Monday, September 18, 2006

Between her legs

Last month I collected a list of penis terms that put the purple in romance heroes’ cocks. *g* And no, I didn’t make them up! Really, just scan the sex scenes of books that were first published during the Fabio era and I bet you’ll find some of those euphemisms! In any case, after that article, many have asked, “Harlot, what about the vajayjay?”

I think it’s safe to say that the ultimate difference between the sexes is found between the legs (unless you have a genetic glitch and have the choice of who does what to whom :/). Now, that distinction doesn’t stop with looks, functions and the way you should stroke—er, perform. Eheh.

Women might love cocks like a favorite toy or a delicious trinket (especially when it’s coated with Nutella :P), but men, despite *ahem* all their faults, are OBSESSED with vaginas. It seems that the puss is not only the “center” of every female but also the “center of paradise” for every male. Why, no matter what his intentions are at the beginning, the end target is always the same: to get between her legs! Here are some examples:
  • She has an amazing body. Gee, I’d like to get between her legs.
  • She has a body. Gee, I’d like to get between her legs.
  • She’s very smart and witty. Gee, I’d like to get between her legs.
  • She’s as dumb as a post. Gee, I’d like to get between her legs.
  • She has the most sensual, sexiest voice I’ve ever heard. Gee, I’d like to get between her legs.
  • She can’t talk. Gee, I’d like to get between her legs.
  • I like her, really. Gee, I’d like to get between her legs.
  • I love her and want to marry her. Gee, I’d like to get between her legs.
  • Hmm, looks like it’ll be a sunny day. Gee, I’d like to get between her legs.
Of course there’s the possibility I’m exaggerating, but somehow I doubt it LOL. Anyway, I’ve gathered some coochie terms that romance writers have devised to describe the female anatomy. Well, we don’t want the men to be left out with the dirty talk now, do we? *wink*
  • apex of her legs
  • blonde/red curls between her creamy hips
  • center of paradise
  • cleft betwixt her thighs
  • curly mound of tawny hair
  • curly nest at the junction of her legs
  • damp, moist needy place
  • deeper heat within
  • delicate softness
  • door of her femininity
  • downy mound
  • entrance of her delight
  • fiery furnace
  • golden flesh
  • glistening portals of her womanhood
  • guarded place
  • hot sleeve of love
  • hot, wet sheath
  • hot pool
  • into her body
  • lily
  • loins
  • moist heart of her flower
  • moistness between
  • molten need
  • most secret places
  • most sensitive spot
  • most special of places
  • most tender flesh
  • most treasured pearl of passion
  • mound of Venus
  • nest of desire
  • nether lips
  • passion-moistened depths
  • petal-smooth center
  • petal-soft folds of her womanhood
  • place even warmer and wetter
  • private satin flesh
  • pulsating core
  • receptive body
  • secret parts
  • silken warmth
  • slick wet heat of her
  • slick wetness of her excitement
  • slippery softness
  • stretching walls of her body
  • sweet warmth
  • tight depths
  • warm, dark haven
  • warm damp entrance
  • wetness and heat
  • where she most ached for fulfillment
  • where she was moist and desperate
  • where she was soft and yearning
  • womanhood
  • womanly wet heart of her
I’d like to end this list (which, really, won’t be complete without this quote) with something from one of my *ahem* “favorite” books evah, Outlander. *g*


“Jamie! Not here!” I said, squirming away and pushing my skirt down again.

“Are you tired, Sassenach?” he asked with concern. “Dinna worry, I won’t take long.” Now both hands were at it, rucking the heavy fabric up in front.

“No!” I replied, all too mindful of the twenty men lying a few feet away. “I’m not tired, it’s just—” I gasped as his groping hand found its way between my legs.

“Lord,” he said softly. “It’s slippery as waterweed.”

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42 comment(s):

Blogger Jordis said...

Fiery furnace? OMG too funny! LMAO Oh, thanks for the laugh BBs. It's a great follow up post after the manroot terms. ;)

9/18/2006 10:06:00 AM  

Blogger Mailyn said...

waterweed? I have no words. Wait, I do, wtf?!?! Oh and the whole "moist triangle" ALWAYS makes me think she has fungus or something. Yuck.

Love the list!!!! :-)

9/18/2006 10:45:00 AM  

Blogger C Bradshaw said...

I keep reading how wet or damp the heroine's "center" is I'm beginning to think authors have an orgasm everytime they write those terms. LOL

Harlot, I love Outlander and for the life of me can't remember that quote! Are you sure Jamie said waterweed? :P

9/18/2006 11:26:00 AM  

Blogger ames said...

LMAO!! That quote from Outlander-waterweed? And that one line, "I won't take long." Hmm...that's not a good thing. LOL

Now we need a list for the clit - I hate when it's referred to as a nubbin.

