Almost two years ago I wrote a post titled “
The Big Cock Theory.” I was in the midst of reading
Passion by
Lisa Valdez and I was shocked (shocked!) about the number of times Mrs. Valdez mentioned the hero’s huge penis and subsequently huge testicles. Mark Randolph Hawkmore’s
cock was like his sidekick, practically a character in the book!
I understood that 10.5 inches was big, however, I don’t think I could honestly get my mind around *just* how big. I suppose I imagined Mark
“hung” like a porn star or something similar—but never this! At this moment all I know is that whatever idea I had was nothing compared to the
reality of a BIG cock.
(Click at your own peril! Images soooooooo not work-safe!)
Jonah Falcon’s penis is 9.5 inches flaccid, 13.5 inches erect. Tense your forearm. Now wrap your hand around the middle of the muscle. That is the girth of Falcon’s erection. Those who have witnessed it describe it as “grotesque,” “gorgeous,” “hideous” and “stunning.” Falcon, who stands five foot nine, thinks his penis is perfectly formed, with a fifteen-degree downward curvature at the six-inch mark and absent the blotching, lumpiness and sudden bends that mark some oversize sex organs.
His balls are proportionately huge, each the size of a grade-A jumbo egg. When erect, Falcon’s penis generates enough heat to warm hands—campfire style—from a distance of six inches.
That, right there, is fucking scary! This thing could light your hoohaa on fire, cinder your pubic hair (though, it’d serve you right for not waxing it off!), and give you third degree burns. It probably glows in the dark—a good item to own in a blackout.
Falcon packs his penis to the left and buttons his pants. The human brain needs several seconds to reconcile the sight. His dick stretches across his pelvis and settles against his outer thigh. The head of Falcon’s organ rises in unmistakable relief from beneath the fabric. His balls, especially when he pushes them up as he does today, look like the wide, oval eyes ascribed to Martians in popular drawings.
I’m bowled over by the images this description is placing in my mind. 9.5 inches flaccid? Balls the size of jumbo eggs? As thick as a forearm? I’m scared witless that I’ll ever have to encounter such a penis. I’ll never be able to look at another man now and not wonder what monster he’s hiding under those nice tailored pants.
If this dude and I were stranded on an island, I’d castrate him the minute he’d tried to use that rod for anything other than hammering, drilling holes in the sand or fishing!
Now, click here to read “The Big Cock Theory.” *g*Labels: cock fetish, for the love of rakes and rogues, sex and the bitches, some like it hot
I’ve been thinking a lot about my love for romance novels lately, mainly because I couldn’t find anything to remind why the hell I even read them in the first place.
I keep stumbling upon shoddy stories, bad writing even worse dialogue and repetitive plots. It gives me a headache to recall the amount of junk I read last year. I’d say
99% of the romance novels I got my hands on were pure rubbish.
It had been such a long time since I read something I loved—really loved—that I find myself wondering if I truly like
Tara Janzen’s writing or if I’m just holding on to her books because they are the least crappy of the garbage I find. *sigh* I’m even looking forward to the sex—and I never look forward to sex in books. Hell, I don’t even read sex scenes; I usually skip them unless they add something to the story or the book is very good.
This train of thought made me wonder about romance novels and sex. Did publishers and writers start adding more sex into books because the writing and plots became so bad they had to find a way to lure in the readers?
What happened to paying more attention to your writing and character/plot development than to how many orifices you could fill in 300 pages? I for one would much rather a good book with no sex than one filled with bad writing and sexually acrobatic characters that swing from chandeliers hooked to electrical butt-plugs or some such ridiculous thing.
I remember when romance novels where just about a good heartwarming story. Judith McNaught couldn’t write an interesting sex scene to save her life, yet, she didn’t need to. Her books were so engaging, her plots and characters so well developed, her stories so captivating the few sex scenes she did have—even if copy-pasted from one book to the next—just added a simple beauty to her novels.
I wonder if this why erotica (not erotic romance) found such a big niche in the market. I read all the sex in my new found love for erotica. Some of it is bad, but a lot of it is pretty creative; and even when a good amount of the writing SUCKS the sex holds up the book and it delivers. Something romance novels have forgotten to do. But sex is pretty much the only reason I read erotica, and most definitely not the reason I read romance.
