Thursday, August 3, 2006

Ch-ch-ch-cheating


Oh, the wonders of the romance genre... Sometimes they make me laugh till the point of tears; most of the time they have me pulling my beautiful hair out by the handfuls.

Last night I finished reading my first Lisa Kleypas novel, Dreaming of You. The book in itself wasn’t remarkable (I’ve read better and I’ve definitely read worse) but something that happened halfway into the story really caught my attention, and to a point, spoilt the rest of the story for me: HE CHEATED**!


Cheating commonly refers to forms of infidelity, particularly adultery. With regard to human relationships, couples may expect sexual monogamy of each other. However, many people consider cheating to be any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship, which may or may not include sexual monogamy.


Apparently, Derek was so devastated after making Sara leave he decided to shag a wench who physically resembled her. Then the proverbial whore with the heart of gold goes on to tell Sara ALL about it! And yeah, you guessed it, our dimwitted heroine was so touched by the heart-warming*** tale, she then realizes how much she loves our pervert of a hero and runs back to him!!!

I wonder, how can you trust a man after that? Is it true what the old adage says, “once a cheater, always a cheater”? And even if it’s not, how much are we really willing to forgive and forget?

I have been cheated on and I’m not as forgiving and pure of heart *gag* as Sara is. There is no way in hell I’m staying with a cheater. I don’t care if it was his first time, if he got “confused” and found himself cock-deep inside a geisha, if he tripped and his wily landed in a hoochie mama’s mouth—I DO NOT CARE what his excuse is. If you cheat, I’m gone!

And yet I hear of so many women that forgive men for cheating all the time. “I’m staying because of the kids,” “I’m not leaving him to another woman after so many years,” “He’s really sorry, he’s promised not to do it again.” Please, someone explain this to me like I’m a 5-year-old because I honestly don’t get it!

I searched for some statistics on cheating (wanted to trash all the adulterous male bastards out there *g*) and was SHOCKED by the numbers I got, especially the female ones! *gasp* Ladies, you are almost as bad as the men!

There are very clear limitations to what infidelity statistics can tell us; we do not know how honest the respondents are, whether they claim to not have affairs out of shame, or boast of affairs they didn’t have.
  • 22% of men and 14% of women admitted to having sexual relations outside their marriage sometime in their past.
  • Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship. (This means that 28-38% of men and 31-41% of women lie about adultery; compare these to the first stats! What did you expect of a cheater anyway? LOL)
  • Researchers think the vast majority of the millions of people who visit chat rooms, have multiple “special friends.” (Ladies, beware of women like Harlot who lurk chat rooms to engage men in clandestine sexual depravities!)
  • A lesser known fact is that those who divorce rarely marry the person with whom they are having the affair. Very few men who have affairs divorce their wife and marry their lovers. (Then why are women asking these men to divorce their wives? I’d rather him with the wife than leaving me for some other skank.)
  • 8-10% of Internet users become hooked on cybersex. (We need to get Harlot some help. *sniff* I had no idea this thing with her was a medical problem.)
  • 57% of people have used the Internet to flirt; 31% of people have had an online conversation that has led to real-time sex (Now this blew me away! I had no idea so many people out there had sticky keyboards!)
  • Look at the numbers from Playboy magazine:
    • 2 out of 3 women and 3 out of 4 men admit they have sexual thoughts about co-workers.
    • 86% of men and 81% of women admit they routinely flirt with the opposite sex. (I’m in this group. *wink*)
    • 75% of men and 65% of women admit to having sex with people they work with. (Oh god, and here I was coming into work and not “coming” LOL. Might have to work on that. :P)
  • The fact is that human beings are NOT monogamous by nature. That means they cheat. (100% sure this statement was written by a cheater!)
  • Experts say that a gut instinct is the most powerful indicator of a cheating lover. Adultery statistics state that 85% of woman who feel their lover is cheating are correct. 50% of men who feel their lover is cheating are right.
Now, everything you wanted to know about cheating, by Vicious Trollop. :P **Well, maybe not cheated cheated (according to the definition above), as they were on a sort of “break,” or I suppose never even had a real relationship. But he did sleep with another woman—a prostitute no less!
***You know what? I do the same thing all the time! Whenever I hear of my man shagging other women blind, I just can’t contain the happiness it brings me and I love him all the more for his cheating ways! GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK, MS. KLEYPAS. HOW IS CHEATING, WHILE PORKING A PROSTITUTE, ROMANTIC?

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93 comment(s):

Blogger maximo said...

i would assume a goodly percentage of men who claimed to have cheated were lying.

by god, your site is script-heavy.

8/03/2006 04:34:00 PM  

Blogger Petra said...

Oh god those stats are BAD!

I can never stay with a cheater. I've been cheated on as well and I left the bastard, partly because I don't think I can trust him again.

Love the car pic! LOL

Great article, Trollop. :)

8/03/2006 05:06:00 PM  

Blogger Jordis said...

