"Some people, well, if they don't like Scientology, well, then, [bleep] you. Really. [Bleep] you. Period."
Oh, Tom, you sociopathic midget with a god complex. Dontcha know? There are a lot of fuckers out there. Or bleepers, whatever.
But really, what’s up with the media circus surrounding Andrew Morton’s wacky new Scientology exposé, Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography? First, they claimed that Morton was forced to sell his London house and go “underground” because Tom Cruise threatened to eat his brain. Then they were like “tee hee, just kidding.” And then they leaked the “shocking” allegations of the book:
- Tom’s daughter with Katie Holmes was conceived like Rosemary’s Baby, a film “in which an unsuspecting young woman is impregnated with the Devil’s child.” Morton claims that some “fanatical” Scientologists believe that Suri is the result of a sperm donation by Scientology’s dead founder, L. Ron Hubbard.
- Morton implies that Scientology executives contributed to the failure of Tom’s marriage to Nicole Kidman. He also states that she was worried that her Scientology “audit” tapes, which contained details of her sex life, might be leaked if she spoke out.
- The author says that Penelope Cruz’s father feared that his daughter would be drawn into a “cult” while she dated her Vanilla Sky co-star, and “emailed an organization devoted to helping cult members and their families.”
- Morton says that Tom’s current mission is to recruit David and Victoria Beckham. (PageSix)
Where’s the hint that Tom declared himself as the New Christ? (“Worship me, people of Teegeeack!”) Where’s the tidbit about Tom restoring an alien spaceship buried under a volcano somewhere? Where’s the story of Tom luring Becks and his android wife into a foursome with an intergalactic platypus?! Where, dammit, WHERE?!?
Mr. Morton, *tsk*tsk* I’m verra, verra disappointed...
**Quote from Rolling Stone’s “The Passion of The Cruise”
***Photo source: Gallery of the Absurd