Monday, July 31, 2006

Me talk pretty one day

I’ve always been envious of Americans when it comes to books. I mean, every freaking title is available to them, and even if some are not (what, like, 10 books?) they can easily order them from any corner of the world. I, on the other hand, have to wait for 2 months after a U.S. release to find the book displayed on our bookstores, pay a lot of money to special order titles they don’t release here, and/or have the “privilege” of diving into a mountain pile of dusty books at the UBS (hurrah?) just for the miniscule possibility of getting something I’d actually buy, let alone read! Tell me, how fucking fair is that?!?

I’m not finished. What about book tours, huh? Not only do Americans have unlimited access to books, they can also meet the authors! Grr, THE INJUSTICE!

But, *deep breath* I think the book gods finally took pity on poor harloty me. Oh, you won’t believe this! I couldn’t either when I first heard of it! Seriously, I have never thought an international author—more so, someone very well-loved—would visit my little country for an actual book signing!!!

You see, last week, David Sedaris made a lot of booklovers extremely happy. I found out about his book tour a month ago but didn’t mention it to anyone; not even to Trollop. Well, I wanted it to be a surprise when she sees the autographed copies of David’s books I’m sending her, and I know she will be; she LURVES him. What I didn’t expect was that my encounter with David would be such a memorable one. So, yeah, screw Trollop’s surprise! LOL I was so happy, as soon as I got home I had to tell her what happened!

Trollop: Are you fucking kidding me?????
Trollop: Oh, I LOVE HIM...
Trollop: I’m so envious!!! (Ohhh, and she was LOL. Yep, it was better to tell her. :P)

Now, I arrived at the venue late, 2 hours late. Heh. I’m not sure how book signings are conducted in the U.S. (or anywhere else, for that matter) but here, you need a pass to get in and there’s actually an assigned number for the line. There’s a time limit and a policy that people like me who didn’t arrive 3 hours BEFORE the actual signing started (during which they doled out stubs for the uber long line), would not get their books signed. I know! Evil bastards.

Truth be told, I have yet to read David Sedaris. *shame* But who cares? I was miserable that afternoon and meeting David was something I had to do. Besides, I’d already bought his books. So I told one of the organizers I would wait until midnight if I had to just to get a number for that freaking line. I think he thought I was loca and might make a scene, :/ after 10 minutes of harassing him and someone else on his ugly walkie-talkie, he let me in. Though he did say, “There’s no guarantee that you’ll get your books signed.” Yeah, yeah. I didn’t care. I wasn’t joking when I said I would wait.

Turned out, *groan* that “waiting” would be 4 fucking hours (3 of those standing, hungry and cold). But, it doesn’t matter really because, you know why? It was all worth it. :D

David and I actually chatted! (Pardon my giddiness LOL.) He told me I have a unique name. *g* He said, “I’ve never heard of that name.” I told him it’s the same as that famous revolutionary Cuban leader. “Yeah, but that’s a guy’s name,” he said. I smiled. I couldn’t help it—he is soooo cute! He’s one of those incredibly adorable guys you just want to hug, because they’re so friendly and warm (even though he smokes like a chimney). And he’s tiny!

Trollop: Yes, if you’d read Naked you’d know!!!!!!!!
Harlot: I didn’t know! Oh, babe, I think I lub him. *sigh*
Trollop: He’s 5’2. (I think! Or maybe The Rooster was 5’2?) He lives in Paris now, or lived there while he wrote Me Talk Pretty. Ohhh, *sniff* I lub him. And you lost his book!
Harlot: I didn’t! I didn’t even get it!
Trollop: Well your post office did; all the same! You should’ve told him I love his writing! And how you lost that book I send you! :@

When I told David to address some of my books to Trollop, he asked who she was. I said, “My evil friend who loves you. She’s actually the one who told me about you and then sent me a copy of Naked. Of course I didn’t get it because she lost the book; her postal system sucks.”

