Saturday, December 15, 2007

Has porn ruined sex?


I like Jezebel; it’s funny and sarcastic, two of my favorite characteristics in the world. *g* Yet there are times when its kind of feminism is the type that shows women as ceaseless victims at the feet of men. Oh, honey, VERRA insulting.

Yesterday’s post “How About You Don’t Ask to Come on My Face on the First Date” filed under the subject “How Porn Ruined Sex” (with a picture of that Kim woman looking like a lingerie-wearing goat), talks about—supposedly—women and their encounters with appalling sexual requests, including the face-coming:


[...] “they don’t think sex is ‘good’ unless it’s somehow fetish-y.”

We all know it is true: porn is doing to sex what scotch is doing to your liver. And I mean, it makes sense! It’s so easy to get, and so perfect for the beaten-down and emotionally unavailable! But seriously, it has to stop. That’s all.


Who was it that said: “There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?” I can’t help but wonder, if porn watching is undeniably behaviour altering, why aren’t programs like lifestyle shows? Or cooking shows? There are a lot of male chefs on TV and a lot of men are watching them cook; so where’s my man-cooked meal? What about violent shows? Trollop is cuckoo about Tarantino’s films. I’m telling you, the gorier it is—flying hacked limbs and all bloody stuff—the more she likes it. Has she ever shot or stabbed or chopped off some dude’s dick? Well, not yet.

I don’t agree that porn is bad—and that we should eliminate it—but I’m not going to say it’s unquestionably good either. I’ve seen porn that ranges from teeth-gnashingly annoying with women faking as they mewl and meow like cats, to some that are actually hot. Yet even when it hovers on the laughably bad category, I’ve never once thought that “proliferation of porn is forcing women to do ‘things they don’t want to do’ in bed.” WTF? Seriously???

Not only did Jezebel forget to consider that there are women who actually like to have come on their faces (if that’s what you’re into, what’s wrong with that?) but that women—and men—HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO to stuff that makes them go “Euww!” Similarly men—and women—have the right to request said stuff, yep, even on a first date. And really, would it be so bad to talk a little about sex before doing it? “No buttsex, darling, yes to *beep beep verra pervy b-b-beep*.” ;)

Has porn ruined sex? Oh, wait. Maybe BOB and sex toys ruined sex? What about provoking suggestive ads? Lingerie, condoms, lubes, Kama Sutra, *gasp* romance novels?

I loooove vanilla sex. I love being bent, folded, licked, sucked, tweaked, wanked, fiddled—not necessarily in that order. *g* I also love it when a man can dominate me in bed and allow me to act out my fantasies. And also be happy with the roles reversed, heh. I like a lot of sex that would appear in your typical porn, particularly when someone I adore gives me access to his cock on a frequent basis because I’ll show him a woman who’s happily loved-up. What I don’t like and need is to be told that I like “fetish-y” stuff because your personal belief system doesn’t encompass mine, nor that I *only* like what I like because I’ve become a victim of the gawddamn eeeebil porn industry.

Don’t come on me because I DON’T enjoy it.

Come on me because *I* take pleasure in it.

I assure you, my sex life—and my liver—are both healthy. I’m a porn loving, porn reading, porn watching, mind-blowing sex fan who never had a problem saying NO to a sexual act I do not want to do. And yes, heaven help the stupid fuck who will come on/in me without permission, or pound me while calling me “you’re a dirty little whore!”


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18 comment(s):

Blogger Isabella said...

Thank you.

Sometimes people think that what they believe is the one true way and everyone else is "wrong".

There are a lot of things I would change about porn, but not get rid of it. Jeez.

I think it's not the face-coming that is the problem or that men want it, but that some men are doing it without permission on women who DON'T want them. That's just bad manners and gross.

12/15/2007 03:27:00 PM  

Anonymous Ollenska said...

Good post! Maybe there are guys whose concept of good sex was skewed because of porn. That the only way to go is appreciate the "kinky" and "fetishy" things.

