Wednesday, March 8, 2006

Nutella: Food for the Bitches


After Harlot and I became good friends, I felt duty bound to tell her about my shameful addiction. At the time, I was battling it and knew I needed the support of my loved ones to get through it. So one cold evening, my voice shocking with tears, I admitted, through racking sobs, that I am a Nutella** addict and have been since childhood.

**Nutella (“new-tell-uh”) is a creamy, chocolaty hazelnut, deliciously unique spread made from cocoa, roasted hazelnuts, and skim milk; this combination delights your taste buds as you enjoy each delicious mouthful. I eat it with mostly anything: grated coconut, hazel nuts, saltines (extra yummy!), cashew seeds, strawberries, apples, bananas and anything else you can think of. Nutella tastes good with EVERYTHING, except for bread. (Please, DO NOT eat with bread, it’s disgusting. Why there is a picture of a slice of bread in the jar is beyond me!) But my absolute favorite way to eat it is with a spoon right out of the jar—it’s orgasmic!

Through months of hard work and discipline, after many nights of cold sweats and regular nightmares about giant Nutella jars trying to kill me, I was finally able to go to the supermarket and not stuff my cart full of these amazing chocolaty jars. I thought I was cured.

Little did I know that while I was trying to sober up, Harlot was just beginning her own addiction and then, shamelessly, passing it on to Bawdy.

About three weeks ago, because of these two horrible Bitches, I fell off the wagon and am currently licking my way through a spoon full of this heavenly spread as I write this.


nut11

nut2

nut3


I have come to understand that I have to learn to live with my addiction. I honestly have little choice in the matter since, at least, half of my chats with Harlot and Bawdy include Nutella talk (actually, it’s more like Nutella moaning LOL). Honestly, why should I resist such a wonderful treat? Surely this is food for the gods. And you know what they say, after the gods... the bitches. *wink*

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24 comment(s):

Anonymous Tart said...

Chocolate crack LOL :P

But um, I don't call it New-tell-uh, I call it NUT-EL-A. Must be that kiwi accent of mine :D

Does anyone actually eat it, you know, spread on something (excluding boyfriends LOL) like bread? I only seem to eat it straight out of the jar LOL.

Tart

PS - How come I miss out on all the good chats?

3/08/2006 05:55:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nutella Good - especially on toast!

Don't knock Nutella - embrace it LOL

And it is NUT_TELL_A
:D

3/08/2006 07:02:00 PM  

Blogger jaxieknight said...

Whew! I am so glad I am not alone in my addiction to this chocholate goo. It's shameful really. Out of the jar, on bread, whatever... that stuff is chocholate sex.

3/08/2006 09:07:00 PM  

Anonymous Vixen said...

Okay, have to try it now. I thought for sure I wouldn't be able to get it here but sure enough it is apparently at my local grocer. HUH! Will get back to you my opinion. Although, hazelnut does pretty much guarantee I'll love it.

3/08/2006 09:58:00 PM  

Blogger Serendipity said...

Harlot shamelessly passed it to me! Except she forget to warn me about NOT refrigerating it...so I did, and there ends the start of my chocolate crack...DD loves it though....I believe she needs intervention or she's gonna ruin that nice figure she has going.

Her reply to having eaten too much Nutella? I'll ride an extra hour in my bike this week Mommy! We'll see.

3/09/2006 02:56:00 AM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi..
nut-tell-a..
me and my hubby just love it.. spooning it from the jar.. and finishing one (for each)in one sitting.. good thing passionate excercise takes off the calories..

3/09/2006 03:23:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Tart, we always wait for you. You're the one who doesn't show up! :S

Gotta say, Nutella with BF is the best. LOL :P

3/09/2006 05:45:00 AM  

Blogger Marg said...

mmmm...Nutella!!!

Only problem is my son is allergic to something in it. He went to kiss me good night, and I must have had a smidgeon left on my lips, and next thing I know his lips have swollen up, and he is saying it's hurting!!

Darn..have to be careful when I have it.

3/09/2006 05:52:00 AM  

Blogger Christian said...

Starting in Italy, coming to Germany Ferrero concuered the world w/ stuff like Nutella, Ferrero Kuesschen and the like. You guys would be suprised what kinda hype we Germans make around that stuff.

BTW, I just love that shit, too.

3/09/2006 12:33:00 PM  

Blogger Maddie said...

I think you girls love it just cause it has "nut' in the title...lol...

3/09/2006 05:48:00 PM  

Blogger Bawdy Babe said...

