Friday, May 18, 2007

I like pleasure spiked with pain**

Sex, pleasure and pain: the latest triad in erotic romance novels; S&M galore nowadays.

For sometime now I’ve been wondering if the basic rules of supply and demand were the vehicles for this trend to pop up Romancelandia. Were women asking for a bit of “pleasure spiked with pain” in their novels and the market decided to supply it, or did the industry put the books out there to see if they would catch and got lucky?

I, for one, wouldn’t touch one of those books with someone else’s hand! I despise any type of pain, both in real life and literature. To me, being hurt is, well, hurtful! LOL. I don’t even like light biting or spanking, and come near me with a gag or nipple clamps and I’ll call the cops on you, buddy!

At least things like whipping, piercing, biting, spanking and tying are on the right side of “normal.” Yes, I think it’s insane to have your clitoris tied to your pinky toe, for example, but that isn’t half as twisted and, let’s face it, demented as that “master and slave” thing. (WTF?) No matter how you explain this to me, I’ll never understand it. And hey, that’s just me. To each their own and all that (though, you should really consider some psychiatric counseling if you get off on wearing diapers and strolled around the neighborhood by a dog collar *LOL*).

So, let’s do a little poll here:

1) Are you into bondage and S&M? (Books and/or personal life.)
2) If so, up to what degree:
  • a. A little bite here and there...
  • b. Spank me until I come, baby!
  • c. Chain me upside down by the ankles, mask me and whip me raw.
  • d. Dress me in cheap leather and tie me by the nipples to a moving Formula One car! YEHAW!
**I like pleasure spiked with pain and music is my aeroplane, it’s my aeroplane... pleasure spiked with pain, that motherfucker’s always spiked with pain...
- “Aeroplane” by the Red Hot Chili Peppers

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67 comment(s):

Blogger Harlot said...

1. Ok, despite what Trollop says, i'm not into bondage or S&M. I certainly don't get off by inflicting pain to my partner. Though, gotta say, depends on the mood, i think the leather with fuck me boots outfit is very kinky, heh. :P

2. I've never even whipped anyone. :S There are some rough sex and yes i bite sometimes LOL but that's it. Sometimes, i want to be in control in bed, or be controlled, but not up to the Master and Servant degree (i too will never understand this :/), just games you know, and NEVER EVER the desire for pain.

5/18/2007 02:31:00 PM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

Trollop, excellent poll!

1. Not into extreme BDSM but I don't mind reading books with a little S&M.

2. Since we're all open-minded women here, I confess, I like tying my husband on the bed and vice versa. I call it our dominion and submission fantasy. I guess you can say it's exciting for us :P

5/18/2007 03:03:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Ohh i forgot about getting tied on the bed or tying BF and have my wicked way with him LOL. :P

Hmm, are all kinds of tying considered bondage? Even when there are no pain involve? If it is, i suppose i'm into bondage...

I agree with Lollie, it's verra exciting, heh. And if it's fine with both of you, why not have fun, right? ;)

5/18/2007 03:14:00 PM  

Anonymous Lola Lovegood said...

I like some S&M books. Not all, some are too over the top and sometimes even sick. With the hubby, after being married for 17 years, we've pretty much tried everything LMAO.

I'd be in b. Spank me until I come, baby!

5/18/2007 03:23:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

1. I think there is nothing wrong with experimenting with your husband or your boyfriend. I say spice up your sex life!

2. a. Like Harlot, I bite *bares teeth* LOL!

5/18/2007 04:43:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

My favorite romance with S&M - Shadowheart by Laura Kinsale

5/18/2007 04:45:00 PM  

Blogger Polly King said...

1. Interesting. No hardcore stuff for me but a little play between the sheets is welcome.

2. I've tried b. LOL!

5/18/2007 06:26:00 PM  

Anonymous Ollenska said...

I think people usually say they will never do S&M but then they say they use blindfold or did a little spanking. That's S&M, just a different order :)

As for my answers...
1. yes
2. a and b, never c and d


5/18/2007 06:40:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Now i'm a bit confused. :S

Okay. I have a teeny tiny inquiry. S&M means sadism and masochism, right? It's for those who get sexual pleasure by inflicting pain or experiencing pain. Now, after what the lovely Olly mentioned, here's my question:

- tying on the bed
- using handcuffs or "props"
- using blindfold while your dutiful lover service you
- role playing
- like having power
- like being "owned"

Are those considered S&M even when they are done without any infliction of pain?

