Sunday, August 13, 2006

What do I have?


A year has past and nothing has changed. Well, except for my age. Yep, today, I’m officially 25. *g*

Unlike Trollop’s fear of losing her beauty (*rolls eyes* forgive her, she’s crazy), my fear of getting old is mostly about being alone. It’s not that I can’t be alone; nah, of course not. Sometimes I love going to movies by myself, I shop for yummy male slaves single-handedly, not to mention I enjoy being independently kinky. What I’m referring to is the growing possibility of not having someone beside me when I want/need someone to be there.

My two best friends left our country; they are now both married with a kid. Not that I’m longing to be knocked up after some wild night of drunken orgy and end up shackled ever after in matrimony. God, no. *shudder* It’s just, three years ago, we’re all in the same boat: unattached and free. But now, I’m sitting on the damn dinghy, paddling on my own, still uncommitted, yes, but somehow I feel like any moment the big waves could crash down and drown me.

Now, Trollop is leaving for Madrid in seven weeks. I’m so happy and excited for her. Even though she’s getting nutty about it, I know she’ll be fine.** She always is. I mean, just look at the things she has achieved, we’re of the same age but next to hers, I have done nothing LOL (except I usually win when we’re fighting, heh :P). She has a wonderful BF (a big perv LOL), a good job (still can’t believe I flirted with her 76-year-old boss!) and a great future ahead of her bushy bangs.

On the other hand, what do I have? Hmm, I have a pair of pretty eyes. *g* I think that’s it LOL. Yeah, nothing much. Oh, I also have no patience, and no sense of direction... Well, I’m also very difficult, I’m very opinionated, and according to that evil woman Trollop, I’m too hard-headed for my own good (I object to this, BTW!). I have the tendency to say what I’m thinking (I can’t help it), even if my words can hurt; and sometimes no matter how hard I try, I cannot fucking let go. I never back down and I usually make things worse.

So, yeah, I guess it will take a lot from someone (lots of patience and fortitude LOL) to accept all of me yet I’ll still rock his world and therefore he could not live without me—and doesn’t want to either. The fact that I’m extremely picky also doesn’t help; seldom do I meet someone who totally gets my attention. Talk about bad combo, huh? Hmmm, maybe that’s why I feel like I’m stranded in a middle of a vast ocean where there’s no chance I’ll be blissfully happy, and the longer I stay, the smaller my chance of getting what I want.

The other night, I was thinking about this and Trollop was there; we were bantering about something... You know it’s funny how I never noticed how she keeps me sane and grounded, always teasing me out of my moods, that every time I’m complaining and wanting devotion and passion and understanding, she’s already giving me those; one of the few constant things in my life.

She knows what makes me smile/laugh, knows what I hate/love, knows the worst about me, knows all the chips on my boat—and despite all that horrid flaws, she’s still there. And even if I’m crazy and unreasonable most of the time, she still loves me. :P

Hmmm...

Alright, what do I have, you ask?

I have her. And just by being her, she makes up for the many things that are missing.

**Babe, when you go to Madrid, you better be fine, because my little boat will be completely lost if my anchor go loony on me—and YOU CAN’T DO THAT BECAUSE I HAVE TO REACH MY FUCKING ITALY! The hot Italian men are waiting for me, you know?

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43 comment(s):

Blogger C. said...

Happy Birthday Harlot! 25! Wow! You've only just begun. Hang in there!!

8/13/2006 12:28:00 PM  

Blogger Devonna said...

Happy Birthday, Harlot. I remember similar feelings when I turned 25. Then I met someone, got engaged, moved in with him. Three years later, we still weren't married, he cheated on me, I moved out ~ and I've been happily single ever since. I wouldn't worry so much about being alone. That'll happen for you in it's own time. Enjoy the time you have now, which is just as good.

8/13/2006 12:49:00 PM  

Blogger VioletEyedDreamz said...

Happy Birthday Harlot, and might I say you made me get a little misty there. I will say this, even the best BF in the world don't know the things are best friends know. I have a great one, and even though I would never trade him, he still can't be to me what my best friend is. She's my Whiskey Girl, who doesn't read *gasp the horror*, but will get totally hookered up to go with me to the Harry Potter release party, just because she knows what it means to me. And Trollop rock on!!!

8/13/2006 01:00:00 PM  

Blogger Vixen said...

Happy Birthday Harlot!!!!! Here's to a beautiful, witty, wonderful woman.

My birthday advice to you (not that you're asking LOL, but I'm giving it). Enjoy 25. I'm 31, married with 2 kids. I love my life, love my family but I married very young and even though that was a great choice for me I do wish I had spent a bit more time in my 20's traveling and experiencing things that are hard to do when you're worried about a spouse and children. So enjoy 25, it's a great age. Travel, see the world (Stop by US for a visit) and experience things you woudn't be able to do with anyone else!

