I swear, Bill Clinton and I did not had sex *wink*
He’s “cigared” me (is that even a term?) and, er, has had me for a meal, shall we say? *g* Is that cheating? LOL
Last week, in the comments section of my cheating post, we had a bit of a debate on what exactly is considered cheating. It’s apparent that not everyone agrees on how and when the line from right to wrong is crossed. Even when you think you have your parameters straight, nothing in this topic is black and white. Actually, in cheating, most issues are rather blurry.
Of these situations, which ones do you consider cheating?
Last week, in the comments section of my cheating post, we had a bit of a debate on what exactly is considered cheating. It’s apparent that not everyone agrees on how and when the line from right to wrong is crossed. Even when you think you have your parameters straight, nothing in this topic is black and white. Actually, in cheating, most issues are rather blurry.
People have different opinions about what’s considered cheating, so it’s up to partners to decide what the “rules” are for their relationship. Many people agree that there are six basic qualities to healthy, loving relationships: respect, trust, honesty, fairness, equality, and good communication.
Everyone is different when it comes to dating rules, so people should sit down with their partners and agree on what counts as cheating in their relationships.When in doubt about whether or not something “counts,” you might want to think twice if:
- You have to hide it or lie about it.
- It’ll lower your partner’s self-esteem.
- You feel guilty about it.
- You wouldn’t want your partner to do it.
Of these situations, which ones do you consider cheating?
- Flirting on the internet
- Having cybersex
- Kissing someone
- Watching/reading porn on your own
- Masturbating
- Having an emotional affair
- Oral sex/petting
- Sexual fantasies with a person you know, or a celebrity
- Having sex while on a “break” from a serious/long time relationship
Labels: sex and the bitches
Great topic, here goes:
Cybersex - cheating
kissing - cheating
watching/reading porn - if you hide it and are weird then yes, if you are open about it then no
masturbating - With GWB on this, if you're not neglecting me then fine
emotional affair - Cheating, I have seen what this can do to a couple it's not a good thing
oral sex - fuck yes it's cheating
inappropriate touching/petting of anykind is cheating
sexual fantasies - not cheating, I think it's healthy as long as you're not weird/nasty/icky about your fantasies lol
Now flirting, I am a flirt, I've been a flirt my whole life, DH knows since day we met I am a flirt. But the thing with me is I don't flirt inappropriately, I don't flirt with strange men or if I think it may be taken the wrong way. There are good and bad ways to flirt. There is fun/light flirting and their is flirting with the intention of leading someone on.
Sex on a break - I'm not really sure how to handle this, it would depend on the situation and my emotional involvement with the person.
Great post VT! :)
8/11/2006 10:28:00 AM
hmm, I think I could be over my head on this one.
1.Flirting on the internet-not cheating if it is done once in a while to be funny or cute. Its just like flirting in person, once in a while is just being human, flirting often is the onramp to the cheating highway.
2.cybersex-most definetly cheating, though not an end the relationship offense.
3.Kissing-yep, very very cheating. With caveats of course, since there are some relationships that are open enough to allow this.
4.Porn/Masturbating-NO way! both are natural things, and damn needed sometimes
5.Emotional Affair-hard to have a definitive answer to this one. I have girls who I know online only. They are friends, and we support each other from time to time. I would be hurt if something happened to one of them, but we will never meet/speak in person and they will never surplant Mrs Duck. Was that a good non-answer answer?
6.Oral Sex/Petting-soooo cheating, though lap dances from strippers on either side arent.
7.Sexual Fantasies-I would have a problem if it was someone I/we knew, just because that can be creepy. Celebrities, as long as its not needed for sex is not cheating
8.Having sex on a break-no not cheating but not the way to rebuild a relationship.
8/11/2006 11:09:00 AM
I agree with da VT. Masturbation and porn--no big deal. Hell, you can watch what equates to porn at the mall these days just watching some of the teenagers in all those skimpy clothes. Well, you know what I mean. LOL. Porn can be a hoot to a degree and yer dangly bits aren't touching anyone else's fun stuff.
Masturbation is healthy and normal and in MHO--not a big deal either.
It's when you start swinging around your fun stuff and putting it in places it doesn't belong that the trouble begins. LOL
Dakota :)
8/11/2006 12:04:00 PM
I agree with vixen, mostly.
The break...I guess it depends. I think Rachel was totally unfair in accusing Ross of cheating during their break, but I can see why she was hurt.