Call me a hopeless romantic dolt, but I want to think there are many men out there who, even after years of being together with their partners, will still be faithful NO MATTER WHAT. Otherwise, what are we all doing then?

Trollop, great post! Love the car LOL and the personal ad! LMAO

8/03/2006 05:37:00 PM  

Anonymous 2nd Amdt said...

Hi, my name is D and I've flirted on-line, and it has lead to real-time sex.

Okay, so I won't do phone sex while I'm at work and my DH flirts with me via email and texting me. And yeah, it lead to real sex, I mean real-time sex.

I have to look at those stats with a jaded eye. How do they know how many spouses didn't know about the activity? How is affair defined? Sex, dating, flirting, kissing, what? Just because there's not all-out sex doesn't mean he/she did't cheat, IMO.

I agree with youf assessment of cheating heros in romance novels. There are a few authors that I rabidly avoid now because I don't consider stepping out on the heroine as romantic.

8/03/2006 05:47:00 PM  

Blogger C Bradshaw said...

OMG Whose car is that??! Too funny! LOL

I am ashamed to say this but I cheated once. Oh god, extremely shame. This was years ago anyway and it's over and NOT happening again. I ended up being alone when my boyfriend at the time found out I was entertaining another guy. I don't blame him. It was wrong of me to do so and there's no excuse. :( The thing is, while I was seeing the other guy, I kept thinking, it couldn't be that bad, but it was.

8/03/2006 05:47:00 PM  

Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

I'm sure all you ladies have read through this site. My guts tell me that this is a put on, but a well done one. Either way, it is an amusing read. Start from the beginning and move chronologically forward for best effect...

http://thatgirlemily.blogspot.com/

There was a gun weilding bitch following me home today. She kept waving her pistol out her window and yelling "woohoo!"

Does anybody know her?

8/03/2006 06:06:00 PM  

Blogger Ladybug said...

Trollop, I loved Dreaming of You! :P

Anyway, those stats are way too high. 50-60 percent?!? Makes you wonder if your partner is cheating. Also, what is wrong with men? That bit with the husband leaving his wife because he's having an affair but still didn't end up with the other woman, what's up with that? Not that I'm condoning cheating and leaving one's wife.

I think by nature man likes variety. But if you love someone, you learn to control yourself.

8/03/2006 06:09:00 PM  

Blogger MG & AF said...

Wow, love that car. Thats they way to get back at a cheater.

8/03/2006 06:15:00 PM  

Blogger Franny said...

I love your blog! I totally agree with your rant, and want you to know that the whole 'stand by your man' shit occurs in MANY romance novels, not to mention my g/fs lives.

Then, when he doesn't leave his wife, they are SOOOOO surprised!

8/03/2006 06:19:00 PM  

Blogger Jolie said...

It's true, most men cheat. But I don't believe in the saying "once a cheater always a cheater". I think most people change after having an affair. If you've been together for so long, at least give him that ONE chance. That is, IF you can still trust him, if he truly repented his fucking sins, and that he'll be your slave forever. Otherwise, yeah, it's better to just leave.

Good post, Trollop!

8/03/2006 06:38:00 PM  

Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

I'm a firm believer that some men and even women can reform after an affair. I had a good friend who's marriage survived it.

However, mine didn't and he wasn't a one-timer either. He was an upscale proffesional with a willy that just wouldn't stay put.

Yep, I stayed until #3. Yep, it was scary. Yep we'd been married 19 years. Yep, I would have toughed anything out to save my sons from the kind of divorce I had. The kind I KNEW I'd have and surely did. I would have stayed until they were out of the house. But I just couldn't anymore.

Nope, I sure as hell don't regret it now. There is nothing like empowering yourself and stipping a vicious cycle when someone abuses your heart.

ANd look at me now, huh? LOLLOLLOLLOL

Yes, Scott--that was "look out ladies, look out ladies." Snort.

DC :)

8/03/2006 07:20:00 PM  

Blogger Rachel said...

Forgiving someone for cheating is really your choice. When someone cheated on you, the question is: Can you trust him/her again?

If you feel like you can trust them again or the incident was due to the influence of some outside source (like alcohol or something of that nature) then the answer will be yes, you can forgive them. If you don't feel like you trust them again though then don't fool yourself and waste their time or yours because without trust then you have nothing.

Trollop, love that car!

8/03/2006 07:20:00 PM  

Blogger Lorelei said...

I'd forgive a cheater but I don't know if I'd go out with him again. If he cheated on me it probably means our relationship is missing something. If he's a good guy and sincerely apologized and tried to work it out, I MAY give it a try. Humans are humans, they make mistakes and everyone deserves a second chance. If it happens again, I'll drop him. The question is are you willing to risk your heart to find out if he's really the one?

8/03/2006 07:35:00 PM  

Anonymous Linka said...