I hope you make it to Italy soon and meet many sexy Italians (that is my birthday wish for you).

You and Trollop have an amazing friendship and are so lucky to have eachother.

8/13/2006 02:15:00 PM  

Anonymous Tisty said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who had a 25 year old crisis. I was a wreck 6 months out from the sucker. IE "I'm a quater dead and I haven't done anything! my life goal are still waaaaay out of reach! And I'm Fat. And I hate my hair! and oh my god I'm so old I've actually been invited to my own high school reunion! AHHHHHHH!"

Or something like that. Four years later and I'm facing another dreaded birthday. (30 next year) and I feel completely calm. I think it's because at least this time I've achieved some of the things I wanted to and my dingy is a little closer to shore (Oh and there is no bastard planning a reunion on me)

So moral of the story Harlot: Don't panic! Enjoy! have a great day and remember: your life is a lot better than you realise and heading the way it should.

And that is from a venerable elder!

8/13/2006 02:23:00 PM  

Blogger Lily Moon said...

Harlot, not rubbing it in or something lol but I'm 8 years younger so I can't offer any words of wisdom like all the other ladies. I just want to say have fun and enjoy being 25!

Happy Birthday! I hope you have a blast. :)

Hugs,
Lily

8/13/2006 02:37:00 PM  

Blogger C Bradshaw said...

Happy Birthday Harlot! You and Trollop are making me cry. LOL! I remember when I turned 25, I was so miserable I drank and partied all night and then woke up next morning with the the worst hang-over in the world. Next to a guy I don't even know (shame). I was a wreck, suffice it to say. But after a few months, I got a better job, a new guy and let's just say a lot more of the good things.

Harlot, just enjoy. You're a beautiful, talented woman and I hope you'll get whatever it is you want soon. :)

8/13/2006 02:47:00 PM  

Blogger Serendipity said...

Happy Birthday Harlot!

You're not alone. You have me.

8/13/2006 02:56:00 PM  

Blogger Ladybug said...

Happy birthday Harlot! Don't worry, besides 25 is a great year. :)

By the way, which is which in the picture? I'm guessing that's you and Trollop. You're both very beautiful!

8/13/2006 03:09:00 PM  

Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

These things happen/

8/13/2006 03:14:00 PM  

Blogger Rachel said...

Happy Birthday, Harlot! Here's to your friendship, you BBs are the best! And could you two be more beautiful?

8/13/2006 03:54:00 PM  

Blogger C said...

I am 10 years older and I might add you don't feel much different at 35 than you do now. Insecurities, fears etc. they stay attached like a eczema

8/13/2006 04:34:00 PM  

Blogger C said...

But happy birthday!

8/13/2006 04:35:00 PM  

Blogger Sherry said...

Happy Birthday Harlot!!!

Don't think about what you haven't accomplished,
think about what you have yet to accomplish ...

8/13/2006 05:32:00 PM  

Blogger HOTMAMA said...

Best wishes for a Happy Birthday, Harlot!

When you think about it, 75% of your life so far, you've been a child, more or less. Now,these years are going to be when things fall into place with career, life partners,...etc. Those were some of the best years of my life...

And Trollop...well she's just downright scarey with what she's accomplished (color me green, lol)!

You're already an international cyber-celebrity with this fabulous blog! And a beautiful one at that ;)

So, no need to rush your life.... The best is yet to come :D

How are you celebrating today??

8/13/2006 06:27:00 PM  

Anonymous Ollenska said...

Sigh, to be 25 again.

Happy birthday Harlot!

Olly

8/13/2006 06:48:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Thanks you guys, for the lovely words and wishes, *sniff* and especially for those who think Trollop and i look goddesses/ultra hot/gorgeous. ;-P I wanted to post a different picture but might scare others without our horns... :/

8/13/2006 07:14:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

Awww.. Happy birthday Harlot. :) Here's to you and Trollop and to your friendship, to more smiles, laughters, fun and wonderful celebrations, to Italy and your hot Italian men! Cheers!

8/13/2006 07:20:00 PM  

Blogger Dakota Cassidy said...

Happy Birthday, love!

And quit being so damned pretty and young, or I'll have to slap the crap out of you. LOL

Love and Kisses,
Dakota :)

8/13/2006 08:08:00 PM  

Blogger Polly King said...

You know I felt the same thing when I turned 25, 26, then 27, etc. I don't think that feeling ever goes away. Don't rush into things, however. You are young, beautiful and with just a little patience and some paddling, you'll soon get ashore. Happy Birthday!

8/13/2006 08:39:00 PM  

Anonymous Tinker bell said...

