Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Misunderstood?

About a year ago, shortly after Harlot and I discovered the magnitude of the online romance community and what goes on in a pretty little chunk of it, we made a decision—both for our peace of mind and our blog—to post as few comments as possible in other romance blogs and bulletin boards. Though I recognize this has prevented us from meeting a lot of wonderful bloggers and authors, the truth was—and is—the hassle just wasn’t worth it for us.

You see, we realized there is a certain part of the community that blog and BB hops just to find things to pick fights over. It seems as if they read all posts and comments with a critical eye expecting to find something that, when twisted around, will be controversial enough to begin the new brawl in town and will keep the entertainment going until the next mud-fight comes around.

It’s funny how you’ll publish a post or write a comment thinking it’s completely harmless and the next thing you know, someone’s suggesting that what you said isn’t really what you wrote but something else altogether. This “divine prophet” knows better than you because he/she can magically interpret your word’s true meaning that, most often than not, end up signifying something that had never even crossed your mind.

I’ve been wondering if, maybe, we aren’t the only ones shying away from commenting online. Like us, how many authors and readers would rather lurk than join the community because there’s a good possibility that their words will be “misunderstood”?


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41 comment(s):

Blogger Harlot said...

Re: shying away from commenting online

Besides the fact that i'm lazy and Trollop is busy, it's just too scary to venture in the upside down world, where white is black, in is out, good is evil. You have to waste too many braincells to keep up!

5/22/2007 02:30:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

You know, I've started commenting again in some sites. Ones I know are ok and wont start a fight over every tit and tat. So I do think you can join in, you just have to know where and maybe study the sites for a bit before you decided to dive in, god knows if the waters have any sharks in there LOL Better safe than sorry I say.

Harlot, I'm lazy?!?!?! Who was up at 5 am this morning finishing an essay I had to hand in, huh? I AM NOT LAZY. I'm like a little worker bee *g*

5/22/2007 02:40:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

"Harlot, I'm lazy?!?!?!"

If you will look, Miss Vicious, you'll see i deleted that particular comment and replaced it with me as the lazy one! Since apparently, it's the truth. :S Anyway--see, this is why i'm lazy to comment! Maniacs twist my words!!! *sniff*

5/22/2007 02:44:00 PM  

Blogger Sparkling Cipher said...

There was a certain board - not specifically a romance board, but where some nice, intelligent people discussed all sorts of books - where I stopped commenting, then stopped visiting altogether.

It was great when I first started. You could say, "I hated 'Catcher in the Rye' and here's why," and people would contribute their own opinions, and it was a true book discussion. Then some immature people (trolls?) starting bashing people for reading "trash" and not liking certain classics. Arguing with them was pointless because to them there was no difference between opinion and fact, writing quality and personal taste, or personal taste and one's personal worth.

After a while, I just didn't have the energy to defend myself or my opinions every time I posted, so I just read other people's stuff. Then there was nothing left to read but nasty personal attacks, so what was the point?

And that's why it's so nice to visit you two lovely women. You have such great attitudes. And Harlot posts such luscious pictures of men. ;-)

5/22/2007 02:51:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Oh Sparkling Cipher, you gorgeous being who likes trashy romance, i can totally relate. (Funny, Trollop has a new post about book snobs on our drafts. :P) There was a time when a whole BB was against lil oh me *sniff*--ME?!? (and i'm uber nice compare to that Vicious Trollop!)--because i was, according to them, too outspoken and too brazen. :S And no matter what i say, it's not that they don't understand but they had chosen to misunderstand my words. Oh well..

Did you call me luscious *batting eyelashes* or you're referring to my lurve slaves? Hmmm, this misunderstanding thingy is quite tricky, i tell ya!

5/22/2007 03:06:00 PM  

Anonymous karamia said...

I wonder why people take comments and bash them? It is a shame people take things so personally.
This is really the only blog I read regularly (well, one foodie one, too) and everyone is so nice to each other here. It's part of why I love reading it! ....and the eye candy is a big plus.
I would comment more often, but my stupid computer makes me type in the verification twice! I am simply too lazy to go through that :)
Do you think the bloggers are the reason that certain blogs atract such angry people? Why does this blog have such cool people commenting?

Oh, and ladies, Thank you for sharing the Elle Readers thing awhile back for the free books! I applied and just recieved my second shipment of books to read over the summer. I am sorry that you could not participate, but my summer reading is completely lined up thanks to you!

5/22/2007 03:28:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

There will always be people who will deliberately misunderstand you or your words and will put you in the position where you have to defend yourself when you have done nothing wrong. And sometimes when you are not careful, because you've tried to explain, it will all backfire and you'll be painted as the bad one who can't keep her mouth shut.