VT, I have to admit I too do not like my heroes & heroines seeing other people outside in the book, once they've met each other. I find it unromantic at best, and nauseating at worst. But I can tolerate & understand it if the character wasn't w/their loved one and didn't think they'd ever see them again. I still don't like it, but I can forgive it. I can't forgive it if the cheating occurs while they're together (or worse while they're married). It's just unrealistic that they would be able to stay together and have a healthy relationship once that trust is broken.

I agree that the heroine being touched by hero's infidelity since he only did it because prostitute resembled the heroine is...well, pathetic, lol! Give me a break!

8/03/2006 07:47:00 PM  

Anonymous Tisty said...

Ok its is simple for me: Cheating=bad.

If you commit to someone, you stay that way until you can't THEN YOU TELL THE OTHER PERSON. Cheating is a cowards way of trying to have everything at once.

However, dreaming of you... great book and that was never cheating! The heroine went home to marry some chinless wonder as I recall, so I think the hero had free rights to hump where his bits led him. The pretending it was the heroine thing was a bit creepy, Sort of romantic stalking, but I still didn't think it was cheating

And I just love the car!!!

8/03/2006 08:11:00 PM  

Blogger MyHeartHurts said...

I hope... that I have enough sense to kick the *daft* ba@t*rd to the f-ing curb! One does wonder... it's the whole being alone thing. I have said it myself, *(shameful as it it)* better to be with the devil you know than the devil you don't know. Now someone slap me! ~M

8/03/2006 08:15:00 PM  

Blogger Serendipity said...

Trollop, I love that book, and I just completely blocked out Derek's confuse penis. Really.

Cheating...it's like broken egg. Try putting it together, it's never the same. Have kids? If wife is not independently wealthy, they tend to stay. I meet a few. It's sad, but it's a fact.

I always figure, cheating is way too much work. So, if one is tired with current relationship, what the fuck is wrong with breaking up and starting another?

I'm with you on cheating. It ruins a book for me, unless I can ignore it, in which case, I end up keeping the book for re-read later.

I love the Home Cheating Test....better than pregnancy test.

8/03/2006 08:19:00 PM  

Blogger C said...

It's shit like this that makes me sure being divorced is a blessing. I will never know if my ex cheated and perhaps he did not but our relationship had other betrayals such as financial lies, etc.

I can never imagine being married again - hearing those stats. I read them but they were loud, very loud.

8/03/2006 08:43:00 PM  

Blogger Devonna said...

I lived with a cheater...we were together for three years, and I don't know how much of that he cheated on me...but, I'm pretty sure it was at least for the last year. I don't know how many women he cheated with and I don't ever want to. Luckily, that part of my life is over.

That being said, Derek and Sara in DOY were not in a committed relationship at the time.....He'd sent her away, thinking it was what was best for her, and truly didn't think he'd ever see her again. I don't consider that cheating. I may consider it stupid ~ but not cheating.

8/03/2006 09:05:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

Devonna, I agree with you. Derek didn't cheat, but that was stupid. Actually I love that Kleypas book. LOL

I think when it comes to cheating, you really can't say when it's over. I mean second chances can be healthy, so long there are no grudges. Also be on the look-out.

People say "Once a cheater, always a cheater." That is not always true. Some learn from the experience and do very well and are a better person afterwards because of the lesson.

Great post, Trollop. :)

8/03/2006 09:15:00 PM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

I hate books with a cheating hero. He doesn't even deserve to be called a hero! I've yet to encounter a cheating heroine but I'd hate that one as well.

Usually, people cheat because they have issues with themselves, sometimes they cheat because there is unresolved or untold issues in the marriage, and sometimes they cheat because the opportunity is there. It doesn't matter what his/her reason is, you may forgive cheating but there's no way you'll forget it.

8/03/2006 09:37:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Great.

The world is full of fucking cheaters.



Anyway,
to all the lovely new posters, welcome! :)

8/03/2006 09:50:00 PM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

Very complex topic, Trollop! Cheating IMO is not a black and white issue.
Is "swinging" cheating? I think I could swing. Might hate it, but might not. ( Hetero swinging lol)

I've fantasized about cheating, but don't know if I could. If DH screwed someone else, I would not leave. In fact, there's nothing he could do to make me leave (he's not the abusive type so that would never be a cause)and I told him that waaay back, and he tells other people, I think almost bragging? Him wanting a diff "piece" is not gonna change my life or lifestyle, no fucking way! and if he told me he screwed someone else, I honestly think I'd burst out laughing, and want to know the details! Ok so I'm a bit too liberated perhaps...
I caught a longtime BF (the best-lay one) screwing someone else. Hey, I was off at college and I did a little too!

I wonder if I feel this way because I am absolutely confident in myself in our relationship, what we have and what we are, that some sex out of wedlock is not gonna change that. He does NOT feel the same way, I'm fairly certain.
A long time affair, that might upset me, but still not make me leave.

It's been a while since I read DOY but it certainly does not ruin a book for me. JC and Bob's DLD had a questionable scene that I didn't like between the hero and non-heroine which I could have done w/o. Still liked the book!

Kudos Trollop!