I've watched types of porn I don't like and wouldn't want to emulate. I can see how some of the kinkier, more "degrading" things (like having the guy cum all over your face) could make a guy feel like "normal" sex isn't enough. It's just the article assumes that there is no connection between anything you see in porn and anything girls want to do. And, yes, that we can say no to things we are not into.

Olly

12/15/2007 04:29:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Frankly, i don't like my man to come on my face. I'm just sooo tired of this kind of feminism that pushes what other people like into the "fetishy" section and then proclaim what they like as the acceptable one. And what about that insulting assumption that porn makes women do things they don't want to do in bed?

Oh well, that's my rant heh. I'm tired of the militant feminists who want to control my body and my views.

Eliminate porn.. Honestly...

12/15/2007 05:41:00 PM  

Blogger Jolie said...

A-freakin-MEN. I have to admit, sometimes I enjoy acting like a porn star. *G* BUt I don't want my BF to cum on my face. I'm good with him coming on my stomach or back. I make a distinction but there you go.

Every girl has their inner porn star. We all let it out in different ways.

12/15/2007 05:54:00 PM  

Anonymous Ollenska said...

"Every girl has their inner porn star. We all let it out in different ways."

Yes, yes! Also, better be a porn star than a dead fish.

Olly

12/15/2007 06:04:00 PM  

Anonymous Sabrina said...

If I were like the girls at Jezebel and had had a lot of terrible sex with men who expected me to act like the girls on porn, I'd be pissed off, too. Although, you have a great point here.

Perhaps instead of blaming porn and saying get rid of it altogether, Jezebel should be teaching women to say no to things they don't want to do in bed.

Great post.

12/15/2007 06:44:00 PM  

Anonymous Ally Snow said...

Interesting topic: how porn has changed people's sexual practices. Personally, I think porn is good. It has had a lot of beneficial and liberating effect on sexual practices. People experiment more with different sexual positions and oral sex and anal sex after having seen these acts demonstrated on porn films.

In John Updike's Rabbit Run, the main character (a.k.a. The Rabbit) finds out his wife has had an affair with another man. So he forces her to submit to a blowjob. In the book, which was published in 1960, it's presented as a degrading sex act. Nowadays, I don't think people still consider fellatio as degrading.

With that said, I consider cuming on your face (cliche ending for most porn films) as S&M. In my opinion, it plays at humiliation and submission. It's not something you do unless you know your partner very well. Still, I wonder how many men who grew up watching porn view it as a "standard" sexual practice.

12/15/2007 10:16:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

I think porn is to men what romance novels are to women: They are a fantasy.

I don't mind my bf coming wherever he wants. All the same to me really, whatever turns him on LOL Also, I can assure you I have come a hundred times more over his face than he has over mine and I don't see any woman complaining about that! LOL

I think porn is healthy for people with healthy minds but isn't that the same for everything? Movies, guns, violence, sex, rape, robery, murder etc... If you are a crazy fuck you can copy bad behavior from just about anything, even church.

Last but not least, what happens between consenting adults behind a closed door -and doesn't include animals or children LOL- is nothing but their business and I really don't see what porn's gotta do with it! *hmmphh*

12/16/2007 02:21:00 AM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

God save us from close-minded prudes.

I agree with Trollop, what's porn got to do with it? As long as you like what you're doing, you're with someone who really likes you, who appreciates your hot fudge sundae or whatever... regardless of your toppings.

12/16/2007 05:59:00 AM  

Anonymous C said...

I think the analogy is not so much scotch:liver but maybe something more like red wine:heart. I actually agree that the proliferation of porn has changed the way that people view sex - but I think this is true for both men AND women and I think it is a GOOD thing.

