From flab to fab, and sometimes to just plain scary!
Every person—but mostly every woman I know—is obsessed with the way they look. They want bigger boobs, a smaller nose, ears that don’t like Dumbo about to take off, and most importantly, they want a slim/fit body.
I want most of the above mentioned, just in different proportions. I want a smaller nose (one that doesn’t look like a fucking hawk’s beak), perkier tits, and most definitely Britney Spears’ amazing abs (pre-baby).
In reality, most of those things are quite simple to achieve. All you need is a couple of thousands of dollars, a plastic surgeon that didn’t go to the St. Tropez Medical School of Retarded Physicians and a week or two off from work. But better even, all you really need is to be a celebrity.
These celebrities have all gone from flab to fab in a record amount of time. Some have dieted and exercised, others have gone under the knife; one claims she has “pilate-d” herself out of 150 pounds (yeah, right!), and others have probably resorted to Hollywood’s best kept dieting secret: the ever popular cocaine.
Jack Osbourne lost over 70 pounds between the spring/summer of 2005, and thank god almighty!—cut off all that fugly, wig-looking, freezy hair. Osbourne’s new lifestyle includes jogging, rock climbing and bedtime at 11 p.m. Drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and junk food are out, he says.
Nicole Richie morphed from a chubby hog to a starving horse in all of 20 seconds. And let me say, though she claims it was through a trainer and leading a healthier lifestyle, I strongly suspect this was drug related. I’ve seen few unhealthier looking people in my life...
... Except maybe for her gal pal Lindsey Lohan—who has become an object of pity. I think this girl looked great before. She had no reason to lose weight the way she did. I know she says her transformation has been completely stress related, but look at the way she proudly flaunts her bonny ass all about town (err, town being Hollywood LOL).
For Star Jones, who’s lost over 150 pounds, and in all honesty is looking pretty good (though she can’t afford to lose one more pound), I will just quote the queen of comedy, Rosie O’Donnell: “I don’t understand with Star Jones why she’s alright talking about a breast augmentation but not gastric bypass.* If you have to have a gastric bypass because you feel it’s a medical emergency and you have no alternative, then you have that, and there are repercussions to having that. But to pretend that you lost it doing Pilates, it’s kind of delusional.” Kind of delusional? I would go more with psychotic hallucination!
*I need to mention that Bawdy has been saying this for over a year. I’m starting to believe she’s right!
I want most of the above mentioned, just in different proportions. I want a smaller nose (one that doesn’t look like a fucking hawk’s beak), perkier tits, and most definitely Britney Spears’ amazing abs (pre-baby).
In reality, most of those things are quite simple to achieve. All you need is a couple of thousands of dollars, a plastic surgeon that didn’t go to the St. Tropez Medical School of Retarded Physicians and a week or two off from work. But better even, all you really need is to be a celebrity.
These celebrities have all gone from flab to fab in a record amount of time. Some have dieted and exercised, others have gone under the knife; one claims she has “pilate-d” herself out of 150 pounds (yeah, right!), and others have probably resorted to Hollywood’s best kept dieting secret: the ever popular cocaine.
Jack Osbourne lost over 70 pounds between the spring/summer of 2005, and thank god almighty!—cut off all that fugly, wig-looking, freezy hair. Osbourne’s new lifestyle includes jogging, rock climbing and bedtime at 11 p.m. Drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and junk food are out, he says.
Nicole Richie morphed from a chubby hog to a starving horse in all of 20 seconds. And let me say, though she claims it was through a trainer and leading a healthier lifestyle, I strongly suspect this was drug related. I’ve seen few unhealthier looking people in my life...
... Except maybe for her gal pal Lindsey Lohan—who has become an object of pity. I think this girl looked great before. She had no reason to lose weight the way she did. I know she says her transformation has been completely stress related, but look at the way she proudly flaunts her bonny ass all about town (err, town being Hollywood LOL).
For Star Jones, who’s lost over 150 pounds, and in all honesty is looking pretty good (though she can’t afford to lose one more pound), I will just quote the queen of comedy, Rosie O’Donnell: “I don’t understand with Star Jones why she’s alright talking about a breast augmentation but not gastric bypass.* If you have to have a gastric bypass because you feel it’s a medical emergency and you have no alternative, then you have that, and there are repercussions to having that. But to pretend that you lost it doing Pilates, it’s kind of delusional.” Kind of delusional? I would go more with psychotic hallucination!
*I need to mention that Bawdy has been saying this for over a year. I’m starting to believe she’s right!