Please correct me if i'm wrong as i'm no S&M expert! LOL I'm sure you gorgeous ladies have answers or i should resort to "S&M For Dummies"! :P

5/18/2007 07:14:00 PM  

Anonymous Dreamer said...

1. Well, that depends on your definition on bondage. Because there's a difference between being tied up with silk shawls or the like, and being chained up. I'm definitely more into soft restraints.

2. I guess I'm somewhere between A and B. Well, actually, I don't think biting is that sexy, and pain is a huge turn-off, so I'll definitely pass on the spanking...I don't know where that leaves me. I like the idea of being dominated in bed, and the idea of being dominant myself.

5/18/2007 07:18:00 PM  

Blogger Aradia said...

I stumble upon S&M books now and again and I always skip the sex scenes! As I like paranormal romance more than true romance, imagine my shock when I started Laurell K. Hamilton books. Every book is worse (or for some, better) in S&M and now she is exploring group sex! Sheesh! I have a hard time finishing one of her books, I skip so much, I have trouble fallowing the story!
So, I don’t like this new fad in romances and I don’t like pain. I haven’t even tried bandage! (Confession: not even food stuff!) For me (& dear hubby if he wants me! ‘wink’ ) being adventurous is about trying a new Kama Sutra position! Hey, yoga is good for you!!!
But whatever rocks your boat, go for it!

5/18/2007 07:56:00 PM  

Anonymous Lindsey said...

I'm with Aradia. For me and my husband, it's about positions ;) S&M is too much for us little old timers. And for the record, the sight of blood makes me cringe!

5/18/2007 08:43:00 PM  

Blogger Lorelei said...

My goodness.... what is that blog about master and slave? Is that for real?

I'm not into pleasure with pain. Give me orgasms in the natural way and please don't pull my nipples or don't put clamps on my clitoral area. Ouch.

I may say yes to light bondage but not anything that has to do with rope or something that will hurt my wrists. Light bondage, if there's such a thing.

5/18/2007 09:27:00 PM  

Blogger Lorelei said...

I have the same question as Harlot. Is it consider S&M or BDSM, whatever you want to call it, if it does not involve pain?

I heard about emotional S&M or psychological S&M. When I think of S&M/BDSM, it's all about the leather, whips, handcuffs, bloods, chains, paddles... But what about S&M (if it's actually considered as such) with no physical pain, just emotional ones?

5/18/2007 09:34:00 PM  

Blogger Vanessa said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

5/18/2007 10:41:00 PM  

Blogger Vanessa said...

What a good topic. I think it's both the readers and the authors who were asking for a bit of pleasure with pain so the industry provided it.

Some people are into S&M because it's like therapy. For others, it's their way of acting out in an unhealthy way. For women, I think S&M connotes power. To be in control or to be dominated. To rule or to submit.

Now for the poll:

1. No to anything that will give me too much pain. I say yes to spanking and handcuffs, biting and scratching, but no blood.

2. A and a little of B

5/18/2007 10:43:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Eww to S & M. Not remotely interested. Prefer equality in bed and out of it.
So if light fluffy handcuff restraints get used, then its fair turn about!
However, read one good book (I think it was a Linda Howard) where Heroine stretched out her partners arms towards the bedposts and he asked if she was going to tie him up. She said "nope, gonna trust you not to move."
So, he had to stay there by willpower to please her and it was a very sexy thought considering the male instinct would be to take over.

5/18/2007 10:53:00 PM  

Blogger Mailyn said...

I like bondage, spanking, whips but only if I'm the one using it and some other things but nothing hardcore like a lot of pain. Some is fine. Not too much.

5/18/2007 11:11:00 PM  

Anonymous Luci said...

Love this post.

I am not into S&M or bondage and have no inclination to read that type of books books. First, I hate pain. Second, I hate being tied and out of control. I might tie my husband up LOL but if i were tied i'd freak out.

5/19/2007 02:30:00 AM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Hi Mailyn, where have you been gorgeous? We've missed you!

