Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Book Bitches FAQ

Welcome, bee-yoo-tiful reader. We hope you have a fantabulous visit. Don’t be afraid to say hullo, we don’t bite—unless you’re a gorgeous naked man covered in Nutella. ;)

We’re foul-mouthed heathens and we fuck proudly. If you’re easily offended, go read the Daily Word or something. Gotchabaguse? Goody. Let’s proceed.

TBB is a thousand shades of awesome! :D How did it come about?

Once upon a time there was a most beautiful bitch named Trollop. She’d been an avid reader all her life, finishing her first book in the summer between first and second grade, a children’s version of Around the World in Eighty Days by Jules Verne. There hasn’t been a time since then that she hasn’t been in the middle of reading a book or novel.

One day, she came upon a book titled Lady Be Good by Susan Elizabeth Phillips. It was the first time she’d read a romance novel and she absolutely loved it. This got her hooked on romance; however, most books that landed in her greedy little hands were a bunch of bullocks! She desperately wanted to share her frustrations with someone, but the only BB she was part of had a “no bashing books” policy which, though completely understandable, was freaking exasperating.

Enter the uber gorgeous Princess Harlot! Like Trollop, she too loved to read ever since she was a little heathen stealing books from her grandpa’s library. She discovered romance novels (through Judith McNaught’s Something Wonderful) almost at the same time Trollop did (both at the age of 21; coincidence?—I think not!) and like Trollop, she needed a place to vent about the crappy books she had the misfortune to read. Trollop then thought of a solution where the two of them could trash and bash, whine and rip apart any books they hated.

And so, The Book Bitches was created, thanks to Trollop’s endless babble about this or that book that “sucks so bad I’m seriously contemplating slicing my wrists instead of continuing to read this crap.” The original idea of purely reviewing—*cough* trashing *cough*—books all the time was discarded shortly after the blog first started. TBB is now a place for the two of them to talk about books, movies, TV shows—life in general, really—and there is, of course, tons of sex talk. It’s like having their very own shrink, without the exorbitant fees. *g*

How long does it take you to write a post? Do you have set days of the week for posting? There used to be four BB; where are the other two? Did Harlot scratch their eyes out for lusting over Raoul?

Harlot: Just so you know, for MY Raoul—if I must—I will beat the crap outtaya! I may be tiny but I can kick and chop-chop like the best of karate kicker choppers out there! AYE! *hmph*
  • Trollop’s favorite posts are The Bitchin’ News, though she seldom writes them (they are very time consuming).
  • Harlot edits all the posts to make them “pritti” and eye-catching.
  • Trollop edits all the posts for grammar and sentence structure.
  • Harlot gets all the pretty pictures added in the posts because Trollop is lazy to search and usually gets the fugly ones.
  • Trollop works on editing pictures and headers.
  • Harlot has taken over most of the template changes. (Blogger hates poor Trollop!)
  • Trollop got her name from a Girlmore Girls episode where Lorelai is using a lipstick by the color of “Vicious Trollop.”
  • Harlot got her name because it sounds better than “Trollop.” :P
  • Trollop has a list a mile long of posts she wants to write about, but never gets to work on them and the list keeps growing and growing and growing.
Harlot: YOU list them? I have my own list but I also have to make sure I’ll make a list for Trollop. Seriously, she looses everything!—and she actually blames me when I “forget” what it is SHE should be writing about! :@

Trollop: We don’t have a schedule for posts, or which of us has to post a specific day. We sort of play it by ear. I show Harlot all my works in progress but I only get to see hers when they are already finished and drafted. *grrr* It takes me a couple of hours to write most articles, and a bit more if I have to do research. Harlot writes a post in all of 5 seconds, and before I edit them, I have to tell you, they’re freaking LONG! How she does it is beyond me; takes me a fucking hour to write a paragraph LOL.

TBB started with four members: Bawdy Babe, Harlot, Tart and Vicious Trollop as contributors. Later on, two of our mates left us because of real life commitments; therefore, there are now only two fabulous Bitches left: Harlot and Trollop. ;)


Who in Xenu’s pants is Tucker?

Short answer: Not campaigning for some wanker; “Tucker for Mayor: More of the Same!” is our post continuation link.

