The Book Bitches

Two very opinionated bitches talk about books and bitch about other stuff too.

WHAT YOU WANT...

Disturb me April Fool's! :D Yes? I love the questions! Outlandish! Chock ful of fun info!! I mean raffle the book. Geez.. Between her legs Harlot, de Villiers who? Petra, giant kelps? LOL! Again with Outlander! Hero?

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Disturb me

Harlot nagged me forever to write this post after we saw it in a romance bulletin board a couple of months ago. I just remembered about it realizing that the idea of a hero having M/M sex in Lover Unbound didn’t disturb me as much as it has in the past. Could it be just this one book or am I forever cured? Because I can tell you this is a big NO NO for me. That’s one of the reasons I loathed Outlander. It has the most disturbing scene I’ve ever read in a romance novel: rape and M/M, really bad combo.

Last year we had a post with our romance no no’s. You know, things that really upset us in books and which we try to stay away from. Now, I want to know which book you’ve read has been the most disturbing to you and why. I want the name of the book and the author because we’re going to trash those books, baby! LOL Well, we don’t have to be that mean, but feel free to trample over any book that caused you to go ICK and kept you from sleeping!

I will not mention Outlander again (but you guys already know how I feel about that aberration called a romance novel!) but will leave you with a review for Stormfire by Christine Monson, which Harlot just luuurves *g*:

Sean Culhane wants to avenge his family and countrymen by kidnapping the daughter of his enemy. Catherine Enderly is kidnapped on her way to school by Liam Culhane. When she arrives at the Culhane’s estate in Ireland, she is immediately beaten (Trollop: brutally) and raped (viciously) by Sean. Soon Catherine is put to work and almost starved to death. Sean soon realizes how beautiful his captive is and decides to make Catherine his mistress (how gallant of him! *snort*). Though at first Sean has to take Catherine by force (rape is what that’s called, btw), he and Catherine soon have an uneasy truce.

Catherine realizes that she can escape by marrying Sean’s brother Liam (what an idiot this woman is). When Sean finds out that Catherine married Liam (who, btw, also rapes her!!!!!), he goes crazy (because he wasn’t before?!?!). Not only does Sean cut off all of Catherines hair (huh?), he rapes her again and gives her to his men (gang bang, anyone?). Eventually, Sean hands over Catherine’s welfare to his mistress who locks Catherine in a cell and starves her. (Huh, again? Or maybe a WTF would be better suited for this part. Oh, and let’s not forget the stillborn fetus she has inside for fucking months!)

When Sean discovers what happened to Catherine he saves her (ohhh, how sweet). Soon, Sean’s hatred for Catherine goads a pregnant Catherine into almost committing suicide (what took her so long? LOL). Realizing what he has done to Catherine, Sean spends years trying to make things up to her. Eventually, they find love but again events come between them. Liam comes back for Catherine and tells her that she and Sean are brother and sister (this is about the part I almost cracked my head open manically hitting myself over and over with the book).

After Liam’s murder, Sean and Catherine sail to France. There, they both must come to terms with their incestuous relationship (UGHH). To save Sean and her baby, Catherine becomes mistress to a French prince and marries a French general in Napoleons’ army (again a mistress?). Sean becomes a solider in the army and after four years returns to Catherine to take their son to America. Fighting their love because they think it is incestuous, they find out that Liam lied about the relationship and live happily ever after.

Labels: contemporary por amor, die outlander die, for the love of rakes and rogues, paranormal oh joy, romance baby

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Book Selection of the Month (April '07)

My Trollop and I did a lot of meditation, asking King Leonidas for his guidance on which book is the best for our next BBC discussion. We considered hitting the classics; imagine, the Bitches and Mistress Austen... verra interesting, dontcha think? *g* But then, och, *gasp* there’s this other classic that kept screaming in our poor ears, pumping its fists on the air, demanding to finally have its proper place and very own official discussion on our wee bonny blog!

Aye, at first we’re set on choosing either Pride and Prejudice or Persuasion; but at the last minute, er, well... Bitches can change their minds! *hmph* That’s why, like it or no’, we proudly give ye:

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon!!! Here are the questions ye shouldna forget (especially ye Sassenachs) while readin’ the book. (D’ye love sayin’ “Sassenach” wi’ feelin’? :P)

What was your very first impression of Nasty Bastard, er, Jamie? Would you have jumped and humped oh yummilicious him immediately, or hit him on the balls with an axe?
What did you think of Claire’s story to Colum about how she ended up with the Scots? Would you have believed her, or push her out of the castle’s top tower window?
Jamie calls Claire “Mistress Waterweed.” How do you think Claire feels about that? Slippery?
What did you feel when Jamie beat Claire? Do you think he should have done more, like gag her, tie her to a tree with flesh-eating bugs and then beat her with a stick?
What’s your impression of Jack Randall? He’s an evil man but he’s also smart and witty, verra funny and verra handsome. *sigh* Do you think it’s he, not Adulteress Claire, who is Jamie’s uber true love?
Why is Jamie so attractive to gay men?