I'm very much like Luci, I cannot be tied, I hate not having control all the time. With that said, I've been together with the BF for 4 years so I've trusted him enough to let me blindfold me and once to tie my wrists together with a scarf but we had to let that go about half way b/c I really need my hands functioning during sex LOL

Will find the definitions of S&M and BDSM and edit my post to add them.

5/19/2007 06:10:00 AM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

S&M stand for Sadism and masochism, the giving and receiving of pain. S/m can stand alone from bondage but will usually have bondage of some sort included.

BDSM stands for Bondage,Discipline, Sadism, Masochism. They do generally go hand in hand BUT each can stand alone from the other. Not all people that are into bondage are into the giving and receiving of pain and visa versa.

It takes a very special woman to totally submit herself and all that she is to another person, the women that do this are very often seen as weak women with no self esteems at all. When in fact the complete opposite is the truth.

Also there is a huge difference between a Dom/Domme and Master/ Mistress just as there is a huge difference between a submissive and a slave.

The link that you posted here is not a work of fiction but is in fact the journal of a slave's life with her Master and is a fantastic read leading to open insight of that life. A life that is not only consented between two adults but one that is full of happiness and day to day sharing that goes far above what most 'normal' relationships do.

I feel that if you are going to place a link to it here on your own place that you should at the very least have named your link to it properly otherwise you are changing something that does not belong to you.

I for one will continue to read and keep up with TheCommonKajira, other people should be so honest and perhaps the world would be a better place.

5/19/2007 08:10:00 AM  

Blogger Isabella said...

S&M, ack! I don't get pleasure spiked with pain and I don't read S&M books either. But whatever rocks your boat, just leave me out of it. LOL

5/19/2007 08:41:00 AM  

Anonymous Tboy said...

I've developed an attraction to vulnerability. Actually it was also due to a certain girl I dated. I think when you observe people in their pain (by reliving it via S&M) it can help you realize what problems and issues your SO has and can assist both of you in dealing with them. Granted, this is a very optimistic view of S&M, but I think it can be emotionally achieved.

Yes, it also has developed into a turn-on. Both giving and receiving (or being both the sadist and masochist, if you will). Unfortunately, pain is very real. Probably more so than love, in some ways. I think if you understand the pain your SO has or is going through and vice versa, it can help build a stronger relationship.

5/19/2007 09:14:00 AM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...


Thanks for letting us know the difference between bondage and S&M :)

Re: feel that if you are going to place a link to it here on your own place that you should at the very least have named your link to it properly otherwise you are changing something that does not belong to you.

As for that, color me all kinds of confused. I have no idea what you mean :/ Maybe you can clarify that for me a bit so that I can rectify any mistake/injustice I have commited.

5/19/2007 09:27:00 AM  

Blogger Isabella said...

Tboy, are you saying that it's good to communicate through pain? That it builds a stronger relationship?

I think I disagree with this. I don't have to hurt my BF to know more about him. I prefer talking. Personally, and this is only my opinion, any relationship that is built from pain is not healthy. The master/slave thing, that's a couple standing on unequal grounds. I just think there should be a balance in every relationship.

5/19/2007 10:06:00 AM  

Anonymous Tboy said...

Actually it can help build intimacy. S&M can be thought of as extreme communication. Sometimes telling people about past hurt isn't enough. They don't know to what extent the past has hurt you or vice versa. By seeing you at your most vulnerable, it communicates the degree of pain and suffering that you have experienced. It's a way of releasing bottled up emotions from the past so you can deal with them.

5/19/2007 11:04:00 AM  

Blogger Ladybug said...

I'm not into S&M. I don't get it. But sure, whatever turns you on that's none of my business.

What happened with good ol foreplay and intercourse? LOL

5/19/2007 11:09:00 AM  

Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

I've done a lot of research into this and the blog you spoke of was a part of it. I researched it because I wrote a novella about it, but it ended up being only very light BDSM.

I could only write the handcuffs and stuff. For me personally, being placed in a position where I'm totally submissive to another human being just doesn't work. I think my personality is too strong or something.