Long answer: We luuuurve Jennifer Crusie’s Welcome to Temptation like sick freakos love sex in a barn (probably with fongool orgasm :/). We love its hero, Phin Tucker; its witty and funny story, the uber hot sex and, yes, Phin’s incredibly charming campaign slogan “Tucker for Mayor: More of the Same!”

Instead of “Ohhh, more, more, MORE!” (words that belong to our love slaves *wink*), whenever we have a long post, we’re going to use Phin’s funny slogan as a post continuation link. Particularly if said post includes tons of photos and/or videos. That way, our pages won’t look cluttered and it’ll be faster to load, yay!


What in pickling gherkin is BBC, and how can I join it?

Bitches Book Club (BBC) was officially launched on March 2006 (sounds like a space shuttle :/). Anyone that has read the book can participate, FREE, no charge, really really—though, if you want to send us some money, please, by all means. *g* Just answer the damn questions; the more people that join, the more interesting and diverse the discussion will be!

Every first day of the month, a book selection will be announced. Discussion begins the last Monday of the same month (unless announced otherwise). Usually, there are approximately 5-6 questions per book (we do not want our readers typing answers until their poor wee fingers fall off). Some of the questions will be posted when the “Book Selection of the Month” is announced, so participants can mull them over while they read. The rest will be posted when discussion officially starts, yay!

Discussion and comments are recorded on archives for further perusal. If you want to add something even after the discussion is over, please feel free to do so.

Isn’t this a readers’ blog? Why do you keep talking about sex? Why so few book reviews? Where are the juicy author gossips and the stupid catfights, dammit!?

If you don’t like what we do, for fuck’s sake, go forth and seek other sites. Honestly... In any case, let’s clarify some stuff:

a) Yes, this is The Book Bitches blog, and yes, we do talk about books here. But there are a lot of ways you can talk about books than just by reviewing them. What we do is... well, different. Here are two posts as examples: “The Big Cock Theory” and “His Ever Throbbing Manroot” (or just peruse our favorite posts scrolling on our ticker, that box on top of our pritti chatbox). As The Brainwash Café team has said about us: “Here, you can find articles on nearly everything all written with, hmmm... lets say a ‘unique’ style...” See, we’re unique. :D (We like those guys!)

b) We don’t have the interest, time and tolerance to seek gossips about authors. We can’t spend our time searching for “juicy” tidbits about the literary world, not even the romance genre (we’re busy and fucking lazy). We are not in tune with what’s happening in different authors’ personal lives. Actually, we’re usually the last ones to find these tittle-tattles! We are self-centered bitches who don’t give a flying fuck about others’ flights *le sigh* (unless it’s uber importante, heh). Of course when we happen to come across said topics and/or feel compelled to talk about scandals—or this and that author fighting idiotically in public, etc—promithe, when we do have something to say, you WON’T miss it.

c) We don’t attack authors. Meaning, we don’t call them bad, uglee oompa loompas. Their book is another matter, however. If we feel that one’s book is gad-awful and deserves to melt in a huge pot of boiling undiluted bubotuber pus—we will say that, of course. As for the stupid catfights, see “WTF? Why did you delete my comment?”

d) As much as we talk about books, sex stuff and men will always be part of this blog. So never fear, you dirty pervs. :P We are proud to be women who celebrate their sexuality and we do appreciate God’s gift of yummilicious men. *g* (Ohhh, thankee lord for the yummilicious men!)

Trollop, are you going to run for office? If so, will you admit to reading romance novels publicly?

Stay tuned, and why wouldn’t I admit it?

Harlot, did you really dump Brad Pitt?


Who is Raoul? Who are Julio, Guido, Jack Koff and Gaylord Dookie?

Raoul is Harlot’s EXCLUSIVE LOVE PROPERTY forevah and eevaaaaah and that is the truth and nothing but the truth so help me Xenu and his Galactic Confederacy!!!

Now, *breathe* the others are Trollop’s Studasauruses:

Julio and Guido

Jack Koff and Gaylord Dookie


WTF? Why did you delete my comment?

a) You’re acting like a jackass, saying something offensive or disrespectful. We ask TBB commenters to be civil and nice. Flaming, belligerent debates, too nasty sarcasm are not welcome. Yes, at times we break these rules ourselves—sarcastic bitches that we are—but we live here.

b) You’re saying something that’s got nothing to do with the post the comment is made upon.

c) You’re being an ackflibbit. Damn, man! Speak a da Inglish!

d) We will NEVER allow vile type of behavior here. We have been incredibly blessed with warm-hearted smart readers that can voice their opinions, to either agree or disagree, in a graceful and classy way. But if ever the day comes in which to preserve what we have so painstakingly built, we need to erase, ban, kick-out or do whatever is in our power to do, we will do it with an iron fist—aye, even if it’s to a loved reader, author or blogger.

