If you’re tired of me talking about sex stuff, go take a hike and live with the mountain goats or something. As for the rest of you lot, let’s talk about the best misconceptions about me and my sex life, shall we? *g*
Misconception 1: I prefer BOB than the real thing. (or) Because I like BOB, a cock is not enough.
Mainly it’s because of this, this and this. I’ve said it before: I highly advocate masturbation and the use of BOB (Battery Operated Boyfriend). That won’t change until infallible scientists tell me fiddling with myself will make my “little man in the boat” fall off! Xenu forbid! (Or is it Xemu? *confused*) Still, I would NEVER say a BOB comes ANYWHERE close to being with a man; and BOB will never give me the satisfaction and bliss I get with the real thing.
There are different circumstances though. If you want to make love with someone, a BOB will disappoint you, but if you fancy a quick sail on a golden cloud, a BOB is bloody fantabulous. ;)
Misconception 2: I’m blinded by beefcake.
Not so, my good man. When a Capt. von Trapp passes me by, I’m no Fraulein Harlot who won’t look and assess how he’d look naked while bringing me drinks. Ohhh, I can’t deny it: I love eye candy and fruity martinis!
Now, I love a strong man on his knees (with olives and cute tiny umbrella :D) but I don’t fancy a bulky Hulky Hogan (and no red bandana, euw!). Me likey leaner guys with broad shoulders, defined abs and strong arms/hands that know how to make margaritas and mojitos, mmm mmmm...
Misconception 3: I’m really, really sexually experienced.
Again, no. What? RIIIILLY, sheesh. Perhaps it seems as if I’m shagging a new man every night but, sorry, that’s mostly my own conceit. I’ve had an assortment of experiences but compare to Trollop, I’m pretty lamecore. :/ I’m no damn expert on anything except my own selfish harloty desires. Oh, anguish, truly truly. *sniffles*
Misconception 4: I have a foot fetish and love sucking toes.
This is a vicious lie circulated by Trollop! Yes, I have an oral fixation that MIGHT border on a fetish—I love having my man suck and lick stuff and moans and tongues and, yes, mouths—god, nice—oh my good Xenu, I beg thee!—BUT THAT’S IT!
Er... *ahem* hee, what I mean is if I have a fetish for a body part, it’s the man’s hands: how masculine it looks, its shape and size, how strong it seems and how it feels... ooh la la...
Misconception 5: I get tons of lurve emails from our male readers.
Sadly, no. *weeps silently* The last one I got was months ago from lovely George who thinks: “Too bad we are so far apart... both in distance and in age... My loss I am certain.”
I got this one from *Him*: “... beauty that makes me long to touch you but with command that stings and would not allow me. Cruel, cruel, beauty, beauty.” Hmmm, I know I’m bitchingly uber pritti :P but I hope I’m not that cruel...
ANYWHO, now, your turn. *g* Anyone thought you’re into reading upside down or milking a cat or any freaky thing like that? Come on, tell us, what are the best misconceptions about you (sex-related or otherwise)?
Labels: sex and the bitches