Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Becks' love tool is as big as a tractor exhaust pipe

Apparently, no one told Victoria Beckham about what classy, tactful women say: Never brag about how great your sex life is, or how big your man’s dick is, for some skank may come along and covet your Captain Hightop the Love Commander.

In response to rumors that her hubby had stuffed one of her implants in his undies on the now infamous Armani ad:

“I’m proud I still have a really good sex life with David. He is very much in proportion. He does have a huge one, though. He does. You can see it in the advert. It is all his. It is like a tractor exhaust pipe!

Victoria, I’m no farmer in the Dell and knows squat about agricultural equipment and heavy machineries. I can’t even drive. Hell, I can run you over with a tractor and I’ll still sleep the sleep of the pure. Er, *ahem* my point is, it’s not really Becks’ “tractor exhaust pipe” that appears huge on the ad but his golden balls. What would you say now, huh? “He does have huge balls. They are all his. They are like WATERMELONS!”???

Since this is still Becks we’re talking about, occasional star of my XXX dreams, I still need to know exactly what Farmer Spice is talking about. I googled stuff and *gasp*:

Jeebus Crust! Okay, fuck discretion and decorum LOL. Victoria, tell us—and I need muchos details—which resembles David’s dingledong the most? Tractor exhaust pipe 1, 2 or super jumbo 3? C’mon, woman! Curious and utter pervs need to know!

UPDATE: It looks like David isn’t the only one in the marriage with a natural bulge. EUWW! (Ayyyy!)


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6 comment(s):

Blogger Menchie said...

Ha ha! Saw those lumps of Posh yesterday on the web. Ew! Ew! Ew!

12/18/2007 09:13:00 PM  

Blogger Sarah McCarty said...

*blink* What is causing those lumps? I mean I'm fat and no amount of squishing could make that occur. Flesh just doesn't move like that. Does she have a spare set of boobs she ahem, moves out of the way to display the preferred one?

12/18/2007 09:43:00 PM  

Anonymous karamia said...

Um, I think that weird little bulge is very similar to a part you would find on a boy rather than a girl. Or maybe it's part of her fake boob leaking into her armpit?

12/19/2007 08:54:00 PM  

Blogger Alice said...

Ew, that lump hanging out is so gross!

12/20/2007 02:01:00 AM  

Blogger December/Stacia said...

It's the stump of her little angel wing, because she's just so perfectly perfect.

That's gross. That's what happens when you've had several children and you wear outfits that push the loose tummy skin all the way up. BLEH!

12/20/2007 07:37:00 AM  

Blogger Jolie said...

I think her implants are leaking in her armpits...

12/23/2007 10:11:00 PM