8/03/2006 09:52:00 PM  

Blogger Menchie said...

I've always told my hubby in our "what if" discussions that if he ever cheated on me, I'd leave him and take the kids with me.

However, I've also learned that you never really know for sure how you're going to react, what you're going to do, until the situation is staring you right at the face.

I've had my cocky bitch moments when I thought I knew what I was going to do only to react differently at the moment of truth.

I don't condone cheaters, though I believe some are capable of reforming. But I also know that the capacity of women for love and forgiveness is boundless.

8/03/2006 09:59:00 PM  

Blogger Polly King said...

Re: How much are we willing to forgive and forget?

Cheating is hard to explain and to take. But if you know without a doubt it is over, and you want to move on, somehow it's easy. Your forgiveness is NOT for his sake, but for yourself. By forgiving, you will leave the burden behind and possibly open your heart for true love. Not forgiving will be harder and hurt only you. I say, forgive and move on!

8/03/2006 10:02:00 PM  

Blogger maximo said...

wait. is it two book bitches or four book bitches? but more importantly, are they hot?

8/03/2006 10:08:00 PM  

Blogger Isabella said...

Maximo, just Trollop and Harlot, and they are HOT. ;) We love those two BBs. :)

Personally, I don't condone cheating, so once my partner crosses that line I am out. There is absolutely NO EXCUSE for infidelity as far as I am concerned. It's typical for men/women to cheat and then apologize and expect to be forgiven, it's not that easy when you are the person that was cheated on.

8/03/2006 10:23:00 PM  

Blogger maximo said...

thank you, isabella.

fyi, fwiw, every single one of you would take me back. i'm that adorable.

8/03/2006 10:27:00 PM  

Blogger Isabella said...

Maximo, LOL, are you confessing you are a cheater? :P

8/03/2006 10:33:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Maximo,

There's two of us and we're most definitely H.O.T *wink*

Is kissing someone else cheating? Because that I've done. LOL I mean, its not like I'm the kissing whore of babylon or anything, but I've done it a few times.

I think cheating depends a lot on the partner and what they're willing to take. For ex. if a the partner is ok with it, or willing to forgive it and move on (and not bring it up every day of the rest of their lives!) I think things might be able to work out.

Now, I don't think that people who pretend they can move on and then proceed to make themselves and their partners miserables: hiring detectives, calling them 100 times a day to check on them, following them around and being a psycho stalker in general can make any type of relationship work. If you can't forgive AND forget, you best leave!

Yes, Derek didn't exactly cheat b/c he did send her away, and she was going to marry that village idiot (*groan* this book is honestly souding worse the more I think of it LOL) but that ruined the whole book for me!

8/03/2006 10:37:00 PM  

Anonymous Ollenska said...

Polly, thanks for that. My BF and I have been together since we were 16. About 2 yrs ago we had a long distance relationship. Anyway he cheated on me during that time. I tried to dump him but he was so persistent, he wouldn't let me go. Anyway I ended up forgiving him and our relationship is better than ever. But if I find out he's doing it again, then it's over.

Love the car, Trollop!

Olly

8/03/2006 10:42:00 PM  

Blogger maximo said...

isa,

don't think of it as "two-timing". think of it more as "time-sharing".



trollollipop,

you so are the kissing whore of babylon. don't deny it. and your boobs are crooked.

8/03/2006 10:48:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Maximo,

Re: Crooked boobs

OMG are you an ex-boyfriend? LOL b/c you know, that's the only way you could know that!! Aren't my nipples fab though? *g*

8/03/2006 10:53:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Maximo,

I think YOUR eyes are crooked. LOL Probably with all that "time sharing."

8/03/2006 10:53:00 PM  

Blogger Lily Moon said...

There's no way I will forgive a cheater. Not again. I did it once and accepted the bastard back, apparently he thought that first time wasn't enough and did it again!

8/03/2006 10:58:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Oh, and BTW guys, Harlot got the car pic for me :P It's an art work of hers. She painted it on an ex-bf's car b/c the guy couldn't manage to keep his pants up! LOL

She has a whole portfolio of cars she's "done" Anyone interested in hiring her for a job, email her at thebookb@gmail.com LOL LOL LOL

8/03/2006 11:00:00 PM  

Blogger maximo said...

harlo,

'ello, love! i've been waiting all day for you.

8/03/2006 11:12:00 PM  

Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

Who is this Maximo? Why is he hiding behind a cartoon?

Only the truly studly present their photos for the perusal of the bitches....

AND WHERE IS MY GUN WEILDING BITCH?

I just found a short essay my seventy year old mum wrote about buying a bikini in Lebanon, cleaning diapers in a Jerusalem bathtub, and Italian men...

I admit it. I stole it out of her doc files and posted it on my home page because I'm lazy and had to write something in my goddamn blog...

Crooked in what way? I mean, there is good crooked, and not so good crooked...

Look Out Ladies!

8/03/2006 11:20:00 PM  

Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

Do I sense a smidge of green with envy, Scott? Look out, ladies!