Flirting...as long as everyone understands and accepts it's not going anywhere, it's harmless.
GWB, that's pretty sleazy of them. I hope they broke it off because they realized it was unfair and hurtful to their loved ones and not just because they got caught...
8/11/2006 12:16:00 PM
I should probably clarify something re: the masturbation and neglect. I am all for masturbation (I beleive we discussed this in detail before *wink*) but I have a friend whose husband started to masturbate a bit too often and it seemed like he prefered it to her. Basically he started doing it more after their baby was born then got in the habit. I really don't know the details but it didn't make her feel great adn I wouldn't want to be in that situation. Otherwise, again, yes, yeah for masturbation. lol
8/11/2006 12:17:00 PM
yeah, Vixen is right. I think I'd be hurt if it was something that left me out more oft than not.
Maybe he's worried about hurting her after having the baby? Some mens perspective changes after babies, I hear.
DC :)
8/11/2006 12:22:00 PM
Oh wow, love reading the responses, ladies!
Cybersex - cheating
Kissing someone - cheating
Porn - lol this is stupid. I agree with what Dakota said.
Emotional affair - not cheating, but not good. The same as having sex with your partner but wishing or thinking you're doing funky with someone else.
Oral sex/petting - cheating
Sexual fantasies - not cheating
Sex on a break - not cheating
8/11/2006 12:54:00 PM
I agree with VT. I just want to add that I don't mind flirting, hell I do it too, LOL, but don't do it in front of me.
I used to cybersex :P but this was before I got serious with my BF. After that, I started to feel guity about it so I stopped. Also sexual fantasies are a good turn on, as long as he's doing it with ME.
Loving the discussion, ladies!
8/11/2006 02:30:00 PM
Great topic, Trollop! Love this! For me, as long as you're not touching/carressing/doing someone else (this includes emotional affair and cybersex BTW), all is accepted.
GWB, are you still friends with that woman? Your ex should be beaten up!!! Oh well, I hope your friend and her hubby are working things out. Do you think it's better that they didn't tell the husband?
Harlot and Petra, I agree. If you still want to get back together, why sleep with someone else? That is just unfair.
8/11/2006 03:00:00 PM
Cybersex, oral sex, petting - Definitely cheating!
Having emotional affair - Not cheating but this is like a slap in the face.
Sexual fantasies - I think this is healthy and gives variety in your relationship.
Having sex while on a break - This didn't work for Ross (Friends) anyway. Besides, like the other girls have mentioned, usually "on a break" means to examine your relationship, what's wrong and to think things through, NOT to act like you have a magical free pass!
8/11/2006 05:28:00 PM
flirting - a lot of people flirt. not cheating if it's just for fun.
cybersex - cheating.
kissing someone - unless it's brought about by spin the bottle, then yes, it's cheating.
watching/reading porn - why should be called cheating?
masturbating - ditto
having emotional affair - well, this pretty much leads to cheating. most of the time, though.
oral sex/petting - unless you can get away with the excuse, "i just tripped down and my face landed on his ..."
sexual fantasies - with celebrity: no. with someone you know: it's gonna be a start.
having sex while on break - not cheating. but like harlot said, it's disrespectful. but then again...you broke up (and probably for a reason too), i think this should NOT be an issue, as much as you want it to be one.
okay, i gotta get back to work :P sneaky me. great post!
8/11/2006 05:48:00 PM
I agree with Harlot. Cybersex, IMO, not enough to break up with your guy, but still a major offense. Having sex while on a break, not cheating but that would still hurt a lot. Oral sex, petting, these are soooo cheating!!!
Dakota, you are so right about the teenagers and skimpy clothes. Am I the only one who gets irritated when her man checks out other women? I know this is not cheating, still, very annoying.
GWB, interspecies sex??? I'm afraid to ask. LOL
8/11/2006 05:48:00 PM
Flirting on the internet--parameters on that are hard to decipher, talking shit to a guy friend isn't flirting, but on the screen could very well be seen as cheating if you don't know your partner.
Having Cybersex--I agree FUCK YES it's cheating unless it is with your partner.
Kissing Someone, oh FUCK YES again, to me kissing can be more intimate than sex. Someone made a Friend's reference, so I'll make another, when Joey put Chandler in the box because he kissed Cathy. Joey said kissing was worse than sleeping with her. In some ways I totally agree.