I first read this (oh, I do love poetry!) when Jamie marry Claire. It always moves me *sniff* I ken it’ll inspire ye too, my wee lassies:

Then let amorous kisses dwell
On our lips, begin to tell
Stick your pole in my holy hole
A thousand and a hundred score
A hundred and a thousand more.

Labels: die outlander die, fun and games

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Outlandish!

Oh, for fuck’s sake. Just received a Christmas gift from “one of my friends”...

Honestly... GAAAAAAHH!!!!! *shudder* And it’s humongous!

Gotta say though, I think this... The Outlandish Companion (outlandish indeed!) is the perfect evah gift for Outlander fans. (I ken there are a lot o ye out der—admit it!—ye Fraser lovers!!!) So if you’re not yet finish with your Christmas shopping and have a friend or family member who’s chokingly uber gaga over Jamie and her adulteress bonnie lassie, you might want to consider this, er, amazing *cough* companion guide.

Och nay, really, it has all the wee treasures(?) Outlander aficionados would drool for: synopsis of all the books in the series, complete characters’ list, family tree, horoscopes (huh? *trying to stifle laughter* heh :P), comprehensive glossary, fully explicated “Gabaldon Theory of Time Travel.” (WTF? LOL!) There are also FAQs, biblios, tips, personal stories, all about the author’s research and much more! Hmm... how come The Bronze Horseman and Harry Potter don’t have this kind of crap? :/

Anyway, are you guys finish with your Christmas shopping? Cripes, I’m not done yet, I’m not done yet!!!

P.S. I think Gabaldon looks verra cute on the back cover. *g*
P.P.S. I CANNOT BELIEVE I’m sorta plugging this bloody book!—oh, for the love of god!

Related:

Labels: die outlander die, holidaze, under hunky mistletoe

Monday, September 18, 2006

Between her legs

Last month I collected a list of penis terms that put the purple in romance heroes’ cocks. *g* And no, I didn’t make them up! Really, just scan the sex scenes of books that were first published during the Fabio era and I bet you’ll find some of those euphemisms! In any case, after that article, many have asked, “Harlot, what about the vajayjay?”

I think it’s safe to say that the ultimate difference between the sexes is found between the legs (unless you have a genetic glitch and have the choice of who does what to whom :/). Now, that distinction doesn’t stop with looks, functions and the way you should stroke—er, perform. Eheh.

Women might love cocks like a favorite toy or a delicious trinket (especially when it’s coated with Nutella :P), but men, despite *ahem* all their faults, are OBSESSED with vaginas. It seems that the puss is not only the “center” of every female but also the “center of paradise” for every male. Why, no matter what his intentions are at the beginning, the end target is always the same: to get between her legs! Here are some examples:

She has an amazing body. Gee, I’d like to get between her legs.
She has a body. Gee, I’d like to get between her legs.
She’s very smart and witty. Gee, I’d like to get between her legs.
She’s as dumb as a post. Gee, I’d like to get between her legs.
She has the most sensual, sexiest voice I’ve ever heard. Gee, I’d like to get between her legs.
She can’t talk. Gee, I’d like to get between her legs.
I like her, really. Gee, I’d like to get between her legs.
I love her and want to marry her. Gee, I’d like to get between her legs.
Hmm, looks like it’ll be a sunny day. Gee, I’d like to get between her legs.