With straight romance, if the writing is bad and the sex is boring, then what do they have going for them? A big fat load of nothing in my book.Labels: romance baby, some like it hot
Karen Scott has a post on
e-published authors starting their careers in the erotic stories/poetry site
Literotica. This all started when
Mrs. Giggles posted about this in her blog and
Phaze authors went cuckoo over the post.
Now, none of this shocks or bothers me. I read Literotica; you can actually find some good romance stories and novellas there once in a while, but you really have to look because most of it is pure rubbish LOL. Tart linked this and a couple other erotic stories sites last year in FABB and I have to say I’ve enjoyed Literotica the most by far. I’ve even printed and read some of these to the BF which yawns himself to sleep while I get all fidgety and turned on (contrary to what happens with porn movies which bore me to death).
Anywho, she has quotes from an interaction that’s going on at the Literotica BB (I think, because I can’t be bothered to click on the link). I’ll post them with Karen’s remarks and then tell you what I think:
“I was wondering if It reading and writing about underage incest fantays..especially about younger girls....is as disgusting as I sometimes feel it is. I do NOT condone Kiddy porn NOR sexual abuse in any way of minors, but it is still a fantasy of mine....but not that I wan’t to be WITH the girl, but that I wan’t to BE the girl....so would writing fantays like that make me a bad person?”
He/she doesn’t condone kiddie porn, but fantasizes about having underage sex with a family member? Ok then.
This answer, from one of the other members, made me want to go and take a bath:
“It is hard for me to believe that thinking is a crime, I certainly hope you WILL explore these fantasies for us in print. I would love to have a womans perspective on what it would be like to have sex at say 15 with your father..... I suspect the emotions and feelings would be far more erotic than anything I can imagine. Sex for the first time for a little girl has to be painful, but emotionally rewarding at the same time. I hope you will explore this! I know I would love to read it.”
Emotionally rewarding? Yeah, whatever. That dude is a pedo waiting to happen, if it hasn’t already.
Anyway, Selena Kitten, a current Phaze author thinks there’s no harm in it, because after all, it’s just a fantasy. She writes:
“But the FANTASY of such a thing - NOT the reality, the FANTASY... is a turn on for some. Of both genders. As DCL mentioned (god this is an OLD thread, isn’t it??) thinking is not a crime.
Unless I slipped into Big Brother territory when I wasn’t looking...
I know what I’m going to say might be taken completely the wrong way, because that’s the way things go in Blog Land, but I agree with Selena:
fantasy is a turn on and not just for incest but for a lot of things; you just have to look at the categories in Literotica to see the broad spectrum of stuff people are into reading. And though I find the thought of incest sickening, who am I to say that those that fantasize about it are pedophiles or have actually engaged in what they read or write? I would much rather people write about it and get off on reading it than actually going ahead and doing it.
I think writing about fantasies is like writing an angry letter to someone you are mad/angry at. When you finish putting everything you feel down on paper, the anger is either gone or abetted. So if this is what people need to keep their hands off their kids/parents, then I say go ahead and write about it and read about it, because it’s a hell of a lot healthier than actually doing it.
And don’t tell me if you are inclined to read or write about it means you are engaging in it or will in the future because that’s bullshit. I enjoy Quentin Tarantino movies and I’ve never been inclined, for one second, to do ANYTHING that appears in these films. I also enjoy reading about a ton of stuff that I would never, in a million years, be interested in doing.
I dare anyone here to say they don’t have a fetish. We all do. And what may seem sick to others might be precisely what turns you on, and that’s nothing but your personal business. I think it’s very closed-minded and ignorant to believe that healthy sexual parameters are defined by your personal fetishes and that everyone else that has fantasies different to yours is a sick pervert.
Labels: kinky lifestyle, romance baby, some like it hot
Let’s be controversial. It’s almost Halloween as I’m writing this, assorted sonic booms are going off all over blogland, and I’m feeling feisty. And what better place to be feisty than here at The Book Bitches? And what better place to discuss Erotic Romance than among the free thinking souls haunting these virtual halls?
