by Leo Tolstoy
Call me unrefined and lacking in literary sophistication, but I found this classic HORRIBLE. Anna was detestable; she didn’t evoke even the tiniest bit of compassion. Actually, quite the contrary as I’d spent half the book thinking of creative and fun ways in which she should DIE! As the book progressed, it got to the point where it’s almost physically painful to continue reading, with each freakin’ chapter worse than the last (no small feat, I can assure you!). I honestly think even Tolstoy himself got bored of Anna that’s why he threw her in the path of a train. Gotta give it to the author, though, for doing the world a favor and delivering a very creative “die, you useless bitch” scene. :/
The Scarlet Letter
by Nathaniel Hawthorne
It started nowhere, went nowhere, and it took fucking forever to do it. This was the reason why I flirted with my lit prof. during our classes to save myself from boredom, tears and banging my pritti head on my desk till it cracks in two. Between the pointless arse-long sentences describing some insignificant detail the author had used to make himself sound important, I’d lean once in a while to show Professor X some cleavage, heh. *ahem* Probably why I never felt sorry for Hester (even when I was “supposed to” *eyeroll*), the adulteress who got off easy considering she ruined the lives of every character in the book. I felt sorry for those who were forced to have their brains violated by such irksome waste of paper, and felt angry that I was one of them! Alas, that’s all there was to it. Despite it all, like Hester, I got an A. Seriously, dude, my boobtastic are a C!
by Herman Melville
Why people let this overrated piece of crap masquerade as a “great classic” is beyond me. All that talk about hidden messages, symbolism, allusions, etc, I think it’s all pretentiousness since they DON’T EXIST! Melville was a whaler, and wrote a very long and verra, verra excruciatingly boring book about whaling. PERIOD. Not to mention, I don’t know how true it is that the author kept changing his mind on the story while writing the book but it really shows. Blech.
Story of O
by Pauline Reage
Those who like this book say that those who didn’t like it “just don’t get it.” Puh-lease. Unless you still haven’t realised that a woman named Harlot *batting eyelashes* will be in touch with her own sexuality, trust me, I fucking get it.
This book is not about love or sex on the edge; this is about cruelty of the men, self-humiliation of the women, corruption of a child, and psychological and emotional rape. I didn’t find this book hot AT ALL. Actually, for the life of me, I find it hard to believe that even those who are into BDSM would find this book erotic or stimulating because the story not only lacks passion and love, but also hate and lust. O, the protagonist, just doesn’t feel a thing. I wanted to grab her, shake her and yell: “Feel something, you robot!” I kept hoping she’d take a whip and beat Sir Stephen and Rene until they cried for mercy to at least get some sort of sexual charge out of the tedious story. The book’s formula of “pain is pleasure” was repetitive and redundant; it just fucking goes on and on and on. And the ending, *yawn* was cut off. So how did they conclude it? With ONE freaking sentence. Ugh. I think that speaks loudly of how important this book is. Very disappointing.
by Diana Gabaldon
I hated this fucking book, it’s gad-awful and gross! It was so disgusting I still cringe every time I remember parts of it I had to endure, hoping against hope that somehow, by the divine grace of justice, Fraser would end up horribly murdered, his body mutilated, and Claire, losing her mind, would eat parts of him. Uncooked, of course.
Anita Blake series
by Laurell K Hamilton
True, I’ve only read the first two books in the series; but after the long discussion our readers had on Trollop’s previous post about LKH, I’ve decided not to waste my time because from what I gathered:
- Anita is a nymphomaniac now; the series is nothing but a slut fest.
- Anita sleeps/lays/cuddles with her men like a pile of puppies. *gag*
- AB series is poorly written porn. The sex is boring and repetitive.
Sarah’s Child and All That Glitters by Linda Howard
Hidden Fires by Sandra Brown
Spineless heroines with sick bastards who should be hung by the balls in public square and had people stone them to death—or just have people took turns to beat them with bamboo sticks. LOL
Hot Rain by Kat Martin. Too stupid to live heroine. Should be taken out back and shot repeatedly.
Honey Moon by Susan Elizabeth Phillips. Should melt in a huge pot of boiling oil.
Tender Triumph by Judith McNaught. DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! And, oh yes, DIE!
Awaken, My Love
by Robin Schone
Elaine, a 39-year-old woman who’s been married for 17 years and has NEVER been French kissed (HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?), swaps bodies with a frigid woman (Morrigan) from 18th century (don’t ask, never understood how this happened). As a result, she gets Charles, Morrigan’s Neanderthal hubby, who’s supposed to be an expert on Tantric love, *snort* but he makes sex uncomfortable, painful and degrading (his idea of foreplay is nothing but how many fingers he can fit inside his wife!). Except when he’s imposing his conjugal rights, he and Elaine have never had a real conversation, and after she’s nearly raped and killed, he ignores her for days while he’s torn whether or not to lock her in a loony bin. Oh, and lest I forget, the over the top villain. If you’ve actually suspended your disbelief and revulsion that got you to read until the end, you’ll see the villain—the “frigid” woman (someone who has the ability to swap bodies with anyone)—decides she wants to know what it’s like to have sex with HERSELF with Elaine in her former body! SERIOUSLY!