After the big cock theory
Almost two years ago I wrote a post titled “The Big Cock Theory.” I was in the midst of reading Passion by Lisa Valdez and I was shocked (shocked!) about the number of times Mrs. Valdez mentioned the hero’s huge penis and subsequently huge testicles. Mark Randolph Hawkmore’s cock was like his sidekick, practically a character in the book!I understood that 10.5 inches was big, however, I don’t think I could honestly get my mind around *just* how big. I suppose I imagined Mark “hung” like a porn star or something similar—but never this! At this moment all I know is that whatever idea I had was nothing compared to the reality of a BIG cock.
(Click at your own peril! Images soooooooo not work-safe!)
Jonah Falcon’s penis is 9.5 inches flaccid, 13.5 inches erect. Tense your forearm. Now wrap your hand around the middle of the muscle. That is the girth of Falcon’s erection. Those who have witnessed it describe it as “grotesque,” “gorgeous,” “hideous” and “stunning.” Falcon, who stands five foot nine, thinks his penis is perfectly formed, with a fifteen-degree downward curvature at the six-inch mark and absent the blotching, lumpiness and sudden bends that mark some oversize sex organs.
His balls are proportionately huge, each the size of a grade-A jumbo egg. When erect, Falcon’s penis generates enough heat to warm hands—campfire style—from a distance of six inches.
That, right there, is fucking scary! This thing could light your hoohaa on fire, cinder your pubic hair (though, it’d serve you right for not waxing it off!), and give you third degree burns. It probably glows in the dark—a good item to own in a blackout.
Falcon packs his penis to the left and buttons his pants. The human brain needs several seconds to reconcile the sight. His dick stretches across his pelvis and settles against his outer thigh. The head of Falcon’s organ rises in unmistakable relief from beneath the fabric. His balls, especially when he pushes them up as he does today, look like the wide, oval eyes ascribed to Martians in popular drawings.
I’m bowled over by the images this description is placing in my mind. 9.5 inches flaccid? Balls the size of jumbo eggs? As thick as a forearm? I’m scared witless that I’ll ever have to encounter such a penis. I’ll never be able to look at another man now and not wonder what monster he’s hiding under those nice tailored pants.
If this dude and I were stranded on an island, I’d castrate him the minute he’d tried to use that rod for anything other than hammering, drilling holes in the sand or fishing!
Now, click here to read “The Big Cock Theory.” *g*
Labels: cock fetish, for the love of rakes and rogues, sex and the bitches, some like it hot
I'm glad you used the photo above to keep the fantasy alive that totally hung guys are totally ripped guys, instead of Falcon's real photo in Rolling Stone. Shallow yes,but I have admitted it before in an earlier post.
Otherwise, size matters but it is all relative...I'd rather have one fit comfortable and easy (let it do it's job using all the right angles for max stimulation), rather than have to brace myself against the headboard or whatever for an incoming jumbo jet, just to feel pummeled and bruised inside after the landing...even after having 3 kids! Besides, it is easier to deep throat 6 inches!
1/17/2008 05:36:00 PM
Sleepy but want to say this: i am not risking my lungs being poked with that battering ram when his owner isn't even cute!
He's ugly and fatty. Ack. Bad combo. :S He qualifies for a freak show though.
1/17/2008 05:58:00 PM
harlot and sheila you are both horribly shallow, and so am I LOL
That dude is fugly and fat and looks kind of greasy :/ I want no part of him! He was thinner before. Isn't sex supposed to keep you nice and fit? Wonder how much of it he really gets.
Sheile,
Er, deep throat? I don't deep throat, nothing, zip, nada! All my poor bf gets is the "hand with a side dish of tongue/mouth action" I just can't do more than that. My lips get all swollen and I gag :(
Now that we're on the subject, does anyone have any tips for me in the BJ/Deep Throat department? My bf will surely thank you LOL
1/17/2008 06:16:00 PM
OMG that is scary. I hope to god I don't run into him on the streets of NY or at a Mets game I might just have to beat his ass with a baseball bat if he came near me with THAT thing. I mean I like a nice size dick as mouch as the next girl, but that is WAY over doing it.
I looked him up on Google and found on Wikipedia that he says he is bisexual. Like taking that thing in the snatch is not bad enough... taking it in the ass would be suicide for sure. Not that I am in to anal sex anyway, but OUCH is all I can say.
1/17/2008 06:53:00 PM
Re: Like taking that thing in the snatch is not bad enough... taking it in the ass would be suicide for sure.
LOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
1/17/2008 07:33:00 PM
I guess he's so confident about his fabulousness, he doesn't have to do situps. Or maybe when he attempts to do situps, he accidentally impales himself in the upper abdomen.
Size matters. But this guy is just eeewwwwww. If a guy was really fabulous looking and had similar equipment, I might be curious enough to give it a shot.
Nah, probably not.
1/17/2008 07:36:00 PM
Re: Or maybe when he attempts to do situps, he accidentally impales himself in the upper abdomen.