Of course there’s the possibility I’m exaggerating, but somehow I doubt it LOL. Anyway, I’ve gathered some coochie terms that romance writers have devised to describe the female anatomy. Well, we don’t want the men to be left out with the dirty talk now, do we? *wink*

apex of her legs
blonde/red curls between her creamy hips
center of paradise
cleft betwixt her thighs
curly mound of tawny hair
curly nest at the junction of her legs
damp, moist needy place
deeper heat within
delicate softness
door of her femininity
downy mound
entrance of her delight
fiery furnace
golden flesh
glistening portals of her womanhood
guarded place
hot sleeve of love
hot, wet sheath
hot pool
into her body
lily
loins
moist heart of her flower
moistness between
molten need
most secret places
most sensitive spot
most special of places
most tender flesh
most treasured pearl of passion
mound of Venus
nest of desire
nether lips
passion-moistened depths
petal-smooth center
petal-soft folds of her womanhood
place even warmer and wetter
private satin flesh
pulsating core
receptive body
secret parts
silken warmth
slick wet heat of her
slick wetness of her excitement
slippery softness
stretching walls of her body
sweet warmth
tight depths
warm, dark haven
warm damp entrance
wetness and heat
where she most ached for fulfillment
where she was moist and desperate
where she was soft and yearning
womanhood
womanly wet heart of her

I’d like to end this list (which, really, won’t be complete without this quote) with something from one of my *ahem* “favorite” books evah, Outlander. *g*

“Jamie! Not here!” I said, squirming away and pushing my skirt down again.

“Are you tired, Sassenach?” he asked with concern. “Dinna worry, I won’t take long.” Now both hands were at it, rucking the heavy fabric up in front.

“No!” I replied, all too mindful of the twenty men lying a few feet away. “I’m not tired, it’s just—” I gasped as his groping hand found its way between my legs.

“Lord,” he said softly. “It’s slippery as waterweed.”

Labels: die outlander die, nutella lovah, ooh la la fabio, romance baby

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Books that need to die a horrible death

Last week I was tagged by Mailyn. Didn’t know what that meant at first LOL, but apparently I’ve to give a list of books I want to die horribly. So without further ado, here they are:

Anna Karenina
by Leo Tolstoy

Call me unrefined and lacking in literary sophistication, but I found this classic HORRIBLE. Anna was detestable; she didn’t evoke even the tiniest bit of compassion. Actually, quite the contrary as I’d spent half the book thinking of creative and fun ways in which she should DIE! As the book progressed, it got to the point where it’s almost physically painful to continue reading, with each freakin’ chapter worse than the last (no small feat, I can assure you!). I honestly think even Tolstoy himself got bored of Anna that’s why he threw her in the path of a train. Gotta give it to the author, though, for doing the world a favor and delivering a very creative “die, you useless bitch” scene. :/

The Scarlet Letter
by Nathaniel Hawthorne

It started nowhere, went nowhere, and it took fucking forever to do it. This was the reason why I flirted with my lit prof. during our classes to save myself from boredom, tears and banging my pritti head on my desk till it cracks in two. Between the pointless arse-long sentences describing some insignificant detail the author had used to make himself sound important, I’d lean once in a while to show Professor X some cleavage, heh. *ahem* Probably why I never felt sorry for Hester (even when I was “supposed to” *eyeroll*), the adulteress who got off easy considering she ruined the lives of every character in the book. I felt sorry for those who were forced to have their brains violated by such irksome waste of paper, and felt angry that I was one of them! Alas, that’s all there was to it. Despite it all, like Hester, I got an A. Seriously, dude, my boobtastic are a C!

Moby-Dick
by Herman Melville

Why people let this overrated piece of crap masquerade as a “great classic” is beyond me. All that talk about hidden messages, symbolism, allusions, etc, I think it’s all pretentiousness since they DON’T EXIST! Melville was a whaler, and wrote a very long and verra, verra excruciatingly boring book about whaling. PERIOD. Not to mention, I don’t know how true it is that the author kept changing his mind on the story while writing the book but it really shows. Blech.

Story of O
by Pauline Reage

Those who like this book say that those who didn’t like it “just don’t get it.” Puh-lease. Unless you still haven’t realised that a woman named Harlot *batting eyelashes* will be in touch with her own sexuality, trust me, I fucking get it.

This book is not about love or sex on the edge; this is about cruelty of the men, self-humiliation of the women, corruption of a child, and psychological and emotional rape. I didn’t find this book hot AT ALL. Actually, for the life of me, I find it hard to believe that even those who are into BDSM would find this book erotic or stimulating because the story not only lacks passion and love, but also hate and lust. O, the protagonist, just doesn’t feel a thing. I wanted to grab her, shake her and yell: “Feel something, you robot!” I kept hoping she’d take a whip and beat Sir Stephen and Rene until they cried for mercy to at least get some sort of sexual charge out of the tedious story. The book’s formula of “pain is pleasure” was repetitive and redundant; it just fucking goes on and on and on. And the ending, *yawn* was cut off. So how did they conclude it? With ONE freaking sentence. Ugh. I think that speaks loudly of how important this book is. Very disappointing.

