Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Sexual independence

I recently met an Italian guy who is charming, funny and very cute. *g* He’s an aerospace engineer that works in physics and he makes great pizzas—or so he claims LOL. I enjoy talking to him; sometimes he teaches me Italian words while I, well, teach him to be more delightful. :P One night he told me that he’s tired of western women’s way of sleeping around; that he’s bothered by women being so sexually active nowadays. I don’t know if I should frown upon this or if I should agree. True, women have all the right to be as open about sex as men, but it’s also a fact that women today are very different from women of yore. I couldn’t help but wonder, are women of the 21st century sluts?

During the 1960s, women’s sexual independence flourished with the sexual revolution and the women’s liberation movement. Birth control pills were invented and body massagers started being used for more than muscle soreness. Ever since the mental illness “hysterical tension” *snort* simply became “orgasm”—and women stopped visiting their perverted quacks doctors just to get a cure (translation: handjob)—women have slowly, but surely, taken steps to have sexual freedom.

I live in a country where many brides get to their wedding night virgins. I, Harlot, will never be one of them, heh. I believe that, as long as I’m practicing safe sex and doing it for the right reasons, I have nothing to be ashamed of. There was a time I felt guilty about it. But then, I realized, WHY? So I told myself, “To hell with it! I am a sexual being. I like this and I am going to keep doing this. I’m not going to feel bad about it—and by god, I am entitled to all those mind-blowing orgasms!”

I believe every woman has, or will have, that moment (call it awakening, if you will) of sexual independence. All I can say is, ladies, EMBRACE your sexuality. Don’t be embarrassed to do things that will bring you pleasure and bliss. As long as you take care of yourself and you’re not hurting someone—who doesn’t want to be hurt ;P—please, DO ENJOY. We only live once, we should enjoy it fully. I say, have tons of orgasms—and more, more, more! Buy a BOB, fiddle with yourself, fulfill your fantasies, wear something kinky/lingerie that makes you feel very sexy, handcuff your lover to your bed, put Nutella on his body, moan loudly and proudly, grab him and make him BEG for it.

My lovely ladies, have a great 4th of July.** ;)

**Little trivia: In 1946, after 381 years of near-continuous colonial rule, the Philippines is granted full independence by the U.S.

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38 comment(s):

Blogger said...

"he's tired of western women's way of sleeping around; that he's bothered by women being so sexually active nowadays."

I'm tired of the double standard. I wouldn't have any problem with his statement, I don't think, if he'd said "people" instead of "women".

"are women of the 21st century sluts?"

Only if the men are too. You don't get much sluttier/manwhore-ish than Dean Winchester ;) , IMO, and yet, if he were a woman, I have a feeling he'd be judged a lot more harshly. As it is, it seems that sometimes in certain areas of fandom the women he hooks up with are labelled sluts (by other women, no less) and yet he isn't.

Don't get me wrong, I love Dean :D , but I don't much care for this aspect of fandom/the audience's reaction. I also like to think that he thinks there's nothing wrong with casual (and safe) sex and that he would not call the women he sleeps with sluts for enjoying themselves too.

I mean, really, if Dean Winchester fell in your lap, would you say no? :D

Oh, and Happy 4th of July!

7/04/2007 04:56:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

How about Italian men?!!? They are horribly promiscous; they'll usually fuck anything that stands on two legs and is warm!

In any case, I don't even know what being a slut means. Is it that you had sex before marriage, that you've had sex with more than one person, with ten, with 50? I really don't get it. I don't think a person is more or less depending on how many people they've slept with. And anyone can lie, he can be with his european women who tell him they've only been with one/two men and have slept with half the continent and I want to know how he'll know the difference.

7/04/2007 06:50:00 PM  

Blogger Mailyn said...

Happy 4th to everyone in the US!!!

Well, I do think that some women take it overboard in the desperate attempt to be seen as modern and independent. I don't see why this has to mean "sleep with every guy you pick up at a bar"

Then again, I am not for double standards and guys who also just want to sleep around and have one night stands are not high on my list either.

