Thursday, August 30, 2007

A hero snob and proud of it!

The main reason I read romance novels is the fantasy, and I don’t know about you guys, but crippled men who cheat and were raped as children are never part of my fantasies.

I hate romance novels with imperfect characters. Any mention of body parts that are missing, horribly disfigured or not working properly and odds are I’ll put the book down right away or take an immense dislike to it on the spot. Harlot says I’m a hero snob—and maybe I am—but what exactly is attractive about a poor, down on his luck guy who’s left eye is missing and has a wooden leg? Call me shallow if you want—and I know most will—but heroes on that side of “real” totally ruin the romance for me.

This is one of the only things Harlot and I bitch slap each other silly over cordially disagree on (that and Shunra cheaters). All her favorite books—which she has not only recommended but also bought and shipped to me—have hideously maimed guys. That, or they are poor—and honestly, I don’t know which is worse!

That man from Gaelen Foley’s Princess, for example, was raped by a priest or something equally nefarious when he was a wee lad. Hated the book.

The other one (what was that book again, Harlot?) with the hero that was trying to capture a thief and was in love with a “lady” who then ended up being the thief LOL. He had a badly crippled hand. Now, there was a scene (or two?) in which he masturbates. UGHHH! I had nightmares for days about his wrinkled crippled fingers groping his penis. Something right out of Tales from the Crypt!

And today, what can I tell you? I started reading the “Crazy” series by Tara Janzen and what do I find as I begin Crazy Hot? A hero that limps and has some sort of shoulder problem. Please shoot me now or be kind enough to tell me this is a temporary condition and I won’t have to hobble my poor self through this book.

And I had such high hopes for this series. *sniff*


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28 comment(s):

Blogger December/Stacia said...

Hmmm. I've never really written a physically disabled hero and don't plan to (except my medieval hero whose body is covered in scars from numerous battles), but the tortured soul is a favorite of mine.

8/30/2007 05:43:00 AM  

Anonymous Gabrielle said...

I dont think I've ever read a romance with a seriously disfigured hero.. hmm...
what I cant stand is a hero who is too pretty and too happy. I prefer rugged, sexy heroes. I also like the tortured soul *sigh*. And this might seem a bit weird but I dont like it when the hero and heroine have the same colouring.

For example I just finished reading a book by Johanna Lindsey and the hero was 25, wholesome, happy and had a great childhood. He was blond haired and blue eyed and gorgeous. The heroine was overtly, unbelievably, angelically beautiful. She was also blond and blue eyed.

Might seem like a small trifle but it really got on my nerves.

8/30/2007 06:26:00 AM  

Blogger Isabella said...

LOL. Trollop, you crack me up. I loved Princess but I know what you mean about poor heroes. I like me someone who is rich and handsome and if he has a jet much better. The same reason I won't read a romance book where the hero is a janitor or something. Not that there is something wrong with being one, but I'm reading romance for the fantasy of it all and I won't be a hypocrite and say I find a poor man who can't provide for me and shelter and feed me very attractive.

8/30/2007 07:59:00 AM  

Blogger ...dance? said...

Poor Quasimodo. :D

I don't know if I dislike disfigured heroes or just don't read stories about them -- though I love Beauty and the Beast and, uh, House. And Miles Vorkosigan.

I don't think I've read many (any?) romances where the hero (or heroine, for that matter) was poor and stayed poor at the end either. Though I don't think I'm very adventurous in my romance reading because there are certain things I don't care for.

8/30/2007 09:23:00 AM  

Blogger Ladybug said...

Now that I think about it, I can't remember reading a romance book with a hero who is balding or fat. I will not even pick up a book with heroes like those because I don't think I'll enjoy it.

8/30/2007 10:14:00 AM  

Blogger Isabella said...

A hunchback? A balding or a fat romance hero? Is there such a thing??

8/30/2007 10:19:00 AM  

Anonymous donna said...

i agree, where's the hot fantasy in it?

it reminds me of the jeffrey deaver crime/mystery series where the hero is a cranky quad and the heroine doubts he'll stay with her if he's ever cured because she has knee-arthritis-something but still runs down criminals, nervously picks her cuticles and scratches her head but is drop dead gorgeous.

something really off-balance about that.

i noticed in TBH that Tatiana picks up a facial scar and am wondering if 'Shunra' will use that as an excuse to cheat later. Please dont tell me.

8/30/2007 11:11:00 AM  

Anonymous donna said...

isabella,

gotta have a jet to go shopping right ;)

8/30/2007 11:16:00 AM  

Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

ooooh, I love a guy whose scarred. I don't love a guy who does the dumbest things evah in a book because he's scarred and I really don't like it when he uses it as his excuse to be cold and mean.

but then I figure, scarred dudes need love too :)

DC :)

8/30/2007 11:28:00 AM  

Blogger Isabella said...