9/18/2006 12:11:00 PM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

Harlot, lol, that picture is really strange!

"Nest"....eeeww!

How about "Honey Pot" and variations like, "dripping honey pot" LMAO!

I bet Jamie really did say "waterweed"!

9/18/2006 12:22:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Gad I hate outlander. Anyone that compares my vagina to a slippery waterweed is NOT getting any!

Also, what the hell does that mean "I wont take long"? Is he going to do it even if she doesnt want to, just because it wont take long? That jamie is a piece of work; what a pig!

Babe, that position in that pic soooo not possible lol. He's balancing himself, while carrying her on his toes? I don't even think a gymnast could pull that off LOL

9/18/2006 12:38:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Casey,
I swear, every word, it's there in OUTLANDER. LOL


Ames,
I know! WTF is "nubbin" anyway? Isn't that part of a corn? Imagine a corn stuck in your pussy. Oh fuck! That's gotta itch!!!


HM,
Dripping honey pot is nasty! Euw euw euw!


Babe,
LOVE this painting by de Villiers. He paints couples in the throes LOL. Anyway, i think with the right angle that position could be done. :P I mean, really, what if they're underwater? Or they're actually lying down in a certain way? Besides, anything is possible in paintings! Hmph!

BTW, soooo agree about Jamie. ACK!

9/18/2006 01:33:00 PM  

Blogger Ladybug said...

LMAO. That Outlander quote is perfect!

Love this list. The sad part is I've read almost all of these terms from my books at least twice!

9/18/2006 01:40:00 PM  

Blogger C Bradshaw said...

Harlot, LOL, I believe you. :P By the way, I agree about the painting. It's beautiful.

9/18/2006 01:44:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

Great list Harlot. But you know I love those "gee, i'd like to get between her legs" examples. LOL. And I so agree btw!

9/18/2006 01:52:00 PM  

Blogger Vanessa said...

Hot sleeve of love? Fiery furnace? LOL Thank god I've never encountered those! LOLLOL

9/18/2006 02:30:00 PM  

Blogger Polly King said...

I think purple prose for men's anatomy is worse than that use for the women. Manroot alone would make you gag, either with laughter or revulsion. :P

Good post and good quote! Waterweed indeed. LOL

9/18/2006 03:47:00 PM  

Blogger Polly King said...

Harlot, de Villiers who?

9/18/2006 03:48:00 PM  

Blogger Petra said...

I hate that curly mound of hair and the hero curls his finger in it. Ack.

Love the Outlander quote LOL

9/18/2006 07:04:00 PM  

Blogger Isabella said...

Harlot, that quote made my Jamie sound like an insensitive boy! And like Casey, can't remember the waterweed comment. LOL Great list!

9/18/2006 07:23:00 PM  

Blogger Lorelei said...

LMAO with that Outlander quote! Now about the list, I mostly encounter "moist nether lips". LOL

Those examples are great. I'm surprise none of the male readers are objecting. LOL Is that a confirmation then? :P

9/18/2006 07:50:00 PM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

From RETURN TO ME by S McKenna:

"He'd been nineteen, he'd been in too much of a hurry to get his dick a mile or so inside her.


His hand slid between her thighs and brushed over her satin panties, his fingers brushing over the damp glow of need,teasing, coaxing. His hand slid between the elastic of her panties..'Cor.My God,' he groaned, 'You're completely...' 'Yeah,' she whispered,'you bet I am. I get a Brazilian wax every few weeks. I love to be bare down there. You like it?' 'Oh God.' He slid his hand beneath the fabric.
And she went off, just like that. Long and wrenching, like a fountain sobbing inside her."

Much, Much, better than "nest of curls!!"
And a good use of some of Harlot's list, LOL!

9/18/2006 08:58:00 PM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

Can a fountain Sob??

9/18/2006 09:01:00 PM  

Anonymous hehesnort said...

Is it just me or does it cross everyone's minds when you hear the fiery loins quote...you know they make creams for that. And if your loins are in fact "fiery" keep your freaking pants on until it clears up!
~hehe

9/18/2006 09:01:00 PM  

Blogger Jordis said...

Hehesnort, you're right about that! LOL And to think many authors use that term.

Hotmama, fountain sobbing? LOL Hey, isn't Return to Me a contemp book? Oh yikes, somehow that makes it worse!

9/18/2006 09:18:00 PM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

Harlot, what about the boob terms? Globes, peachy soft? Heh.

Hotmama, I've read that book and actually liked it. Funny that I never noticed "fointain sobbing". What the hell is that?!

9/18/2006 09:32:00 PM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

Though "waterweed" I think is the worst yet. Too funny! Wonder what Ms. Gabladon was thinking when she wrote that... :P

9/18/2006 09:35:00 PM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

Lollie rose, I luurrv RETURN TO ME! It's one of my favs and very hot! That scene was with the secondary characters. Thing is, when I'm in the middle of reading a scene like that, I don't notice the silly turns of phrase, lol!

