Saturday, September 8, 2007

Bitchin' News (09/08)

I miss our “Bitchin’ News” section. Trollop said she’ll try to do it every weekend. (HOLD HER TO HER WORD!) As I type this, she’s out eating some raw fish or gad-knows what vile thing *shudder* so in the meantime, you’re stuck with me and what I deem newsworthy.
  • Verdi’s “Ave Maria” wafted through Modena’s cathedral on Saturday as the world bade farewell to Luciano Pavarotti with a funeral close to his classical roots.

  • Author Madeleine L’Engle, whose novel A Wrinkle in Time has captivated generations of schoolchildren and adults since the 1960s, has died. -*sigh* First Pavarotti, then Sir Butter-Beep (my trusty first evah BOB *sniff*), now her. I feel like genius is slowly leaving planet Earth and all we’re gonna be left with is the litter of Paris Hilton. Xenu forbid!

  • A marijuana dealer telephoned police after armed thieves stole his quarter-pound stash of pot. –*ring*ring* Hello, Mr. Policeman! *gasp* That is the same dumbass who tried to take me to court for being “such a Harlot and stealing his heart” and then had the gall to demand I marry him as payment for damages! What a jackass, I tell ya!
  • Madeleine McCann’s parents named suspects. –Remember this missing British girl? Her parents run an international campaign—with the help of celebrities like J.K. Rowling and David Beckham that raised $2 million funds(!)—to find her. Sheesh. Is this what I have to do to be JKR&Becks’-BFF-slash-instant-millionaire?

  • U.S. Rep. Jim Sensenbrenner, already a millionaire and heir to the Kimberly-Clark fortune, hit it big in 1997 with a $250,000 jackpot in the District of Columbia lottery. Then, last spring, he won $1,000 prize in the Wisconsin lottery, and he won another $1,000 in that lottery last week. –Jeyzuz! Congressman, give us wee folks a chance! When am *I* going to win the lottery? My future pritti villa in Italy full of oh-so-lickable Italian studmuffins are waiting for me, ya know. *sob*

  • Consumers, not just factory workers, may be in danger from fumes from buttery flavoring in microwave popcorn. -Those who like microwave popcorn, READ THIS! Apparently its fumes can cause lung disease. Oh, fuck. What about my favorite microwave canned corn with cheese? :/

  • In October, the online retailer Amazon.com will unveil the Kindle, an electronic book reader that has been the subject of industry speculation for a year. The Kindle will be priced at $400 to $500 and will wirelessly connect to an e-book store on Amazon’s site. Also this fall, Google plans to start charging users for full online access to the digital copies of some books in its database. -Am I the only one who thinks this Kindle is a fug monster? It looks like some hideous apparatus they’d used to torture people in the 80’s... Then again, I suppose it has its appeal. Who in his RIGHT mind would steal such ugliness??? But hey, I’m a shallow fuck who nicked my sister’s iPod because it’s soooo cute! Hee. :P


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5 comment(s):

Anonymous Carmen said...

What the hell!! That thing is ugly!! Dang know I have to tell my hubby about the microwave popcorn thing and of course the man will not believe me. At least I got a link.

9/08/2007 05:11:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

I did not promise any such thing Harlot Ang!!!!!!

That Kindle is both expensive and ugly. Also, you can only use ebooks you bought from amazon?!?!! How fair is that to splurge on that fugly thing and then be limited to buying books from them?

9/09/2007 05:32:00 AM  

Blogger Midas said...

Fugly is right! I can't believe they'd do that...charge full price for e-book. Does that mean print book should be half-price then?

That guy who keeps winning lottery? Rod Stewart song comes to mind...Some Guys have all the luck.

9/09/2007 12:38:00 PM  

Blogger Petra said...

Fug monster indeed! Dang, that thing is hideous. With all their money, Amazon should have done better than this!

I am sad about Madeleine L'Engle. I loved her books.

LOL at that marijuana dealer. Shame on Cong. S! He has a lot of money already.

I like popcorn, don't get me wrong, but it stinks the whole house!

9/09/2007 04:11:00 PM  

Blogger Menchie said...

Who on earth is going to use that Kindle??

Heard about Madeleine McCann's parents. that's just sick if it's true.

9/09/2007 07:50:00 PM