Pain isn't something I find I like mixed in with my sexual experiences either. I do, however, love the whole "take me" deal. You know, your man wants you, he throws you on the bed and has his wicked way with you? That's cool, but I don't want to be tied up, flogged and have a butt plug in me while I do it.

There are many, many facets to BDSM--many avenues to take--many degrees of it. They just aren't my kink :)

However, to each his own. As long as it's consensual, between two ADULTS and safe--I say viva la difference :)

Dakota :)

5/19/2007 01:08:00 PM  

Blogger December Quinn said...

BDSM is like really rich desserts. I don't want them all the time, but sometimes I really do.

I like being bitten. I like being whipped/spanked. That is, I like those things when I like them. Not all the time.

I like the man to take control all the time, though, or at least most of it.

5/19/2007 01:21:00 PM  

Blogger Jolie said...

I like the whole "take me" deal as well. Sometimes, I like being in control. Different people, different tastes. Pain doesn't work for me and neither is communication through pain. If you want to tell me I've been a bad girl, just tell me. You don't have to whip me and gag me! :P

5/19/2007 02:08:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"color me all kinds of confused. I have no idea what you mean :/ Maybe you can clarify that for me a bit so that I can rectify any mistake/injustice I have commited."

Yes I can explain what I meant, I was attempting to say it in terms that did not sound offensive but here is the meaning..

If you are going to link to a site or journal like that you really should not change the name as you did. Instead of reading 'Master and Servant" it should read "TheCommonKajira", 'justslave' Not only did you change something that does not belong to you but you also changed the entire concept and meaning of the journal by refering to the slave as a servant, she is a slave, there is a difference.

Also to dakota cassidy, you said, "I've done a lot of research into this and the blog you spoke of was a part of it. I researched it because I wrote a novella about it"
Does this mean that you actually took parts of that girl's journal, which are her copywritten words and used them in a writing? Did you ask for permission or even let this girl know that you did it?

5/19/2007 02:52:00 PM  

Anonymous Lola Lovegood said...

Is it a full moon today? I see the crazies and nutters are coming out from under the rocks. Run and hide LMAO

5/19/2007 03:07:00 PM  

Blogger Jolie said...

Anonymous, I don't think Dakota Cassidy actually said that she copied from that blog...

Lola! :p Like I've said, S&M is not for me but for those that enjoy and love it, more power to them.

5/19/2007 03:16:00 PM  

Anonymous Tboy said...

It's not really a communication of words necessarily, but a communication through action. By seeing the pain in their eyes, you can feel what they have felt. By feeling their pain (empathy I think?) you can better understand them and what they went through. (and vice versa)

5/19/2007 03:19:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...


I'll change it to master and slave. Sorry I offended the girl by calling her a servant when she's so obviously a slave. An honest mistake.

Now, I never said the name of the blog was "Master and servant". So I'll leave the link as is, b/c that's the way we link things around these parts. Check out all my other posts with links. They just illustrate points I try to make. And I doubt anyone would understand if my post went:

"...but that isn't half as twisted and, lets face it, demented as that thecommonkajira thing." I honestly believe that would confuse my readers.

As for the Dakota comment, where exactly does she say she took parts of the common kajira blog for her book? You see, I must have missed that. Granted English isn't my first language, but what I read was that she did research about it. About it, in this case, being S&M.

Reading comprehension, apparently a lost art LOL

5/19/2007 03:26:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

T-Boy, I guess it all depends on what you're into. For me, for example, pain is downright scary and if that's what it takes to open up to someone then I'll stay closed thank you very much LOL

Dakota, I'm all for "take me" *roar* LOL Just as long as no actual pain is involved. I don't actually mind hard sex as long as its not painful!

Lola, not sure if it is a full moon today, will have to check and get back to you on that one! *g*

I have a question for December (welcome btw *g*), Harlot and all the others that are into biting. Is it biting while you're already mindless with sex or is it biting during foreplay? I don't know if I'd notice that much if someone bit me right before coming, but if I'm just lying there expecting laving during foreplay and someone bit me, well, I'd be mad! *grrr* LOL


Re: What happened with good ol foreplay and intercourse? LOL

There are few of us boring old folks left LOL

5/19/2007 03:43:00 PM  

Anonymous karamia said...