Donna, yes.

And if he has a Caribbean resort much better :D LOL!

8/30/2007 11:33:00 AM  

Blogger Isabella said...

Oh I don't mind scarred heroes. For example, in McNaught's Kingdom of Dreams, the hero Royce is scarred and battle-worn and I still find him very yummy... very yummy indeed. ;)

8/30/2007 11:36:00 AM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

I like imperfect heroes. Not the one who brutalize the heroine or cheats but a little quirk here, some scar there, or a troubled past makes him more "real" to me.

Regarding poor heroes, usually the story starts with the guy poor and then he becomes this millionaire so I have no problem with that one.

8/30/2007 01:02:00 PM  

Blogger Midas said...

I always say that anything can be overcome by a good story or sizzling titilating plot.

Now, a maimed hero and a badly or mediocre written book has no hope with me whatsover.

I admit that I love my heroes to be perfect or if they are imperfect, they must be sexually attractive, hot and limping maybe, but very handsome. Of course, handsome is so subjective, but if I don't feel the hero is at least handsome, I'll have a hard time enjoying the romance. I will have to imagine the story is science fiction and nothing to do with romance, because what's the fun in that?

8/30/2007 01:15:00 PM  

Anonymous Babz said...

I agree with the jet. Hell, I'll settle for flying business class everywhere. It's as much reality as fantasy.

I guess I don't mind so much about disfigured heroes, but I admit I have a hard time getting into 'blind' hero stories. I know, I know, it's supposed to be deep and shit, but really? It's just a bit impossible. My brain can't seem to process it. :p I mean, how does he know if she's making faces behind, ahem, in front of him whenever they argue or something? If he regains his sight, then..

So, I'm ok with disfigurement, ok with not-so-handsome heroes, but NOT ok with poverty and SHORT HEROES OMGWTFNOWAYS. Although, I do love Lisa Kleypas' hero Marcus from It Happened One Autumn. :/ I'm conflicted, yes I know.

8/30/2007 03:00:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Gah, Trollop and i disagree about this at least once a month and then we always, as she says, bitch slap each other silly from here till kingdom come--and no one ever yields! What i mean is: SHE should yield! *hmph*

She is a freaking hero snob. Whenever she's reading a book and she's liking it, she'll be like, "Babe, really liking this book but the hero has all his limbs, that might put you off. But maybe he'll loose an eye or something from here till the end jajajaja." GRRR

I DO NOT like a hero because he is maimed or limping or scarred. I like a book because of the STOOOOORY.

I'm not saying give me an ugly fatso hero who farts in the church. Of course i like me some delicious sexy man who is uber rich and won't make me cook, do the laundry and will buy me a villa in Tuscany. STILL, i do not overlook a good story if the hero is less than perfect--WHICH YOU DO!!! :@

8/30/2007 03:46:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IT'S SHU-RA!

8/30/2007 03:47:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Shura Shunra, all the same really! Cheating bastard is what he should be called.

Babz, LOL on the blind hero! LMAO Don't like them myself though have only read one, that first vampire rapper series I was reading some months ago.

And OMG short heros!!!!! UGHHHH Anything under 6'0 and I don't like. Ranger from the SPlum series is 5'10 and though I admit he's sexy there is no way I would date a man that short. I'm 5'8, a good 5'10 or more in heels. There is also a really really bad Balogh book where the hero is shirtless and fighting in the beginning -for reasons unknown to me- and he was 5'8 WTF? He was a midget in hero standards LOL There was also a guy missing an arm and with half his body horribly burnt and scarred.

Ladybug, SBrockmann has a book with a balding hero. Stupid ass book btw. IT's one of those police books of her or whatever...

8/30/2007 04:22:00 PM  

Anonymous Babz said...

Ok after thinking about it for a while, I know now why I love Marcus even though he's waaay short for a hero. He's RICH AS CROESUS, PEOPLE! Also he has what has to be the best country estate in all of Regency England, to read Kleypas' description. And, if he can stand the heroine, who is very annoying, he definitely is made for me.

Trollop, I'm a height snob. I am 5'2" and my bf is 5'11", and he's actually the shortest of all the, erm, notches on my bed lol. Btw, which vampire rapper series? The Black Dagger Brotherhood? You talking about Wrath? I keep picturing him going inside a room, stumbling over furnitures, mistaking Phury for his wife etc etc.

That Sbrockmann book is The Unsung Hero. Don't like the hero, hated the heroine, hate most of the books in the series, I prefer her earlier work.

TBH has a cheating bastard in it?? OOOOOH. I hate cheating bastards :/

8/30/2007 05:04:00 PM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

I remember reading a book where the hero is overweight and balding. One may say it is refreshing to find a hero who isn't tall, dark and handsome, and in real life, it's true that gorgeous millionaires don't just go knocking on plain janes' doors but why does he have to be balding AND overweight?

