wash them properly. LOL

10/30/2006 11:33:00 AM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

How funny!! I've taken to doing what t-girl suggests...bringing it to someone that will do it for me. But when I do my own...
1. darks, reds...in cold water (to keep colors from bleeding/fading)
2. cottons and lighter colors...warm
3. sheets and towels..HOT!!

Good luck!!

10/30/2006 12:22:00 PM  

Blogger Mailyn said...

Shoot, I don't know how to cook, do laundry or just about any other "household" chore. I even blew up the microwave once heating an egg roll! So yeah, right there with you. LOL.

10/30/2006 01:40:00 PM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

OMG, too funny! Like Chantal, my daughters do their own laundry. Even my husband does his. LOL.

Ok Trollop, here's a tip for your bra, panties, garter skirts, etc: Hand wash them in cold water with a mild detergent. But if you want to machine wash your delicates, put them in a pillowcase. That way, they're protected. Usually cotton panties can be machine washed in cold water, but they are all labeled with care instructions you should check before washing. Don't forget to always check the pockets of all your clothes before washing. The damage and stains from a hidden lipstick, gum, etc goes beyond words!

Now for you Harlot, I suggest try preparing food you love. If you love pasta, you can prepare a simple mac and cheese. Or if you like eggs, some omelette in the morning. Things like that. ;)

10/30/2006 01:42:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't think I have any tips to add. Everyone else was pretty thorough.

I'll just say that you shouldn't feel dumb. Everyone has to learn this stuff sometime, I guess. And if I could have got away with not knowing by now, I'd definitely rather be a laundry dummy. Doing it is such a PITA!

Oh, I lie. Here's a tip: In absense of pre-treat sprays and such, dab a little liquid detergent on things that may stain before you can actually send them through the wash. I am always dropping food on myself, but a little liquid Tide helps keeping it from ruining before I actually wash on Saturday.

10/30/2006 02:07:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Good god, you have to do all that? It seems so complicated. :/ I thought you just have to color code or something..

10/30/2006 03:22:00 PM  

Blogger Isabella said...

LMAO! This is funny. :P

Well, everyone gave great tips. Will just add this: Vinegar is great when it comes to removing stains. For stains caused by coffee, tea, fruits, soak the clothe in full strength vinegar for an hour or so before laundering as normal. ;) LOL

10/30/2006 03:28:00 PM  

Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

Oh, darlings--CALL SEARS. SOme hunky guy will come over and show you how to do your laundry. LOLLOL

10/30/2006 03:49:00 PM  

Blogger Lorelei said...

LMFAO. This is hilarious! LOL Good tips given by everyone. Don't forget that those clothes marked "wash separately", don't include them with others no matter what. The color is likely to run and stain other clothes. Now before washing jeans, knitted fabric, textured fabric and sweatshirts, turn them inside out. You'll get the hang of it soon enough. :P

10/30/2006 04:02:00 PM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

I like Dakota's idea, LMAO!

It's not the Bitches' fault for not knowing this stuff. I know plenty of women whose moms/maids have always cooked/laundered for them, so how the hell are they gonna learn! My DD *and* DS will! It'll make my job easier too :P

My DH throws some laundry in occasionally but he's a terrible folder, LOL.

Isabella, I've also heard that vinegar works well to *set* color if you wash, say, a red t-shirt in some, it'll set the color. No fading or bleeding.

10/30/2006 04:46:00 PM  

Blogger are you asking me to dance? said...

Er, I don't separate my laundry. Whites, colours, delicates, socks, etc all go in together, usually in cold/warm water unless I forget to check before turning on the machine.

This might be why all my clothes shrink, even though I make sure they're ones I can wash this way. And why I don't have pretty underwear. But I can't be bothered to sort it out beforehand.

I've heard of using vinegar as fabric softner - I guess because it cuts through the soap? We use it sometimes on the horses after bathing them to make sure all the soap is rinsed off.

10/30/2006 05:42:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

Baking soda helps with laundry too. It removes odor on clothes, like smoke, sweaty smell, and so on. Love this post! Too funny!

10/30/2006 06:44:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

Oh yeah, baking soda I think makes your white whiter too. LOL

Dance, you have horses? What kinds? Oh I love horses. :)

10/30/2006 06:49:00 PM  

Blogger Lily Moon said...

LMAO. How funny! :P Now make sure not to overload the washer (everything should be covered with water). Your clothes won't get clean and you'll damage the machine. Trust me, I've done this. LOL. The same with dryer! Don't overload!

10/30/2006 07:26:00 PM  

Blogger KimmyGoat said...

To preserve your bras, don't throw them in the dryer. You don't want the underwires poking you in the boob at a bad time. I throw them over my shower curtain bar. Good luck, BBs!

10/30/2006 08:17:00 PM  

Blogger are you asking me to dance? said...

Dance, you have horses? What kinds? Oh I love horses. :)

Warmbloods, mostly. I do the hunter/jumpers, but I much prefer the hunters. :) Do you have horses too?

I just did laundry last night and ended up with a slightly shrunken sweater. It still fits, but the sleeves are a bit short; I hope it doesn't end up shrinking any more.

10/30/2006 11:08:00 PM  

Blogger Aggie said...

Good luck ladies. Once you've done it once or twice, the sorting and settings you use on the machine become 2nd nature and take no time to fling in the machine and the machine kindly bleep/bleeps at you when its done. (btw The only time you bleep back is if the machine leaks or doesn't spin or something)
I don't handwash any longer as most modern washers have a gentle cycle for delicates/woollens and you can use cold or v. mildly warm to prevent shrinkage.
But you MUST colour sort or your most favourite item will end up a hideous colour that you will hate and you will cry for weeks afterwards as it cost an enormous amount of money and you ruined it!!!
Happy Halloween all, btw - it's already the 31st here.
Maybe your entire wash will come out bright orange just to celebrate! LOL!

10/31/2006 12:25:00 AM  

Blogger T-girl said...

Just making a note! If you are using a European washer just make sure it is not stuffed, you want to make sure the clothes can move around, only needs to be loose and about 3/4 or so full of clothes! I forgot to say that! LOL Sorry!

10/31/2006 02:51:00 AM  

Blogger nica ha said...

well i've been doing my own laundry since i was a kid, but i can say that i've never mowed a lawn in my life. i have two younger brothers to thank for always mowing the lawn at my parents. i don't even know how to start the thing. oh and i didn't know how to make coffee (except for the instant kind) until last summer. i poured the water in over the coffee grounds the first time! lol! i stood there staring at the thing wondering why the coffee was coming out clear! XD

10/31/2006 12:48:00 PM  

Blogger Rachel said...

LMAO good luck bitches. You'll be surprised, doing laundry isn't that bad especially if you have a good washer. Just make sure you know the basics, which by the look of it (have no time to read all the comments), the other lovely ladies have given already. :)

10/31/2006 01:50:00 PM  

Blogger Shoshana said...

Laundry's easy.

First, you find a phone book. Look under "D" for Dry Cleaners because almost always, they will also do laundry.

See, simple, easy, one step.

I love that!

10/31/2006 09:27:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

After all that advice...screw it...find some hot guy to do it for you!!

11/02/2006 01:03:00 AM  

Anonymous Saam said...

preferably while washing his clothes too...
oh, so sorry there's nothing for you to wear while your clothes are wet...

11/03/2006 01:01:00 AM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Well, there was this one guy who came in to do his laundry while I was there. I was of course wearing my only clean outfit, a pair of huge sweat pants that once belonged to my father and a dirty green top that's like 3 sizes too small. He didn't look at me twice *sniff* I think I scared him!!!!

11/04/2006 06:37:00 AM