What is the purpose of the chatbox?

Chatbox is exactly that, a box for CHATTING. Or for some announcement, or when Harlot is missing again and Trollop is stuck in her gad-forsaken office where she has no MSGR. Chatbox is NOT the place to put in your comments. Sheesh.

Yo, I emailed you. How come you haven’t replied yet, you snobby bitches?!

Erm, apologies, we’re busy and fucking lazy. Or Trollop is somewhere flirting and Harlot is frolicking with Raoul. This is your chance to send us hate mails, heh. :P But please know that we do read every email we receive and we do think of you. Aye, really really!

Yoo hoo... Would you like to trade links?

Sorry, but no. In case you’re temporary blinded by our beauties, :P we don’t even have a blogroll. We’re self-centered bitches, aye. (We link people on our posts, though.)

Truth be told, Trollop wanted a blogroll but Harlot, ever the selfish one, didn’t want one. :/ (Well, it looks fugly and very cluttery! *hmph*) If we link someone, we have to link eeeeveryone so as to not hurt anyone’s feelings and that’s gonna be a list from here to freakin’ kingdom come! By then it’d be pointless because folks RARELY ever click a verra long blogroll (yep, we tested it), not to mention linking should be about quality and not reciprocation.

If you’d like to link us, we’d love that, thank you. Sounds hypocritical since we don’t trade links? Not really. As Bacchus puts it, a link is a compliment; a link exchange offer is a sneaky way of saying:

“I don’t really like your site enough to link to it. If I did, I’d already have your link up. But, even though your site isn’t worth linking to, I’ll do it anyway... if you’ll link back.”

Hubba hubba! Where did you find the picture you just posted? What’s the name of that scrumptious eye candy?!

Harlot: Since I’m the one who often post eye candy I’ll answer. Frankly I’m verra tired of this question—oh anguish, truly truly. *lesigh* If we have the source/link of something, we mention it. Every. Fucking. Time. Seriously!

Pictures are tricky, though. If you don’t see a link, it’s because I DON’T have one. I’ve been a perv downloading dirty stuff from the internet long before my blogging days. At the time it’s always been right-click-and-save, ya know? Now, in some cases, the link is in the freakin’ picture already.

As for the names of the studmuffins I’ve posted, honestly, dude, most of them I DO NOT KNOW. Please, oh please don’t hound me like a dog with a bone and piss me off; chances are even if I know it, I won’t say anything. Uh-hmm. I’m ebil like that. Sorry. Google, itz yoor frend.

Will you pritti please email me some porn/eye candy?

Fuck no. Google. Jeyzuz...

I’d like to put a button link to your blog on mine. Do you have one I could possibly use?

Sure, darlin’. You may use these:

**Any modification regarding FAQ-y stuff, changes will show in this section of the blog.

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33 comment(s):

Blogger Harlot said...

Good god, this is the loooooooongest post evah LOL. :P

Well, all the questions are on the top part (those bulleted ones). I made everything clickable so things are easy to find.

Let me know if you guys are having any problem (like there's a dead link or something). Suggestions for improvement are always welcome. ;)

9/11/2007 01:39:00 PM  

Anonymous donna said...

so glad you dumped brad pitt. never got over him as jd in thelma and louise

9/11/2007 02:12:00 PM  

Blogger Isabella said...

I love the pictures :D I remember the others when we did that South Park thing and the romance novel covers. LOL

BB, Great FAQ, very funny too!

9/11/2007 03:05:00 PM  

Blogger Michael Young said...

I stumbled across your blog by accident. Funny stuff!

9/11/2007 03:33:00 PM  

Anonymous Ollenska said...

You two are beautiful. :-)

Now, can we exchange links? Kidding! I don't even have a blog :-P


9/11/2007 04:40:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You two are so pretty you make me sick!! It's nice to finally have a little bit of background on the two of you, for us readers who have come along recently.

