Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Someone fucking shoot me and put me out of my misery!

Gone too Far by Suzanne Brockmann is the sorriest excuse for a book I’ve read in months, and let me tell you, I read a LOT of crap.

You might say it’s unfair of me to criticize this book, seeing as I’ve skipped well over 100 pages, but if you’d read it yourself, you’d give me a medal of honor for having continued with this piece of baby doodle after the first three chapters.

This Sam individual is always whining—that’s all he does. He cries and begs and irritates the hell out of me with his wimpy attitude. This man needs a spinal cord transplant because I need to tell you, HE DOESN’T HAVE ONE!

Don’t even let me get started on Alyssa. This woman is so mean and vicious it is beyond me why ANYONE, let alone two men, would be in love with her. She is always yelling and saying horrible things to whiny Sam/Roger/Ringo—not that he doesn’t deserve it; but could someone please explain what these two fuckwits have in common, and why in gad’s name have they been paired up in this book?

But what has me banging my head against a wall until I’m so numb that I can’t feel anything anymore, is the horrible writing by SB: it’s boring and lame, and let’s please chip in to buy this woman a thesaurus. If I have to read “aching,” “sweet,” “jesus,” “god,” “oh, um,” “like, you know” and/or “mocha colored” again, I will seriously think of slicing my own wrists to stop the insanity.

At this moment I’m thinking that SB is really a 5th grade boy masquerading as a romance author. There is no coherence between one paragraph and the next; her story line is all over the place (I have to be following at least 6-7 plots at the same time), and she has pages and pages and pages of endless, stupid, eternally boring and repetitive dialogue! This book could have been written in 20 pages or less. SB, get yourself a fucking editor because you REALLY need one.

And, I’m still reading. *sigh* I know! This makes me even more pathetic than Sam, which is no small feat I assure you. Thing is, inside me lives this evil little creature who enjoys these awful books and forces me to keep reading even when I’ve almost passed out from the unbearable pain. But even worse, this evil little bitch just made me bid on four more SEAL’s books by SB, because now, I really need to know what it is others find so irresistible about this series, and I’m sure as hell not going to find it in Gone too Far.

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24 comment(s):

Blogger Aggie said...

Chortle - Very funny - I hope the author is reading. I can't seem to find alot of your authors books here in N.Z. Perhaps your New Zealand paneller (is she the one who likes to panel men's rears?) could let me know where to get hold of some of them? (books, not men....although if she knows that too....???
I've been readin some Sandra Brown and some Elizabeth Lowell, some Nora Roberts and Linda Howard (who I like usually) although I didn't like her last one - the futuristic one. Cheers.

3/14/2006 06:35:00 AM  

Blogger Lumiel said...

hmm, strange site,and quite sad if you ask me. Why continuously put down other authors? Something tells me you are no literary experts. Has one of you ever attempted to write a novel? MAybe then you would realise the process is actually quite difficult. I hope your bad karma does not rebound to you, but you should try giving more love and support to others, this website shows a very unhealthy side yo yourselves. Sry, this is just how it seems to somebody who does not understand meaningless critism for pleasure.Love and light, L

3/14/2006 07:24:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Lumiel, babe, you obviously haven't read our blog LOL. Anyway, i'm sorry that you find it strange just because we voice our opinion. We do not use bullshit here, and prefer to giving it straight to our readers (er, is this what you mean when you said meaningless?). Of course if the book/author deserves a praise, we also do that. We give credit to those who are due. :D

3/14/2006 08:03:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Gotta share. :P

Last night, Trollop bid for two set of books on Ebay. One SB lot (don't ask why), and the other, chic lit lot--a very attractive 12 chic lit books, i have to say. I almost died laughing when she kept praying someone should outbid her for the SB books and then end up winning them. LOL Oh, what's that? What about the chic lit books? She lost them, of course. LOL!!!

3/14/2006 08:09:00 AM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Very nice Harlot :@ laugh at my misery :( Now I'm stuck with four more of these crappy books. I just hope they turn out to be incredible and then I'll be the one that laughs last. Muahahahaha.


Lumiel,

First, welcome aboard. I checked out your site; very interesting stuff. :D

Second, I wish you would've taken the time to really read our blog before posting that comment. You see, I might be wrong here –have awful memory-, but I do believe this is the first time, since November, that any of us has trashed a book that we've read. We praise books we love; we try to share them with others because books are sacred and beautiful; because it’s so bloody hard and expensive for us to get books where we live we appreciate them twice as much as the normal reader. But there is no way I am going to praise a BAD book. Kudos to the author for spending her time writing it, but I do not have to like it, and I’m entitled to my opinion of it, especially in my own blog.