Wow, Never a dull moment around here, is there? I suppose I am somewhere between a and b.
And, forgive my ignorance, but what is the difference between a servant and a slave? I can't even grasp that there are women that would choose this kind of life for themselves.

5/19/2007 04:38:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Main Entry: slave
1. a person held in servitude as the chattel of another
2. one that is completely subservient to a dominating influence

Main Entry: ser·vant
one that serves others (a public servant) especially one that performs duties about the person or home of a master or personal employer.

A servant can serve but not be slave, being servant does not mean that you have given up all of your rights and choices. A servant may leave and go home at night to a family and warm bed.

A slave serves her Master in all ways without having any rights other than what He allows to her, all choices are His to make, she simply obeys. A slave does not leave her Master unless He chooses for her to do so and at night when He is finished with her she is more likely than not to go sleep in a cage or on the floor beside His bed instead of in it with Him.

Like I said, HUGE difference.

No where did I say that Dakota ever said that she copied, I merely asked if she had.

5/19/2007 05:38:00 PM  

Anonymous Diana said...

Good post. I too enjoy light biting and spanking as others have said, but nothing with whips and chains.

I would say I'm a.

Karamia: me thinks we were better off without the answer to that question! ROTFL

Anonymous: I hope you are joking on your servant definition. I cannot believe a rational human being, with any self-love or self-respect would let anyone treat them like an animal.

5/19/2007 06:28:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

"It's not really a communication of words necessarily, but a communication through action."

Why do you have to put your lover in pain to understand him, his feelings or what he went through? I think anyone with a normal amount of understanding and compassion would be able to figure it out.

5/19/2007 07:12:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

I used to think S&M is all about kinkiness. :/ But after the "i hurt my partner to understand him" explanation, add Anonymous' definition, i think S&M, master and slave, it's mostly cruelty and psychological problems in my opinion. Yes, i might be into light bondage or little bitting,** but what about the others where pain is a necessity? How do you draw the line between S&M and pure abuse?

**To answer Trollop's question, yes, i sometimes bite when i'm in ecstasy or just nibbles here and there. :P

5/19/2007 07:21:00 PM  

Blogger Jordis Juice said...

I didn't know there's a big difference between a servant and a slave. I guess you can say I don't understand S&M at all. But how could you put someone you love to extreme pain or such humiliation and degradation?

I agree with Diana. I don't think any self-respecting person would allow himself be treated like a loathsome animal.

5/19/2007 08:09:00 PM  

Blogger Rachel said...

From reading, and also from Lady Heather on CSI, I think S&M is a role play where you evoke a sense of shame and humiliation and then from there draw upon erotic stimulation.
I don't grasp what's up with the master and mistress set-up though. It seems that it isn't about sexual pleasure achieved through humiliation and pain, but it's a way of life?

5/19/2007 08:41:00 PM  

Anonymous Gun_Wielding_Bitch said...

I'm down for the whole dom thing. Not hard core but I love it when the man is in charge. I am in charge all day every day and I always have to be the problem solver and rescue people. I am the rock in life. Sometimes I just want to be the delicate flower and feel like I don't have to do all the rescuing.

Saying that, I guess like Dakota, it's more of the man coming in and just taking you, not asking permission, not slowly trying to worm in, just walk up and rock me. Is that dominating? Or a form of? Or am I whore for testosterone? I think that’s it. I like manly men, men with a very physical presence.

Sometimes I like to be the sexy one in charge and make him squirm, all painless licking and caresses though. You know, get him about to explode then get it on. Hightens the pleasure or makes it more intense then, imo.

I am also a fan of dirty talk though I have been told that is a form of dominance. When I say dirty talk, I don't want to hear a mention of a waterweed though. More like an a slightly aggressively said, "Yeah, you do ____ so good, oh, keep going." *blush* Almost in a bossy tone. *Deep red now*

No, you never flat out said Dakota stole from the blog but you had your foot hovering over an accusation and even followed with a scolding for something (plagiarism) that you weren't even sure happened. You come off as really angry about the fact that people might be dogging this life style and you seem like you might be taking it as a personal assault against you. However, we are supposed to be all friends here and give our OPINION. Opinions are never wrong because opinions are our individual thoughts and feeling on the topic. You might not share the same feelings as that opinion but that's ok. You don't have to. We listened to your opinion and are keeping open minds, no one is pointing at you accusingly or judging, so try not to do it to others. Take a Xanax and hug a tree, we are super chill here.