Outlander
by Diana Gabaldon

I hated this fucking book, it’s gad-awful and gross! It was so disgusting I still cringe every time I remember parts of it I had to endure, hoping against hope that somehow, by the divine grace of justice, Fraser would end up horribly murdered, his body mutilated, and Claire, losing her mind, would eat parts of him. Uncooked, of course.

Anita Blake series
by Laurell K Hamilton

True, I’ve only read the first two books in the series; but after the long discussion our readers had on Trollop’s previous post about LKH, I’ve decided not to waste my time because from what I gathered:

Anita is a nymphomaniac now; the series is nothing but a slut fest.
Anita sleeps/lays/cuddles with her men like a pile of puppies. *gag*
AB series is poorly written porn. The sex is boring and repetitive.

Really, I can forgive being a nympho (especially if the men are uber hot :P) but poorly written, repetitive, BORING sex? Oh come on, that should be outlawed!!!

Sarah’s Child and All That Glitters by Linda Howard
Hidden Fires by Sandra Brown

Spineless heroines with sick bastards who should be hung by the balls in public square and had people stone them to death—or just have people took turns to beat them with bamboo sticks. LOL

Hot Rain by Kat Martin. Too stupid to live heroine. Should be taken out back and shot repeatedly.

Honey Moon by Susan Elizabeth Phillips. Should melt in a huge pot of boiling oil.

Tender Triumph by Judith McNaught. DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! And, oh yes, DIE!

Awaken, My Love
by Robin Schone

Elaine, a 39-year-old woman who’s been married for 17 years and has NEVER been French kissed (HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?), swaps bodies with a frigid woman (Morrigan) from 18th century (don’t ask, never understood how this happened). As a result, she gets Charles, Morrigan’s Neanderthal hubby, who’s supposed to be an expert on Tantric love, *snort* but he makes sex uncomfortable, painful and degrading (his idea of foreplay is nothing but how many fingers he can fit inside his wife!). Except when he’s imposing his conjugal rights, he and Elaine have never had a real conversation, and after she’s nearly raped and killed, he ignores her for days while he’s torn whether or not to lock her in a loony bin. Oh, and lest I forget, the over the top villain. If you’ve actually suspended your disbelief and revulsion that got you to read until the end, you’ll see the villain—the “frigid” woman (someone who has the ability to swap bodies with anyone)—decides she wants to know what it’s like to have sex with HERSELF with Elaine in her former body! SERIOUSLY!

Labels: bibliophile’s affair, dame judith mcnaught, die outlander die, romance baby

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Again with Outlander!

Bawdy and I were just chatting about what happens when you buy a book expecting one thing, and it turns out to be something totally different; in this case, for example, looking for romance and ending up with sadistic violence.

Thought it would be interesting to share a bit of our chat:

Bawdy: Emma Holly is a terrible writer. She makes sex boring, even kinky stuff. This book sucked; dominatrix chick shoves whip up BF’s ass, hated it.
Trollop: How come you continued reading it? Well, not one to cast stones, I finished Outlander and then the sequel, but at least Gabaldon is a good writer. I just started skipping the disgusting parts, which were so many. The book could have been written in 100 pages or less.
Bawdy: Can you bring Outlander into any conversation???
Trollop: Sure! LOL Any mention of the words disgusting, sick, perverted, rape, S&M, beatings, bad, incredibly bad, pedophilia, stupid, moronic characters, idiot, push over twat, red haired imbecile, etc. And off I go.
Bawdy: *rolling eyes*
Trollop: Well, what do you want? LOL It’s god-awful book!
Bawdy: I swear we can be talking gas prices and you bring up that book. I think you secretly like it.
Trollop: I LIKE ripping it apart you mean. So much to say, it’s a masterpiece really, the epitome of a bad book.

Labels: die outlander die

Wednesday, December 7, 2005

Viciously funny amazon reviews: Outlander

I must be a very sick and twisted individual. You would not believe how much fun I have reading bad book reviews in Amazon. I love it when I hate a book (which is about 90% of the time LOL), and then go on to find a lot of vicious and ludicrously funny comments posted by other readers/reviewers, who feel as cheated and as outraged as I do by having been duped into reading such crappy pieces of “literature.”

