Thursday, January 17, 2008

After the big cock theory

Almost two years ago I wrote a post titled “The Big Cock Theory.” I was in the midst of reading Passion by Lisa Valdez and I was shocked (shocked!) about the number of times Mrs. Valdez mentioned the hero’s huge penis and subsequently huge testicles. Mark Randolph Hawkmore’s cock was like his sidekick, practically a character in the book!

I understood that 10.5 inches was big, however, I don’t think I could honestly get my mind around *just* how big. I suppose I imagined Mark “hung” like a porn star or something similar—but never this! At this moment all I know is that whatever idea I had was nothing compared to the reality of a BIG cock.

(Click at your own peril! Images soooooooo not work-safe!)


Jonah Falcon’s penis is 9.5 inches flaccid, 13.5 inches erect. Tense your forearm. Now wrap your hand around the middle of the muscle. That is the girth of Falcon’s erection. Those who have witnessed it describe it as “grotesque,” “gorgeous,” “hideous” and “stunning.” Falcon, who stands five foot nine, thinks his penis is perfectly formed, with a fifteen-degree downward curvature at the six-inch mark and absent the blotching, lumpiness and sudden bends that mark some oversize sex organs.

His balls are proportionately huge, each the size of a grade-A jumbo egg. When erect, Falcon’s penis generates enough heat to warm hands—campfire style—from a distance of six inches.


That, right there, is fucking scary! This thing could light your hoohaa on fire, cinder your pubic hair (though, it’d serve you right for not waxing it off!), and give you third degree burns. It probably glows in the dark—a good item to own in a blackout.


Falcon packs his penis to the left and buttons his pants. The human brain needs several seconds to reconcile the sight. His dick stretches across his pelvis and settles against his outer thigh. The head of Falcon’s organ rises in unmistakable relief from beneath the fabric. His balls, especially when he pushes them up as he does today, look like the wide, oval eyes ascribed to Martians in popular drawings.


I’m bowled over by the images this description is placing in my mind. 9.5 inches flaccid? Balls the size of jumbo eggs? As thick as a forearm? I’m scared witless that I’ll ever have to encounter such a penis. I’ll never be able to look at another man now and not wonder what monster he’s hiding under those nice tailored pants.

If this dude and I were stranded on an island, I’d castrate him the minute he’d tried to use that rod for anything other than hammering, drilling holes in the sand or fishing!

Now, click here to read “The Big Cock Theory.” *g*

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32 comment(s):

Anonymous Sheila said...

I'm glad you used the photo above to keep the fantasy alive that totally hung guys are totally ripped guys, instead of Falcon's real photo in Rolling Stone. Shallow yes,but I have admitted it before in an earlier post.

Otherwise, size matters but it is all relative...I'd rather have one fit comfortable and easy (let it do it's job using all the right angles for max stimulation), rather than have to brace myself against the headboard or whatever for an incoming jumbo jet, just to feel pummeled and bruised inside after the landing...even after having 3 kids! Besides, it is easier to deep throat 6 inches!

1/17/2008 05:36:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Sleepy but want to say this: i am not risking my lungs being poked with that battering ram when his owner isn't even cute!

He's ugly and fatty. Ack. Bad combo. :S He qualifies for a freak show though.

1/17/2008 05:58:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

harlot and sheila you are both horribly shallow, and so am I LOL

That dude is fugly and fat and looks kind of greasy :/ I want no part of him! He was thinner before. Isn't sex supposed to keep you nice and fit? Wonder how much of it he really gets.

Sheile,

Er, deep throat? I don't deep throat, nothing, zip, nada! All my poor bf gets is the "hand with a side dish of tongue/mouth action" I just can't do more than that. My lips get all swollen and I gag :(

Now that we're on the subject, does anyone have any tips for me in the BJ/Deep Throat department? My bf will surely thank you LOL

1/17/2008 06:16:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Yeah yeah, i'm a shallow fuck. But he IS ugly and fatty. Despite the verra scary big cock, i *might* actually consider him if he looks like my Raoul but that's not the case, isn't it?

First the ferret lover now this freakish horse. Ye gads babe, i am ashamed of your taste in men.

