Friday, March 10, 2006

Is there anything yummier than men who can cook?

Retro Bitches
Originally published on December 14, 2005

Hello readers, *Trollop* here. When Harlot came up with this Naked Chefs post, I wasn’t sure we should publish it. I mean, who would want to see half naked men in our blog? Since I was reading Bet Me at the time, to tame the article down a bit, I suggested that she post some book recipes with these “indecent” pictures LOL. This post was so popular, our ratings went sky high! Who would have known that the one with the porn fetish would be right? LOL So this is how our eye candy tradition started. :D Enjoy!


I don’t know if it’s just me** but there is something so sexy, so irresistible, so delectable about men who are not only skilled in the bedroom but also in the kitchen. Here are some excerpts about heroes who make my mouth water—and I’m not just talking about the food. *g*



Ren Gage
Breathing Room by Susan Elizabeth Phillips

He sighed, grabbed a dish towel, and wrapped it around her waist. But when he’d finished tying it, his hands stayed on her hips, and his voice developed a husky note. “Get rid of your shoes.”
“Why?”
“Do you want to learn how to cook or not?”
“Yes, but I don’t see—oh, all right.” If she protested, he’d just say she was being rigid, so she kicked off her sandals. He smiled as she tucked them under the table, but she didn’t see anything amusing about leaving a pair of shoes out where anyone could trip over them.
“Now open that top button.”
“Oh, no. We’re not doing—”
“Quiet.” Instead of arguing, he reached out and did the job himself. The material fell away just enough to reveal the swell of her breasts, and he smiled. “Now you look like a woman a man wants to cook for.”



“Now, diced up those tomatoes for the bruschetta.” Ren pronounced the word with the hard k of the Italians instead of the soft sh most Americans used. While she was doing that, he cut thin slices from yesterday’s bread, then drizzled them with olive oil, rubbed them with clove of garlic, and showed her how to toast them over the open flame of the stove. As they turned golden brown, he added bits of ripe olive and slivers of fresh basil to the tomatoes she’d diced, then spooned the mixture on the bread slices she’d arranged on a majolica plate.



Cal Morrisey
Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie

“You don’t cook, do you, Minerva?” Cal said.
“Oh, and you do?” Min said.
“Sure.” He took a spoon from her. “I worked in a restaurant while I was in college. You need a big spoon, Minnie. This one is for eating.”
“Or I could just jab you with it,” Min said.



“Do you want to know how to make chicken marsala or not?” Cal said, exasperated. She was such a pain in the ass.
She scowled up at him. “Yes.”
“What’s the first thing you did?” Cal said. “Sprayed the pan with olive oil,” Min said.
“Sprayed?” Cal said. “No. Pour. A couple of tablespoons.”
“Too much fat,” Min said. “It’s good fat,” Cal said. “Olive oil is good for you. You’re going to have to pour, Minnie. It’s part of the flavor.”
“Pound the chicken breasts. Use a can if you don’t have a mallet, put them in a plastic bag, and pound them thin. Then dredge them in flour mixed with ground black pepper and kosher salt.”
“You’re kidding,” Min said. “Flour just adds calories.”
“And seals the chicken,” Cal said. “So it doesn’t get... dry. Then what did you do?”
Min folded her arms. “When they were browned, I put the mushrooms in and poured the wine over and let it reduce.”
“No butter?”
“No butter,” Min said. “Are you insane?”
“No,” Cal said, dropping the chicken back in the pan. “But anybody who makes chicken marsala without olive oil, butter, or flour may be. He dipped his finger in the sauce and tasted it. It was so vile he lost his breath.
“What marsala did you use?” Cal said when he’d gotten the taste out of his mouth, and she handed him a bottle of cooking wine. “No, no, no, Look, honey, when you make wine sauce, you’re cooking the wine down, concentrating it. You have to use good wine or it’ll taste like…” He looked down at the pan. “... this. It’s a wonder the cat’s not dead.”

**As I’ve mentioned before, I’m hopeless when it comes to cooking. In one occasion, out of many miserable ones, while Trollop was trying to teach me how to cook, she said: “This is cooking class for the retarded 101!” That bitch. *sniff*
***All photos are from Cosmopolitan Men.

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28 comment(s):

Blogger Old Man Morri said...

nice blog, lady at least i assume your a lady, lady of course in the ironic sense, ....
your site is seriously lacking in nude 19 yr. old women.
please rectify this immediatly

12/14/2005 09:13:00 AM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Morri, we'll be working on the 19 yr. old naked women some time in the future, you know, like NEVER! lol but thanks for the compliment :D and yes its ladies :D

12/14/2005 09:29:00 AM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

This article should have a BOB warning.

Cal has to be the one with pouring the olive oil on the salad YUMMY lol. And Ren must be the one beating the eggs.

12/14/2005 09:36:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Morri, despite the naked chef number 1 looking totally gay, alas, we are ladies. Sigh, if only we're gay guys.. they have all the fun!

12/14/2005 05:26:00 PM  

Blogger Tart said...

