Thursday, January 10, 2008

"Some people, well, if they don't like Scientology, well, then, [bleep] you. Really. [Bleep] you. Period."

Oh, Tom, you sociopathic midget with a god complex. Dontcha know? There are a lot of fuckers out there. Or bleepers, whatever.

But really, what’s up with the media circus surrounding Andrew Morton’s wacky new Scientology exposé, Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography? First, they claimed that Morton was forced to sell his London house and go “underground” because Tom Cruise threatened to eat his brain. Then they were like “tee hee, just kidding.” And then they leaked the “shocking” allegations of the book:
  • Tom’s daughter with Katie Holmes was conceived like Rosemary’s Baby, a film “in which an unsuspecting young woman is impregnated with the Devil’s child.” Morton claims that some “fanatical” Scientologists believe that Suri is the result of a sperm donation by Scientology’s dead founder, L. Ron Hubbard.
  • Morton implies that Scientology executives contributed to the failure of Tom’s marriage to Nicole Kidman. He also states that she was worried that her Scientology “audit” tapes, which contained details of her sex life, might be leaked if she spoke out.
  • The author says that Penelope Cruz’s father feared that his daughter would be drawn into a “cult” while she dated her Vanilla Sky co-star, and “emailed an organization devoted to helping cult members and their families.”
  • Morton says that Tom’s current mission is to recruit David and Victoria Beckham. (PageSix)
Outrageous allegations? Sure. But let’s be honest here, do you see anything NEW? I don’t. Some of these have been circulating since TomKat assaulted me with their yucky nonstop PDA (my poor eyes, I tell ya!).

Where’s the hint that Tom declared himself as the New Christ? (“Worship me, people of Teegeeack!”) Where’s the tidbit about Tom restoring an alien spaceship buried under a volcano somewhere? Where’s the story of Tom luring Becks and his android wife into a foursome with an intergalactic platypus?! Where, dammit, WHERE?!?

Mr. Morton, *tsk*tsk* I’m verra, verra disappointed...

**Quote from Rolling Stone’s “The Passion of The Cruise”
***Photo source: Gallery of the Absurd

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12 comment(s):

Blogger Frank and Renee Rocco said...

Hello Harlot. I haven't really been around your blog (any blog with the name Bitch scares me. I'm sure you can imagine why. lol). After reading your comment on Book Binge, it seems you've earned a loyal reader. Hope you don't mind. :)

And I feel the same way about this book. Nothing new. Just the same old, same old (but the shirts are a hoot).


1/10/2008 01:38:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Hey Frank or Renee(?),

Welcome aboard *smile*

It was actually me on bookbinge not Harlot *G*

There's two of us, the nice, pretty, smart one (I) and the other one (her) LOL

Never thought about our name being intimidating but I guess it could scare people away *sniff* We're actually looking into moving to our own domain and probably changing our name exactly because we don't want to be associated to blogs that promote the kind of things Holly mentioned in her post.

1/10/2008 01:56:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Oh, Harlot, forgot to say: That kid (suri) is a carbon copy of Tom Cruise so unless this Hubard (or whatever) guy was Tom's father I don't see how he could be little cutie robot Suri's father.

People come out with some ridiculous stuff. Geezuz

1/10/2008 01:58:00 PM  

Blogger Petra said...

LOL! You should read this review on the New York Times:

The Tom Cruise of this book is emphatically, unremarkably heterosexual throughout its tedious opening chapters about his boyhood. “I was black and blue from the gearshift, I can tell you that,” says a high school girlfriend who spent time with him in a car. Mr. Cruise is also said to have collected model airplanes, impersonated Woody Woodpecker and done a standout job of playing the Sun in a fifth-grade pageant. “Even 30 years later it still gives me goose bumps,” one of his schoolteachers recalls about the budding star’s performance.

1/10/2008 05:31:00 PM  

Anonymous Di said...

Black and blue from a gearshift? Sounds like my kind of guy LMAO

I still think Tom is hot. I'd join that cult for him (and his millions).

1/10/2008 05:47:00 PM  

Anonymous Lu said...

The book begins with ''If truth be told, Tom Cruise Mapother IV has always been something of a ladies' man'' (should any biographer open with ''if truth be told''?) and ends with this thunderclap: ''Perhaps the most complex character he has ever played is Tom Cruise himself.'' Between those sentences resides a 323-page air sandwich. ... Morton's on-the-record sources — grade-school ''friends,'' former neighbors, disgruntled ex-Scientologists — are many rings away from his chosen bull's-eye. The lack of fresh material is manifest in desperate stretching (Cruise went to high school in Glen Ridge, N.J., and a decade later, there was a rape case involving...Glen Ridge high schoolers!), family arcana (Cruise's grandfather's cousin's academic works fill 8.3 cubic feet in a library — noted!), and the uncategorizably bizarre (after reading that Church leader David Miscavige is ''two years older if two inches shorter'' than Cruise, I felt two seconds older if two IQ points dumber). Source:,,20170021,00.html

Thanks to EW for saving me time and money.

1/10/2008 11:32:00 PM  

Blogger Jolie said...

Tom Cruise, frankly, scares me. I wouldn't want to pass him in a dark alley.

You have to wonder though, when Andrew Morton published that book about Princess Diana, many were angry with the "lies" of his book. I bet those "lies" in Tom's book will be proven all too true as well. Ha!

1/11/2008 05:23:00 AM  

Blogger Frank and Renee Rocco said...

Hey ladies. It was me (Renee) who posted. And Frank (the husband) and I (the wife. lol) have a standing disagreement about Suri. I think she's adorable. Him? Not so much. I think thi sis just about the only thing we disagree on!

As for Tom, well, some of his egg broke int he basket. Poor lad. lol

Renee - who is not intimidated by the Book Bitches anymore because they are extremely NICE bitches. ;)

1/11/2008 07:45:00 AM  

Anonymous Ally said...

I really don't care about an actor's beliefs, religion or politics and I believe celebrities have the right to keep their private lives private.

Other actors have done crazy things, Russell Crowe for example, and I have no problem enjoying his movies. But with Tom Cruise I can't.

I am one of those who used to think Tom was hotstuff. But now, rather than being able to enjoy his acting, I'm thinking about the weird things he has done or is doing.

1/11/2008 11:49:00 AM  

Blogger Jordis Juice said...

Did the book include the "rumor" that Tom Cruise interviewed - INTERVIEWED! - young actresses for the part of his girlfriend?

He chose Katie and after a few weeks they were engaged to be married!

I do believe Suri is Tom and Katie's child - maybe through a petri dish to make it more science-y - but that doesn't chance the fact that Tom Cruise is a sick freak who belongs to a cult.

1/11/2008 01:47:00 PM  

Anonymous ~Cassie~ said...

I too enjoyed Tom's movies but then he became this raving lunatic. I respect a person's right to pursue his chosen religion and voice his opinions but Tom's personal attack and ignorant ranting about psychiatry/psychology is simply unacceptable.

1/11/2008 01:53:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

RE: Did the book include the "rumor" that Tom Cruise interviewed - INTERVIEWED! - young actresses for the part of his girlfriend?

I read about this! They said he interviewed Kate Boshworth and Lindsay Lohan too. Imagine if he picked Lindsay heh.

1/11/2008 03:43:00 PM