Friday, February 26, 2010

Help! Need advice!

You’re probably wondering what I’m doing back here—and only after a few weeks! I can explain. When I stopped blogging early 2008 I also stopped checking our blog emails. My laziness almost made me miss a VERY important letter from someone VERY important to me. Kicked myself for being so stupid, I tell ya. Anyway, not wanting that to happen again, I since had our incoming blog emails forwarded to my personal email address.

Now, for some reason this blog still gets the usual letters from editors/authors/perverts, book related or sex related. Most of them don’t need replies, or need to be ignored. Tonight, however, I got a comment from a lovely Romanian(?) reader, Potenta. (Never seizes to amaze me that you guys are still out there. *sniff*) I’m barely online these days but I know I *HAVE* to do something about this one. Here’s what she wrote:


maybe it’s my genes... :)

I’m a 41 year old woman and althow i enjoy having sex with my housband, i’m disapointed for the fact that i’ve NEVER had an orgasm. I hear that for many women it just comes natural , but sadly it isn’t my case.

Althow i know many women have the same problem, and my comment is of no surpise to anyone, i want to do my best and find a solution.

I’ve been thinking that maybe my housband isn’t as tender and loveable as he should, but curiosity has never pushed me so far as to cheat on him with another man. Should i? Could change be a solution?

I’ve tried all sorts of pills and aphrodisiacs, but nothing so far...

If you have any advise, please reply to this comment. I’ve just started posting for a couple of days, so i’ll be checking in often :)

Thank you!

Potenta


8 comment(s):

Blogger Harlot said...

Dear Potenta,

I am sorry to tell you that this is already a defunct blog. :( But after reading your comment, i know i cannot just ignore it. I strongly believe that every woman should always have an orgasm NO MATTER WHAT.

Please know i am no expert. But from my experience, cheating is NEVER the answer. You cannot resolve a problem with another problem. I think talking about your dilemma with your partner/husband (especially when he is part of the problem and/or probably the answer to it) is always a good start. You can always try new things together, as long as you're both willing.

You need to be familiar with what turns YOU on. It is your body afterall. Also have you tried vibrators? A lot of good vibrators out there you might want to look into. You can use it by yourself, or your husband can masturbate you with it. ;)

Perhaps these articles might help a bit, give you some ideas:

I touch myself
Why women should have a vibrator
Are men afraid of vibrators? They shouldn't be!

I hope those will help a bit. Let me know if there's anything else i might be able to help you with. CHeers.

2/26/2010 07:10:00 PM  

Anonymous Gabrielle said...

Harlot! I really hope you check this! I wasn't gonna post anything since I thought you had gone but I still check out of habit lol.

I bought all the books you recommended (minus the Joey Hill ones, I've yet to find them). AND I LOVE THEM ALL!! I was totally despairing because I haven't been able to find any books that I love or authors to follow and now I have a whole new reserve of them! I have so many new books on my bookshelf that I haven't read yet and I adore that feeling!! Jennifer Ashley is amazing as is Nalini Singh and I also adore Connie Brockway. Loved reading Not Quite a Husband and To Have and To Hold. All the tormented heroes are making me exceedingly happy!
Some of these books have covers that I would generally stay away from since I am horrendously shallow but now I am reformed and will never EVER EVER EVER judge a book by its cover again.
So I just wanted to say thank you thank you thank you thank you. It means sooo much to be because I had stopped reading and was feeling very crappy about it. So thank you again :)

And sorry to hijack a post that is completely unrelated :( I hope Potenta finds what she needs :)

2/27/2010 05:09:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Gabrielle, oh sweetie you are so welcome. I am just so happy you loved the books. :D

Because of that forwarding thingy, not only do i get the new emails, i also get all incoming comments now (even from old posts way waaaay back). You guys, feel free to email me anytime. :) Gabrielle, do email me after this and i'll help you with Joey Hill.

Anyway, i need to sleep but glued online, and watching CNN because of the tsunami alert. Be safe everyone! *besos*

2/27/2010 06:09:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Potenta, please be patient. It might take some time before you get some replies. I hope some of our readers are still out there and will give you an advice. Take care.

2/27/2010 06:11:00 PM  

Blogger mallymoodle said...

OMG, you're back! :O

I have thought (a little bit) on Potenta's problem. My take is the same as yours - basically that cheating is not the answer and what may be required is exploration of your body.

The second one is particularly important. While I myself have not orgasmed with a partner I have with myself (my god, I hope no one I know is reading this), so it keeps me thinking that it will happen one day! This is however not to say that with a partner is *worse* just that it is a case where you're most familiar with what you need/location of magic buttons/the type of pressure etc.

One thing that is required is communicating with your husband. If he's not willing to experiment to do other stuff that will get you off (because lets face it, getting you off will be a huge ego boost), instead wishing to rely solely on his penis power...then that's a doozy and not something on which I can comment

3/14/2010 12:51:00 AM  

Blogger mallymoodle said...

Also, congratulations on going to Italy, Harlot! Florence is so beautiful as are the male inhabitants!

And omg, the food and shopping! I still have wonderful memories of the San Lorenzo Market cheese stores *gurgles*

3/14/2010 12:58:00 AM  

Blogger Shoshana said...

Hi Potenta, I have to say that some women are very lucky that they can always find their orgasm, one way or another.

Sometimes, you must know what feels good (meaning you have to masturbate), play with yourself, that way when you're with your husband, you can slowly (if he's sensitive) lead him in the direction that you wanted.

Cheating is not the answer. It's only in movies that they make it look exciting. And besides, it's not a guarantee that you will get an orgasm.

Some women get orgasm by just crossing their legs while reading very romantic and 'hot' books. Others have to work at it.

Also, the biggest part of a womans tool to orgasm is her brain. Make sure that when you're playing with yourself, or making out with your husband, you do not think about laundry or the state of your floor. That's a killer for anything orgasmic. At least in my case anyways.

In summary: find out for yourself what feels good. When you do, maybe you can lead your husband to touch you different.

Men are so easy to get off...it's us women that's sort of high maintenance when it comes to orgasm.

3/19/2010 01:02:00 AM  

Anonymous Strap Ons said...

Hmm, I think you must sex passionately and mix with sex toys or other stuffs. Just do it heartily.

6/05/2010 07:02:00 PM