Pretty much since the day I sold to Ellora’s Cave I’ve been taking hits for one of the genres in which I write. Books unread, people get high nosed and all knowing, making grand pronouncements that what I write is just plotless garbage. Disgusting porn. The downfall of romance, etc. (Like I can’t fit some plot in a 130K book!) I’m sure you all can add a few more descriptive terms. This particular discussion has been going on for years.
Quite frankly, I find this amusing. (Yes, I am easily amused.) Especially when one considers how I sold the four series I have to the houses I have. Pretty much, I just wrote up a short standard series overview, a synopsis that focused entirely on the plot of a 100K book, and a partial. The only reference to heat comes in the query letter with the simple head’s up if the editor would prefer to have the story sell erotic, they need to add 30K to the word count. As a character driven author, it’s easy to adapt the structure to incorporate the love scenes into the momentum that drives the story forward. Just a tweak in the structure that creates a seamless blend of love and action.
So basically, I sell the story line and leave it to the purchasing editor to decide what line they want it for. So far, two series have sold as erotic romance and two as non erotic romance. And *sigh* I didn’t guess correctly once which way a series would sell, so it’s probably all well and good that I left that decision to the editor’s discretion.
Too often I think what makes a romance a romance gets overlooked in these discussions on whether erotic romance is romance, erotica or porn. As in real life, the speculating on what the H&H could be doing, might be doing or shouldn’t be doing, seems to have a high distractibility for the participants drawing them away from the bottom line: The level of heat in a novel has absolutely nothing to do with the romance of a novel. They are two different components of story structure. A well done erotic romance can steal a reader’s breath the same way a sensual romance can because those breathless moments don’t come from the love scenes. They come from the characters and how they interact. And more importantly, from the author’s skill in handling that interaction.
Obviously, reader preference as to what heat level they prefer to have their breath stolen will vary, but there is no direct correlation between heat level of a novel and a novel’s breath-stealing potential. That all takes place within that perfect dark moment when characterization, conflict and plot collide hopefully with enough emotional impact that the aftershocks linger in the readers minds long after they close the covers of the books.
That being said, just to complicate the issue and to add fuel to the fire, not every book labeled erotic romance is actually romance the same way not every book labeled romantic suspense actually contains romance. Publishers market books the way they think they will sell. An author has no input. I will wager, however, that when a reader finds a well written romance that steals their breath, makes their heart twist, and lingers in their memories, they recognize it, no matter what the genre label on the spine. So while it may not be easy to identify an erotic romance on the shelves, it’s pretty easy once you’ve read one to understand you just read a romance.
Now, to continue our controversial theme, and as you all were busting on my Ellora’s caves earlier, *G* lets talk covers. On the whole, I’m pretty oblivious to covers. Once in a blue moon a spectacular one will catch my eye, (Ie: Irish Devil) but mostly I shop from readers’ recommendations and online, so covers just aren’t on my radar. Unless they are too explicit.
Yup. I said it. Too explicit covers are a problem for me. You know the one’s I’m talking about. The ones that, in essence, catch naked people with body parts exposed mid coitus? *sigh* Chances are if a book has a cover like that I probably won’t buy it unless I can get it in e-form. I’m not a hypocrite. I write erotic romance and I enjoy reading erotic romance and I’m ashamed of neither, but those too explicit covers, no matter how beautifully rendered, simply don’t fit my lifestyle. I have children in my house. Other people’s children visit my house. Much of my time is spent at child heavy locales, pediatrician’s offices, dentists offices, football games, family events, etc. I like to take a book everywhere, but like a smoker wanting a cigarette, when I’m out in public, my views aren’t the only ones that need be taken into consideration and the same way I appreciate smokers not assaulting my lungs with second hand smoke, I tend not to want to visually assault someone else’s sense of propriety with the cover on my reading material. Yes, I know I could put a cover over my book, but it strikes me as wrong that I would even have to.
Since we’re on the subject there’s something else I have to confess. Something of which I’m not proud. I have to say, when I see an uber graphic cover, it does *hanging head in shame* land right on my one big fear when I reach for an erotic romance—that there won’t be a love story between the pages just sex scenes strung together. Now, that’s my knee jerk reaction which does almost immediately get tempered by logic and a second look because I do know authors don’t have a say in covers and publishers often explore marketing techniques, but while the highly graphic covers do grab my attention it doesn’t seem to be in a positive way.