5/22/2007 03:39:00 PM  

Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

What Danielle said :) Sometimes, no matter how you try to yank one foot out of the quicksand, you end up sticking another in to get the first one out. Then you sink while folks take potshots at you on your way down.

it's just not worth it. I see it happen a lot. A seemingly innocuous post becomes a shitstorm because you used a word and or phrase someone else chooses to misconstrue because they read what they felt like reading into it. Sometimes it's because they're defensive or touchy about the situation and perspective goes out the window. Sometimes it's just to stir the pot.

I stick to some strict personal rules about where and what I'll post.I don't comment on something controversial unless it has specifically to do with the bashing of my chosen genre's and even then, I try and keep my cool and make the point I want to, minus the flaming.

Dakota :)

5/22/2007 03:59:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

Dakota, I agree. And it gets ugly fast! Why is it we are more likely to jump at each other's throat than to laugh about a misunderstanding?

5/22/2007 04:26:00 PM  

Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

You know, that's so true, Danielle. I think it's just that some people are determined to misunderstand and the devils advocate role is comfortable for them. That's not my kink. I like laying low and even when provoked, I almost never say a word.

you can say whatever you like about me, my books ect. Bad reviews, comments about me--whatevah--are fine. Everyone can have an op. Just don't say anything bad about my mother. LOL

Dakota :)

5/22/2007 04:30:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Harlot, well I'm sorry I misunderstood but you know, that's what it said there in the beginning. You dirty-yellow-bellied coward. I think we should take this out back!

Sparkling Cypher, yeah, been there done that LOL If you want, I know of a great author's BB I tell you about if you email us. Though no book discussions there, more like tons of wonderful ladies :)

Karamia:

Re: Verification

I hate verification. Hate it! *grrr* I never get the letters right *sigh*

Oh and sooooo envious about the Elle thing! Are you allowed to tell us which books you got? Come on, share with us poor international souls LOL

5/22/2007 04:32:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Dakota and Danielle I kept looking for the right words to take my point across and couldn't find them. I should have called you guys! LOL

5/22/2007 04:38:00 PM  

Blogger Jordis Juice said...

Misunderstanding is always happening because people have different opinions. Usually, someone thinks what he/she has to say is more important that the others. Bloggers are more susceptible with this because they have to defend their blogs. The fray just gets big fast because someone will pick it up and post it on their blog and people will jump in even if they don't totally understand the matter. And let's not forget then gossipy ones or those who deliberately stir the pot to get attention.

5/22/2007 05:05:00 PM  

Anonymous Gun_Wielding_Bitch said...

This is the only blog I have ever taken a part of. I stumbled on this site from a Google search and I was so entertained that I just keep coming back. I've never even been to a blogger site. Not usually my bag.

I signed up for the Elle thing too, but I never heard anything back. They must not of liked me. I don't know how, since I AM SUCH A FREAKIN' LIKABLE PERSON DAMN IT!

To quote my granpa, God rest his soul, "Why stir up shit? It's only going to stink." I admit I love a good debate but I don't bash people's opinions (usually) because opinions are never wrong, they are the way someone thinks or feels and, though I might not agree with the thought, how do you tell someone that their feelings are wrong? Who am I to tell someone how to thnk or feel?

5/22/2007 05:30:00 PM  

Anonymous Tess said...

I too, stumbled on this site by accident while on Google. I have never been to a blog, I don't really even know what blog means
( To me it looks like a normal website?! LOL I am not at all into the online chat/posting thing)
I have only posted on one other Romance Reader website before. But I rarely do, for this very reason. It isn't worth it when you can't have a normal discussion without someone jumping down your throat. I posted maybe 3 times elsewhere and that is exactly what happened.

I mostly lurk on other websites as I have been doing here. Today, since the topic is the reason I never post, I decided after all this time coming back here, to just put in my two cents.


I love it here. I keep coming back and I am so entertained! I am always laughing and enjoy the way you girls speak your mind. You put into words so many things I think but never really say outloud!

...what is this "Elle Readers Thing" that everyone is talking about? Free books!?

By the way, I LOVED Outlander (LOL while running and ducking!)

5/22/2007 06:06:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Tess,
Hope you'd join us often, we'd love to hear from you. Don't worry, i bite but only when you're a verra verra handsome man covered in Nutella. ;)

Btw, why oh why do you have to spoil it by mentioning you love OUTLANDER! I'm surrounded by Jamie Fraser Nutters already! *sniff*

Oh, the free books, click here for info. Four of our readers already mentioned that they were accepted. So happy about that really, even if Trollop and i can't join. *hmph* Anyway, let us know how it goes!


GWB,
We always lurve hearing your opinions. ;) As for the Elle thingy, not sure how it works but crossing my fingers for you!


Karamia,
Sooo glad about this and so envious! LOL Btw, i know you'll get to review books every month, but then what? They print it?