1/17/2008 06:45:00 PM  

Blogger Terri said...

OMG that is scary. I hope to god I don't run into him on the streets of NY or at a Mets game I might just have to beat his ass with a baseball bat if he came near me with THAT thing. I mean I like a nice size dick as mouch as the next girl, but that is WAY over doing it.

I looked him up on Google and found on Wikipedia that he says he is bisexual. Like taking that thing in the snatch is not bad enough... taking it in the ass would be suicide for sure. Not that I am in to anal sex anyway, but OUCH is all I can say.

1/17/2008 06:53:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Re: Like taking that thing in the snatch is not bad enough... taking it in the ass would be suicide for sure.

LOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

1/17/2008 07:33:00 PM  

Blogger Toni Lea Andrews said...

I guess he's so confident about his fabulousness, he doesn't have to do situps. Or maybe when he attempts to do situps, he accidentally impales himself in the upper abdomen.

Size matters. But this guy is just eeewwwwww. If a guy was really fabulous looking and had similar equipment, I might be curious enough to give it a shot.

Nah, probably not.

1/17/2008 07:36:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Re: Or maybe when he attempts to do situps, he accidentally impales himself in the upper abdomen.

You guys are killing me with your comments. My stomach hurts from laughing so much!

1/17/2008 07:43:00 PM  

Anonymous Sheila said...

You guys crack me up----

VT- I don't do it always, I have to be really in the mood and horny to begin with,then 4 most important things-1. breathe through your nose, 2. lick him first-alot-to get him really wet and your saliva going (sounds sick I know-but important), 3. swallow your own spit while your licking to get the repetitive action going, so that as he moves in deeper, you avoid the gag reflex and swallow as he enters the back of your throat, and 4. the angle matters-you do not need to hang over the bed backwards- it's not good when kneeling either- I usually lay over him and his legs so I can control the depth and movement.

Try using one hand wrapped around him as a bottom reference for how deep to put him in your mouth, and then as you get into it, remove one finger at a time until your mouth hits the next finger. My husband is only about 6-7 inches depending on variables, so it is not too bad.

Okay I have to say this is a first for me explaining this. I am blushing, but I hope it helps. Lastly, my husband says the part he likes is when I do a continuous swallow action as he moves deeper- take it for what it's worth.

1/17/2008 07:58:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Sheila,

I'm printing this! My bf is so going to love you. Thank you thank you thank you.

Will let you know how it goes *g*

Thinking this would be a fun post to write/research.

1/17/2008 08:22:00 PM  

Blogger Menchie said...

Ew, Ew, Ew!! Now I have to focus on the guy in this post just to remove the memory of that Jonah guy.

1/17/2008 08:46:00 PM  

Blogger Terri said...

VT - Glad you liked that.. oh and on the BJ topic.. I don't think you need to take him in so far if you have good suction... also if you play with their balls they seem to REALLY like that and a friend who proclaims herself a BJ Queen told me to press in with a finger on the area just behind the balls and it makes them crazy. One last thing.. I am not sure if you are a morning sex person or a late night one or somewhere in between. I can tell you my gag reflex is more sensitive in the morning. When I am brushing my teeth in the morning I have to be really careful or I will make myself puke. SO try the BJ later in the day.

Hope that helps.

1/17/2008 09:16:00 PM  

Blogger Duvy said...

O_O

That is kinda terrifying thought....

*clicks on link*

OH GOD MY EYES!

1/18/2008 03:35:00 AM  

Blogger December/Stacia said...

Gah!! The link is down!! I wanna see!

1/18/2008 06:18:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Hey December, how are ya gorgeous? What do you mean down? Which pic? I can see the penis pics. Gah! You just made me look again!

1/18/2008 06:23:00 AM  

Blogger December/Stacia said...

LOl! I'm good!

I finally did a Google image search and found some pics. Good heavens that's big. I have to say though, he was kind of hot several years ago. Younger, thinner. Seems like a real dick though (um...no pun intended.)


On the bjs...If you hold it in your mouth and rapidly suck in your cheeks, like you're sucking your thumb, they enjoy that. Also, yes, lightly scratch the balls and behind them. (Somebody is going to google me and this will come up, one of these days.) Also the underside of the head, under the "lip" seems particularly sensitive on most men.