I’m pretty sure this puts me in the minority, but how about the rest of you? Do you make assumptions based on covers? What cover types do you like? What covers have called you across the width of the bookstore and tempted you into a moment of indiscretion with a blurb? Seduced you maybe even into peeking beneath the cover? Right there in public? In front of everyone?
Related: Labels: author interview, guest bitch, some like it hot
On a happier note, compared to my earlier post at least, I read my first Sarah McCarty, “Promises” something or other. (I just finished this novel but by gad I’ve never met anyone who had more trouble remembering book titles than me! *groan*)
The book was H.O.T. hot. I had the jimmy fingers throughout the whole thing. My BF enjoyed the frequent update calls on what the “dirty book people” were up to LOL. Ms. McCarty even managed to make anal sex sound sexy and fun. Who knew?
I have promised the BF we’ll be reading my next SM together. Will tell you how that little experiment goes. *g*
Labels: for the love of rakes and rogues, some like it hot
We got a lovely email from Jen, one of our darling readers. She wants to know if we could recommend a book similar to
Passion by Lisa Valdez.
I’m not a big erotica reader (that meaning I’ve read all of one and it was
Passion LOL) so I thought I’d turn over the request to you, guys. How about if we give her a hand? *g*
Hey ladies.
Thanks for the refreshing site. I so enjoy it. Sadly, I’m so out of touch with all things computer, blog, etc. that I don’t understand a lot of what I read. Pathetic, I know. But, I keep coming back, cuz you're both so funny and I’ve gotten good ideas from you. By the way, I LOVED the men in kilts link you once had, but can’t figure out how to find it again. That was fantastic.
Another good discovery from your site... Lisa Valdez. Can’t remember if y’all liked her writing, or not. But, I was so tickled with Passion. Lisa didn’t worry about my “delicate sensibilities” when choosing her words (cunt, cock, etc) or coming up with hot, slick and DETAILED love scenes—well, porn. But, perhaps more importantly, she had enough of a good story (intriguing characters, dialogue, romance) to keep me interested. In the past, I’ve only found good sex... or good story. Not both.
Problem is, I can’t find any more books by Lisa. Can either of you recommend another historical romance author I might enjoy? I figure you’d know best!
Related: Labels: for the love of rakes and rogues, romance baby, some like it hot
Something verra verra fishy is going on with
Lisa Valdez’s
Patience. There are no updates on her site; the release date listed for
Patience is still August 2006. In case Ms. Valdez is Confunded by the Confundus Charm, it’s July 2007 already! But what boggles the mind is that they keep canceling the release date. First, August of last year, then last May—and now it’s been
totally erased from Amazon? WTF?
I actually enjoyed
Passion, the first installment in the series and—if this never ending delay continues—the only book by Ms. Valdez. To be honest, unlike many, I’m not loca over Mark and his popular big cock. God knows I’d run away and buckle myself with a chastity belt if he waggled his 10-inch heat-seeking moisture missile in front of me. *shiver* However, I have to commend Ms. Valdez. She pushed the romance envelop with that book—aye, she did. The same way Mark has pushed and pushed and PUSHED himself into Passion that
made me squirm and cross my legs real tight while pondering: *gasp* “Is that possible?” *shock* “His throbbing sword of fire made her vajayjay pop?!?” :S
Now, I don’t know what’s going on with Ms. Valdez; there are probably things beyond a writer’s control, but you have to admit, the irony of it all when she titled her second book Patience. Was that her way of cautioning her fans? *ahem* “Ye be warned. Be patient, humans.” Ohhh, ruthless! But that’s nothing compare to the sneak peek that was evilly-planted at the back of Passion.
The excerpt goes like this: Matthew and Patience left a dinner party. They started doing the hula and talking about things that made “Patience’s cunt throb with a deep, almost painful, craving; and the pulsing bud of flesh that always brought her pleasure tortured her now with its burning need for release. Every word he uttered inflamed her more, made her want him more.” I KNOW! But that’s not all! Matthew goes back to the party, leaving Patience naked and tied to his bed posts! *gasp* And then, and then... *breathe* END.