You guys are killing me with your comments. My stomach hurts from laughing so much!
1/17/2008 07:43:00 PM
You guys crack me up----
VT- I don't do it always, I have to be really in the mood and horny to begin with,then 4 most important things-1. breathe through your nose, 2. lick him first-alot-to get him really wet and your saliva going (sounds sick I know-but important), 3. swallow your own spit while your licking to get the repetitive action going, so that as he moves in deeper, you avoid the gag reflex and swallow as he enters the back of your throat, and 4. the angle matters-you do not need to hang over the bed backwards- it's not good when kneeling either- I usually lay over him and his legs so I can control the depth and movement.
Try using one hand wrapped around him as a bottom reference for how deep to put him in your mouth, and then as you get into it, remove one finger at a time until your mouth hits the next finger. My husband is only about 6-7 inches depending on variables, so it is not too bad.
Okay I have to say this is a first for me explaining this. I am blushing, but I hope it helps. Lastly, my husband says the part he likes is when I do a continuous swallow action as he moves deeper- take it for what it's worth.
1/17/2008 07:58:00 PM
Sheila,
I'm printing this! My bf is so going to love you. Thank you thank you thank you.
Will let you know how it goes *g*
Thinking this would be a fun post to write/research.
1/17/2008 08:22:00 PM
Ew, Ew, Ew!! Now I have to focus on the guy in this post just to remove the memory of that Jonah guy.
1/17/2008 08:46:00 PM
VT - Glad you liked that.. oh and on the BJ topic.. I don't think you need to take him in so far if you have good suction... also if you play with their balls they seem to REALLY like that and a friend who proclaims herself a BJ Queen told me to press in with a finger on the area just behind the balls and it makes them crazy. One last thing.. I am not sure if you are a morning sex person or a late night one or somewhere in between. I can tell you my gag reflex is more sensitive in the morning. When I am brushing my teeth in the morning I have to be really careful or I will make myself puke. SO try the BJ later in the day.
Hope that helps.
1/17/2008 09:16:00 PM
O_O
That is kinda terrifying thought....
*clicks on link*
OH GOD MY EYES!
1/18/2008 03:35:00 AM
Gah!! The link is down!! I wanna see!
1/18/2008 06:18:00 AM
Hey December, how are ya gorgeous? What do you mean down? Which pic? I can see the penis pics. Gah! You just made me look again!
1/18/2008 06:23:00 AM
LOl! I'm good!
I finally did a Google image search and found some pics. Good heavens that's big. I have to say though, he was kind of hot several years ago. Younger, thinner. Seems like a real dick though (um...no pun intended.)
On the bjs...If you hold it in your mouth and rapidly suck in your cheeks, like you're sucking your thumb, they enjoy that. Also, yes, lightly scratch the balls and behind them. (Somebody is going to google me and this will come up, one of these days.) Also the underside of the head, under the "lip" seems particularly sensitive on most men.
1/18/2008 06:33:00 AM
Holycrap!! It looks like something out of those perverted cartoons. That's gotta hurt. I can't even imagine that monster in me. I don't think it will fit.
Size definitely matters. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. But like most anything else, too much of something is never good. 7 inches is enough already. And he has 9 inches flaccid. Good lord.
1/18/2008 08:53:00 AM
"And he'd be the last guy you'd ever feel inside you too, because he'd stretch your vajayjay so bad that you'd hardly feel a normal sized dick poking around in there..."
Hahaha, I just spit tea everywhere! I was thinking that same thing!
1/18/2008 10:26:00 AM
Frozen Star! LOL love the comments here. :P
1/18/2008 03:34:00 PM
Trollop's Big Cock Theory is one of my favorite TBB posts. This update of sort is very welcome indeed.
Big penises are better in the mind than they are in the... say, mouth. Unless the owner of that big thing is smart enough to make it, not just bearable, but really fun, rather than just a big slab of salami flopping around.
I've had some big *ahem* men. But truth be told I've had boring sex with some of them, mostly because they don't know what to do. I've had more memorable sex with the averagely endowed. Size matters but it's not all about it. If a guy is a bore, a huge penis is just another part of what's boring.
1/18/2008 06:15:00 PM
13 1/2 inches?! If I see a man with a penis that size I would tell him "you can leave that thing out". It's not coming anywhere near me. No, no, no, NO.
I think 9 inches is very big already. You see those men in porn movies and most of them are big. But 13 inches.... that's insane!
Olly
1/18/2008 07:15:00 PM
OH MAH GOD.
*blinks*
That is an effing monster.
1/21/2008 12:20:00 PM
I'm a lurker, just want to chime in regarding this post.
A documentary about this guy's p*nis was shown in New Zealand last year. It was hedious, seriously it look like a massive piece of meat hanging down there. Not pretty at all.
Lizp
1/22/2008 10:44:00 PM
The photo with the hand is fake/doctored.
6/13/2009 04:53:00 PM
13.5 inches - how about a real prove instead of strange photos? ;-)
9/24/2009 09:56:00 AM
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