5/22/2007 06:33:00 PM  

Anonymous Tess said...

Oh great! This is open to Canadian residents! and here I was, preparing myself to be disappointed by the usual APPLICABLE TO UNITED STATES RESIDENTS ONLY blah, blah.

Thank you for the info. I will sign up and see what happens. 3 books a month?! I read 3 a week! I practically need to get a second job just to cover all the money I spend on books! LOL.

I love reading your rants about how much you HATE, ABHOR, DETEST Outlander! I think its great, not to mention hilarious. I do love the book, but I like to hear why people don't like it. It makes you think about details of the story I hadn't thought of it before!

5/22/2007 07:12:00 PM  

Blogger Petra said...

I don't know why many authors shy away from commenting, but I can't blame them if they are wary because there are people who are always ready to take advantage and will gossip about what certain author may or may have implied. One of the worst things in life is someone accusing you of doing something you didn't do. And authors, well they have to protect their names.

When I discover this blog, at first I was hesitant to comment. But I saw how comfortable it is to express my opinions here without someone jumping down my throat. Not to mention the laughs and guaranteed fun I get whenever I come visit. It's so nice to be here with two lovely bitches ;).

5/22/2007 07:28:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

Tess, I think all of us here are Jamie lovers. That is beside Harlot and Trollop, LOL. I agree, it is funny how the two BBs hate Outlander. I don't see why anyone could hate Jamie - he is so hot! (ducking!)

5/22/2007 07:36:00 PM  

Anonymous Allyson said...

I am delurking to say this is the reason why I stopped posting on a bb even if I used to love it there. As some of you have mentioned, it is not worth it. Online communities can be really cruel. Most are relentless and won't desist judging you. Everyone has the right to have an opinion but some people think if you don't agree with them, then you are wrong.

By the by, I luv you Book Bitches. Thank you for the Elle free books info!

5/22/2007 08:07:00 PM  

Blogger My heart runneth over... said...

I'm sorry for not commenting.. I read every post and have even read some of the books that you both have mentioned. I absolutely love your blog and have it posted on mine as one of my favorites.

I don't know why I don't comment..
So sorry... but know I am here reading with enthusiasm and loving all the pics! Mika is such a cutie!

Would love for you to stop by my blog anytime.. there is no fighting I don't allow it! lol

All the very best,
M

5/22/2007 08:58:00 PM  

Blogger Polly King said...

This is the only blog that makes me want to keep coming back for more.

Now, everyone should be cautious of what they post, especially online. Online communities have a lot of power these days, especially bloggers. Blogs are very popular. Many people see their favorite blog as a source of information. So if an author makes a blunder and a popular blogger has decided to highlight said error, many people will know about it and will talk about it. If by chance the blogger or the reader has misunderstood the author, the poor author will then be accused of doing something he/she has never done in the first place. That can damage an author's name.

5/22/2007 09:54:00 PM  

Anonymous karamia said...

There is so much more to the "blogging world" than I every really imagined or thought about!! So much to consider before posting your thoughts. You bitches have really set the tone and made a friendly community (imagine that, with all your bitching, tee hee).
And I have read so many good books thanks to you. I stumbled upon you by browsing blogger.
And to the Elle Reader Poll thing- I am not sure what I am supposed to do besides read 3 of the books they sent before the end of June. They really only tell you what you need to know this minute. And I have no idea if I can tell you which books I have been sent. It is a bit James Bondish, isn't it? Well, maybe not really.

5/22/2007 10:56:00 PM  

Anonymous Gabrielle said...

This is probably the only site that I regularly comment on. But I had been lurking here for quite a while before I finally commented. I think there was hesitation on my part to comment for that exact reason. I didnt want to be misunderstood . And even commenting now there is still that chance. But i cant resist lol. You guys post about all the books that I love to read so I have to say something. This blog would have to be one of the best!

5/23/2007 03:43:00 AM  

Blogger December Quinn said...

I do bite my tongue a lot of the time, yes. I have lots of opinions, but I don't always express them.

I'm a cypher, yo.

5/23/2007 04:38:00 AM  

Blogger Aggie said...

Dakota: What is wrong with your Mother??? lol!

Shit - It happens even on personal blogs too. Slacks me off because I don't expect people to see it my way, and they are free to say what they like, but some folks STILL get up your nose. Grr!

Harlot: I hated those books too! *Ducks the rocks*

5/23/2007 04:53:00 AM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh LOL - these bloggers and BB hoppers sound just like my husband!!

5/23/2007 05:13:00 AM  

Blogger Isabella said...

Not everyone will agree with you or will accept your views, but some people take it to the next level. It happens all the time. You see someone having feud with another and when they have blogs, they drag it there. It's a dirty business. I feel sorry though for authors/bloggers who get caught in scandals because someone has misunderstood what they have said and it's escalated into a nasty shit storm.