OH. COME. ON. What happened?!? Has Matthew brought a cucumber for Patience to, er, chomp on? (She admits she’d practiced with a cucumber after spying on her maid perform fellatio on their butler. :/) “Rarr... I want more cucumbers, Matthew.” *purrs* What, what in the butt? Ms. Valdez, how cruel! Cruel, I tell you!!!
If I’m reading this right, Matthew is as well-endowed as “big” brother Mark. And with all the mention of that damn cello, Matthew’s towering lance of lurve might not be the only huge instrument that would enter Patience. :S Or, perhaps more cucumbers? *confused* And what about Primrose? When would she experience the delights of zee cucumbers? Hmmmm... In any case, cello, cucumbers or dragon of desire writhing beneath Matthew’s tight-stretched trousers, we wouldn’t know now... would we?
Related: Labels: cock fetish, for the love of rakes and rogues, romance baby, some like it hot
Sex, pleasure and pain: the latest triad in erotic romance novels; S&M galore nowadays.
For sometime now I’ve been wondering if the basic rules of supply and demand were the vehicles for this trend to pop up Romancelandia. Were women asking for a bit of “pleasure spiked with pain” in their novels and the market decided to supply it, or did the industry put the books out there to see if they would catch and got lucky?
I, for one, wouldn’t touch one of those books with someone else’s hand! I despise any type of pain, both in real life and literature. To me, being hurt is, well, hurtful! LOL. I don’t even like light biting or spanking, and come near me with a gag or nipple clamps and I’ll call the cops on you, buddy!
At least things like whipping, piercing, biting, spanking and tying are on the right side of “normal.” Yes, I think it’s insane to have your clitoris tied to your pinky toe, for example, but that isn’t half as twisted and, let’s face it, demented as that “master and slave” thing. (WTF?) No matter how you explain this to me, I’ll never understand it. And hey, that’s just me. To each their own and all that (though, you should really consider some psychiatric counseling if you get off on wearing diapers and strolled around the neighborhood by a dog collar *LOL*).
So, let’s do a little poll here:
1) Are you into bondage and S&M? (Books and/or personal life.)
2) If so, up to what degree: - a. A little bite here and there...
- b. Spank me until I come, baby!
- c. Chain me upside down by the ankles, mask me and whip me raw.
- d. Dress me in cheap leather and tie me by the nipples to a moving Formula One car! YEHAW!
**I like pleasure spiked with pain and music is my aeroplane, it’s my aeroplane... pleasure spiked with pain, that motherfucker’s always spiked with pain...
- “Aeroplane” by the Red Hot Chili PeppersLabels: kinky lifestyle, romance baby, some like it hot
I think we’ll all agree (unless you are verra, verra weird) that sex scenes in romance novels are absolutely and positively non-negotiable. And I don’t mean just any ol’ half-assed sex scene; it has to be a well written, come in your pants HOT, drool falling down your chin, smoke coming from under the covers fantabulous sex scene! And we all agree, in order to achieve that we’ll need a penis,** right? A hard one at that too.
As a normal hot-blooded young
skank woman who appreciates—and demands!—the maximum amount of lovin’ permitted by state law, *g* my answer will always be a resounding “Yes!” Especially if said penis is attached to an oh so shagable bloke who’s capable of ravishing me until dawn. Oh my... *sigh* Er, *ahem* kind of got sidetracked there LOL, back to the topic at hand: the penis.
So, I was reading Passion by Lisa Valdez when I came across this:
His blood coursed and his cock throbbed painfully. So painfully, that he glanced down. Christ! His prick was so big; it looked frightening even to him. The head rose dark and purple from the top of his reddened shaft, yet no moisture escaped to soothe his stretched skin. He was dry, dry and hard as steel.
“Does it hurt?”
His sac felt heavy. “Yes. Does it frighten you?”
This made me wonder how crazy you’d have to be to let that guy and his penis get within ten feet of you! descriptions*** for erections and/or references to the penis have evolved since the days romance books were first published. I mean, in times of Mr. Darcy, and then later on, Rhett Butler, terminologies like “rock hard” or “bursting the seams of his trousers” were a most definite NO-NO. But in this day and age, these expressions are tame compared to a number of the stuff I’ve read. I know you won’t believe this, but some have even made a shy maiden like myself blush a time or two!