DC :)

8/03/2006 11:25:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Hullo Maximo,
Waiting for me all day? Hmm.

And it's Harlot. Love. *g*



Scott,
GWB is probably out having fun with some hotties. What can i say? Men love her guns. :P



Hey Dakota!
How are you gorgeous? Say hi to R for me. :)

8/03/2006 11:28:00 PM  

Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

LOL--I'm good, doll, you?

DC :)

8/03/2006 11:35:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Fine. Thanks. :D I'll be better though if i have some chocolate cake here. Oh god, craving for those!

8/03/2006 11:39:00 PM  

Blogger maximo said...

well, maybe not all day. let's say, since 4pm.

ah. harlot. because you're the naughty one. naughty, naughty, naughty.



well, both of you, don't stay up too late thinking of me.

8/03/2006 11:40:00 PM  

Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

I hope GWB is popping caps into maximos pulsatory ass...

What cowardice!

"Hi. I'm maximo. This is a photo of... (what the hell is that thing, anyway? A wizard?) what I'm aspiring toward. Ow! Stop capping me in my pulsatory ass!"

GWB is supposed to be stalking ME! I put out the few racoon traps I own, as well as a bottle of JD.

I tied my dogs up and found the newest pair of underwear I own.

I even sprayed BO juice down my pec cleavage...

Now... What were y'all saying about sex after online fornication?

8/03/2006 11:42:00 PM  

Blogger Vanessa said...

I don't think I can forgive my BF if he cheats on me. I mean, why would he do it in the first place if he loves me? I just couldn't accept that.

Great topic, Trollop! And that car LOL, too funny!

8/03/2006 11:42:00 PM  

Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

Look Out Ladies!

8/03/2006 11:44:00 PM  

Blogger Devonna said...

...well, there's always the option of splitting amicably. Invite the cheater over and feed him catfood tuna sandwiches and ex-lax brownies.

Of course, I'm not saying I ever did this.....................

8/04/2006 12:02:00 AM  

Blogger Jordis said...

Devona! LOL Oh god, that is good.

Of course. Not suggesting you did it. *wink* :P

8/04/2006 12:08:00 AM  

Blogger Sabby said...

If you are in a serious relationship, say, you're MARRIED, cheating is definitely out of the question. Do not even think it! Especially if you just want to experience something new. Please, you're gonna ruin your life and the life of someone you love (not to mention hurt him/her terribly) just because you had an itch? Find a tree or something and rub yourself to it.

8/04/2006 12:47:00 AM  

Blogger Jolie said...

Menchie, I agree. "However, I've also learned that you never really know for sure how you're going to react, what you're going to do, until the situation is staring you right at the face."

Also about women having boundless capacity to forgive and to love. So true. It's a curse if you ask me.

Sometimes, even if we think we're not going to forgive and accept a partner who cheated on us, when faced with the situation, you find yourself doing exactly what you swore you'll never do. I think if a person can live with it, and that the cheating partner wouldn't do it again, it's fine to give a second chance.

This is great topic, thanks Trollop. Loving this!

8/04/2006 01:08:00 AM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello, the italian girl appears again!
Sorry, but I don't agree with you on Derek's supposed cheating. Like others said, their relationship was kind of 'over' at that time and Derek thought that he was not going to see her ever again. In my mind, it's cheating when the other person in the relationship expects you to be faithful because of some sort of committment you have made.
Instead, in this case, Sara was ready to marry another (and even ready to take this relationship to the next level).
It's not like I appreciated it, but the setting of that book was not all roses, and I found it realistic.
That said, like you and many others, I hate cheating, whether two persons are married or just committed.
I'm all for ending the relationship after the cheating, to say the truth.

8/04/2006 03:59:00 AM  

Blogger Sparkling Cipher said...

I share tisty's view of fidelity. If you're in an exclusive relationship and find you don't care enough about the other person to not screw around with others, it's time to end it. Then you can act, but not before - that's just skanky. If you do care, why risk hurting that person?

Within the first year of my relationship with my boyfriend (together 10 years now), there was a rumor that he cheated. I don't know if it was skanky bitches trying to hurt us or if it was really true, but he came to me asap to say this is what people are saying, this is what happened, I didn't and wouldn't cheat on you, I care about you and don't want you to be hurt by this.

There were no other signs that he wasn't honest with me, something I couldn't say about the people spreading the rumor, so I took his word for it. Since then there has been no hint that he isn't totally faithful.

If he was a repeat offender, I'd definitely kick him to the curb, regardless of what we've shared for 10 years. But I honestly don't know how I'd react to a one-time slip. Yeah, I'd be furious and wouldn't let him off easy. But people screw up, sometimes badly. Does it make sense to throw away something special over a lesson learned the hard way?

But then I don't know if I could trust him again. It's a very personal thing.

I also agree with the Italian girl: sounds like they weren't even together. No commitment; not cheating.

8/04/2006 09:02:00 AM  

Blogger Gun_Wielding_Bitch said...