I am really sorry that authors work hard on them, but there are a LOT of books out there that are in dire need of editing and a LOT more that should never have been published. Publishers and authors try to push their crap on readers, it is unfair and shameless and it should stop! My money is worth a lot to me, and so is my time and I will NOT condone or endorse the way these publishing houses/writers try to rip readers off. I do not deserve it and I’m sure as hell going to voice my opinion about it loud and clear. And I’m not talking about books which plots I don’t like –there are so many of those I’d be writing 24/7 about them- I’m talking about books that are horribly written and seem to have been penned by halfwit idiots, who cannot even take a minute to find a synonym in a thesaurus, and then try to tell me it’s literature.

Yes, none of us are literary critics, and yes, it must be very hard to write a book. But also, there is no way I would let anyone go out and buy a book as poorly written as this one. I owe it to myself and to the readers that trust us to give it to them straight and I will keep on doing so, because you see babe, I'm an evil sadistic bitch lol, after all I do have to live up to my name: Vicious Trollop. *wink*

BTW, finished book last night. Only redeeming thing was the storyline between Max and Gina. We'll see how the others turn out :P

3/14/2006 09:21:00 AM  

Anonymous Vixen said...

Trollop, you crack me up! you have me LMAO as usual.
As for Ebay, have been bidding for that massive amount of Janet Evanovich Plum books. Had to go and read the first one, now I have to finish them off but am too cheap to buy at store, lol, so am hoping for deal on Ebay. Will surely get outbid since I forget to check it. lol. No attention span.

Now, Lumiel, don't knock the bitches, it pisses their fans off.
Half my TBR list is filled with their recs, it's a long list.

3/14/2006 09:27:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Hey Aggie!
Tart is the one from NZ, and *ahem* i think, yes, she likes to panel her BF's rear. LOL :P I'm sure she won't mind telling you where she get her books. Am actually jelous of Tart's bookstores as Paullina Simons (have you read her?) books are easily accessible to her. :S



Trollop,
Oh, i sure hope you like them babe. I mean, really, to actually FIGHT and OUTBID OTHER PEOPLE just to get your hands on those SB books, hmm.. am thinking these books are probably very precious (am trying not to laugh--i swear!!!).

3/14/2006 09:38:00 AM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

OOoh Trollop, bad books are a bitch!lol You're giving me flashbacks to EHolly rant. At least it didnot traumatize you. How would you like to know ALL the diff ways gay men get off together and have it etched in your brain forever??:(

I despise rep dialogue and boring, insignificant flashbacks. They just piss me off major. It's not even the waste of money. But don't dare waste my sweet ass TIME with a crappy book!

Now if you were bitchin' about too much graphic sex, I'd say, OK you don't like that. Then I'd go get the book lol!

IMO, there's not enough honest critiquing of theses authors and pubs. Pub just want more sales and sometimes authors endorse their friends' books whether they are good or not :(

So please, rant/praise away!!
And Thanks!

PS..Feel like i'm always thanking the bookbitches, lol. guess that's cuz you rock!!

3/14/2006 11:42:00 AM  

Blogger Dylan said...

LOL! Oh my ears are ringing, but I respect that you don't like my fav Sam!!! Like I said yesterday different strokes for different folks, but it's okay sweets I still love reading your honesty and I forgive you for not liking my Sam! LMAO!! j/k. That's okay though, I'll love him enough for the both of us!

But PLEASEEEEE!!! Check out the other books first and read Sam's back story and then if you still hate the crap out of him, I'll admit defeat and still love the hell out of him!

((((((Trollop))))))))))

Happy Reading...or not! ;)

3/14/2006 02:00:00 PM  

Blogger Bawdy Babe said...

Lumiel, if you want nice, polite book reviews whether deserved or not I suggest you look up Harriet Klauser. I think she is more your style.

Don't know why you are offended by the truth. Granted books are subjective. But crap is crap.

If authors have the balls to put out bad books and expect the readers to dish out hard earned money for it, then we reserve the right to say the book was bad. Period. End of discusssion.

With that said we are all intitled to our opinions. And we thank you for sharing yours.

3/14/2006 02:06:00 PM  

Blogger Andrea said...