He asked me if I frequent that place where they held the signing, and I said no, that I just went there for him. I think he liked that; it was the truth anyway. He then asked where I live; I told him, a 2-hour drive from there. He asked, “How are you going to get home?” I said, “I’m with my sister and we have a driver. But, well, were I not with anyone would you let me stay with you?” :P He laughed and said I should ask his boyfriend LOL (I met him too and he’s very nice).

David is very chatty and really, he’s A-MA-ZING. And to think I wasn’t even supposed to be there (I’d already promised to be somewhere else; long story). I’m really glad that I went.

I hope David is just the first in a long string of international authors that will come visit me. *g* But even if they start bringing authors here every year now, it won’t matter; I will NEVER forget meeting the very funny and wonderful David Sedaris. Oh, I wish he’d said yes when I asked if I could stay with him... *sigh*


37 comment(s):

Blogger C said...

What a long wait. But some things are that way, worth waiting for that is.

7/31/2006 02:17:00 PM  

Blogger Jolie said...

Four hours?! Yikes, that's long. But I'm glad you got in. LOL

I'm not sure how book signings occur anywhere else, I've only been in one and all I had to do was buy a book and fall in line. It didn't take that long too. But yeah, it was fun. :P

7/31/2006 02:42:00 PM  

Blogger Mailyn said...

ok, I have to ask, where in the world are you? lol

you're cuban? in Cuba?

7/31/2006 02:50:00 PM  

Blogger C Bradshaw said...

Ohhhhh I love David Sedaris! I'm so jealous!!!

I can't believe you've never read him, Harlot! Like you said, he's amazing! I love all his books and really enjoyed all of them. But you know, I live in the U.S. and I've never met him. (cry) How's that for unfair?!?

7/31/2006 02:57:00 PM  

Blogger C Bradshaw said...

OMG He said he missed you? I'm now officially green with envy.

7/31/2006 03:01:00 PM  

Blogger Gun_Wielding_Bitch said...


What country are you in? Is that too personal to ask? How about continent? Better?

I'm jealous of the UK. They have retro spoof, 4”x6” postcards and you can't get them here in the US. My best friend and her hubby are in the "War On Terrorism," one in Iraq one in Afghanistan. The retro spoofs are funny and I can't get them to save my life. To get them from the UK to me, it would cost about $40 U.S. Dollars and that is for 15 cards!

I prefer to send post cards because they are cheaper to send, quicker delivery time and that way if you don't have a lot to say (I write them 3 times a week and my life isn't THAT exciting) the little humor on the front of the card covers for you. Plus little things like that cheer them up. Anyway... Damn the UK for monopolizing the retro spoof postcards!

7/31/2006 03:03:00 PM  

Blogger Simi said...

Never read his books but he sounds charming n cute comments on the books!! worth the wait eventually eh? Cute story,hope you have more ;)

7/31/2006 03:04:00 PM  

Blogger Serendipity said...

Oh, how totally fun was that!

I think I'd have given up and curse him. I am so glad you get to meet him and his BF. He's really funny. NPR still reads his elf story every christmas. Have you heard or read about the elf story? It's not to be missed.

7/31/2006 03:34:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

I LOVE David. He's in my keepers shelf; ALL of his books! My bf who doesn't even read LOVES him too.

He is so funny you will laugh till your sides hurt and since he writes essays you can open the book any time at any place and read and laugh and then laugh some more.


I send you Naked and YOUR LOUSY POST OFFICE LOST IT!!!!!!!!!!!! *sniff* and you got to meet him! I don't think we can be friends after this!

Also, how dare you talk about unfair Harlot? we don't even have a fucking UBS here. I have to take a bus to a godforsaken village in the middle of nowhere, ride a donkey 12 miles in the sun to arrive to a shack where I have to say a password like "tippitoe" to get into the only "bookstore" we have and guess what? THEY ONLY FUCKING CARRY OLD DANIELLE STEEL NOVELS AND 1970'S PHONEBOOKS! *hmmphhh* Now THAT is unfair! *sob*

7/31/2006 04:08:00 PM  

Blogger Petra said...