OK so here is my humble (lol) opinion. People who cheat are weak or not really in love. Think about it. If you are REALLY in love with someone, could you do something that you know would kill his or her insides? No, you wouldn’t, you couldn’t. If you want to fuck someone else, leave the person you are with or eat the urge. Don’t be weak. If you can’t fight the urge, play a game. For example, have your spouse alter her/his looks, wear new clothes, wear a wig, whatever. Meet them at the bar, park, wherever, and act like you don’t know each other. New names, occupations, different lives, go all out. Then, pick ‘em up. Have the “one night stand” with the hot blonde that wore the low cut, very fitting, red sweater.

Most people who cheat are not in love but are comfortable with the person they are with. Change for people is very hard, so cheaters don’t leave because they don’t want the repercussion of leaving. That is weak; these people don’t have strong backbones.

Speaking of a strong bone… * wink * Hi Hottie Scotty. Don’t worry; I’m still stalking you. You know that “blonde” the other day that “accidentally” bumped into you and “innocently” touched your bum bum… that was me in one of my many wigs :) (See above implied usages)

All the gun range qualifying tests and all the police tests, I have to take, are taking all my stalking time :( But, on the brighter side of things, I out shot everyone on the line so I won a free pair of American Airlite, titanium handcuffs… * Grin *

P.S. I love the way you say “online fornication”

8/04/2006 09:03:00 AM  

Blogger Gun_Wielding_Bitch said...

Scotty,

What’s this? Looks like Maximo is encroaching on your turf. Is he trying to scoop up all your ladies?

8/04/2006 09:13:00 AM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

So....is "swinging" cheating? You know, when partners switch/trade partners? Supposedly there was a huge "swing" convention in Orlando last year....Other guests at the hotel were not happy!

8/04/2006 11:33:00 AM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Swinging? I've no idea. I guess if they're both ok with it it isn't cheating.

I would so not swing LOL that scares me shitless! Also, I couldn't do it, and I would hate it if the man I loved was doing someone else. For me, if you're in love all you need is your other half :) Am I too corny? LOL

8/04/2006 12:32:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Sigh. Babe, you know i believe in the same thing. Unfortunately.

I can forgive infidelity (in time) but i don't think i can live with it. It's just too fucking hard. Maybe i'm just too vain to accept he'd find someone as irresistible as me. LOL :-P


Italian Girl,
Where have you been?


Sparkling Cipher,
I agree. If you're in a committed relationship and find yourself wanting to be with another person, for god's sake break it off first with your partner, then do whatever you want! Don't be a coward and a selfish fuckwit, not to mention you'll hurt someone you've been with for a long time. No excuse.

8/04/2006 12:56:00 PM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

I knew a married couple who were swingers. This was about 12 years ago and they were in their late 20's and married a few years. At the time, I found it appalling.

I honestly don't think I could swing either.

Isn't playing out fantasy with your lover (ie. he's someone completely different!) a form of cheating? Oh right, It's ok to pretend/want him to be someone different, because it's just pretend! Sounds a bit hypocritical.. Or using sex toys for masterbating..alone....it's cheating him out of a climax!

8/04/2006 01:01:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Hotmama,
Unless you're already dead LOL, you still get attracted to other people even if you're involve with someone else. But do you act on it? NO. (Unless of course you're in an open relationship and you're both okay with having sex with other people.) I think it's the same with having sexual fantasies. But if you're talking about thinking you'd rather be with someone else while you're doing it with your partner, then that's different altogether.

About masturbating as cheating, I disagree. LOL What are you gonna accuse your partner of doing? "You prick, you're cheating on me with YOUR OWN HANDS!" Seems silly to me. ;)

8/04/2006 01:18:00 PM  

Blogger Jordis said...

Harlot LOL.

Hotmama, I think swinging is fun :P IF you're both into it. I mean, whatever pulls your chain, right?

About sexual fantasies, I don't think it's cheating, especially when you're actually sharing it with your partner. I think it actually makes your relationship stronger that you trust each other enough to share such things and still find a way to be together. :)

8/04/2006 01:29:00 PM  

Blogger Gun_Wielding_Bitch said...

When you are role-playing you know you are with your partner, it's just the thrill of something new. And if you don't like sex in public or don't feel comfortable enough dirty talking on the phone, well, you got to get the thrill some how.

Imagine eating your favorite food everyday. Eventually, though you still like it, you won't want it as much or it won't satisfy your hunger as much; same with sex. There's only so long you can keep things the same until it becomes a little less thrilling. And when I say role-playing, I'm not suggesting you say, "Honey, let's role play. You pretend to be your bestfriend / brother and I'm going to screw you dry." You make up completely FICTIONAL people and you set boundaries before you even start.

