Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Have they always thought this way?!?

Guys, you know the conspiracy theories about the additional bible books locked up in vaults over at the Vatican, and how the Catholic Church has kept them away from the public because they don’t want us to know the truth? Well, I am stunned to say, they are real!!!

I have just read one and gotta tell you, we’ve been fucked over big time. This is the book they should’ve put in our chubby little hands the day we hit puberty and told us to hang on to it for dear life. Better even, they should’ve tattooed these rules to our hands and made us memorize them instead of the multiplication tables (what use have those been anyway!). This book would’ve saved me a LOT of grief over the years, and mind you, I’m only 25! LOL But I’ve been “falling in love” since I was like 4 (Gus, the Italian “Bad Boy” from pre-school :/).

I’d heard of this book before, I mean, what Sex and the City fan hasn’t? But hadn’t gotten around to reading it until this past weekend, and I’m so glad I did! It’s a fun fast read; delightful and wickedly smart. I highly recommend it to all you single and non-single gals out there.

Here are the basic rules and some of my favorite bits of advice from He’s Just Not that Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo:

He’s just not that into you if:
  • he’s not asking you out
  • he’s not calling you (I ALWAYS get these “too busy” losers! *grrr*)
  • he’s not dating you
  • he’s not having sex with you (This could also mean he’s a Jolly Boy LOL.)
  • he’s having sex with someone else (This should read: if he’s inside someone else!)
  • he only wants to see you when he’s drunk (Haven’t we ALL met a representative of this group? Fuckwits!)
  • he doesn’t want to marry you
  • he’s breaking up with you
  • he’s disappeared on you (I honestly don’t get this. A fucking phone call never killed anyone, an email even. What’s so hard about saying, “I’m sorry, it’s not working?”)
  • he’s married (And other insane variations of being unavailable.)
  • he’s a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak
Advice from the wise:
  • Don’t get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he’ll do the asking.
  • If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will. (Will have this tattooed on my forehead! LOL)
  • Men don’t forget how much they like you. So put down the phone. (Fuck, where will all these tattoos fit?!?!)
  • If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind.
  • “Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating.
  • You deserve a fucking phone call.
  • People tell you who they are all the time. When a man says he can’t be monogamous, you should believe him. (Oh, so TRUE! Believe them and save yourself some therapy!!!)
  • Cheating gets easier every time it’s done. It’s only hard the first time, when one feels the sting of morality and the guilt of betraying someone’s trust.
  • There is no excuse for cheating. Let me say it again. There is no excuse for cheating. Now you say it. There is no excuse for cheating.
  • If he only wants to see you, talk to you, have sex with you, etc, when he’s inebriated, it ain’t love—it’s sport. (This can be quite fun actually if you’re both in it for the calorie burning LOL.)
  • Bad boys are actually bad. (You’d think that was the whole point, but you’d be surprised!)
  • You can’t talk your way out of a breakup. It is not up for discussion. A breakup is a definitive action, not a democratic one.
  • Breakup sex still means you’re broken up.
  • He doesn’t need to be reminded that you’re great.

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35 comment(s):

Blogger Harlot said...

Ohgod, babe i love this. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR CHEATING. So true. And can i just say: i hate waiting for a call!!!! *grrr* Ok, be back later for a better comment LOL. Can't think... need hot choco..

2/07/2007 04:28:00 AM  

Blogger Jolie said...

This is great Trollop! LOVE IT. I have yet to read the book but I remember this from SATC when Berger told Miranda, "he's just not into you".

Women should stop taking crap from men. We deserve a fucking phone call. If he thinks it's not working out, how hard is it to call?

I think what's wrong is we keep making excuses for men. Maybe he's busy, or he forgot, or he doesn't have a phone? WTF? We should move on and stop wasting time with the wrong kind of man. Life is too short.

2/07/2007 06:36:00 AM  

Blogger Jolie said...

This is my favorite: "if you can find him, then he can find you". Sooooooo true!!!