Trollop and Harlot made nutella whore. i both love and hate them for this. nutella is now alway on my mind. Do i have enough? should i get more? what if market runs out? honey, if this isn't an addiction i don't know what is.

i like it out of jar, but omg, its freaking awesome w/ strawberries.

and i too call it NUTetta, though i believe the proper proun. is NEWtella.

3/09/2006 06:18:00 PM  

Anonymous LJ- Aka Return Address said...

You guys got me hooked on Nutella when you were raving about it on the FABB. It's too thick for regular bread but it is marvelous on toast hot enough to melt it.
During the Olympics one bit of trivia was that Nutella originated in Turino- another reason to visit that beautiful city.

3/10/2006 12:25:00 AM  

Blogger Marlene D. Malone said...

OK ladies now I'm jealous. I don't think this hick town sells it. But now I'm on a quest to find this heavenly food.

Right now my addiction is truffles. I have a chocolate shop in the mall right next door to my office where they sell fresh truffles in ANY flavor imaginable.

3/10/2006 07:04:00 AM  

Blogger Tarbear said...

hey gals! my sister and i have been completely addicted to Nutella for YEARS!!! My mom was doing weight watchers in the mid 80's and this wonderful creation was one of the things you could have for a snack.. well. whit and i found the jar of yummy chocolate goodness and devoured the whole thing... now we buy it by the case... ever tried it with pretzels? it's also is a delightful icecream topping!

3/10/2006 01:47:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Nutella is allowed on Weight Watchers????

3/10/2006 03:32:00 PM  

Blogger Paul said...

Have you ever had Nutella cheesecake?

Here's a link to the recipe:

http://www.kidsloveanimals.com/home/kl1/page_77/
nutella_cheesecake.html

Yumm!

3/10/2006 05:51:00 PM  

Blogger Bawdy Babe said...

nutella cheesecake? omg. drool.

Thinking of a nutella and peanut butter combo i've never tried. perhaps as shake w/ mega dose of whipped cream topping?

For those of you who think your market doesn't carry it. Trust me, it does. We bitches live in four corners of the world, 3 of them third world countries and we never have trouble finding it. This stuff is everywhere. Praise be to the Nutella gods.

3/10/2006 07:27:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Nutella cheesecake is DEVINE. They have it at my fave pastry shop here. There is also a tripple chocolate and nutella cake, and nutella and pralines brownies. I think I just wet my knickers thingking about this lol

3/10/2006 09:19:00 PM  

Blogger kinky courtesan said...

ummm yeah my personal favorite?? nutella and peanut butter sandwhich.... yum.... also... me and the bf made nutella pie..... crushed oreo cookies on the bottom... chocolate chip icecream for the filling.... topped with nutella.... sure the nutella gets kinda hard but it is still..... yummy yummy yummy i got nutella in my tummy... haha

3/13/2006 07:57:00 PM  

Blogger Thesan said...

i'm a nutella addict too ^_____*
welcome to the club!
luv chiara from good old Italy!

3/31/2006 02:48:00 PM  

Blogger Kat O+ said...

I LOVE Nutella! I used to put the whole jar in the fridge and eat it while watching the Australian Open on TV during the summer holidays. At uni, it was jelly snakes dipped in Nutella. I tried buying Nutella packs to regulate my intake but I just ended up eating 8 packs a day. At a place I used to work, there was an Italian restaurant across the road and they sold (still do, in fact) Nutella pizza. It. Was. So. Good.

3/31/2006 05:36:00 PM  

Blogger Gun_Wielding_Bitch said...

Isn't this an Aussie thing? I remember talking to a girl in high school who was from down under and she was telling me it was good but only Aussies like it and they hate our (American) peanutbutter. I have never seen it sold here but then I am never looking.

5/03/2006 12:04:00 PM  

Blogger shlinki said...

oh yes, nutella... i used to have a problem with it - now i seem to be able to control it somewhat. but maybe, by publicly saying that, i've broken the spell... hmm.
anyway, there's a funny nutella story on another blog i read, http://www.shauny.org/pussycat/2005/12/the_brown_stuff.php

ps us aussies pronounce it 'nut-tell-lah'.

5/09/2006 05:40:00 AM  

Blogger Gun_Wielding_Bitch said...

Reading Jane the June/July edition and I will now quote from it... *AHEM*

"...We also don't idealize sex. It's not about the candlelit dinner that leads to spreading Nutella all over each other and then 16 orgasm."

Well these people suck! It IS about that, they are just to lame to realize it. THE ABSURDITY OF IT ALL!

6/11/2006 12:40:00 PM