I’ve put together a list of the most common euphemisms authors use instead of the clinical penis or the raunchy cock. Some are funny, most are embarrassing and a few of them outright scary! LOL Which ones are your favorites? *g*
- phallus
- maleness
- male member
- virile masculinity
- his source of heat
- hot flesh
- scorching loins
- love’s sweet arrow
- sword of his desire
- towering lance of love
- fiery brand
- fullness
- hardness
- hard male heat
- rock-hard male loins
- his driving need
- his tumescent tube of fire
- hot bulging manhood
- hot distended flesh
- hot swollen shaft
- sinewy length of him
- iron-hard tumescence
- aroused flesh
- raging monster of his lust
- throbbing love machine
- heat-seeking moisture missile
- blatant, aggressive, magnificent arousal
- bulging erection
- burgeoning shaft
- oh so aching cock
- his eagerness
- pulsing core
- pulsating manhood
- erect rod
- engorged inflamed sex
- growing arousal
- evidence of his arousal
- evidence of his own instant bulge
- mounting molten member
- rapidly growing shaft
- love tool
- the bald avenger
- intumescent member
- stirring manhood
- straining masculinity
- straining, thick and strong against his pants
- the dragon of his desire writhed beneath his tight-stretched trousers
- rousing erection
- swelling in his loins
- swollen big dick
- rigid/turgid part of him
- rock-hard schlong
- hard pulse of his arousal
- hardness of his burning loins
- thick engorged shaft
- throbbing aching erection
- thrusting possession
- thrusting poweful hardness
- huge fucking cock
Can you imagine me asking a guy if I could “massage his tumescent masculinity”? I don’t think he’d even know what the hell I was talking about! I’d have to clarify and explain to him that I was referring to his “mountain molting member” just so there’d be no confusion!
**Unless it’s female-female type of romance, then dunno how they manage. :/
***A description like that would frighten even Tracy Lords, for crying out loud. Didn’t you hear from Trollop what ten-and-a-half-inch monster Mark (the hero) has???Labels: cock fetish, ooh la la fabio, romance baby, some like it hot
What is it about the month of May? Is the extreme heat finally getting to people? Last week, there were a series of articles published about the growing demand for sexier,
more erotic books. Just the other day, Trollop, like the expert kinky sex-ed profesora that she is, explained all there is to know on cock dumdums
the theory behind big cocks, and gave us some spurting of, er, stats LOL. I’m not complaining, really. Lord knows these topics consist of my favorite things in the world: books, cocks, head-banging sex. *g*
And now, Playboy.com seems to be warming up to the subject too (not that they’ve ever lacked any heat over there). It has revealed its first ever ranking of the “25 Sexiest Novels Ever Written,” hoping to arouse—arouse debate!—you people have such dirty minds!—oh alright, among other *ahem* things—between lovers of scintillating literature; also, to promote the sensuality in print. Who said Playboy is only for porn?
We live in a world awash in sexual images. Television. Internet. Movies. MTV. The visual rules. Yet, the sacred combination of ink and paper still has the power to rock your world.
If reading is thinking with someone else’s brain, then erotica is feeling with someone else’s body parts. With that in mind, we set out to find the books that arouse the most. We limited our search to novels (perhaps we’ll tackle memoirs and manuals next), focusing on works of fiction marked by frank language, candor and enthusiasm. Body parts are named and interwoven in ways that arouse, linger and channel your own desires. Some titles were famous for being dirty books for decades, contraband smuggled in from Paris. A few were champions in the courts, books that freed the language. Some tackled taboos. Others showcased attitude—either curiosity or humor or energy. To us, they are the ultimate love stories.