Does that make me a prude? No. I am very open sexually and will [and have] tried a lot of things most people wouldn't care for. However, I also don't see any reason to throw myself at every man that looks my way. I'd consider that slutty. Having many relationships isn't slutty. Sleeping around [regardless of your sex] is.

One of my main complaints about contemps is that the women are called independent because they aren't afraid to sleep with the hero on the first date. Since when did one thing equal the other? I think women nowadays make it to easy. Make him come after you and don't be so easy. It's been my experience [also based on the women I've known and talked to] that men will take you seriously in the long run if you don't seem so, well, desperate.

Are there exceptions to the rules? Of course. But as a whole men need to be , well, made to beg for it a little more. LOL.

Maybe it's me but I just think that sleeping with every man that comes your way doesn't make you sexually free. It just makes you desperate or needy. Sexual freedom, IMO, doesn't have to do with number of pmpeople you've slept with. Some women have slept around a lot and still aren't sexually experienced. Some women have had the same partner for a long time and have tried everything under the sun.

I just think society mixes up the two things and women have gone from one end of the spectrum [prudes] to the other. There IS a middle ground. But it's the old "anything you can do I can do better"

Just because a lot of men are sluts doesn't mean that women have to be in order to feel they are equal. Women are smarter. We should be above those things. We don't have a penis so we actually have and use our brains. LOL.


7/04/2007 07:32:00 PM  

Blogger Menchie said...

Hear! Hear! Totally agree Harlot. The stigma on pre-marital sex over here is really ridiculous.

7/04/2007 08:45:00 PM  

Blogger Ladybug said...

The double standard is unfair and ridiculous. I think men use sex as one of the tools to subjugate women. Any signs of a woman becoming sexually (or financially) independent becomes a threat to male power. That's why they label women as "sluts".

Happy 4th of July to everyone in the US!

7/05/2007 12:46:00 AM  

Blogger Lorelei said...

I think men are threatened by sexually independent women, women who know what they want and won't be governed by "the rules". Men think that if they can keep women in their roles, things are under control and they can set up their fences and everything will be secure.

What does it mean to be a slut? I don't know. Maybe someone who is very easy and will sleep with any man - I guess that is called a slut? But if that's what she enjoys and she's not harming anyone, who are we to judge? A person's sex life is his/her own business after all.

7/05/2007 01:08:00 AM  

Blogger Babz said...

I do not see anything wrong with women being sexually independent, but the problem is most people have the wrong idea of what sexual independence is.

If you enjoy it
If you practice safety or take responsibility for whatever might be caused by being sexually active
If you're not doing it 'just because'

Then whatever you do is your business, only you can tell what is right and wrong for yourself. Hey even if you like sleeping around, 'just because', and you can handle society's pressure on it, be my guest. It's what makes you happy after all ;)

7/05/2007 07:13:00 AM  

Blogger Jordis Juice said...

I keep thinking of Samantha from Sex and the City. I've never known anyone as sexually independent as that woman. Some would call her a slut, but I like her attitude. She enjoys her life and she enjoys sex, as she should. She doesn't deceive anyone, she equally gives and takes from her partners, things they so willingly provide.

7/05/2007 08:07:00 AM  

Blogger Petra said...

I think the problem is that most people don't really know why they disapprove of women who are sexually independent. Really, why? Why call them sluts? Why prejudice against women who like sex?

I don't like the word "slut" in general. It implies worthlessness and dirtiness while having no basis or foundation in fact. I agree, as long as you are not doing anything wrong, keep doing what makes you happy.

7/05/2007 09:04:00 AM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

"Sexual freedom, IMO, doesn't have to do with number of pmpeople you've slept with."

Yes. I think it's more about enjoying sex like any other aspect in life, ie: eating, sleeping, jogging, reading... Sexual independence is the liberty to say yes OR NO to sex, freedom to enjoy/experience it if you want to. Thank God I live in this century. Imagine how hard it must be for women who lived during the medieval period and such other dark ages!

