Wednesday, January 2, 2008

The Book Bitches' year in review

Last year, Trollop spent most of her days in Madrid, broke my heart and became Magister in Applied Political Science. When she came back to D.R., she met Bridezilla and The Wedding Nazi. I think she’ll be knee-deep in politics soon, with ex-first lady and presidential candidates, doing what she does best: bossing everyone around, heh.

My life was boring compared to hers. 2007 was dominated by my relationship with my almost fiancé, recurrent ex, quite constant BF of the last 3 years, give or take. I wish I could define—in any language—what it is between us, but I don’t believe such a word exists. He still wants to be with me... for the wrong reasons. Still and all, he’s always there giving me chocolates. :)

Anyhoodles, according to my Blogger dashboard, we now have 739 posts (where the hell did those come from?!?). Let’s recap what happened here on TBB, shall we?

On life in general: We discussed weird foods, the A word, gun control vs. gun rights and why Legolas is a queer fairy. Trollop seeked to be a topless dancer (sort of); I considered giving unlimited boob access to a sexy syntax-ist. We became Santa’s little helpers, again.

On sex stuff: Trollop masturbated to Fabio *shudder* and liked pleasure spiked with pain. I advocated wanking (as always) with sex chairs, strap-on cocks, vacuum cleaners, bizarre butt plugs, even BOB iPod. I talked about sexual independence and the best misconceptions about my sex life.

On men and relationships: Trollop asked if we’re meant to be monogamous and who’s into bushy blokes. I thought about polygamy, why love and music come together, deadly dating sins and the appeal of older men.

On authors: Trollop mused about “Ass Authors” and whether the Internet is tainting the relationship between authors and readers. I mentioned the self-professed next J.K. Rowling (who’s a plagiarist) *snort* and the girl found guilty of terrorism for writing poetry—not kidding!

As for our guest authors, we had the pleasure of having Sarah Brophy, Melanie Lynne Hauser, Megan McCafferty, December Quinn, Michael Betcherman and Sarah McCarty. (Up next: Jennifer Donnelly and Paullina Simons. Stay tuned.)

On books: I ranted about gay penguins and “scrotum” in children’s books. Trollop posted about peek-a-boo(k), e-books and that only 1 in 4 adults read books. I talked about how reading keeps you thin, audiobook listeners are cheaters and the Bad Sex Award. Of course, this wouldn’t be TBB without any mention of the waterweed-caresser, Jamie Fraser. *g*

On romance novels: I asked for Patience, more knights and shouted my undying love for Matt Farrell. We had a quest for verra disturbing romances, hilarious blurbs, sheikhs and Scots—then we peeped under their kilts, heh. We pondered about the appeal of vampires (including Dark-Hunters; Viswush, Phuck and their stupid brothers *yuck*), werewolves and other were-beasties—with duck-cocks!

Romance is pure rubbish, according to Trollop the hero snob. She talked about Sebastian the Elephant Man, the hooked, the clawed, abusive fucks, halfwits with horrid tastes, “Wildcat Arrows” and misty Highlanders! Honestly, the only one she missed was a closeted-gay unicorn-tamer. :/

On YA fiction: We loved YA books so much they ruled our blog; from who popped my cherry, to why adults should read books for young adults. We went uber loco for Harry Potter: we discussed gay Dumbeldore and books 1-7 for BBC; we devoured anything Deathly Hallows (confusing and disappointing) and Order of the Phoenix movie (which sucked!).

Then, there’s Twilight. Oh, Edward, how I love thee... how I HATED Eclipse... how stupid the movie would be. *grrr* From the “accidental” announcement of who will play Bella—“oh, it’s just a mistake tee hee hee”—to “oh, it’s true-trooo, really.” For fuck’s sake, stop confusing me!!! Cedric was the last straw, I tell you. I won’t be surprised if they cast Dr. Phil and Oprah to play Carlisle and Esme, hmph!

On eye candy: NO ONE’s hotter than my Raoul but some of our love slaves demanded special attention: Delicioso Latino, Gods of Stadium, Twisted Stable Boy Who Fucks Horses and Hung Like a Horse Kickboxer. *g*

On celebrities, TV and movies: 2007’s about the Spartan King, fairytale creatures, Eric Bana’s huge codpiece, battle at The View, Battle of the Divas and the comeback of Sex and the City. Daniel Craig was hot (or NOT), Brit Brit’s a talentless skank stupider than that moronic beauty queen (at least I think that, evil that I am) and Becks stuffed his undies.

On blog buggery: In the name of all that is kinky, dirty and orgasmic, we christened Eduardo Corrochio and our spankin’ new template. We showed how great our love was for Mayor Phin Tucker and the horse you rode in on origin. We made our own romance novel covers and put the spring in Springfield. Lastly, *breathe* we finally launched our bitchin’ FAQ, yay!

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7 comment(s):

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

I got dizzy just reading that! LOL Did we really get around to writing about all that? *gasp*

And for the last time I DO NOT MASTURBATE TO FABIO!!!!!!!!!!!

1/03/2008 07:30:00 AM  

Anonymous Gabrielle said...

Can't wait for Paullina Simons and Jennifer Donnelly something or other. Anything to do with them is always a bonus =D

Speaking of the Spartan king, I just saw PS I Love You and he was gorgeous. I really want to read the book now.

Btw, Happy new year!!!!

1/03/2008 10:26:00 AM  

Anonymous Ollenska said...

Cool review. It represents the hours of entertainment for us all so thank you ladies. :-)

Olly

1/03/2008 04:20:00 PM  

Blogger Ra-Ra-Ra-Rachel said...

What a wonderful year in review! Sorry that I missed some of it ... good thing I can go back now and catch up!!

Love love LOVE you guys!

1/03/2008 05:41:00 PM  

Anonymous Shoshana said...

What a verra busy year you have!

Can't wait for your Jennifer Donnelly interview. She actually commented on my post which got me so excited, I almost died from it!

1/04/2008 02:43:00 AM  

Anonymous Carrie said...

Haha, very nice review of 2007. I only found you bitches later in the year, but I am definitely sticking around for 2008. You guys are too funny to miss!

1/04/2008 01:56:00 PM  

Blogger Jolie said...

Great 2007 review!

Looking forward to reading Paullina and Jennifer's stuff. Love you Bitches.

1/04/2008 07:25:00 PM