9/11/2007 06:14:00 PM  

Blogger Ladybug said...

Good FAQ bitches! And you two are so pretty you're making me feel so old! ;)

9/11/2007 06:45:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

Lovely bitches, pretty book bitches. It's good to know more about you and your blog. :)

9/11/2007 06:56:00 PM  

Anonymous ~Cassie~ said...

Damn. you two are so pretty!!

9/11/2007 07:06:00 PM  

Blogger Julian's blog said...

Heh FAQ Bitches:
Whew, have to slip into the shower and cool down a little...

9/11/2007 07:06:00 PM  

Blogger Petra said...

LOL! I like Trollop's Studasauruses. :P

I think this FAQ is a brilliant idea, not just for new readers but for us who have been here a while. You two are lovely.

9/11/2007 07:20:00 PM  

Blogger Lily Moon said...

Man, you girls are gorgeous! I should hate you two!! ^.^

9/11/2007 08:35:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

damn. you book bitches are hot!

9/11/2007 09:37:00 PM  

Blogger Lorelei said...

Gotta love TBB. This blog is always over the top fabulous. Keep it up. (But maybe sometimes, stop being so pretty! :-P)

9/11/2007 10:43:00 PM  

Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

I think I'm sick and friggin' tired of the two of you being so young AND hot. it could have just been one or the other and I'd have been fine.


and happy Blog-versary!

DC :)

9/11/2007 11:14:00 PM  

Anonymous Sabby said...

I echo Dakota's sentiments. You two are hot and young and witty and smart and sexy.

Did I say hot?

Now I feel so dang old.


9/11/2007 11:23:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Way to go Ladies! Here's to keeping it up ... always! Lol!

9/12/2007 02:03:00 AM  

Blogger Midas said...

Good post Harlot and VT. Here I am 2AM, and I have to be up in 3.5 hours...life!

I've been waiting for this FAQ post for a while....isn't this an anniversary post?

Lub your blog bithches.

9/12/2007 03:06:00 AM  

Blogger Jolie said...

You two are beautiful. Dammit.

9/12/2007 04:42:00 AM  

Blogger December/Stacia said...

Yep, young, beautiful and smart. Sigh.

Great FAQ!

9/12/2007 04:43:00 AM  

Blogger Vanessa said...

Great FAQ! Love the pictures. Lovely as always. :)

9/12/2007 10:01:00 AM  

Blogger Rachel said...

You two are so HOT!!

It's obvious that you put a lot into this blog because it's always awesome. Keep on bitchin!

9/12/2007 04:02:00 PM  

Anonymous Chris said...

Very beautiful indeed ... but what's with the icing (or creme) Trollop? Not that I am complaining mind you. Harlot ... luscious harlot ... I hope you remember me.

Be well,


9/12/2007 05:47:00 PM  

Anonymous Allyson said...

Great FAQ! Instead of just BB, you should be called BBB - beautiful book bitches.

9/12/2007 07:49:00 PM  

Anonymous Lindsey said...

Excellent FAQ, and such beautiful bitches!

Is it too late to ask a question? I was just wondering if Trollop is Irish as I believe she mentioned something about being one living in Spain.

Harlot and Trollop, take care of each other. What a wonderful friendship you two have.

9/12/2007 09:32:00 PM  

Anonymous Archiebald said...

Very beautiful girls. I would have preferred pictures without all the men, though, just you two. Great FAQ.

9/13/2007 12:34:00 PM  

Blogger Jolie said...

Trollop, you're Irish?

9/13/2007 08:45:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

q: what one must do to snare a book bitch?


9/13/2007 11:16:00 PM  

Anonymous donna said...

roflmao omg she's irish, look at her secret baby book cover!!!!

i just also wanted to say i lurrrrve the "artwork" aside from the eye candy as well. good stuff always.

9/13/2007 11:21:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

now wait a minute. what secret baby? whose is it? harlot's? trollip's?


9/13/2007 11:32:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

no way a guy named raul is straight.


9/13/2007 11:45:00 PM  

Anonymous Chester said...

Criminy you book bitches are hot. Incidentally I'm adorable. We will click, I am certain.

9/14/2007 09:13:00 PM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

Great FAQ. Yep. Beautiful and smart. And they have all the boys! I'm actually jealous Trollop have Guido and Jack Koff. ;)

9/15/2007 11:03:00 AM