Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away (Why women should have a vibrator)

(Note: I’d like to dedicate this post to my Trollop who sent me a Christmas stocking full of sex stuff last year. I finally got it from my PO yesterday.)

They say diamonds are a girl’s best friend. Hmmm, as much as I love “sparklies” (Simi talk for DH fans :P), I beg to differ. Why? Let me start with a little history presented to us earlier this year by Trollop:


In the 1800’s, if a woman was displaying signs of sexual excitement, her husband would take her to the doctor so that he (all doctors were men back then) could treat what was in those days diagnosed as “hysterical tension.” And guess how the doctors treated their female patients with this condition? They prescribed masturbation! But the afflicted lady was not allowed to do this herself as masturbation was deemed to be unhealthy and would rot the brain. Stimulation of the woman’s genitals to orgasm was performed by either a midwife at the doctor’s surgery or sometimes by the doctor himself.


Think about it, without the invention of BOBs (Battery Operated Boyfriend), not only you would have had to wait in a room full of “sick” women before you’d have your *ahem* cure, but the “cure” itself is literally a handjob by your local doctor! So unless your doctor is drool-worthy, come in your pants, smoke coming from your ears HOT, I say BOB is one of God’s greatest gifts to womenfolk. *g* Now, let me give you some reasons why I think BOBs SHOULD be a girl’s best friend:
  • As I’ve mentioned in my wanker’s post, all moronic myths about masturbation aren’t true: it’s not evil nor harmful, it will most definitely not make you blind, insane, grow hair on your palms—otherwise, most people will be hairy, insane blind oafs because most people do it! Masturbating is good for you, and BOB is the best wanking aid around.

  • Guaranteed orgasm! Using BOB is one of the best things you can do for your sex life. Mm-hmm. The more orgasms you have, the more your body wants (imagine that) and what’s a quicker way to have an orgasm than with a BOB? Owning a BOB is not a sign that you’re desperate or you’re ugly no one will do you or you’re a slut. *rolls eyes* It’s a sign of having a rich, full sex life. And it keeps you looking good as well. Masturbating releases tension, improves circulation and makes our skin glow. It’s like a vitamin pill really, except a lot more fun!

  • Women get as sexually frustrated as men do. Unless you enjoy ending up in a bed with a stranger—who might pass on something nasty *shudder* or turn out to be nasty!—having a BOB will save you from sexual frustration and some nasty fuckers. I think this alone is enough reason already, but if you want more, sure, I’ll go on LOL.

  • BOB orgasms are quick and easy. You can have an orgasm in the time it takes to make a cup of tea (isn’t that fast or what? :P). BOBs aren’t something to be ashamed of; you should be proud of it. It shows you’re taking charge of your own sexuality and choosing lovers for the RIGHT reasons, not because you’re freaking climbing the walls dying for a bit.

  • Whether you’re flying solo or maybe your man is out of town or some gad-forsaken place (he might as well be—where the fuck is he to give you a hand?), a BOB can’t mow the lawn but it will help you pet your beaver (or is it called squirrel? :/). Not to mention if you usually let your fingers do the walking, they get tired. BOB will give them a hard-earned rest. Aye, consider it an act of mercy for your poor fingers.

  • BOBs are relentless—did I say relentless?—in their quest for YOUR orgasm. They will make you scream, moan, writhe like there’s no tomorrow. Let’s face it, a penis—as much as we luuurve it—was designed for procreation and male sexual pleasure, not to stimulate the clit. BOBs, on the other hand, were created with women in mind.

  • Variety is the spice of sex. Even if you’re fulfilled with your lover, we lovely women who enjoy other forms of sexual contact—with mindblowing orgasms, of course—still enjoy special sensations a BOB provides. It’s like ice cream flavors, really. Why limit yourself to vanilla when there are more flavors to try? *g*

  • Using BOB with your lover is not only extremely erotic, it’s fun fun fun! You can use one in front of him or, even better, masturbate him. *wink*

  • BOBs aren’t just for stimulating your clit or putting it in and out of you. They’re fantabulous with different erogenous zones by rubbing them over various parts of your body like behind your neck, behind your knees and down your sides, as well as over your breasts, abdomen and the inside of your thighs.