Trollop, your English is first rate! Cheerio, pip pip. LOL. Seriously, multilingual... I'm jealous.

5/19/2007 10:35:00 PM  

Blogger Aradia said...

Have you seen the movie "Secretary"? I think it shows S&M realy well although I couldn't stand to see the end of the movie... It bugged me so much!
Secretary (2002)
Starring: James Spader, Maggie Gyllenhaal ...
Director: Steven Shainberg
Genre: Romance

5/20/2007 02:42:00 AM  

Blogger December Quinn said...

Um, usually when things are really moving along. Otherwise it's just pain. For it to have an erotic edge you need to be pretty heated up already.

There are other forms of pain that work better as foreplay. (I can't believe I'm admitting this.) My hubby and I have a few, er, gentle whips and things that sting when used. Where a bite would hurt, something like that warms the skin--the pain is fleeting but the warmth stays. It's hard to explain. But basically, no. Pain for pain's sake isn't sexual, though it may fill other needs for other people (says the girl who just wrote a self-harming hero.) For me it's only sexual when in a sexual context.

5/20/2007 07:08:00 AM  

Blogger Jolie said...

Aradia, I saw Secretary because of James Spader. (I used to have a thing for him LOL) Anyway the ending, I'm sorry but yuck. It's such a turn off for me.

5/20/2007 11:01:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

RE: Pain for pain's sake isn't sexual

I have to agree with this. This reminds me of Pauline Reage's STORY OF O. I find it hard to believe that even those who are into S&M would find that book erotic. I mean, the heroine just doesn't feel a thing. :S No pleasure from her pain, no anger, no frustration, no shame, not even horniness. Honestly, she's like a fucking robot! How could anyone associate that with being sexual?

5/20/2007 11:19:00 AM  

Anonymous karamia said...

I think outright pain is never sexual. I agree a bit of "warming of the skin" isn't bad, but biting? Ouch! I think that there might be underlying issues where pain is a turn-on.
And Bravo to Gun Wielding Bitch, I think everything was well said. It is sometimes nice to be "taken" by a man, but also fun to sometimes be the taker. There should be balance in everything, imo.
And sometimes I ask questions, then realize I don't really need/want the answer LOL.

5/20/2007 01:33:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"How do you draw the line between S&M and pure abuse?"

As odd as it seems to those who don't indulge in S&M, it's about mutual sexual pleasure. If it cease to give you pleasure, that's where it turns to abuse. Emotional abuse is very different, as different as spousal abuse is from physical S&M.

5/20/2007 01:38:00 PM  

Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

quote "Also to dakota cassidy, you said, "I've done a lot of research into this and the blog you spoke of was a part of it. I researched it because I wrote a novella about it"
Does this mean that you actually took parts of that girl's journal, which are her copywritten words and used them in a writing? Did you ask for permission or even let this girl know that you did it?" end quote

Dear Anon,

Um, no. What I said was-- I read this blog during research. Period. If I wasn't specific enough in that I meant I simply read her blog and nothing more--forgive my being remiss. However, I think I was very clear.

Please don't turn something into nothing--I don't like the implication. I read it because it was a look into the world I was writing about. I read MANY blogs and went to many sites on the web. This blog turned out to be a much deeper path than I was willing to take in the novella. Like I said, it ended up being light BDSM. I write humor. This particular blog in question was a much deeper journey into BDSM than I wanted or was capable of portraying.

And, girls--THANK YOU for stating the obvious. I had no idea I'd been even remotely associated with such a heinous act like violating someone's copyright:) I'm not looking for a fight and it's rare I get controversial, but that's a serious immplication in a writers world.

In the future, Anon, I'd advise you to read what's written minus reading between the lines. I clearly stated that in the end I took a lighter path. The blog in question certainly is anything but a diary of the lighter side of BDSM.


5/20/2007 02:24:00 PM  

Anonymous Gun_Wielding_Bitch said...