As far as masturbating… If you are withholding sex but get yourself off, well I think that is malicious. Sex should never be a punishment. Sex is a bonding of two people in love. You wouldn’t tell your significant other that you don’t love them just because you are fighting. You might tell them that they are being an ass but you don’t take way your love over some stupid fight, same with sex. But, if your man/woman is out of town and you are hot and bothered, or if they aren’t in the mood, well, that’s fair game. Shoot, sometime you can start and convince the other to join. ;)

Oh where, oh where can my Scotty be?
The other girls took him away from me.
He's got a wandering eye so I've got to look good,
So I can see my Scotty when he leaves those girls.

8/04/2006 01:54:00 PM  

Blogger Lyn Cash said...

THIS blog post made my day - ROFLMAO. (especially the stats on who must be lying)

8/04/2006 02:02:00 PM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

LOL, I'm just playing devil's advocate here!

I do know that after being with the same person for 18 years, my attitude about a lot of "relationship" issues is not what they were when I was a rather naive 30 year old, and had only been with my man for 4 years. I also know that my DH and I are totally committed, no matter what. And if it takes fantasy, toys, whatever, neither of us would walk away from the commitment, ever. Maybe because we're soulmates.

Talk about corny, Trollop lol!

8/04/2006 02:11:00 PM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

GWB, You always make such very good points. My Stetson is off to you ;)

8/04/2006 02:14:00 PM  

Blogger Wall Flower said...

Ha! Know thats funny and not at all surprising.

8/04/2006 02:31:00 PM  

Blogger maximo said...

oh. you're all still talking about cheating and why it's not ok.

8/04/2006 02:56:00 PM  

Blogger Gun_Wielding_Bitch said...

TY Hotmama! I thought maybe I had a naive point of view since I am only 25 and I have only been with one guy but it just seemed logical to me... plus kink and games are usually fun :p Minus the hitting/spanking stuff. When I think of getting hit or spanked, I think of hitting back. Unless the person is way bigger then I think about 15 in the clip and one in the chamber. I heart my gun… lol

8/04/2006 02:58:00 PM  

Blogger maximo said...

hello, gunny.

i have to admit i find you somewhat intimidating. you are one scary dude.

but i would never give chase to any girl sight unseen. for all i know they might have floppy drooping butts.

i'm just deciding whether i should try to make them famous.

8/04/2006 03:15:00 PM  

Blogger Gun_Wielding_Bitch said...

Max,

I'm training to join the S.W.A.T. team. Have you EVER seen a drooping butt on a S.W.A.T. member?

I'm only scary if you're a bad guy.

8/04/2006 03:37:00 PM  

Blogger Sparkling Cipher said...

Hate to post and change the display, which read "69 comment(s)", but...

GWB - I agree with you on role-playing and masturbation, and not just because you could kick my ass without breaking a sweat....

You're a smart woman.

8/04/2006 03:48:00 PM  

Blogger maximo said...

i don't think i pay attention to s.w.a.t. people's butts so i'll have to take your word for it. anyway, i didn't mean you. (besides, aren't you and whatshisname together or something?)

8/04/2006 03:49:00 PM  

Blogger Gun_Wielding_Bitch said...

Sparkling,

Thanks. I'm going to get a big head if anyone else compliments me.

Max,

My fault. I didn't know someone else in her had a gun-referenced name. Just assumed you were talking to me. You know what they say, "To assume makes an ASS out of U and Me. Apparently just me this time :p

And please, take my word, S.W.A.T. has no room for bad asses, just Bad Asses!

P.S. Yes, I did make Scotty my play toy. He just doesn't know it yet ;p LOL

8/04/2006 03:59:00 PM  

Anonymous Rosalinda said...

Trollop, love the car and the stats! LOL

Great discussion!

8/04/2006 06:05:00 PM  

Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

There is nothing badass about SWAT members. They get all dolled up in armor, helmets and face sheilds, then hut hut hut their way around a building while some skinny speed freak puts a carrot to his head and threatens to stick it in his ear.

Every now and then I've met a cop who would intimidate me without the gun and the badge-- yeah, like once in thirty years...

The big cops all have lard asses. The hard as a rock weight lifting cops are all about five nine or less. They puff out their chests like chickens do and swagger around like turkeys in need of chiropractic care.

The women cops...

Well, at least they have their pistols....

I had two local sheriffs come to my front porch about two years ago on a suspected DUI. I had to get them something to stand on in order to stick a flashlight in my eyes and tell me they've made a horrible mistake...

And GWB-- that was you? I get that all the time...

8/04/2006 07:13:00 PM  

Blogger Mailyn said...

LMAO!!!!!!!! that car was da shietz. oh, and like everyone said, D man didn't cheat. it was supposed to be over for ever and ever for them. and yes, that's my fave Kleypas book. and yes, I do believe that 90% of men and about 85% of women cheat. but that's me and I'm a pessimist and I also think most people suck. but not the good kind of sucking. lol.

loved the post as usual ;-P

8/04/2006 07:24:00 PM  

Blogger JosephintheBracknell said...

Why do you expect monomgamy?

8/04/2006 10:11:00 PM  

Blogger Aggie said...