Here’s the top 15 on the list:
1. Fanny Hill: Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure by John Cleland (1748-49)
2. Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence (1928)
3. Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller (1934)
4. Story of O by Pauline Reage (1954)
5. Crash by J.G. Ballard (1973)
6. Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice (1976)
7. Portnoy’s Complaint by Philip Roth (1969)
8. The Magus by John Fowles (1965)
9. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami (1995)
10. Endless Love by Scott Spencer (1979)
11. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov (1955)
12. Carrie’s Story by Molly Weatherfield (1995)
13. Fear of Flying by Erica Jong (1973)
14. Peyton Place by Grace Metalious (1956)
15. Story of the Eye by Georges Bataille (1928)
Hmmm. So, do you agree with Playboy? What book/s do you think are missing in the list, or those which don’t deserve to be included? Which book/s have you read? And the questions we all want answered: Are these REALLY dirrty? LOL
For the complete list, click here. You can also see the book covers of each novel, read the synopsis, excerpt, and its brief history. Of course, you better come back and tell us what you think, or Trollop will spank you with that long ruler of hers. LOLLabels: bibliophile’s affair, romance baby, sex and the bitches, some like it hot
I’ve read my fair share of romance novels in the last five years and without fear of being wrong (and though I have no exact numbers—I have a job people!) I could probably ballpark that 80% of them feature the ever popular, very well-endowed hero.
This has never bothered me; after all, I’m sure most of us imagine this type of thing according to our specific preference in both size and girth. So if an author insists in describing a guy’s cock as “his huge phallic rod that hangs halfway down his thighs,” I just resize and shrink it to something I could handle—and let me make this clear, anything that erect reaches a man’s ribcage I’m running away from LOL.
Last night I started reading
Passion by
Lisa Valdez. After a couple of chapters, all I could think was HUGE HUGE HUGE; because, in all honesty, all I’ve read is HUGE HUGE HUGE! From what I gather, Mark (the hero) is hung like a horse (10.5 inches), comes like a hose and has balls the size of Roman church bells (the man practically has to use both hands to lift them). So, I ask, is this a dream come true for some, or a nightmare for most? To what point does size really matter?
One thing that men can be assured of is that the size of your penis has no relation to sexual pleasure or performance. Performance is about the ability to get and maintain an erection and provide sexual pleasure to your partner and yourself. Performance, then, is not really related to size—but dependent on muscles, blood and nerve supply to the reproductive organs.
Ah, this, I take, was written by a man with tiny willy, wouldn’t you say? Though I do concede that most of this is true and that women aren’t all about BIG, I also have to admit that neither are we very content with small. As far as sexual stimulation, for us, penis width is more important than the length. But I’d be willing to bet, if God were passing out cocks as party favors at a birthday, no one would want the fun-sized kind—we’d all want the Mr. Big’s, wouldn’t we? Yes, even you over there shaking your head and muttering about my shallowness. You would probably be beating others with a pong stick to get to the large ones first. Come on, admit it!
Another important attribute to size is confidence:
A man with a large penis has the confidence that he can satisfy any woman, and after all, making love for the man is all about confidence. More and more research is showing that a larger penis does give more pleasure to a woman especially the girth of the penis. I have never seen a six inch—or less—dildo. Dildos are all designed large.
Does this mean that a guy will be less fond of his dick if it’s small?** Oh no, it just means that he will be surer of himself if he believes that the size/girth of his penis will be able to rise to the occasion, sort to speak.
Now that we’ve established that men in general want to posses a “big love pole” and most women would rather an Italian Stallion than a Japanese Pony, I ask: How big is too big (if there even is such a thing)?
I found these facts about penises (known to some romance authors as “pulsing volcanoes of love”) which I think break various myths and shed some light into what really goes on between a man and a woman (at least, between the ones outside erotica; these rules don’t apply to the likes of Mark and Passion, of course!).
- Average length of a penis when not erect: 3.5 inches. Average depth from the vaginal opening to the tip of the cervix is 3.5 to 4 inches when not aroused.
- Average length of a penis when erect: 5.2 to 6.4 inches. Average depth from the vaginal opening to the tip of the cervix is 5 to 7 inches when sexually aroused.
- The longest penis measured: 13 inches. The smallest: 5/8 of an inch. (I think I came “face to face” with this one once. :/)
Sure, there might be some men out there with 13-inch cocks, but what are the odds they’re going to find themselves one of three women on earth that could—and would be willing to—take all that in? Personally, I don’t care if I’m made big enough to fit baseball bat in there, I’d be freaking insane to come anywhere near it (no pun intended!).
- Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200. Average number of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000. Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons. (Er, I think Mark has already filled a gallon or two, and I’m not even halfway through the book!)