Here are some reviews for Outlander by Diana Gabaldon:

Yeesh, July 31, 2005
My enjoyment was quickly dashed by the introduction of one of the most thoroughly underwhelming, and thoroughly hateful (to me, at any rate) protagonists I have ever stumbled across: Jamie Fraser. ... In my opinion he is without a doubt an empty-headed fool of the highest order. Honestly, if I were to meet Jamie Fraser, I’d shoot him on sight and be disappointed if I didn’t receive three ringing cheers and a pound from the courts when I was acquitted. Despite my profound distaste for his character, Gabaldon did manage to provoke some unintentional laughter in me with Fraser’s behavior in the bedroom. ... there was one line out of Jamie and Claire’s endlessly boring, mechanical, black-hole-of-eroticism grappling sessions ... that has been seared in my mind forever. Just as they’re about to get buckled, Jamie breathlessly utters the all-time charmer, “You’re as slick as waterweed, Sassenach.” Since Gabaldon didn’t have Claire hoot with laughter, clout him, or twist his courting tackle into a pretzel, my suspension of disbelief was forever lost, as was the scintilla of respect and enjoyment I had for Claire as a character.

“You’re as slick as waterweed, Sassenach”??? LMAO I do not remember this part of the book (it’s probably lost in my mind between the vicious beatings and rapes), but if a guy ever tries to charm his way into my knickers with that line, me and my pussy would be getting pretty fast away from him—probably after rolling on the floor laughing!

Outlander is verra, verra boring, February 19, 2005
The main frustrations for me include ... enough already with the sex scenes! Almost everytime Claire and Jamie came together (no pun intended) they jumped on each others bones. One of the most unbelievable sex scampades is after they are almost killed by those men with bad/no teeth, they go into the heather and f*()(* like rabbits. Come on, people! I would be high tailing it so fast out of there.

I thought the same thing! Perhaps those rotten teeth really turned them on and they couldn’t contain themselves, thus having to go behind the bushes to scratch the itch?

Also, Claire does not seem too bothered about loosing her husband or even why she went back in time and how she got there. Never mind being nearly raped every time she is with the enemy. And Jamie, being a 23 year old virgin when they get hitched... not bloody likely!

Well, with such charming lines as, “You’re as slick as waterweed, Sassenach,” how can you be surprised? LOL

What do women really want?, May 7, 2004
The age old question may finally have been answered by this modern publishing pheneomenon. The “Outlandish” series ... is beloved by thousands of women worldwide, who passionately overlook mediocre writing, aimless plot, wildly unrealistic situations (Claire killing a starving, 90-lb wolf with her bare hands made time travel look reasonable), unnatural character behavior, contradictory themes (Claire admires Jamie’s loyalty, loves Frank, but was hunky-dory after just a few days about boinking a total stranger; a stranger whom she then marries and promises her loyalty, but from whom she then tries to flee back home, before being captured) etc, etc. So I ask myself, what could make women overlook these otherwise important issues? Power, Love, Intimacy, Freedom. ... Claire suddenly develops the skills of a talented physician, friends appear out of nowhere, as do shelter, food, money and reasources. It’s the perfect fantasy. And who wouldn’t want to occasionally (frequently?) leave the old ball and chain (husband) behind for an extended (and optional—she can go back any time) roll in the hay with a great man!

The real question is: who would actually want to leave anyone, but a convicted serial killer or a schizophrenic sociopath (and even then I have my doubts LOL), for Jamie?

Labels: bibliophile’s affair, die outlander die

Monday, December 5, 2005

Hero?

While getting together the information for this post, it suddenly dawned on me how ridiculously unbelievable are some of the deadbeat imbeciles that authors dare to saddle upon us as desirable spouses and soul mates. Here are just a few examples:

◙ Harlot

Clayton Westmoreland
Whitney, My Love by Judith McNaught

Clay, oh, Clay... I forgave you when you almost flogged Whitney, when you spend half the book shoving her around forcefully (note to men: NOT romantic at all!), always in a rage, especially when Whitney started acting like an immature brat, but she was only 18 after all (how old were you again, 34?). But you more than crossed the line when you dragged her from a ball, hauled her into your manor and raped her, because “it was your right” to do so. Shame on you, you pig! And let’s not forget your unfounded suspicions of your wife carrying another man’s child with a proof as flimsy as a stupid, meaningless note. Shame on you, you fucker! After all the manhandling, abusive words and ill-treatment Whitney got from you, a more appropriate title for this book would have been, “Whitney, My Enemy.”

Jared Lockett
Hidden Fires by Sandra Brown

Why do some women fall in love with men who never do anything but abuse them verbally and physically? Well, yeah, I get that this guy has a large cock, and at the time, poor Miss Lauren probably didn’t know where to get a BOB (batery operated boyfriend) but come on, woman! When a man slaps you in the face and does nothing but cause you pain, RUN! Run away as far and as fast from him as your skinny legs will carry you!!!