Oh, I like it if a guy can cook - very sexy. I have a crush on Gordon Ramsey, an English chef LOL. He's rude, arrogant and a bully, but the man is a genius LOL.

12/14/2005 11:32:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Harlot! Its Charlotte from PS forum (edwardiangirl) I love your site!! It is fantastic, and I like how much you've written about TBH, but maybe some more would be good :P I have to say, I can't believe you hated Outlander, although I didn't like it half as much as most people seem to, I thought it was quite good!
Anyway, I'm talking too much again, so speak to you soon xxx

12/15/2005 02:13:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Thanks Charlotte! :D

Well, there are things in Outlandish--er, Outlander i really hated. :P But my friend Tart enjoyed the book.. Oh well, different strokes and all that. LOL

12/16/2005 11:51:00 AM  

Blogger Marlene D. Malone said...

Damn nice pics! Thanks for spicing up a boring day at work.

12/16/2005 02:16:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope they're hetero!

12/16/2005 04:10:00 PM  

Blogger ggirl said...

Yum!

12/16/2005 10:18:00 PM  

Anonymous Vixen said...

Yummy, Yummy Cal. *sigh*

I believe this might have been the post that got me a addicted.

Going off to re-read Bet Me now.

Beautiful post ladies!

3/10/2006 09:17:00 AM  

Anonymous Vixen said...

BTW, guy #2 (I believe it says Brian) is making me sweat.

3/10/2006 09:19:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

I do not have a porn fetish! I just know how to appreciate the beauty of the male species. :P

3/10/2006 12:50:00 PM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

OOOhh!!Thank you, Thank you Harlot and Trollop ;) I'm just gushin' over these delicious pics....Thank you!!!

3/10/2006 01:23:00 PM  

Anonymous Vixen said...

Okay, I don't know if it's because it's Friday, I'm stressed or if it's some hormonal thing but I am in love with Brian. Looked him up on Cosmo web site. This is what he said he likes.
"He likes his salad the way he likes his ladies -- full of flavor -- so he added some kick to the dressing when he concocted it."
I have flavor....

Warning: This is what happens to stay at home moms!

3/10/2006 02:51:00 PM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

lol Vixen!!! Is that what it is??
All I know is , my heart rate literally sped up upon viewing them again! A very real , physical thing!
The Shannon McKenna book I'm reading, the hunky hero says, It's all very mental for women. And he cooks too lol.

3/10/2006 03:54:00 PM  

Blogger Aggie said...

*Sigh* I'm dribbling again and I like Brian too. Yum - and I don't mean the food.
"Please ma'am can I have some more"

3/10/2006 04:27:00 PM  

Blogger ChrisWoznitza said...

Hi I´m Chriswab. Greatings from Germany,Bottrop !!

3/10/2006 04:56:00 PM  

Blogger Retro Girl said...

Gotta love those Cosmo spreads...Yummy men in the kitchen! What more could a girl want?! (Except one of them to be her houseboy and do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry etc etc in the buff! ) Hmm! :-)

3/10/2006 04:58:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Brian's my fave too. *sigh* Isn't he the perfect example to lick off some Nutella from? :P LOL

3/10/2006 05:14:00 PM  

Blogger Cherrypie said...

Eye Candy is definitely allowed on my diet.

Thank you, Bitches

3/10/2006 06:35:00 PM  

Anonymous *Star* said...

Yummy!!!
Thanks for a very nice way to kick off the weekend!!!

~Carolina.

3/10/2006 09:23:00 PM  

Blogger Alcuin Bramerton said...

How blonde is this blog? It's just like The Women's Institute.

3/11/2006 08:07:00 AM  

Blogger Aggie said...

H: Thanks for your comment.
I renewed my sub to Cosmopolitan mag on the basis of these photos. Shouldn'y you BB's get commission for that? Cheers.

3/11/2006 05:04:00 PM  

Blogger Malicious Strumpet said...

Actually, come to think of it, Alcuin Bramerton - none of the bitches are blonde. But thanks so much for comin' out and sharin' your thoughts. We sure do appreciate it. :)

3/12/2006 04:38:00 PM  

Anonymous Vixen said...

Hey, there is nothing wrong with being blond, Alcuin Bramerton!

Anyway, I'm a bit worried about my addiction to Brian (naked chef #2). I can't get enough of him. Just have to admit this to someone.

3/13/2006 08:18:00 PM  

Anonymous Vixen said...

TROLLOP! I am looking at him right now and I'm telling you HE IS NOT GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The other 3, sure, whatever but my man here is NOT GAY.
That's it, I'm hunting him down. Wonder what I can dig up on the internet. Be back with my report.
Mmmmmmmmm Brian.
He's what I imagine Cal from Bet Me looks like.

3/21/2006 11:58:00 PM  

Blogger Arizela said...

Christian at the top reminds me of Ally Sheedy from Short Circuit. -shudder-. I have to agree on Brian, but he should be making a heated dish, cause he's going to wilt the lettuce.

5/05/2006 02:29:00 PM