- Percent of men who say they masturbate: 60. Percent of men who say they masturbate at least once a day: 54. Percent of men who say they feel guilty masturbating that often: 41. (I thought this guilt thing only happened to teenage girls... *confused*)
- Amount of time needed for a man to regain an erection: from 2 minutes to 2 weeks (Two weeks?!? Jesus, talk about a slow fuck.) Average number of erections per day for a man: 11. Average number of erections during the night: 9. (These, combined, is the average number of times Mark gets an erection around Passion in an hour’s time.)
- Odors that increase blood flow to the penis: lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts and pumpkin pie! I take the easiest place to find a willing man is at Dunkin’ Donuts during Halloween?)
Now, now, for those of you, who are making little Trollop voodoo dolls in order to torture me to madness, please stop. I AM LIKING Passion. Just thought I’d get some cock facts straight. *g*
**Men love their penises. From the time he is born, a man’s penis becomes his best friend. He will love it, fondle it, get mad at it (especially when it stops working), respect it, listen to its opinion, and get in trouble for it.Labels: cock fetish, for the love of rakes and rogues, fuckalicious, romance baby, sex and the bitches, some like it hot
It’s been long gone since the days of the
Marquis de Sade and
Pauline Réage’s “dirty little book”
Story of O. With titles such as
Tempt Me, Touch Me, Taste Me (do not laugh, I’m not kidding!), erotic romance is today’s big thing in women’s fiction. Yes, bigger than Fabio *gasp* and those juicy half-naked men on the covers and their huge man tits.
“These aren’t your grandma’s romance novels,” says Susan Pezzack, editor of Spice Books, Harlequin’s new erotica line that debuts this month. “Erotica was once considered a dirty little secret, and no one would admit to reading it. Now it’s considered more of an art form, it’s more acceptable to be on display in major bookstores, and women aren’t embarrassed to purchase it. It’s becoming more and more mainstream.”
Harlequin isn’t the only publishing house who has taken notice. Last January, Kensington introduced its erotic romance imprint Aphrodisia, while Berkley launched Heat in May. HarperCollins follows next with Avon Red books, which are scheduled to hit stores in June. Apparently, it’s true: sex does sell. Duh.
Tina Engler (also known as Jaid Black) knew it all along. A frustrated erotic writer, she started her web site Ellora’s Cave, when publishers and literary agents (who are probably now kicking themselves LOL) told her that women would not buy her stories of female sexual desire. But Engler turned out to be right. She says, “Women read these books, and it makes them feel normal about their own fantasies.”
Still, even though erotica is considered more explicit than the typical storybook romance, it’s not just all about the sex. Really? Hmm...
In a CBS2 Chicago interview, author Penny Dawn says, “Women demand more than just the cheap thrill. They need the whole package.” (Though, do not fret, dear readers and kinky Trollop. As author Robin Schone says, “If there’s going to be sex, you’re going to get it.”)
“The key difference between erotica and pornography is that there’s a definite plot in erotica,” says May Chen, an editor at Avon Red. “Erotica writers can tell a story. There is a definite hero or heroine. You might have a few sex scenes in there, but it’s not gratuitous.”
One of the first authors on the new Avon Red label is Liz Maverick, who thinks that while men have always had outlets for their erotic fantasies, such as movies and magazines, women are finally coming around to creating their own. “I think Sex and the City had a large part in it,” she says. “For a lot of 20- and 30-something women, we would watch the show and see these women talk about sex and make it fun. Then we would call our girlfriends and talk about the show. I think it opened a lot of things up.”
Especially words. The language of erotica is different from the traditional romance novels. I guess instead of saying her gates of heaven, love canal, or his member, pecker, phallus of love, rod, wang, dong, schlong, towering lance, piercing sword of manliness, ooh la la manroot!—they just use the words big balls, dick, prick, cock, pussy, cum and fuck fuck fuck. No delta of love too—or worse, moist delta of love!
When writing erotic romance, Maverick says there are certain words that just fit the mood. “You want it to be sexy,” she says. “Sometimes, flowery language doesn’t fit as well as a good expletive.” I couldn’t fucking agree more. *wink*Labels: bibliophile’s affair, romance baby, some like it hot