Rome Matthews
Sarah’s Child by Linda Howard

Oh, hands down, the most imbecilic of all jerks. This guy makes Clay and Jared both look like a saint. At least Clay uses the “jealousy card” as an excuse and Jared “the conflicted son and torturer, er, husband,” but this Rome prick is a total scumbag for no reason whatsoever. Gah!

◙ Bawdy Babe

Rome Matthews
Sarah’s Child by Linda Howard

Roman lacked backbone because he wanted the pussy, but didn’t want to deal with the guilt associated with it. Heroine was his deceased best friend’s wife. Well, mister, deal with it, get over it, or let her go to someone who will love her the way she deserves to be loved, because she sure as shit deserves more from the prick who got her pregnant but refuses to assume responsibility. And let’s get a marathon going for a spine donor for Sarah; she is in dire need of one.

◙ Trollop

Alec Castlemaine
Bewitching by Jill Barnett

I must first mention that I never really liked this book (stop throwing stones at me! I know I’m in the minority—jeez, can’t a bitch have an opinion?), and I think a big part of my dislike is because of Alec, the emotionally repressed, temper-tantrum-throwing hero. I was very disturbed by his bizarre mood swings and constant verbal abuse towards Joy. In one scene, after this bile fuckwit says the meanest, nastiest things to her, she then forgives him because he takes her on a sleigh ride, and all is honky-dory! Give me a fucking break!!!

Jamie Fraser
Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

Jamie Fraser is THE most repulsive hero I’ve ever had the misfortune to come across. At the beginning of the book, he seemed rather sweet and a little endearing, but things rapidly changed. I was horrified at Jamie’s vicious beating of his wife, and even more appalled at his admission that beating the crap out of her turned him on. Also, as a very beloved reader of our blog wrote in an email: “Don’t forget to mention Jamie’s ‘chaste’ infidelity when he was imprisoned and abused over and over and over again by a MAN. Any thought of Jaime as a man at that point went right out the window.”

Labels: contemporary por amor, dame judith mcnaught, die outlander die, for the love of rakes and rogues, romance baby

Saturday, October 29, 2005

A breath of dread and disgust: Outlander series

After dinner with BF last night, I dragged him to the bookstore for a quick scan** of the new releases that have finally made their way in my little country. While BF was trying really hard not to laugh at some of the cheesy-looking Harlequin covers, I realized Diana Gabaldon has a new book out: A Breath of Snow and Ashes (okay, that’s the title not me talking). My first thought was, “Ohhh, Trollop will love this.”*** But after reading the blurb, I gasped in horror! *shock* Are they fucking kidding me?! Is this really the sixth book in the series?!? At this point I’m groping the book and gawking at it with an unbecoming fish-like expression.

Unlike many lovers of romance novels, I don’t, for the life of me, understand why Outlander is held so highly in the genre. (Ms. Gabaldon would probably have a fit about her... er, masterpiece, being labeled a “romance” yet again, but duh. I. Am. NOT a fan.)

A couple of months ago a friend bartered with me and told me that if I read Outlander, she’d read Paullina Simons’ The Bronze Horseman. Well, I so wanted her to read TBH (probably my favorite book) that I conceded. After a few chapters, it pains and shames me to say that *sniff* I actually doubted if Tatiana and Alexander (oh, dearly, dearly beloved characters of TBH) were worth it—few things are, I must say. That’s how much I detested that Jamie Fraser, one of the vilest heroes I’ve ever encountered, and his time-traveling lady, Claire the Clueless Adulteress!

I hated that fucking book, it’s gad awful and gross! It was so disgusting I still cringe every time I remember parts of it I had to endure, hoping against hope that somehow, by the divine grace of justice, Fraser would end up horribly murdered, his body mutilated, and Claire, losing her mind, would eat parts of him. Uncooked, of course.

PS. My friend ended up loving TBH. Hurrah!
PPS. I’ll leave Trollop to talk about Outlander. It’s one of her guilty pleasures. *g*

**Yes, just scanning, for a list to take to the UBS. I rarely get a new book straight off its over-priced perch. They are ridiculously expensive and I refuse to throw away good money on something I might end up thinking, “How the hell did this crap get published?”
***Trollop’s favorite book is Outlander. Don’t let her fool you. LOL

Labels: die outlander die, the bronze horseman’s harlot