7/05/2007 09:23:00 AM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

Isn't it galling that women's orgasm was once considered mental illness? And to call it "hysterical tension". What did they think men were having back then?

7/05/2007 09:34:00 AM  

Blogger Babz said...


I dare say if I lived in medieval times, I would've figured out my uhm, womanly instruments and sexual enjoyments by myself. Such is my sluttiness.

7/05/2007 10:44:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Oh I love your comments, ladies. :D Regarding the term slut, should we be offended by it? Does being labeled a slut makes you a lesser version of a man, because people no longer see you as a person but as a sexual object?

They say you cannot be Madonna (the virgin not the artist :P) and a whore at the same time, but women reinvent themselves ALL the time. We are capable of being independent, powerful, influential, self-reliant, married, unmarried, mothers, lesbians, the ones in control...

We can be whatever we want to be, therefore we can define ourselves in any way we please. If you're a woman who enjoys sex, then by all means, enjoy it! No one should be denied their sexuality! Whether it's distinct or discreet, you have a high sexual drive or a low one, we are all different and we don't need to fall into one sexual role. The focus of sexual contempt shouldn't be women who have healthy sex lives but sex offenders who victimize our society.

7/05/2007 11:15:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

And yes to Dean Winchester as a perfect example of a manwhore LOL. (I miss Supernatural... *sigh*) He's hot and such a stud but the women he's with are sluts. The double standard: the "sluttiest" male is the fittest male around. How come the "sluttiest" female can't be the fittest female around?

7/05/2007 11:18:00 AM  

Anonymous Ollenska said...

What a great discussion. Sexual freedom is a tricky subject where double standardization shows its ugly head. Take for instance a person who uses his/her physical appearance as a leverage. When a beautiful woman uses her beauty, she is called a conniving bitch. When it's a man, he is called charismatic.


7/05/2007 12:09:00 PM  

Blogger Babz said...

Yes yes we should be offended if it was spoken with mean intention. Espesh if it was men who says the word.

It is the same I think, with the word nigger, black, and all labels. People of color can call each other 'black' or 'yo my niggah' because it's not meant to insult. We call our friends bitch and slut when we joke around (at least I do).

But thing is I find that if it is not ingrained in you to think that the word is a dirty one, it doesn't have the intended offending effect. I am chinese, and yes I have been prejudiced, called chink, slit eyes and all that shit. But as I do not live in a society where those are bad words, or used widely, I don't feel too bothered by it. Like, so what lol.

Ok sorry about going in circles but it is midnight, I am hungry and stressed 'cos bf went back hometown til Monday, but I guess my point is, it's all about the intention behind the use of the word. But if YOU do not feel degraded by the word, then the word has no power to you.

Am I making sense? Losing focus here.

7/05/2007 12:13:00 PM  

Blogger Shoshana said...

I sure hope this guy doesn't sleep around because it would be hypocritical of him to complain when he does his share of sleeping around.

I do know that some Filipino men prefers virgins but they de-virginized a lot of girls. Well, they're not going to have any virgin left if they keep de-virginizing them.

I was a virgin when I was married, but only because my mother had me locked up tighter than Fort Knox. I am sure that given half the chance and freedom, I would have tons of mind-blowing orgasm before getting married. I don't have regrets, but I also know that if it weren't for those damned..err..duennas which my mother never seem to lack of, I would have sleep my way around. Sex is great man!

7/05/2007 12:41:00 PM  

Blogger Duvy said...

Ooohhh, I like this post! I'm sure we're going to get a lot of long-winded comments, so here's mine. ^.^

Personally, I don't like the term slut, simply because I hear is less from guys are more from girls! While I do hear it from guys on occasion, I have yet to meet a guy who will call a woman a slut JUST because she sleeps with a lot of guys. Generally, it's also accompanied by some sort of emotional behavior as well. Which, is still a double standard because, say it with me now, guys do it all the time!