Re: Biting. To me biting is just in the heat of the moment. When I think of biting though, the only way I can make a comparison is like playing with your family dog. Weird talking about sex and comparing to a dog but work with me.

A dog can bite the shit out of you but as the owner of the dog you can also play rough with them and they bite, but not hard. I know my dog when I wrestle with her, she bites my arm or hand but other than feeling the sharpness of the teeth, really she is just holding my hand or arm in her mouth. Sometimes it leaves light scratches but it never really hurts, you are in the moment.

Same for me in bed. If you are really going at it and you bite the spot between the neck and shoulder, you don't draw blood or usually leave a mark but you can feel the pressure. It's almost carnal. At most there is a hicky, which I try to avoid because I think hickys are tacky but sometime it happens.

5/20/2007 02:30:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...


Re:(I can't believe I'm admitting this.)

Oh LOL, you should see the stuff we usually talk about here!

GWB, I never got hickys (sp?) in HS, and then when I met the bf (who's into biting!) I spend like a month looking like a lepper LOL Thank god those days are over. It's darn hot in the DR and having to wear T-necks all day was hell.

DC, I love you babe! *G*

You know, I hate people that either don't read your posts and then go ahead and comment on something that you never said (and never in a nice way either) or people that "misunderstand" on purpose just to look for a fight.

Anger management issues, I is thinking LOL

5/20/2007 03:24:00 PM  

Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

I hate that it can be so far skewed it becomes an implication that's totally off the mark. It's looking for something that just isn't there and it's what keeps some of us from commenting altogether.

you go into a comment thinking it's totally harmless and end up having someone invent an argument by suggesting something that never even crossed your mind you'd be accused of.

I, for one, thought this was a totally harmless subject. I, for one, was WRONG, eh? LOL

I love ya back, babe!

Dakota :)

5/20/2007 03:35:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Biting is good... biting feels good, uh-mm.. :P

Dakota, you rock!

As for people who don't read your post, or have problem understanding your post--or will DELIBERATELY misunderstand your post to pick a fight by calling you ridiculous and/or unfair.. honestly, stop copying our stuff, you fake. Oh. Wait. Er, i think i'm talking of a different matter here. LOL thorry.

5/20/2007 03:36:00 PM  

Blogger Petra said...

I've been thinking about these people today, masterdosantos and justslave, and I have a question. Do they have children? Because that would really worry me. A child growing up in a house like that. Surely there are laws against that?

5/20/2007 03:42:00 PM  

Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

Oh, and GWB? Darlin', you depicted exactly what I like about an alpha male. take me and make me yours, baby is exactly what I meant. I'm a big fan of, "I want you--I have to have you NOW." Yuuuummmy, doll!

However, if I say no, then it's no and if your communication skills with your partner mesh--he'll get it :)

DC :)

5/20/2007 03:45:00 PM  

Blogger Jolie said...

"Do they have children?"

Good question. If the parents want to live as such, two consenting adults, it's their prerogative. But if they have children, personally, I think it's wrong to expose any child to this kind of lifestyle.

5/20/2007 03:59:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Re: "Do they have children?"

Oh, good lord I hadn't thought about that! Let us really hope not. Surely they would understand an enviroment like that isn't healthy for a child to grow up in.


Re: it's what keeps some of us from commenting altogether

You know. I've often wondered about this, if authors shy away from posting on blogs so that bloggers/readers who enjoy making a lot out of nothing wont "misinterpret" their words... Ummm... Something to blog about :) I think I'll get on that right now.

5/20/2007 05:15:00 PM  

Blogger Vanessa said...

I think S&M is a very poor way of dealing with a couples' problem. But if you think about it, only a couple who have significant levels of trust could sexually interact in such a way, or maybe they simply have more guts than I do, lol.

Re: children
I agree with Trollop and Jolie. I don't think an environment like that is healthy for a child.

5/20/2007 10:06:00 PM  

Blogger Rachel said...

"I want you--I have to have you NOW."

Really sexy. He is so turned on by you that he can't wait. I like that one too ;-)

5/21/2007 12:04:00 AM  

Blogger Duvy said...