8/30/2007 05:43:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Stop talking about Shura! :@ And it is NOT the same. This is what you do: you just zeroed in on the hero's imperfection and the whole damn book is bad already.

For example, that Hellion book by Loretta Chase. You loooooved it when the hero praying and stuff, promising God to be good just let the heroine be safe yada yada and all that thing. "Ohhh... that is just the sweetest thing!" But Jack--yes the same dude who gave you the "Tale of the Crypt Nightmares"--DID THE SAME THING FOR HIS HEROINE. AND OMG SO MUCH MORE! But of course, since it's Jack The Crippled Wanker, you didn't notice, you hero snob!!!

8/30/2007 06:16:00 PM  

Blogger Petra said...

Trollop, LOL! I agree about the poor hero and the ugly hero. Call me shallow but when I'm reading romance, I need the hero to be handsome and rich LOL. If he's not rich, he'll be rich mid-way in the book.

I don't mind some scars or some limp, like Colin who has a leg problem in Julie Garwood's book (I can't remember from which book). He is still manly and can still perform "manly" thing, if you know what I mean. ;)

8/30/2007 07:35:00 PM  

Blogger Jolie said...

I don't mind little imperfections. In real life, I don't trust someone who appears to be too perfect. Those are the types who will leave you for the young model who doesn't eat. In books, I prefer a hero who is a little flawed and not too pretty.

I want a rich one though! This is probably why I don't enjoy historical romances where the hero is a gun slinger or a farmer who is as poor as the dirt he plows and has nothing but his farming techniques to impress me.

8/30/2007 07:50:00 PM  

Blogger Isabella said...

Trollop, I love tall heroes but I don't like them touching the ceiling. Odd, though, that I don't mind when it's the dark hunters.

I was shocked when I first read Ash was 6'8. I thought 6'8??? Dude, that is way too tall! It doesn't bother me now. I guess I just got used to it that most of the DH are giants. LOL

8/31/2007 07:52:00 AM  

Blogger Jordis Juice said...

I am not rich nor am I model-looking but I want to read about good looking, rich heroes with their perfect limbs working.

I don't get excited reading about poor, ugly heroes so you can say that defeat the purpose of me reading the book.

8/31/2007 09:08:00 AM  

Blogger December/Stacia said...

Ugh, short men! *shudder* I'm 5'2 and my hubs is a full foot taller. With broad, man-sized shoulders (and, to quote Mrs. Patrick Campbell, everything in proportion.)

If he's not a proper-sized MAN, he gets thrown back in the pond. Yech.

8/31/2007 11:52:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Oh yikes short heroes. I gotta admit, this turns me off. :/ Both in books and real life, give me a tall man. I've talked about this before. :P

8/31/2007 02:46:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've never really thought about a disfigured hero but I guess I wouldn't like it if it were a major thing, like being in a wheelchair (how do you get busy?), missing body parts, major limps or leg drags...

My dream man is tough and with the exception of a few manly scars from fights or what not, my man would never get hurt bad enough to be missing a part or get a limp cause he is just too damn tough to get that hurt.

As far as emotionally messed up... I can only take so much. Like some of SK's Dark Hunter series heroes, tortured souls that even though the chick is standing right there, saying I Love You, 1,000 times, the man still doesn't believe it... I have NO NO NO patients whatsoever so, at that point, I'm screaming, FUCK HIM, he doesn't want to believe? Kick him the junk, tell him to call when his head is out of his sphincter, flip him the bird as you walk the hell away. I can't stand when people have to repeat themselves 4 and 5 times, let alone through a whole book.

GWB


P.S. I hate when the ages are under 25. A lot of historical (yes, I know that is how it was in the day) will have girls at 17 or so hooking up with a hero of late 20's or early 30's. CHESTER MOLESTER, I'm not digging it. I don't like when the hero is a late teen either. I like men, not boys. 25-30 is a good age for the chicks and 28-35 is a good age for the men, IMO.

Heroes in their 40’s are ok too, only if it their 2nd marriage or something. I like to think part of the HEA is kids, dog, house, and thinking of people having kids in their 40’s is weird to me. That would make them in their 60’s when the kids graduate high school and 70’s when finishing college and get careers and 80’s by time the kids marry and have kids of their own. That is too old, you couldn’t enjoy it.

LOL, am I over thinking this whole thing?

9/01/2007 02:18:00 PM  

Blogger Lorelei said...

I honestly can't remember if I've read romance where the hero is poor or ugly. I admit I like my heroes gorgeous but if the story is engaging, I wouldn't mind the hero's physical imperfections.

9/01/2007 09:17:00 PM