  • A BOB just keeps going, and going, and going... Er, *ahem* it can keep going as long as you want (of course you need power supply/batteries) till you’re uber satisfied and can’t walk even (if that’s what you prefer). It’s always ready whenever you are, won’t get you pregnant or give you an STD; and afterwards, it won’t roll over and fucking snore.
If it’s still not clear, yes, I advocate women’s use of BOBs. In fact, I say it should be used regularly. Why not? I strongly believe that a woman should have at least one orgasm a day—no matter what—because an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away. *g* To be precise: orgasm = pleasure = fulfillment = satisfaction = smile on face = positive outlook = more capable of coping with life = more happiness! :D

Now, before I say goodbye, I’d like to end this post with a little video. Christmas is coming indeed. *wink*


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46 comment(s):

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

OMG, I'm losing it here, I didn't even read your article yet, LMFAO!!
Where the hell did you get that video loop???

11/08/2006 12:35:00 PM  

Blogger Vixen said...

OMG, that was hilarious. The music was priceless.

11/08/2006 12:51:00 PM  

Blogger Petra said...

LMAO Love that video!!!

I love that little equation why orgasm a day keeps the doctor away. Perfect. I read somewhere that people who masturbates end up having a longer active sex life than an average person. They're happier too. I think that's a good reason to use a vibrator. :P

11/08/2006 01:04:00 PM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

Kudos, Harlot!

I wonder if the energizer marketing people came up with their pink bunny on purpose, or they even knew about the other pink bunny (rabbit) that also keeps going and going and giving O's over and over and over.....LOL!

11/08/2006 01:21:00 PM  

Blogger Petra said...

Hotmama, I was wondering the same thing! That energizer bunny is perfect for a vibrator ad. LOL!

11/08/2006 01:34:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

I love this video! LOL LOL LOL I can't stop watching it, too funny!!!

About that rabbit vibrator and the energizer rabbit, have no idea who came out first LOL (both cute, i have to say :P). But i think that rabbit vibe became popular after that episode in SEX AND THE CITY.

11/08/2006 01:40:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

can we say AMEN!!! My bf is jealous of my bob that he even leaves the room, thinking it would be a turn on for him to watch me but nooooo because 'it' lasts longer than him..oh well

hilarious article!!

11/08/2006 02:30:00 PM  

Blogger Lily Moon said...

OMG Harlot this is hilarious. ROTFLMAO!! I have a roomate who brings her boyfriend over and the noises they make when they're doing it! Jeez... one time I walked in on them and he's using a vibe on her while giving her oral sex. I didn't mean to and of course I immediately closed the door. How was I to know not to enter when they won't lock the door?

11/08/2006 03:21:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

LOL, I confess, I love my BOB. The boyfriend thinks it's sexy when I use it. Of course he sort of gets mad when I use it alone. He likes to watch.

I love this Harlot, how funny! That video just kills me OMG I can't stop laughing!!!!

11/08/2006 04:30:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

Hey speaking of the rabbit, great vibrator ladies. ;) For those who don't have it, I highly recommend it. LOL!

11/08/2006 04:33:00 PM  

Anonymous desiree said...

Amen to that! Too funny hahahaha (I second that rabbit recommendation above)

11/08/2006 05:03:00 PM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

The last shot of a prettily wrapped rabbit-in-action is a riot! ( I third the rec of the rabbit :P )

11/08/2006 05:24:00 PM  

Blogger Nikky said...

I love that video!! I just bought another BOB last weekend (hubby has been gone 14 mos, only 4 more to go!--he's deployed, not jailed... hehe)
My Hubby LOVES my "friends"... and with webcams, he has met them all! He's looking forward to meeting them in person tho. He's such a fun guy!!