Trollop LOL

David Sedaris is fabulous! I've yet to meet him but when the time comes, I would probably be as giddy as the five marriageable Bennet sisters! Too bad David is gay. I'll marry him in a minute. :P

7/31/2006 04:32:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

But you love Danielle Steel. And you love freaking donkeys. What the hell are you complaining about then? What? Tippitoe?


7/31/2006 05:12:00 PM  

Blogger marcos said...

Harlot dear:
dónde vives ?.. uhmm, cada vez hablas de tu país sin nombrarlo, la curiosidad ya casi me mata...
Un abrazo

7/31/2006 05:17:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Mailyn, GWB,
No LOL, i'm not Cuban, nor am i living in Cuba. I'm from the land of the exotics: Asia. ;-)

Yep, he missed me. Oh, i shouldn't say then that he drew me a small cigarette. You'll probably turn blue. :/ LOL

Where have you been?!? Btw will send you something later.

I also have a book for you! I'm not sure if you'll understand what he wrote there but I can translate anyway. He couldn't spell your name LOL. Well, really, i couldn't either at first. :/

I don't want to kill anybody LOL. I'm sure prison is not good for my beauty. :S

7/31/2006 05:29:00 PM  

Blogger Isabella said...

Trollop, LOL that's funny!

Love David Sedaris!!! I'm glad you met him. I think he looks weird from his pics LOL but who am I to say that? He seems very charming though. :)

7/31/2006 05:38:00 PM  

Blogger MyHeartHurts said...

ok ... so I never heard of him before. but after hearing how nice he is... i am going to go and pick up all his books now! By the way, i am in the states. If you ever need something and can't find I would be more than happy to help you out! it's the elast i could do for such a great site... thanks again! ~M

7/31/2006 07:43:00 PM  

Blogger Menchie said...

Newbie here. I have to agree with Harlot -- I so envy people who live in the US because of their access to books. I hate, hate, hate waiting for books to be released here.

Hey Harlot, I'm from Asia too. And I'm pretty sure David just visited my country. I'm wondering if we live in the same country. Which part of Asia do you live in? Would it be in the southeast??

7/31/2006 09:45:00 PM  

Blogger Jordis said...

DADID SEDARIS ROCKS! Glad you met him, Harlot. :)

7/31/2006 09:51:00 PM  

Blogger Jordis said...

Oh man, i mean DAVID. Jeez.

7/31/2006 09:57:00 PM  

Blogger Colleen Gleason said...

I don't care if David Sedaris is gay...I've been in love with him since he was on NPR regularly. How fabulous that you got to meet him, Harlot! the books!

7/31/2006 10:21:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

GWB, I love postcards too! Just look at those thousands of designs. And yes, it's faster. :)

Harlot, I can't believe you've met David Sedaris before me! C Bradshaw is right, THAT is what's unfair!

His books are great. Me Talk Pretty is still my favorite. I think I almost died laughing from reading that book. LOL

7/31/2006 10:26:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Ohhh, i'm pretty sure you'll regret that offer. :/ LOL But really, thanks gorgeous. :-) I promise before i become a donkey-riding, tippitoeing-loving freak like some weirdos i know, i'll call you first so you can save me from myself. ;-P

I too don't care if he's gay! Oh, he's so adorable, *sigh* one of the most adorable man i've ever met (that's saying a lot LOL). Seriously, if only he said yes when i asked him if i could stay with him... :P

Welcome! Let's just say i know where you live LOL. I'm glad you're here. :-) Hope you post often!

Forgot to ask, WHAT elf story?!? Oh, i want to read that!

7/31/2006 10:47:00 PM  

Blogger Ladybug said...

Harlot, that's great! :)

I've yet to read David Sedaris though, but I know of him. So which of his books should I read first?

7/31/2006 10:51:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...


You bloody well lost the book! Yes, my postal service sucks, but it was YOURS that lost it!!!!!!! The only reason he said mine did is because you deceived him with your evil lies!!! *grrr*

I'm not proud of my donkey riding and tippitoeing adventures LOL but I do have many phonebooks to mark my visits. My favorite is a 1974 one from sandusky Ohio! LOL

Welcome to all the new posters!!! :D

7/31/2006 11:29:00 PM  

Anonymous Cora said...

