I’m from a very conservative family, went to Catholic schools for 20 years and was basically raised with the teaching that having sex outside of marriage is a sin—not that that had stopped me LOL. I never thought I’d remain a virgin; I’ve always been curious about sex and I was too boy-crazy to be chaste—or to be someone’s lesbian cherrypie, for that matter (AGAIN, Trollop and I are not lovers, sheesh). Probably why Sister Marie (my Theology professor) told me I was a bad student. :/
I used to think that, like anything else, sex with your lover will eventually get boring—to the point where you go into therapy, to the point where you have to train yourself to avert your eyes from the yummy forbidden fruits; that, it’s either you’re in a relationship *or* you’re free—it can’t be both. How fucking ignorant I’d been? I didn’t even consider that freedom has a funny way of making a person content with what she has... or that forbidden fruits ALSO go rotten.
Being a grown up gives me access to almost everything that those which aren’t within the immediate reach of my fingertips I sometimes stupidly see as too much work. There’s always something else, someone else, some shiny new stuff upon which to waste one’s attention...
I’ve come to learn that simply having sex does not a kinkster make, and that sleeping around like a professional footballer is not my idea of a good time. That even with a MOST fuck-worthy man, if he is not the one I love... there will ALWAYS be something lacking... A profound lack of the kind of inspiration I’m used to enjoying with someone who cherishes me, or a profound lack of the kind of affection I’d taken for granted.
I’ve realized my lack of concern for other men shouldn’t make me feel embarrassed, nor should I go see a shrink and get a prescription for anti-ennui pills. Oh, I’ve looked—I’ve flirted, I’ve teased, I’ve even tweaked a nipple here and there—but I haven’t been interested. It’s just, now... I know what I want; I know what’s important; I know what turns me on, what turns me off; I know what I’m looking for in a relationship. I want steak and I’m forgoing hamburgers indefinitely.
Someday I won’t be young and beautiful and witty and clever and full of myself and sharp and adorable and adventurous and uncontainable (mythically speaking, of course :P)... Someday, somewhere out there, is another little freak who will love, understand and kiss my three heads to make it all better.