But, honestly, I hear the term "slut" used more by women. Now, no offense to anyone here, really, but from the people I know who like to use this term about other women are generally the ones who can't get any themselves. Sometimes it's a religious thing where if you have sex before marriage you're an auto slut no matter what. Some people are just bitter. It's almost as if women are still self-imposing the image of the virgin bride on everyone.

If I can find a guy who is okay with my sexual past, then I sure as hell don't want to be hearing crap from the female population. :P

7/05/2007 01:16:00 PM  

Anonymous donna said...

I just finished Emma Donoghue's Life Mask. Wonderful reading. Also seemed to cover the spectrum of slut definitions.

I would include the ice virgin Eliza who pimped her Lord for years of protection and entrance to the Beau Monde but never accepted gifts from him per se. Work it baby.

I personally have only felt the slutty in the derogative sense if I pretended enjoyment. The book left me wondering if Eliza ever reached redemption i.e. orgasm.

7/05/2007 01:32:00 PM  

Anonymous donna said...

one more thing this reminds me of...Egypt declared female clitoral 'circumcision' (read mutilation) illegal a few weeks ago. the world turns slowly, ladies. come all you can.

7/05/2007 01:47:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

You're getting tons of orgasms now, you shouldn't be complaining! :P (Hi to David!)

That's awesome news. Btw, i really like Emma Donoghue. Have yet to read Life Mask (thanks for the heads up) but have you read Slammerkin? Great historical fiction.

I think female freedom is seen as a threat. Is it preferable that we remain ignorant about sexuality? :S

Did you know i'm quarter Chinese? ;)

I really am enjoying this thread. And i hear you, ladies! Why not claim your sexuality as your own? I think we shouldn't let culture insist that our means of sexual expression be on men's terms. Be the "slut", "prude", "little tease", or whatever name other people sling to you. If they are so threatened by your sexuality, SO BE IT.

7/05/2007 03:52:00 PM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

Babz, if you lived in medieval times, you'd have a chastity belt! :-P

7/05/2007 05:15:00 PM  

Blogger Babz said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

7/05/2007 05:25:00 PM  

Blogger Babz said...

Sorry too many typos, it is 5 A.M in my part of the world.

I was saying, Harlot, yes I did guess you were part Chinese, I can see the eyes lol. Although you could pass easily as a Japanese. So what other blood is running through that harloty bod of yours eh? You're HAWT btw, if I may just say. ;P


OMG did you ever see a movie called Men In Tights? BEST chastity belt ever, hands down. It's one of my fave movies - I know I know, I have weird taste. But really.. I'd find a way to wriggle out of a chastity belt, trust. Or I'd die trying XD

7/05/2007 05:32:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Babz, i forgot my eyes give it away LOL. Though you're the first to tell me i can pass for a Japanese girl.. ;)

Thanks, gorgeous. Of course i'm HAWT with uber perfect body! *mwehehe* *choke* :P Just ask Trollop. Though she is biased, with her lesbian ways... :/

I think i saw that tights movie. Isn't that the one with that actor who played Wesley in Princess Bride (now THAT movie i love)? Can't remember much though, except that they're all in tights LOL. I like Robin Hood lore and stuff. :P

7/05/2007 06:10:00 PM  

Blogger Babz said...

Ha! I'm thinking I might like that about Trollop too, as I'm not that str8 either lol.

I think that was the movie yes, parody of Robin Hood. I lub goofy movies. I have no idea about the actress, and since I am hearing so much about Princess Bride I think I have to watch it now. As it is, right now I'm *trying* to read die Outlander DIE (heh), it's like a trainwreck, I just have to see how bad it is.

7/05/2007 06:19:00 PM  

Blogger Lorelei said...

"Sometimes it's a religious thing where if you have sex before marriage you're an auto slut no matter what"

Duvy, I really hate it when religion becomes the reason. In other countries, a father would kill a daughter if she is seen with another man of a different religion. What a cruel world we live in.