2/07/2007 06:38:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

"We should move on and stop wasting time with the wrong kind of man. Life is too short."

Yeah.. I can't be with someone who doesn't make me feel i'm the most important person in his life. Why, yes, i'm selfish. I don't want a perfect man, but i want to be treated the best way he can. When i love, i give all of me and all i want is the same thing in return. I deserve nothing less. If he can't, it's his loss. :P

I think these "advices" are muy excellente. :P I will never tolerate most of these stuff, like if you cheat on me, there's no way i'll stay. But there are also less "crimes" that even if it makes us really angry, i guess we have to learn to be flexible about it. I.e: I won't dump a guy for forgetting to call LOL. Even though that makes me VERY VERY mad. The former BF used to do this to me, and that always caused a fight. "I'm sorry, baby, i forgot." WHAT THE FUCK? Forgot? That's not even a reason!!! He knows I FUCKING HATE HATE HATE WAITING. When i expect you to call, you BETTER call or there'll be hell to pay! I hated it especially when he's out of town and i was sorta worried and he's late in calling.. GRRR...

Okay, i'm getting side-tracked here! LOL What i'm trying to say is, if men want our respect, they should also treat us with respect. And we should never take crap from fucktards, and never change who you are just so you could fit a man. If he can't accept you for who you are, he's not worth it. Move on and look for someone who will.

2/07/2007 08:36:00 AM  

Blogger Lorelei said...

I got this book after they featured it on Oprah. I don't think it's the best commitment/relationship book ever but there are points in this book that hit a target.

I once dated a guy who was very charming. Turned out he's married. Well, we only dated for 3 weeks. I was so mad I wanted to do him bodily harm. He said he and his wife were getting a divorce. Well pal, get divorced first. I think up to this day he is still with his wife but that doesn't concern me anymore.

I think most of these advices are excellent. But as Harlot has mentioned, it's not that simple. It's not that I don't believe in Mr. Wonderful, it's just no one is perfect, not to mention women are capable of doing the same thing. But I agree with Jolie. Smart women will never stay with the wrong man.

Good post Trollop.

2/07/2007 09:31:00 AM  

Blogger Jordis said...

Great topic Trollop. I have to ask this: "don't get tricked into asking him out".

In these day and age when women ask men out, is it wrong to do it then? If I like someone and I'm brave enough to ask him, would that make me desperate?

I think it's also important that women take charge in a relationship. There are times that we have to say what we want and we, like the men, should be able to get it if it's meant to be. I don't think a woman who has the courage to asks a man out makes her less attractive.

I think this book tells us to be instinctive about interpreting messages guys send us, that we shouldn't give excuses for them or that we shouldn't gloss their messages.

2/07/2007 12:57:00 PM  

Blogger Jordis said...

Lorelei, he introduced himself as a single guy? The nerve! What an asshole! Glad you found out before things got serious.

2/07/2007 12:58:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

I think these are hilarious but very true. I remember Miranda telling some girl she overheard talking to her friend about a guy who didn't call that "he's just not into you". When I saw that episode I thought it was very insensitive. But these rules(?) Trollop has mentioned are dead-on accurate. But it's not just the guys. Every relationship should be give and take.

2/07/2007 01:30:00 PM  

Anonymous Lindsey said...

I've yet to read this book but I agree in most of the rules. If a guy is a selfish jerk, bully, someone who hits you, etc., run away from him as fast as you can. But there are some questionable ones.

"He doesn't want to marry you." What about those who may not want to get married and are content and happy with just the way the relationship is going? Sometimes marriage isn't always the best thing to do.

Also, must men always the one who should call first? I think women should also initiate some first steps in the relationship. It's not just the men who should do all the work. :)

2/07/2007 01:47:00 PM  

Anonymous Kimber said...

Yep, once a cheater, always a cheater. The past usually predicts the future.

My advice? Watch how he treats his mother (or any other significant female in his life). If he doesn't treat her with respect and dignity, odds are he won't treat you with respect and dignity. People resort to type.