1/18/2008 06:33:00 AM  

Blogger Jordis Juice said...

Holycrap!! It looks like something out of those perverted cartoons. That's gotta hurt. I can't even imagine that monster in me. I don't think it will fit.

Size definitely matters. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. But like most anything else, too much of something is never good. 7 inches is enough already. And he has 9 inches flaccid. Good lord.

1/18/2008 08:53:00 AM  

Blogger Frozen Star said...

No one, and I mean no one, no matter how hot, is ever coming near me with a dick that size. Seriously, sex with that guy can't be comfortable! And he'd be the last guy you'd ever feel inside you too, because he'd stretch your vajayjay so bad that you'd hardly feel a normal sized dick poking around in there...

1/18/2008 10:17:00 AM  

Anonymous Carrie said...

"And he'd be the last guy you'd ever feel inside you too, because he'd stretch your vajayjay so bad that you'd hardly feel a normal sized dick poking around in there..."

Hahaha, I just spit tea everywhere! I was thinking that same thing!

1/18/2008 10:26:00 AM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

Haha! You girls are funny.

If I see that penis coming towards me I'll be scared to death. I doubt it can give you anything but pain.

1/18/2008 02:04:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Frozen Star! LOL love the comments here. :P

1/18/2008 03:34:00 PM  

Blogger Isabella said...

Trollop's Big Cock Theory is one of my favorite TBB posts. This update of sort is very welcome indeed.

Big penises are better in the mind than they are in the... say, mouth. Unless the owner of that big thing is smart enough to make it, not just bearable, but really fun, rather than just a big slab of salami flopping around.

I've had some big *ahem* men. But truth be told I've had boring sex with some of them, mostly because they don't know what to do. I've had more memorable sex with the averagely endowed. Size matters but it's not all about it. If a guy is a bore, a huge penis is just another part of what's boring.

1/18/2008 06:15:00 PM  

Anonymous Ollenska said...

13 1/2 inches?! If I see a man with a penis that size I would tell him "you can leave that thing out". It's not coming anywhere near me. No, no, no, NO.

I think 9 inches is very big already. You see those men in porn movies and most of them are big. But 13 inches.... that's insane!

Olly

1/18/2008 07:15:00 PM  

Anonymous Deena said...

Is there anything more about this guy besides his big cock? The fact that he's not attractive plus boring in that way only the self-obsessed can be, totally diminishes his cock size. Not that I believe his dick is of much benefit to him. (No sane woman, or dude, would let that in). Unless he has a thing for livestock.

1/20/2008 11:50:00 AM  

Anonymous Sara said...

OH MAH GOD.

*blinks*

That is an effing monster.

1/21/2008 12:20:00 PM  

Anonymous karamia said...

I can't imagine someone letting that creepy little man with the big dick anywhere near their vajayjay. And who the F-ck would take that up the ass? I guess if you weren't all that into being able to sit down you might consider.
It's long enough to make me wonder if he can suck it himself?

1/21/2008 08:00:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a lurker, just want to chime in regarding this post.
A documentary about this guy's p*nis was shown in New Zealand last year. It was hedious, seriously it look like a massive piece of meat hanging down there. Not pretty at all.

Lizp

1/22/2008 10:44:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

don't know about all the negative comments from you women, I would love to have the oppertunity to sit down on this and see if he knows how to stroke in and out of my ass and nail my prostate to multible orgasmic glory.

5/20/2008 03:57:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG!!! anyone with that big of a dick has got to be considered a threat to sociaty!!! lol OMG!!! seriously .. if he came inside of me my brains would blow out the top of my bloody head!!!! GEEEEE...

11/05/2008 11:54:00 AM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

wTF in the future most guys will be hung like him because women will keeep on having sex with guys that have big dicks, man im wondering how women are going to develope to take this things

1/27/2009 01:29:00 PM  

Blogger Ragemanchoo said...

The photo with the hand is fake/doctored.

6/13/2009 04:53:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

13.5 inches - how about a real prove instead of strange photos? ;-)

9/24/2009 09:56:00 AM