5/23/2007 08:32:00 AM  

Blogger Ladybug said...

No one wants to be misunderstood. But it usually happens because there are many people who intentionally try to cause uproar over nothing.

I dislike gossip-y bloggers. They feast when there's a new scandal in town. What a disgusting behaviour.

5/23/2007 08:43:00 AM  

Blogger Ladybug said...

I should have mentioned this: I LOVE OUTLANDER! LOL (running away!)

5/23/2007 08:45:00 AM  

Blogger Lola Lovegood said...

I visit a lot of book blogs, including the most controversial ones. I read but seldom post.

A lot of bloggers post things out of malice and spite. This last Triskelion scandal, as an example, was shameful. Attacking that woman for her grammar and even going as far as saying she was a bad mother, in my opinion is simply going too far.

Have you noticed its always the same blogs and bloggers that milk these scandals till the last drop? It's always the same: one of them finds something to misunderstand, goes on to bitch about it making sure they are as humiliating as posible to whoever they are trashing, then the others pick up and have a fest.

5/23/2007 09:13:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

I'm honestly not familiar with every little detail about the Triskelion scandal. I know someone leaked Gail Northman's email and everything started from there. I can't blame other bloggers posting about it. If they like such material on their blog, it's their prerogative to post about it. I just thought, whoever it is who leaked it, the one who forwarded that email, shouldn't have done it. Oh well..

You might have noticed Trollop and i don't have the interest, time, tolerance to seek gossips about authors. So if you're into that, i'm sure you'll find TBB lacking. We can't spend our time gathering juicy tidbits about the literary world. We're busy, fucking lazy (bad combo LOL) and frankly, all the drama in Romancelandia is too much. And, as Trollop said, the hassle isn't worth it for us. We'd rather have fun articles than talk about this author or that publisher making a fool of themselves. I mean, really, we'd rather talk about medieval heroes who wear funky codpieces ;) than indulge in a bitch-fest. And hey, that's just us.

5/23/2007 12:34:00 PM  

Anonymous Ollenska said...

The world is full of people ready to misunderstand you. If you are smart, you should pick your battles well.

Harlot, we love you and Trollop... just as you are ;-)

Olly

5/23/2007 02:06:00 PM  

Blogger wflooter480 said...

I hardly ever comment. I read yooz guyz blog lots and I think I've only ever commented. And that was because you wanted us lurkers to de-lurk. Not too many folks check out my own blog (or if they are they are lurkers too), and it kind of freaked me out when someone I didn't personally know commented. But I guess that's the point of blogs, eh?

See, I am writing this comment and I totally want to just start hitting delete because I don't want anybody thinking that my comment is dumb. Oh well. Fuck it right?

5/23/2007 11:06:00 PM  

Blogger Jolie said...

You can't expect everybody to share your views now, can you? But it is different when someone misinterprets your words, very irritating. And if it's done intentionally, now that's just downright ill-mannered behavior. I think many shy away from commenting because they don't want to be bothered by such annoyances.

5/24/2007 03:37:00 AM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been a long time lurker in this other BB, probably for five or six years. I loved the author, but I hated that everyone had to be on their guard when posting. I stopped going there, and I switched to this blog ever since. I'm loving your blog!

5/24/2007 07:39:00 AM  

Anonymous Angela Low said...

Don't comment to much anymore because of things that happened on a author's BB.
Will never by her books again.
She let the bullies run her BB.
And it just got to be to much.
Her BB is shut down now which is fine by me.

5/24/2007 07:41:00 AM  

Blogger Ladybug said...

Angela, I don't know if you are referring to the BB I used to visit. I loved the author and wanted to join her BB but I noticed there were many bullies!

5/24/2007 09:11:00 AM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Been there done that on the BB thing. Same here on the book buying thing too. If you let bullies trat me like s**** in your BB and you know about this but wont do a thing, then you're definitely not getting my money, I don't care how good you are!

5/24/2007 11:20:00 AM  

Blogger Michelle said...

Hello Ladies,

I'm raising my hand. After watching several situations over the last couple of years explode not only on the original blog, but make the blog-go-round, I've pretty much stopped posting and lurk.

There have been many times I've typed a response only to delete it because on a second read I've thought of some way someone could maybe twist what I've said and decided silence is golden.

Michelle

5/24/2007 02:04:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Hi Michelle :)

Re:
There have been many times I've typed a response only to delete it because on a second read I've thought of some way someone could maybe twist what I've said and decided silence is golden.

I do that all the time LOL, but mostly here b/c I really really don't want to post my opinions in blogs that I know I will be flamed for them.

Actually, I thought and re-thought posting my last elizabeth comment on a post above LOL But what the hell, I like to live on the edge! *g*

5/25/2007 05:15:00 AM