As you've said, both sexes might enjoy the full spectrum of sex acts and have the right to refuse/request them even on a first date. It seems to me that mass proliferation of porn has made the "kinkier" sex acts more socially permissible. Familiarity breeds comfort, and seeing those things frequently acted out on the screen makes it easier for both men and women to request them. A potential partner is less likely to be appalled because the act is not unheard of... I think porn has sort of established a new baseline, allowing people to become more creative sexually.

Not that the industry doesn't have its evils, of course, but it has its benefits too. The more I think about it, red wine is a great analogy. Not good in excess, but a little can be very beneficial.

12/16/2007 02:50:00 PM  

Anonymous JennaRay said...

Big "secret": women LOVE porn, too.

Put smut on TV, it will be a better country.

12/17/2007 03:33:00 AM  

Anonymous JennaRay said...

Why do porn sites ask if you are 18? Any horny 13-year-old knows to just click "yes".

12/17/2007 03:35:00 AM  

Anonymous karamia said...

What a great post! I love the Comedy on the Street quote. I think that porn is the last thing to blame here. How about if women stop dating (sleeping with) stupid men that can't read a woman well enough to know that he maybe shouldn't ask on the first date if he can cum all over her face? Or what if you got to know a guy a little before you slept with him?That way you might see before hand if there are things about him that you don't see eye to eye on.
And please don't think I am any kind of saint, I slept with my husband and maybe a few other guys on the first date :), I just didn't blame the whole population of men if they turned out to be not quite right for me.
I say Porn Is Good.
and C. I love the wine and porn analogy. I like wine with porn even more ;)

12/17/2007 05:32:00 PM  

Blogger Sarah McCarty said...

"I think that porn is the last thing to blame here. How about if women stop dating (sleeping with) stupid men"

Sing it woman!!!

Personally, I can't watch porn. Quietly at least. *G* I feel compelled to comment. I think of it as helpful critiquing, but it drives my hubby nuts.*G* I actually find it boring in the extreme, but then again, I'm hyper active and it takes a very compelling movie to keep me engaged.

As for men doing what women don't want, I really don't understand that. They usually respond very well to redirection. I mean, seriously, most men (like women) want to please their partner, and even failing that, want to perceive themselves as a stud so just being given a hint of the direction usually sends them down the right path

However, there are the mule headed ones, but even then a well placed frying can usually establish the proper redirection. *G*

12/17/2007 11:44:00 PM  

Blogger Jolie said...

Now that I think about it, I think asking on the first date is actually a good thing. Because knowing then saves me a lot of heartache down the road when he won't don things I want to do in bed or he want to do things I'm not comfortable doing. Nothing kills a relationship more than sexual incompatibility.

12/18/2007 03:06:00 AM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Re: Personally, I can't watch porn. Quietly at least. *G* I feel compelled to comment. I think of it as helpful critiquing, but it drives my hubby nuts.*G*

OH LOL I do the same thing! My bf refuses to watch porn with me b/c I can't keep my mouth closed. I'm always like "huh? there is no way that would really happen, who waits for their plumber in a see-through nighty?" or "oh, come on, teachers do not go to school with a white shirt and no bras!".

Apparently my bf doesn't find these plots quite as far fetched and doesn't like me pointing out these very obvious flaws!!!!! KIK

12/18/2007 02:39:00 PM  

Anonymous karamia said...

Re: Personally, I can't watch porn. Quietly at least. *G* I feel compelled to comment. I think of it as helpful critiquing, but it drives my hubby nuts.*G*

That's why we like wine with our porn! I tend to overlook all the flaws and the hubby can overlook my making fun of it.
I also hate how the guys are never as hot as the girls. Guess it's not made for me as much as him. Humph.

12/18/2007 06:09:00 PM  

Blogger Sarah McCarty said...

"I also hate how the guys are never as hot as the girls."

Yeah, whats' up with that? They get surgically enhanced airbrushed perfection, and we get Larry the Lounge Lizard at the end of a five day binge. *shudder*

12/18/2007 09:47:00 PM