People always have a choice before committing to each other. It is a two way street - you both make the choice for or against. If you choose to make the committment to each other, then cheating is an absolute no no. If you want to go on to someone else then have the guts to front up to that other half that you previously made the committment to and say so. Cheaters are total COWARDS. They haven't got the balls in any way shape or form to front up and be honest before they "try before they buy" with another. This is a major character flaw and I won't be staying with anyone who is that dishonest .. with themselves firstly and then with their partner. No excuse, no 2nd chance. I wouldn't be able to be able to look myself in the face again, if I forgave a cheater. Nope..alot of women forgive because they think "somehow they were not worthy" of total committment/fidelity from their partners. Crock! You are worthy and you can move on and find a person without these honesty character flaws. Once YOU excuse them, they then go real easy on themselves and wadya know .. they do it again. Don't be mugs ladies!
You don't need this sort of treatment in your life. Partners are meant to commit together to ward off the hardships of life TOGETHER .. not inflict them on each other. There is enough crap in the world without you doing this to each other.

8/05/2006 04:13:00 AM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Dito to what Aggie said!

Wonder if I'd ever cheat for all the crap I talk about LOL I honestly don't think I could, but if I do, you guys will be the first to know! :P

8/05/2006 01:51:00 PM  

Blogger Lola Lovegood said...

I agree with Dakota about trying to save your marriage for your children. I've been married for 17 yrs (married at 19; very young I know).

When DH and I had been married for 3 years (our daughter had just been born) he admited to cheating with an ex-gf just before we got married. I couldn't take it, it made me so sad I couldn't even look at him without an overwhelming sense of hurt and anger.

I left to my parents for two months. During that time he begged and grovelled but I would not forgive him. I wouldn't even let him see our daughter (which was very wrong of me). And then one day while holding my baby I knew that I could not keep her away from her father because I was hurt and knew that she deserved more from me.

I packed my things and went home. We talked about it and it took me a long time to trust him again, I'm not sure I'll ever trust him 100% again but things are good between us. During the last fourteen years he's behaved impecably.

Would I take him back if he did it again children or no children? NO. but I think when there are kids involved giving a person ONE chance has to be considered.

Great post! and Harlot if DH cheats again, I'll contract your car painting services! LMAO

8/05/2006 02:15:00 PM  

Blogger maximo said...

trollollipop,

of course you would. but only because you find me that irresistable. i'd have to say "no" though--because i'm a good boy, not a homewrecker.


p.s.--the council has informed me that i am not to make you and harley famous. sorry.

8/06/2006 12:19:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Oh Max, you poor boy... Are you drunk again?

8/06/2006 12:51:00 AM  

Blogger partygirljessica said...

I was once cheated on and that left me devastated for life. I never thought I'd have the courage to love again until I finally broke free and joined webdate. Being cheated on left a really huge scar, but I'm now willing to heal.

8/06/2006 08:39:00 AM  

Blogger Maddie said...

If my husband cheated on me there would be no help for reconciliation. I would leave his ass in a nanosecond. I might still love him...and I might even get around to forgiving him...but the relationship would be OVA. I aint fixing to live my life wondering why he's five minutes late.

8/06/2006 10:38:00 AM  

Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

A good friend of mine had a girlfriend who would DREAM that he cheated on her. She wouldn't talk to him for a week because of what she imagined in her sleep.

Look Out Ladies!

I wrote a story about me Mum's vagina. You should see it...

(the story, not the vagina)

http://aeleope.blogspot.com/

Look Out Ladies!

8/06/2006 02:10:00 PM  

Anonymous Marina said...

Cheating is intolerable. If a guy cheats on you, the only thing to do is dump him. I believe in that saying "once a cheater, always a cheater." Why? Because based from experience I know it's a fact.

8/06/2006 02:24:00 PM  

Blogger maximo said...

hi harley,

no. and yes.

i've not been boozing. i'm just intoxicated by your sexy essence.

8/06/2006 08:31:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Max,

LOL There is no cure for what's been ailing you.

8/06/2006 09:12:00 PM  

Blogger maximo said...

one lick of a trollollipop will do wonders for me.

at least, that's what the doctor says.

8/06/2006 09:36:00 PM  

Blogger Lily Moon said...

Trollop, you're too funny! Harlot will surely get a lot of customers for her car painting service. Haha

I love this thread. Thanks!

8/07/2006 08:23:00 PM  

Blogger Serendipity said...

There is no cure for cheaters. They just get really good at hiding.

They should be tatooed on their forehead so that women will shag them at their peril. or men for that matter.

8/11/2006 12:18:00 AM  

Blogger Behold III said...

Very interesting blog. What do you think about the idea of sexual addiction? This is something that many men deal with.

8/18/2006 05:29:00 AM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

Hmmm, there's an interesting topic for BBs. Sexual addiction....sexual obsession...sounds like a man thing.

8/18/2006 11:22:00 AM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you! Good job! If you're interested here are some signs of a cheating husband...

1/17/2008 11:30:00 AM