Oh Harlot, he's amazing! Too bad, I was not able to catch him in Manila!

I liked what he said in this article about smokers..

He feels that he can do anything on his book tours, so, one time, he thought he’d like to give priority signing to smokers.

“In my thinking, smokers have less time to live so they have less time to stand in line,” he says.


Details of which is in here!

Salamat! :)

8/01/2006 12:20:00 AM  

Anonymous Cora said...

Oh my, did I reveal anything? I didn't read the above post before posting my comments! Oh so sowie...(*here slashing a hammer on my head*)

8/01/2006 12:26:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Cora, welcome and don't worry LOL. The only one here who knows where i live is evil Trollop, so if those rabid stalkers appear again, it'll be her fault! Hope you post often! :D

8/01/2006 12:38:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Re: You bloody well lost the book! Yes, my postal service sucks, but it was YOURS that lost it!!!!!!! The only reason he said mine did is because you deceived him with your evil lies!!! *grrr*

I didn't loose it! YOU DID! :@ And i didn't lie to darling David! *gasp* How dare you suggest such a horrid thing?!? Bite your tongue, YOU EVIL WOMAN!!!

8/01/2006 12:41:00 AM  

Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

Yeah, but can he do one-armed push ups?

8/01/2006 12:57:00 AM  

Blogger C Bradshaw said...

Yep, he missed me. Oh, i shouldn't say then that he drew me a small cigarette. You'll probably turn blue. :/ LOL"

OMG Harlot, you're the one who's evil! (cry) I want to meet David too. :(

8/01/2006 12:57:00 AM  

Blogger Lorelei said...

Trollop, you are so funny. LOL

Harlot, I love David Sedaris. I've met him on a book signing tour two years ago and like you said, he just glow. He's so warm and friendly and very witty, it's hard not to love him.

Ladybug, I suggest starting with Me Talk Pretty. I loved that one. :)

8/01/2006 01:31:00 AM  

Blogger Sabby said...

I think David Sedaris is brilliant. And he's a very funny guy! I loved all his books especially NAKED and ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY.

I would love to sit and just listen to him read. I won't mind waiting for so long too if the reward is that I could chat with him. Harlot, that's great that you got to meet him!

8/01/2006 03:53:00 AM  

Anonymous Georgina said...

"Thank you for making me rich." That is so David Sedaris. =) Glad you got to meet him. He's wonderful.

8/01/2006 04:29:00 AM  

Blogger marcos said...

ok, entendí que no quieres revelar datos personales... uhmmm, seguiré menos ya sé ( vuelvo a confirmar ) que hablas español.... te mando un gran abrazo

8/01/2006 09:51:00 AM  

Blogger Serendipity said...

Trollop, I hate to inform you this, but it probably was your postal service. After all, your country is close to mine and I didn't get my bloody Summer Gardens (yep, two fucking copies of them)!

I hope the postman who ended up with it is enjoying it!

Harlot, I am teary-eyed at thought of getting a signed copy of David's books. I have no idea he can't spell Hussy! See, one H and two SS. :P

8/01/2006 04:03:00 PM  

Blogger Lola Lovegood said...

I adore Davit THedariTH (trollop LOL). I went to a signing and reading of his two years ago and was mesmerized. That man sure can write a funny essay!

8/01/2006 04:08:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

>>>Trollop, I hate to inform you this, but it probably was your postal service. After all, your country is close to mine and I didn't get my bloody Summer Gardens (yep, two fucking copies of them)!

HA! SEE!!!!
Trollop, Y-O-U-R fault! :He he

Sent the book already. :)

8/01/2006 05:07:00 PM  

Blogger that mckim girl said...

I met David Sedaris after he gave an almost two hour lecture in Baltimore. Afterwards, I stuck around another few hours to get my books was worth it to talk to him! He tried to get me to join his army of smokers and to convince my mother to start smoking again by leaving a pack of cigarettes on her kitchen table, tied with a big red bow. He signed one of my books "No one likes a quitter". Hi-larious.

8/03/2006 04:13:00 PM