7/06/2007 02:00:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Duvy, Lorelei,
I think i've mentioned this already but for those who have yet to read it (very appropriate with our subject, Dance will approve ;)), here's an AMAZING piece written by the great Joss Whedon, "Let's Watch a Girl Get Beaten to Death."

You mean our posts? LOL Yep. It should DIE, really... seriously... uh-hmmm...

Oh god, you have got to see Princess Bride! Ohhh, Westley and Buttercup... *sigh* It's one of those goofy, funny, over-the-top fairy tales that will steal your heart. Fantastic!

7/06/2007 03:11:00 AM  

Blogger Jolie said...

This Italian better not be sleeping around. I think if a person is having sex, he/she should be sexually independent. Especially in circumstances like a woman who has a partner who can't give her orgasms. Should she just lay there and be frustrated forever?

Of course being sexually independent, you should also be responsible. If you have STDs, please don't have sex, or if you find out you caught some disease, inform all the people you've slept with. It's awkward and embarrassing but you should do it. If a guy I slept with found out he has chlamydia or something, please call me, I'd like to be informed and get tested!

7/06/2007 04:42:00 AM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm quoting everything Maylin says.

I want to add that, even I sound oldfashioned, but I do admire people who decides to remain virgin till marriage. It takes a lot of strenght (mind strenght) to keep this way.
Maybe I still believe in a romantic idea of love and sex,on that side I'm not a product of the 21st century!LOL

Eve - Rebelheart

7/06/2007 06:35:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Evie!!! Where have you been? Kisses!

If a person wants to save herself for marriage or prefers to wait or whatever, that is her prerogative and kudos to her because it's hard to remain a virgin these day and age.

And yes, i do believe in romance. Oh god, i do. Actually i DEMAND it. Besides, being sexually independent does not mean being without romance, right? ;)

7/06/2007 10:36:00 AM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Right Harlot!!

I was missing this place,but also been very busy!For your joy (LOL) I'm reading Fiery Cross by D.Gabaldon!!JAMIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

7/06/2007 01:00:00 PM  

Blogger japa said...

the 21st century womem aren´t sluts, they´re absolutely right and i love that. here in brazil we say that "women who doesn´t have sex flies" and i didn´t see any woman fly. so italian, think about this... women has the same or my privileges thna us, men, and they have total rights to have sex any time, with anyone they wants... kisses women... nice blog...

7/06/2007 02:33:00 PM  

Blogger Jordis Juice said...

OMG. Imagine if women today are required to wear chastity belts? Aaaack!

7/06/2007 05:00:00 PM  

Blogger Jerseygirl said...

I agree with your commentary 100%. Listening to some of the younger girls I work with, I get fairly disappointed. Many of them have casual sex and then wonder why these brief relationships don't work out. If you're having sex on the first or second date, were do you go from there? In general, for me, I had about a three-month rule. If a guy couldn't wait for me that long then he didn't deserve to have me. Plus, if we stopped seeing each other after a couple of weeks or so, there wasn't that weirdness. Rock on. I'm going to save your blog. I really enjoyed it!

7/10/2007 03:23:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Welcome to all our new visitors. Hope you guys join our discussion often. :)

Jerseygirl, some people think i'm shagging a new man every night but i'm not. :P I never sleep with a guy after the first or second date. It's not like i'm following some rules, but yeah, i always wait too because waiting can be very very satisfying. ;)

7/10/2007 04:14:00 PM  

Anonymous Jensen's girl said...

What an amazing blog you have here..! I bookmarked you girls.... keep on bitchin!


7/12/2007 08:55:00 PM  

Blogger Jolie said...

Re: virginity and romance

Many heroines in romance novel are virgins or "do not sleep on the first date" girl but the moment they meet the hero, their panties come of faster than Britney, Paris and Lindsay's combined. Why is that?

7/14/2007 04:47:00 AM