11/08/2006 05:27:00 PM  

Blogger Vanessa said...

Love the video! OMG, this might be one of the funniest thing I've seen lol!

Nikki, your hubby is like my bf. He loves my toys too...lol! When he's living in another state, I became very friendly with vibrators. I still use BOB once in a while, occasionally with bf, and for me the rock chick is the best vibe out there. Great post Harlot!

11/08/2006 05:52:00 PM  

Blogger Lorelei said...

I love this. And that video! LMAO!

When it comes to vibrators, like in many things, everyone has different tastes. I personally like those that focuses on the clit more than those vibrators you insert inside. I've used the rabbit but didn't like it. I liked its ears though. :P

11/08/2006 06:19:00 PM  

Blogger Aggie said...

OMG - I'm still wiping the tears away. This is the most inspired post so far ... and PERFECT timing for Christmas.
"Christmas is coming" - it's too funny! I LMAO.
Thank the good lord above for BOBs I say .. I give thanks every day!

11/08/2006 07:15:00 PM  

Blogger Isabella said...

I love this! The benefits of using vibrators. LMAO. And that old lady in the end of the video, OMG LOL!

11/08/2006 11:02:00 PM  

Blogger Jolie said...

LMAO! I have to agree with your reasons, Harlot. A good BOB should be every girl's companion so those who don't have one yet should get one. Everyone deserves a good wanking, LOL! Love that video!!!

11/08/2006 11:20:00 PM  

Blogger Jordis said...

Hear, hear!!! And a Merry Christmas to us all. Let us all enjoy the rapture and ecstasy a vibrator can bring. LMAO. Love this!

11/08/2006 11:33:00 PM  

Blogger Scaramouche Jones said...

Funny :)

11/09/2006 12:49:00 AM  

Anonymous Ollenska said...

OMG LMAO!! This is great post, Harlot. Very inspiring. :)
I think the rabbit vibrator is not for everyone. It can be overwhelming especially for first timers. The first time I tried it, I swear those ears made my entire vulva numb! It was just too intense for me. Funny though, now it's my favorite toy, hehe...

Olly

11/09/2006 01:00:00 AM  

Blogger Petra said...

Olly,

It made you vulva numb??? LOL!

11/09/2006 01:25:00 AM  

Anonymous Ollenska said...

Petra, yes it did! LMAO! But like I said, I love the rabbit now. Not because it still makes me numb, God no! A numb vagina is not good. LOL. I don't know why that happened the first time, I probably used it wrong come to think of it. It's those ears, very intense. Very intense orgasms too when you get the hang of it. :)

Olly

11/09/2006 02:50:00 AM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank God for bobs! ROTFLMAO!!!

Kristy

11/09/2006 03:25:00 AM  

Blogger Polly King said...

It has to be said that using a BOB is hazardous to one's health. I almost broke my neck when I fell out of bed using one of my toys. Of course it was all worth it and rest assured that didn't stop me from using it.
Great post, Harlot. ;-)

11/09/2006 01:37:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

I'm glad you ladies liked the post. You know i've never had the rabbit, i had three bunnies though. :/ If it's as good as what i've seen it did to Charlotte in S&TC then by god, every woman should have a piece of that heavenly pink ears...

11/09/2006 01:55:00 PM  

Blogger Polly King said...

Harlot, you should have a rabbit. Except for Olly whose vulva became numb LOL!, I very much agree with the praises I've read here from the other ladies.

11/09/2006 02:13:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Polly, i'll probably get one LOL. Let's see.. ;P

11/09/2006 02:19:00 PM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

OMG, this is hilarious. And that video is priceless, LMAO!!!

I have to admit I've never had a BOB in my life, not for the lack of interest mind you, I just don't know which one to get. Now this post makes me want to get one as soon as possible. The question is, how would I know which one is the right one for me? Or should I just get the very popular rabbit?