2/07/2007 02:02:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Lindsey, so agree. Right now, i don't think i'll ever get married LOL. But i don't want to grow up without someone i love who loves me in return. I think if you enjoy and are content with your relationship, there's no need to worry about marriage.

I don't see anything wrong with a woman brave enough to ask a guy first. If that works, great. After all, men shouldn't be the only one who's in control of the relationship. It should be both. I think this stem with the saying that men love the "chase", which is true. It is fun, that's why men do it, but when a guy is ready for something real, he'll stop playing games like women would. Unless he's a jackass. :P

Also, if my BF doesn't call, i usually do the calling. LOL. Well, i don't see anything wrong with calling asking "how are you, baby?" Now, if your guy never calls, you should do it and, well, simply explain that you'd like it if he's the one who will do the calling sometime. Surely he'll comply. ;)

2/07/2007 02:10:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Kimber, what about a mama's boy? :P

2/07/2007 02:12:00 PM  

Blogger Vanessa said...

This is funny, lol.
I wish I was smarter when I was younger. I once got involved with a man who only liked me when it was convenient for him. It was stupid, I'm not proud of it. I kept making excuses that he's way older than me therefore had more responsibilities than I did. It's way too late to realize if you're important in his life, he'll make time. Oh, well...at least I got over that.

2/07/2007 02:22:00 PM  

Blogger Vanessa said...

OMG. No offense to those who are involve to a man who is a "mama's boy" but I will never date one, lol.

2/07/2007 02:23:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

>>>>Now, if your guy never calls, you should do it and, well, simply explain that you'd like it if he's the one who will do the calling sometime. Surely he'll comply. ;)

Harlot, I hate waiting for a call but my bf does it to me all the time! But I guess I can understand as he has duties in the hospital.

I agree, sulking doesn't help. Sometimes all you have to do is tell him what you want and if he really likes you, he'll compromise.

2/07/2007 02:36:00 PM  

Blogger Polly King said...

I've read this book after I broke up with a complete jerk. I expected and wanted to find some big secret as to what was it that I did wrong. After all, I'm not completely without sense, I know that if a man doesn't like me, he doesn't see me, etc. But this book offered something that makes it, for the lack of a better definition, easier to understand men. Greg's usual harsh takes on the subject explain things such as, he will do everything to avoid confrontations because he doesn't want to see you cry.

We are capable and smart women. Sometimes men are genuinely "busy" to call. The lesson is: both party should compromise or the relationship won't last. I guess sometimes we are blinded with emotions and we tend to make excuses for sins we shouldn't have allowed to happen in the first place.

2/07/2007 03:46:00 PM  

Blogger Polly King said...

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Cheating is only hard the first time. Never forget it. LOL.

2/07/2007 03:47:00 PM  

Blogger are you asking me to dance? said...

"My advice? Watch how he treats his mother (or any other significant female in his life). If he doesn't treat her with respect and dignity, odds are he won't treat you with respect and dignity. People resort to type."

Animals, too. Watching how someone else treats them, I mean, and how one's pet reacts to the other person. They're pretty good barometers of people.

I think I've heard of this book; haven't read it, though (or watched very much SatC - I never got hooked on it, but I think it was partly because I didn't get HBO or whatever channel they were on, and I wasn't in their demographic at all).

2/07/2007 04:49:00 PM  

Blogger C Bradshaw said...

Of course I've read this book! I think there are women who just won't take the hint. If you keep calling someone and he's not answering or he's always busy or have to go somewhere or any other excuses he can think of, stop calling! Some bastards think it's mean to just be honest and tell "I don't think it will work out between us". If a guy wants you, nothing will stop him from seeing you. It's that simple.

2/07/2007 06:35:00 PM  

Anonymous ~Cassie~ said...

I have yet to read this book but those rules are funny. Who wants a man full of excuses? But what if a man is just shy? I don't know, sometimes there are very shy men. Is that an excuse? LOL.

2/07/2007 06:43:00 PM  

Blogger Petra said...