Happy Birthday Harlot! Hope you're having a wonderful day. :)

8/13/2006 09:01:00 PM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

Happy Birthday Harlot! What a beautiful friendship you and Trollop have. You made me wish I was in Canada with my best friend!

About getting old, you're not even in your 30s! 25 is a great year. I say take advantage of your age, your beauty and all the opportunities presented to you while you're not yet married and have fun. Do all the things you want to do and don't let anything stop you from getting what your heart desires. Enjoy!

8/13/2006 09:26:00 PM  

Anonymous Anonymous said...

happy birthday!

look who's talking about being a perv!

8/13/2006 09:31:00 PM  

Blogger Vanessa said...

Happy Birthday Harlot! You and Trollop and both very pretty! I wish you the best for this year. :)

8/13/2006 09:47:00 PM  

Blogger green eyed godess said...

happy birthday!


*sigh* 25, I am turning 30 next week and I have to say a few months ago I was really freaking out about it, However, I think I am finally ready for 30.

Ask me again next week :)

8/13/2006 09:52:00 PM  

Blogger Menchie said...

Harlot,

Take it from someone who's about to turn 10 years older than you. "Old" is just a state of mind...NOTHING can stop from being and looking fabulous even when you're fifty.

Happy birthday girl!

8/13/2006 09:58:00 PM  

Anonymous S said...

Nothing compares to you. I don't want anyone else but you.

S

8/13/2006 10:22:00 PM  

Blogger Modano said...

Happy Birthday Harlot!

8/13/2006 11:11:00 PM  

Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

I'm not sure if it is your youth, your beauty, or your estrogenial minions that inspired me to write my first dedicated post, but I wrote a post dedicated to Harlot and I hope you'll check it out.

Free DNA give-away to all comers!

8/14/2006 12:22:00 AM  

Blogger Sabby said...

Happy Birthday Harlot! I'm 7 years older than you, don't panic, you are young, enjoy it! You are a very pretty girl, smart, and a fun loving one to boot. Don't worry about your fears, I say travel, explore and be crazy! You have the right to it! ;)

8/14/2006 01:00:00 AM  

Blogger Petra said...

Sorry, this is late but still, Happy birthday Harlot! That still counts right? :P

8/14/2006 06:49:00 AM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Harlot sweetie,

I am so sorry for being the worst friend in the world, and yet I am so bad I don't even have a minute to apologize properly! I have to run. Have apt. at the Spanish Embassy *sigh* I love you babe, even if I've been totally horrible and remiss in my best friend dutties (sp>) lately :(

8/14/2006 08:16:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

NO babe. Told you, do all your stuff for the scholarship thingy first. AND YOU HAVE TO FINISH THAT! SOON!!!!

Seriously... :/

And NO. Still haven't forgiven you! Hmph!

8/14/2006 09:46:00 AM  

Blogger Jordis said...

Belated happy birthday Harlot!

8/14/2006 10:12:00 AM  

Blogger ames said...

Happy Belated Birthday!!

8/14/2006 10:23:00 AM  

Blogger Mailyn said...

Happy Birthday!! I am late to the party lol.
Dude you will be fine. I think most of us don't want to end up alone when we need people the most but you will be fine. You are a strong woman, at least that's the vibe I get. We are here for you so you will never be alone!

8/14/2006 07:55:00 PM  

Blogger Fuck You Google said...

Cute picture.

8/14/2006 08:17:00 PM  

Blogger Aggie said...

Am so wishing you a Happy Birthday. Enjoy. 25, young, lovely, gifted and a whole world ahead of you.
I'd love to be that age again.
Count up those blessings and remember that you are only 1 DAY older than you were yesterday.
1 DAY at a time is all any of us ever have.
Cheers, sweetie.

8/15/2006 01:53:00 AM  

Blogger Simi said...

Happy Birthday hun!(belated though it is)

Very cute post and i love the pic,you both look gorgeous n like you're having fun!

Mid twenties crisis?!knowing you, i'm sure you'll get over it soon..here's wishing you hot Italian guys too! ;)

take care sweetie..

8/15/2006 07:56:00 AM  

Blogger maximo said...

oh good lord.

if you really really really really really need a date, i suppose i could make room in my schedule.

8/16/2006 12:55:00 PM  

Anonymous Marek said...

Such a beautiful Harlot.

8/17/2006 02:41:00 AM  

Blogger Lola Lovegood said...

Happy belated bday Harlot! :)

8/17/2006 12:00:00 PM  

Anonymous Rebelheart said...

Harlot dear,you are having a too romantic idea of italian men. They're not as good as they seem!!LOL They may be hot but the rest.....

9/02/2006 03:51:00 AM