11/09/2006 03:17:00 PM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

Polly King, LOL, I guess you've learned to get yourself set up properly beforehand now!

Lollie, go for the tried and true rabbit. I think it's like 39 well-spent dollars ;D

11/09/2006 03:43:00 PM  

Blogger Vanessa said...

Lollie, I know the rabbit is very popular but consider the rock chick too. It stimulates both your g-spot (heaven lol!) and your clitoral spot. ;D

11/09/2006 04:37:00 PM  

Blogger C said...

An orgasm a day - some would say more but that's not bad either.

11/10/2006 12:14:00 AM  

Blogger Shoshana said...

I am an advocate for BOB, except that I am so very proper (yeah, yeah, yeah) I am!

But now, I wish I had a BOB in HS. Then I wouldn't have wasted the first few times making love with hubby trying to find out what feels good because then, I'd already know!

Yep! I should have had a BOB at 16!

11/10/2006 01:14:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

I think choosing a BOB depends on what you like. If you like big cocks :P get the bid dildos. If you like getting your g-spot stimulated, get a g-spot vibe. If you like more focus on your clit, get one that does that. Things like that. :)

I think the best course is to order on line since you can browse a lot of them while you're comfortable in your own home, plus you can compare the toys you're planning to buy (prices, functions, etc). Good luck, Lollie, choose the cutest one! :P



Vanessa,
That rock chick sounds something i'll like. Hmm... :P

11/10/2006 10:11:00 AM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

Lollie Rose, get the rabbit! ;)

11/10/2006 10:54:00 AM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

Rock Chick and The Rabbit? Good heavens, they sounds kinky already!

I don't think I can go to a sex shop to buy a BOB so it's through a website for me. :)

11/10/2006 02:55:00 PM  

Blogger Ladybug said...

How could I have missed this one? OMG that video! Christmas is coming. LMFAO

11/10/2006 04:03:00 PM  

Blogger Ladybug said...

Yes please. An orgasm a day. Or more! :D I didn't try using a BOB till I was in my mid 20s. I've always been comfortable with my body but I was embarrassed to get one. My friends never mentioned masturbating, and I've never been in a sex shop. Only sluts used sex toys, right? Thank God I realized I was being such an idiot. All that orgasms I missed!

11/10/2006 04:20:00 PM  

Blogger Isabella said...

OMG, I still love this video! LOL LOL!
Um, never heard of this rock chick...

-Izzie-
Who's always in search of a good vibrator. :P

11/10/2006 05:07:00 PM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

If you want to know what the experience of an *adult toy store* is like, read Lori Foster's TRUTH OR DARE. It's 3 short stories about 3 girl friends and the 2nd one is hilarious, especially if you *have* been in the store solo for a first time.

11/10/2006 05:55:00 PM  

Blogger Rachel said...

OMG, that video is too funny! Almost died laughing...lol!!!

I can't remember when exactly did I start using BOB, but it's true, it does help. Experimenting with a BOB, I learned what I want and how I like it during intercourse, and for me that's good. So for those who are reluctant to buy a BOB because of fears or indecision, ladies, don't let those keep you BOB-free. It's one of the best things a girl can have. LOL, it is a girl's bestfriend like Harlot said. :) Great post.

11/11/2006 02:56:00 AM  

Blogger Sabby said...

OMG, I'm LMAO! Still trying to breathe here, too funny!!!!

11/11/2006 04:14:00 PM  

Blogger C Bradshaw said...

Very inspiring post and I love that video!!! LMAO I say all women should thank heavens for the birth of BOB. Truly a life saver. :P

11/13/2006 02:30:00 PM  

Blogger Vanessa said...

I can't stop watching this video! I wonder what it would look like if they feature the men spanking their dongs lol

11/15/2006 10:28:00 AM  

Anonymous andy said...

Brava.... so very true. Great job. Great blog!

11/26/2006 02:44:00 AM  

Blogger Lulu said...

OMG. This is perfect! Great job bitches!

11/27/2006 06:28:00 PM