Watching/Reading Porn on your own-umm nope
Masturbating, as I told my man, I don't want him to waste what is mine. I don't think it's cheating, I just feel jipped when I am not a part of it.
Having an emotional affair, OH HELL YES! Love and relationships aren't just about the physical so definitely think that is cheating
Oral Sex/Petting, are you frickin' kidding me hell yeah.
Sexual Fantasies--I think a little sexual fantasy is healthy. As long as it isn't something you are gainfully trying to acquire.
Having Sex While on a Break--
depends on the type of break, i've witnessed people saying they need to see other people, that's still a break...touchy touchy
8/11/2006 06:29:00 PM
cheating?
Cybersex -Yes
Kissing - yes in my book.
That porn and masturbating- this is entertainment, so NO.
Emotional affair - since this is the first step towards cheating, building blocks of a serious relationship, so Yes.
Oral sex/petting - Yes
Sexual fantasies- only if I am not told about it if it's during our having sex.
Sex on a break: well, is it final break or temporary-give-us-time-to-reasses and all similar shit. Coz first one is NO, and second one is Yes. So yeah, tricky. Nothing is just ever black and white on this one.
*what do you know, my word ver is zybeeex...appropriate, don't you think?*
8/11/2006 07:31:00 PM
I learn everyday from this blog. :)
Flirting on the internet - not cheating
Having cybersex - hell yeah!
Kissing someone - cheating, cheating!
Watching/reading porn - nope
Masturbating - nope. And it's healthy.
Having an emotional affair - I think it's cheating. Just break up with your bf/gf.
Oral sex - YES! CHEATING!
Sexual fantasies - with celebrities, no. With someone we know, yes.
Having sex while on a break - I think so. Like Serendipity said, if it's temporary, then yes.
8/11/2006 07:49:00 PM
i agree that cybering is cheating, but watching porn????? call me a flagrant cheater then.
women have too many tricks up their sleeves. and when we slip up, we will be punished like hell.
8/11/2006 07:55:00 PM
Danielle, LOL, this reminds of a S&TC episode where Big kept checking out other women while he's with Carrie. That is pretty annoying. But i guess, like flirting, for me, he can flirt all he want, just don't ogle other women while he's with me.
8/11/2006 08:42:00 PM
Harlot LOL you're right. I forgot about that episode. Well BF doesn't always do it but whenever he does, it annoys me to no end! I guess if I can drool over all the eye candy here, he can do it too.
Hotmama LOL Well good for you and your darling husband. :)
Violeteyed, I agree about kissing. For me it's cheating! There's something very intimate about kissing. And usually, everything else starts with a kiss.
8/11/2006 08:59:00 PM
There is checking out women and ogling them. If DH notices a woman and checks her out I don't really care, it's the same as me noticing a hot guy walking by. We can both appreciate beautiful things. But ogling, to me that is obnoxious staring, practically drooling, LOL. I was just at the beach for a week with 7 other women, we saw our share of oglers (is that a word?). DH is very shy so when he notices a women he is very discreet about, tasteful I guess. Not to mention that half the time I will point out a beautiful woman to him "Hey, check her out she's pretty/has nice eyes, whatever".
I actually like when DH is flirted with by other women, it's like a reminder to me what I have and that other women would like it. It's really a compliment to me, lol. And if he flirts back, well, as long as he's not overdoing it I'm fine with it. Plus, in this relationship I have the market cornered on flirting, I taught him everything he knows. LOL
8/11/2006 09:15:00 PM
Man, I tell ya, everytime I stick my nose in here, it is either Harry Potter this, and Harry Potter that....
OR
...a gaggle of women wearing their labia like lapels...
At an interview, Bill Clinton was queried recently about Monika--
"So Bill. Did you hear the latest? Monika is saying you have a small penis."
"I heard. Well, as you all know, Monika has a very big mouth..."
AND WHAT THE HECK IS CYBERSEX? CAN SOMEONE TEACH ME?
8/11/2006 10:35:00 PM
Scott, is this one of those 'innocent boy' pick up lines? "please, someone teach me all about cybersex!! I'm just a sweet church going virginal boy who knows nothing about that sort of thing"... puleeese!
(see, you're amusing me again!)
; )
8/11/2006 11:10:00 PM
just nik-- I just barely know how to find the F2 button.
Cybersex?
I've got no clue...
8/12/2006 12:29:00 AM
Flirting - Most people do this, it's a way of life really. LOL
Cybersex - Definitely cheating! This is the same as oral sex (though that one is worse since touching is involved).