Labels: celebs crap
BB, you're right on with Star. If she would've lost her wt. from exercise she would be yapping about 'so and so' her personal trainer or whatever. I used to be a trainer and whenever my clients lost wt/got fitter, whatever, I got busier b/c they would be talking all about it.
Trollop, I am with you on LL. What has happened to her? God, she used to be BEAUTIFUL! That picture to the left? Wow. but now. UGH such a waste of a great boobs, great hair, adorable face. Such a shame.
4/17/2006 02:33:00 PM
I want SMALLER boobs (well... smaller all around i guess) I love my nose... its cute even if it points a lil bit, I have never even THOUGHT about my ears... but now that I do, I like them... but the weight thing I am with.... But I have good reason... I am overweight and I know it... I'd be lying if i said it wasn't to look better... but it is more than that... I want to be HEALTHY! any advice?
4/17/2006 05:37:00 PM
Star Jones looks like an alien...her thinner face makes her eyes bug out. Yuck.
I do think that Nicole Richie is way too thin. Lohan is a pretty girl, and is now back to a nice weight.
I don't understand the obsession with some girls/women to look that thin. Most men I know prefer a woman with a bit of meat on the bones. Hell, my very fit, very lean with a great body Boyfriend can't stand scrawny chicks (which, you know, is great, cos I am SO not scrawny...I'm more like two scrawny Nicole Ritches and a thin Lohan LOL).
Granted, clothes do look better on you when you are thin. But to take it to the extreme? I mean, euw... a baggy bikini isn't v attractive.
4/17/2006 07:08:00 PM
Since we don't get "The View" here, i've never heard of this Star Jones until Bawdy and Trollop mentioend her last year. I honestly think she looks better now than before. Good for her for losing all that weight really. But don't get why she's lying about how she lost it.
I've always thoguht Lindsey is a very pretty girl. Then she started to look like a skeleton. Also, i think she looks better with her natural red hair than being blonde. Waht is it with losing weight and then dying your hair blonde? But, i agree that she's looking better these days gaining back some weight.
Now Nicole, OMG, she's just scary! She looks like a victim of famine. I don't think this skinny is attractive at all.. I don't think skinny is beautiful at all.
4/17/2006 08:14:00 PM
HM, you're so sweet! Big kiss to you!
Whoever was wishing for smaller boobs STOP right there. I've talk to Tart about this and I will now share it with the rest of you. Don't wish for smaller b/c someday you'll get it and you won't be happy you did. I was a full, perky big breasted woman then I breast fed 2 boys (don't get me wrong, i would do it again in a heart beat, I'm all for nursing) and I am now itty bitty. What was that committee, Tart? The "Itty Bitty Titty Committee"? Picture a deflated balloon with one last puff of air. That's me. It's so sad really.
BTW Tart, how was your trip?
4/17/2006 09:29:00 PM
When it comes to boobs, Tart's the winner LOL.
Vixen, i didn't know you used to be a trainer? You must have a killer bod!
HM, i posted a pic for you in FABB's yahoo account, under Trollop's folder. Look drunk LOL. But i love that pic. :D
4/17/2006 10:16:00 PM
yes, when it comes to boobs I have you all beat! We could have a "boob off" and I'd so win LOL :D
Vixen - mini break was good, though not long enough. Back to grey skies and work now.
4/17/2006 10:42:00 PM
Aggie, tomorrow babe. LOL It's in drafts already, just needs editing. ;)
4/19/2006 01:29:00 AM
Thank you God ... I mean Harlot ...
I mean Goddess ... *smooch*
4/19/2006 06:18:00 AM
Yeah Lindsay is looking pretty sad these days, she needs to go back to before...it's funny how in her case, her before photo looks WAY BETTER than her after photo...isn't it supposed to be the other way around? LOL.
And with Star Jones? Even with all of her weight loss, she still needs to stay out of bikini's...saw some pictures of her that made me want to puke.
4/19/2006 10:35:00 PM
What I have a problem with is that the excessive coverage of these women's weight loss subliminally promotes that this is how women should look. Come awards season, the coverage takes a back burner, only to come back full force for lack of better news to report.
So I start thinking, "Should my clavicle be sticking out enough for me to hang my clothes on? Do I want people mistaking my front for my back?" But mercifully this self-doubt is removed the second a cupcake is placed in front of me. I am reminded to ENJOY my life and what it has to offer, and not live a life of denial and self-flagellation. Something so small, so frivolous and sweet, in its wierd way reminds me of this. So as a result, my universal balance is restored.
4/20/2006 01:41:00 PM
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