Okay, looks like I'm a little late commenting on this post, but I haven't checked the BB in a while. So, here we go. :D

Looks like I'm the odd gal out when I say I LOVE the whole BDSM thing. If I had to classify myself, it'd be in the submissive category all the way. I don't like taking control (though I will if my SO asks me to). For me, giving myself over entirely is where it's at. The thought of being tied up, blindfolded, gagged, or any combo thereof is utter yum. Even the whole Master/Slave thing can be fun.

I go for the common scratching, biting, spanking, and then some. My SO knows what things about sex I don't like (anal sex being a no-no for me, for example) and so knows where to draw the lines. But everything else, I'm game for.

And while a lot of people have mentioned they don't like pain, imo it depends on how much is too much. It's simply a personal judgment. My SO often likes to point out that while I say I don't like pain, the things he does aren't exactly light, but really I find zero pain in it. Things like needles and sharp things (anything that illicits a sharp pain) I don't like, but that's about it.

So yea, my fun two cents. It took a long time for me to be comfortable enough with myself to try these sorts of things, let alone being as open about it as I am now. All I can say to others, is don't bash it till you've tried it. There's definitely something erotic about not giving yourself over completely to someone and trusting that they won't take it too far. It's the ultimate way of conveying trust between two people. And for any looking to try it out, the best advice I can give is safeword safeword safeword!

5/21/2007 11:26:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Hey Duvy :D

Love your comment. I like trying stuff, usually anything i deem would be fun like tying, blindfolding, with Nutella stuff and such. I once tried spanking LOL, but it didn't work. :/ I never fancy being slapped and instead of turning me on, it had the opposite effect. As for the dominating thingy, i too find extremely sexy. Everything depends on the mood i suppose, and there is something verra verra hot about your man who wants to have you NOW, that he's so turned on by you he can't wait to have you. Delicious. :P

Maybe i shouldn't say i'm utterly not into pleasure spiked with pain because i am into bitting (and yes i scratch). I bite, i love biting shoulders (i sorta have a thing for shoulders :P). My BF loves to bite too and in different places i might add. The thing is, when it comes to sex, i know absolutely what i want, what i don't and things i will never try. Like anal sex, a big no no for me. You mentioned needles, definitely no. I honestly have never been afraid of needles (it's probably because i had dengue when i was a kid and the hospital had to take my blood every hour for a week LOL) so the thought of it touching my skin never frightens me but i know for sure that having it will never ever turn me on that is why i'll never do it for sexual pleasure. ;)

5/22/2007 12:14:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

You know, what other people do in their lives is not my business. As long as they're not a menace to society, if they're happy, then good for them. It's just, for the life of me, i'll never understand how any sane person would let anyone treat them so cruelly. What i'm trying to say is, those who do the master and slave thingy as their way of life, do they do it because for them it's like a continuous source of gratification? Because S&M/extreme bondage, despite the pain, they're done for sexual pleasure, right? I understand role playing "i'm the master, you're the slave" and doing it WHILE you're in bed, but doing it as a lifestyle... I guess i'll never understand.

5/22/2007 12:21:00 AM  

Blogger Petra said...

Is it true that those who are into S&M, what they do is exactly the opposite of who they are in real life? For example, someone who always call the shots, always in charge so he/she just want to say "do me now". Or, the prim and proper teacher who has a fetish for whips. You can never tell huh?

5/22/2007 09:02:00 AM  

Anonymous Gun_Wielding_Bitch said...

Shoulders are so great to bite! LOL. The tops and around the shoulder blade too. I have sensitive shoulders so maybe that's why I like it.

I am an example of what you are saying. Gun toting, ass kicking, authority figure on the streets and looking for a big, strong man in the bed. LOL. Ludacris says, "A lady on the street and a freak in the bed." I guess that could apply too. Well, I'm a lady off duty, I should say.

Alpha males rock my world. Don't ask to kiss me, just do it! Well, you know, if you are my man, not just some Joe off the street, then I'll kick your balls in. ;) Also, your welcome for the sheild. I know plagiarism is a huge no no and even an accusation can start bad vibes. Not cool.

5/22/2007 05:50:00 PM  

Blogger Petra said...

So GWB, if it's totally the opposite, instead of scary paddles with nails in bed, I bet you're into feathers. Or maybe using a silk scarf to tie you on the softest bed! :P

5/22/2007 07:45:00 PM