I think it all comes down to this- never settle for less. Sometimes we delude ourselves when it comes to people we're involved with. Still, every man is different and doesn't act the same way. Like they say, sometimes there's an exception to the rule. Maybe he's really busy, or maybe he's not ready to get married yet. Of course it's another story already when you're being dragged for years in a relationship where you don't even know where you're standing.

2/07/2007 06:59:00 PM  

Anonymous Desiree said...

It's perfectly all right to make the first move. Almost half of the successful couples I know began with the girl making the first move. They didn't chase the guy though, just the first step ;).

2/07/2007 07:25:00 PM  

Anonymous Desiree said...

"Watch how he treats his mother (or any other significant female in his life). If he doesn't treat her with respect and dignity, odds are he won't treat you with respect and dignity. People resort to type."

I so agree with this. Dated a guy who treats his mother like shit. Our relationship was certainly bad ...

2/07/2007 07:30:00 PM  

Blogger Jolie said...

If you think about it, it's all just common sense. But sometimes you are blinded by emotions that what's rational doesn't seem to register in your head.

2/07/2007 07:35:00 PM  

Blogger Lorelei said...

Yes. Making excuses. Come to think of it if you stop making excuses for asstards, they will disappear.

2/07/2007 07:40:00 PM  

Blogger Jolie said...

I'm with you there Lorelei. But sometimes, they still pester you like leeches. How I wish "asstards" in my life will just go *poof*!

2/07/2007 07:45:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

>>>>If you think about it, it's all just common sense. But sometimes you are blinded by emotions that what's rational doesn't seem to register in your head.

I have to keep reminding myself of this. LOL. Sometimes you are so in love that you forgo reason...

2/07/2007 07:51:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe it's just cause I'm a guy... but don't these things just make sense? And isn't it a little ridiculous to assume that the relationship should be one-sided in any aspect? Both people should call, both people should be responsible for "finding" and communication. And if you want a guy who's never going to be be "busy," you're going to date a jobless, dreamless loser...

2/08/2007 12:57:00 AM  

Blogger kinky courtesan said...

well.... now i'm confused.... I'm starting to see this new boy. And he never calls me... he seems to be on the phone a lot. He talks to me online, and he comes over if I ask him before like 8 pm. He gets up at 5 am and has been working a lot lately. Is that an excuse? Or am I crazy???

2/08/2007 01:38:00 AM  

Blogger SarahReznor said...

This book is so awesome! It’s too bad most women are in such denial the will dismiss everything in it! Funny thing is I was married already when I heard about it and it’s all true!!! For instance - My husband called me all the time – at first I was kinda worried! LOL!

2/08/2007 03:07:00 PM  

Anonymous karamia said...

I knew these things when I was single, but of course they took a while to sink in. The one about bad boys being bad-sooo true! I finally wised up and married a good one.
And Kinky, if he's truly into you, he won't work all time for too long. But maybe give him a few weeks if you like him and see what his schedule becomes...If he's still too busy, move on.

2/08/2007 06:13:00 PM  

Blogger Sabby said...

Women always seem to forget the most basic rule: never ever settle for less.

2/10/2007 11:29:00 PM  

Blogger Jolie said...

Sarah, why would you worry about that? LOL. I like it when my man calls me, especially when he calls just because he wants to hear my voice or that he can't wait to see me... sigh...

2/11/2007 12:10:00 AM  

Anonymous CJ said...

I loved this book. It brought a lot of things to a new light for me. A must read for all singles.

2/11/2007 01:07:00 AM  

Anonymous Gun_Wielding_Bitch said...

Boys suck. I recently started dating again, after breaking up with the douche bag I called a boyfriend, and the guy shows up to dinner tipsy, as in almost drunk, monopolizes the conversation for 99% of the night and then doesn't even hold the door for me when we left or walk me to my car! Forget chivalry, how about some everyday manners!

This seems like it would be a good guide for a lot of girls I know!

2/11/2007 10:11:00 PM