Yeah, Suzanne Brockmann's books jump to different stories which is really confusing sometimes. I like the David/Mallory story in Defiant Hero, I loved Out of Control (which is practically the only one I really enjoyed, it's WildCard's story), and I HATED Max and Gina's story (Breaking Point). Cosmo and Jane's story didn't make an impression but the gay subplot of Robin and Jules did. I don't know what that says about me personally, but there it is.

3/14/2006 02:34:00 PM  

Blogger krusty the baker said...

I was just passing by, just thought I'd say I like what I read, good stuff all. You're right guys, knickers to Lumiel; if I put an opinion or statement in the public space I must expect comment, whether I like it or not. So if I publish my crap book, I must be prepared for people to say it's crap, even if I don't think it is. That's the way it is.

3/14/2006 02:35:00 PM  

Blogger Nika said...

Ladies,
I've been reading your blog for a week or so now, Thank you for your honesty! It's cool to see that the love of books has not completely faded into the abyss of life with T.V. Don't get me wrong, even I love a few T.V. shows, but there is no true comparison to one's own imagination. Having said that, I love all your ranting and ravings!! It reminds me of being back with my best girls and having our famous "bitch fests." Again thanks for the laughs and critiques!

3/14/2006 02:56:00 PM  

Blogger cementkitten said...

I've never read any of the books that are discussed on this blog. Honestly, I probably never will because I'm not really into the romance genre. But I have to say that I have really enjoyed reading this blog. It's good to know that if I ever do decide to read a romance novel, I'll know where I can get an honest review.

3/14/2006 03:39:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Hullo everyone and welcome, you guys. :D I've never read Brockmann and now just waiting for Trollop to suffer from her new acquired SB books--i mean, waiting for her to give me an account of them. :P LOL


Cementkitten, what kind of books do you read? Trollop and Bawdy read books from different genres, from chic lit to religious themed books. Tart reads almost everything!--she reads the most between us four, and me, i love historical fiction. Of course, we have a few good romance recs if you want to start reading some awesome love stories. :D

3/14/2006 05:16:00 PM  

Blogger Trish said...

Here's a tip: if you don't like the book and you've read to about half way. STOP.
Give it to the library or return for you $$.
If you force yourself to finish a book that's making you miserable, you haven't come to appreciate, yet, the gift of time.

3/14/2006 05:38:00 PM  

Blogger jaxieknight said...

VT- I understand exactly what you mean. I am finally finishing Dark Desires by Eve Silver... exasperating, exhausting experience. Teeth pulling would have yielding more satisfaction than trying to read this one. The author must have had a thing for lips... it seemed like every other paragraph began "She licked her lips" or "Darcie licked her lips." Aarrggg I wanted to reach in the book and give this 19th century gal a tube of Blistex!

3/14/2006 07:59:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmm i was going to read a Suzanne Brockmann book, b/c people said such good things now im not sure. if you want a great author sherilyn kenyon/kinley macgregor and karen marie moning :)

3/14/2006 09:05:00 PM  

Blogger Serendipity said...

Hey...I love Sam. I like him a lot until he had his own book. I think he was more intresting as a side story than the main guy. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's how I feel about him as a character.

I did really like the back story he has as a child...after that, the book is not the best one in my story. I think too much anticipation and all that hype ruined it for me...same with Max and Gina.

I like these two couples when they're not the main menu. That said, I think Brockmann delivers entertaining books. Even if painful some of the times.

3/15/2006 02:31:00 AM  

Blogger Dylan said...

Ooh I liked David and Mallory's story too in The Unsung Hero...David was such a cutie nerd!

3/15/2006 01:31:00 PM  

Anonymous Vixen said...

Speaking of shitty books. I just read the worst chick lit I have ever read, no wait, second worst. It had such potential too. LOL at some parts then I just sat there stunned at the bad writting.

3/15/2006 05:35:00 PM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

Lol, Vixen, you can't do that! Now spill! What was the book??

3/15/2006 05:59:00 PM  

Blogger Dylan said...

Ooh Vixen, you HAVE to tell us what book you're talking about because I just bought a whole shit load of chick lit books and I'm hoping and praying that the book you're talking about isn't in that pile....

3/21/2006 03:26:00 PM  

Anonymous Lisa Paitz Spindler said...

The appeal of Sam and Alyssa is all about the payoff after seeing them interact in the other novels of the series. So, if "Gone Too Far" is the first one you read, then you missed the whole setup.

Sam is so not my favorite though. That'd be Kenny 'Wildcard' Carmody, computer geek and SEAL wrapped up into one. Start with his story, "Out of Control."

My second favorite is Nihls, a linguist, in "The Defiant Hero."

6/20/2007 09:57:00 AM