9/18/2006 09:41:00 PM  

Blogger Dana said...

Outlander sounds like an interesting book. Haven't run across it yet. My fellow writers in a romance writing club that I am in have had this discussion many times. It is so funny to see all the terms romance writers use for genitalia. Good post.

9/18/2006 09:51:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Fointain sobbing? God, that's bad! See, told you guys. Just scan the sex scenes and you'll find a lot of purple. And i'm not talking about the hero's cock. :P

Oh fuck! My word verification is "quimrk". LMAO

9/18/2006 09:54:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Hey Dana, :)
A lot of people looove OUTLANDER and consider it as one of the best romance books ever written (not that DG would appreciate it being categorized as "romance" *snort*). Of course i beg to differ LOL. Still, worth a try i guess--at least to know what the fuss is about (*cough* disgusting stuff *cough*). :P

9/18/2006 10:07:00 PM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

Harlot, what do you mean? DG doesn't like her books in the romance category? Thats bull. I mean yes, Outlander isn't exactly Harlequin but come on!

Hotmama, I know what you mean, hot sex scenes! I don't notice terms too when I'm reading, unless it's really ridiculous like "raging bull of his hot pants" or something like that.

9/18/2006 10:20:00 PM  

Anonymous Ollenska said...

Finally the vajayjay terms! :P This reminds me of Grey's Anatomy! Anyway "place even warmer or wetter"? Wetter and warmer than what? LOL Good post!

Olly

9/18/2006 10:24:00 PM  

Blogger Tisty said...

Thing is, when I'm in the middle of reading a scene like that, I don't notice the silly turns of phrase, lol!

To true Hotmama. If it is a great story you just go with it. It's only when you see lists like this you go my god why didn't I ever notice how completly skank most of the euphamisims are.

what silly buggers writers are!!!

9/18/2006 10:44:00 PM  

Blogger KimmyGoat said...

Damp, moist needy place?
Hot, wet sheath?
Hot pool?
Moistness between?
Sweet warmth?
Warm damp entrance?
Wetness and heat?

These all sound like apt descriptions of a moldy cave. Ick.

9/18/2006 11:13:00 PM  

Blogger Petra said...

Yes, moldy cave where algae and giant kelps thrive. Ack

9/18/2006 11:53:00 PM  

Blogger Aggie said...

ROFLMAO - slippery as waterweed? What the hell is waterweed when it's at home. Ewww!
I hated those DG books and couldn't see what was remotely attractive about the Jamie character.
Now I'm realising why. What ghastly, ghastly terms these writers use. ACK!

9/19/2006 01:49:00 AM  

Blogger Sherry said...

LMAO at downy mound.

That reminds me - did I throw that damn ball in the washer with my clothes earlier?

Thanks for the laugh Harlot!

9/19/2006 01:51:00 AM  

Blogger Isabella said...

Petra, giant kelps? LOL!

9/19/2006 09:56:00 AM  

Blogger Gun_Wielding_Bitch said...

Next time I'm getting a piece I'm gonna say, "OH YEAH, I LOVE the way you work my petal-soft folds of my womanhood!" LOL, WTF?

9/19/2006 12:39:00 PM  

Blogger Petra said...

GWB, worse - "Taste my fiery furnace!" Or worst - "Eat my waterweed!"

9/19/2006 09:33:00 PM  

Blogger Lola Lovegood said...

Petra,

Eat my waterweed? I just spit my soup all over the screen! ROTFL

9/20/2006 12:01:00 AM  

Blogger Gun_Wielding_Bitch said...

Eat my waterweed...LOL. It almost sounds like a new type of lettuce.

My man can eat my waterweed while I work his crisphead. LOL. I'm bringing ranch dressing to bed next time...

9/20/2006 08:22:00 AM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

Eat my waterweed? Waterweed with algae? LOL That's funny and, well, fucking gross!

9/20/2006 11:32:00 AM  

Blogger Lily Moon said...

Slippery as waterweed? EAT my waterweed? Whadahell is going on?! Is this the new dirty talk I'm no aware of?

9/20/2006 09:18:00 PM  

Anonymous Ham said...

Hello!

Remember me? Avid reader from korea? I'm really impressed by the way you put female and male sexual organ. ... Waterweed made my nose running(actually I was drinking a cup of tea. some of that came out mentioned unfortunate area.)


"Get between her legs" also made me think old linda howard hero. how about you?

9/22/2006 09:36:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Hey Ham!

Mi Trollop and i are still uber beautiful. Heh. :P So how are you? Of course i remember you. I remember you especially liked our Naked Chefs. ;) Where have you been? Am glad you liked the cock and vajayjay terms. :P

9/22/2006 11:18:00 AM