Kissing - Most definitely cheating. Violet mentioned that sometimes this is more intmate than sex, I very much agree. There's something so sudden about a kiss. Unlike in having sex where you can back out any moment and not actually do it, a kiss is already performed even if you pull away. I don't know how to explain it. LOL
Watching porn, masturbating - I agree, this is ridiculous.
Emotional affair -This is the same as having the actual affair! Cheating.
Sexual fantasies - Nope.
Sex on a break - This is a lame excuse. I agree with Harlot and Trollop, this is disrespectful, plain and simple.
Great topic, Trollop. :)
8/12/2006 12:47:00 AM
I never wear my labia on my lapel scott, it clashes with my hair!!!!
Cybersex: Think phone sex with computers and you start to get the idea. And if flirting is cheating, then I'm genetically incapable of fidelity!
I've been cheated on, which is not pleasant and I have emotionally strayed, which is not a very nice thing to do, but I have never really given cheating an exact definition. As i said somewhere else, the key for me is honesty. If a relationship is over, leave. Don't hang around and screw with your partners head while you fiddle with a cigar.
8/12/2006 07:07:00 AM
Owen, and here I thought men love it when we women punish them!
All those spankings!
8/12/2006 07:44:00 AM
Owen,
It is fun, huh? *g*
However, my heart is not yours to break. Hmm, i think that's a song... =P
8/12/2006 11:28:00 AM
I love kissing. I don't think kissing someone else is a ground to break up with your man, but it is special.
There's no thinking in a kiss, you just do it. There's no goal in a kiss, not trying to get someone off. You just want it. Just to feel it.
8/12/2006 11:32:00 AM
"Cybersex: Think phone sex with computers and you start to get the idea."
eeek!
When I think of phone sex, I imagine a two hundred plus her chair woman with acne eating chocolates and telling me in a caramel voice how much she'd like to envelope my peepee and that scares the hell out of me.
Cybersex is like that?
Noooooo thank you.
8/12/2006 04:01:00 PM
hmmm... Cheating; always a debatable topic. Personally, I think Hilary let Bill get away with it, because she became so famous, powerful, and rich (she wrote a book about it, and running for president).
In the end, it all depends on personal and religious beliefs... What I'm trying to say is that I still can't really define what cheating a relationship really is, because of the little technicalities and such...
8/12/2006 10:32:00 PM
wait. i forget. what's wrong with cheating?
8/13/2006 12:10:00 AM
I'm a pretty jealous person, so I was surprised by my reaction to some of these...for me, if my husband ever cheats..the relationship is over with no chance of reconciliation.
Flirting- Nah...wouldn't like it but don't consider it cheating.
Cybersex- Yep. it's cheating.
Kissing- Yep.
Watching porn- Nah...don't mind so much.
Masturbating- Nah...beat it all you want honey.
Emotional affair- This to me is more dangerous than actual sex for a man, because when men cheat, I think it's for sexual gratification. I don't think it's cheating...yet. But it would concern me.
Oral Sex- Would mow his ass down with my car if I ever found out he did this to another woman.
Sexual Fantasies- Not cheating..it's good to have fantasies I think. Keeps the marriage exiting.
8/13/2006 11:31:00 AM
This is all from a monoamory perspective. What about if you are polyamorous? Would the answers change?
8/14/2006 06:02:00 AM
Maximo,
If you prefer Chris' polyamory, then nothing is wrong. *g*
Chris,
As the sexpert Carrie Bradshaw once said, "Someone's definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves want to cheat." ;)
8/14/2006 10:44:00 AM
Petra that is exactly it. Cheating is more about honesty, avoiding deception, and being trustworthy, and not about how many partners you have, in my opinion.
Harlot, I disagree that with polyamory nothing is wrong. I would think that honesty, avoiding deception, and being trustworthy would all still be essential no matter what the relationship is.
What I am getting at is that character is what is important to everyone (absolute). How and why you limit your affections is negotiated between those involved (and thus can not be absolute, but may be different for everyone depending on thier values and tastes).
The last statement is not true and really the problem area. People cheat because they want to apply one standard to their partner, and another to themselves. That is where they get in trouble. They do not have a consistent definition, but rather a double standard.
8/14/2006 11:28:00 PM
That is very kind of you to claim me Aggs. Am I in over my head here? :)
8/15/2006 05:21:00 AM
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