Friday, November 7, 2008

Testosterone patch: Should I be offended?

My wonderful BF emailed me this news article today:

Post menopausal women who have lost interest in sex may be able to bring their libidos back to life with a testosterone patch, according to new research published this week in The New England Journal of Medicine.

Well, I’m obviously not post-menopausal so I take it he’s referring to the sex drive part LOL.

BF and I have been dating for about 5 years. At first we had sex like wild rabbits, but as time has gone by the amount of sex has diminished which I’m sure is normal. We are grown adults with busy lives that don’t live together. I think once-a-week sex is more than enough, don’t you? I have talked to my girl friends about this and they say that’s about as much sex as they have as well, even the ones that do live with their husbands/significant others.

I just have to ask, what is it with men? Sometimes I’m so tired, busy, worried, the thought of sex won’t even cross my mind for days. And not just sex; I can go weeks without playing with myself if things aren’t going so well. But men, they don’t care if they’re being chased by an evil serial killer with an ax; if they have time to stop for a quickie on a park bench they’ll do it. And we’re the ones with the problem?


9 comment(s):

Blogger DumSpiroSpero said...

This is yet another thing that women should speak more openly about! I've been with the bf for over 5 years, lived together for 3, and it's the same with us.

At first you could safely say I was ravenous and would attack him at a moment's notice. Perhaps that led to incorrect long-term expectations! Now, a week or even two can pass before he'll complain and I realize with surprise that it has indeed been that long. He's working and I'm in school and we're both quite busy (although his nights are free at least!). Glad I'm not the only one...

11/07/2008 12:42:00 PM  

Anonymous Lizzy said...

I've been married for 5 years, have a two year old, my husband works long hours and we still go at it at least 4 or 5 times a week. It's how we relieve stress (him from a stressful job, me from a two year old all day).

11/07/2008 01:07:00 PM  

Blogger Thomas J. Brown said...

My wife and I have been married for 2 years. At first, we had sex on a (more or less) daily basis. Now, we have sex maybe once every week or two. I wouldn't say that it's because we're too busy (although sometimes it is. We often plan to have sex, then simply run out of time); usually we're just too tired and run down. Still, we're very happy with our sex lives.

11/07/2008 04:36:00 PM  

Blogger The Swinger said...

My wife and I are swingers and everyone assumes that means we have tons of sex (both with each other, and with other people). That's not really true, though. Sometimes we have sex with each other several times a week, but we've also gone over a month without having sex. We have sex with other couples even less often.

I think it boils down not to quantity, but quality. As long as you're sexually satisfied and the relationship isn't hurting because of the amount of sex you do or don't have, then everything is as it should be.

11/08/2008 01:59:00 AM  

Anonymous Sheila said...

My husband and I have been married for 12 years, living in sin two years before that. Three kids 11,10 and 3 years old. He works 6 days a week and I am a stay at home mom while working 30 hours per week doing research for an appraisal company. Baseball 4 days a week , guitar lessons, ballet lessons, tennis etc.... the only night I have to myself to do anything for me is Thursday night after 7PM. Yet for all that we still have time for sex 2-3 times per week. Although it is usually Midnight or 5:30 am. It hasn't always been that frequent.

Over the course of the 14 years, we have gone in waves of doing it several times a day, once a week or once a month. Like all relationships it takes an effort to be all things all the time and some times you just need a time out. At our 5-6 year hitch, I got mad at my hubby because he never wanted sex and I wanted it all the time. I mean like 6 times in one year-ugh! I made him do the Dr. Phil relationship book with me and gave him his own notebook to journal. Two weeks later he said he lost the notebook and stopped trying. I just ignored him for awhile and gave up getting upset. It was probably the most unhappy I had been in my marriage. But time crept by, and day to day activities kept us busy and things started to work themselves out enough that I got pregnant with a third child.

The funny thing is, one day several years after the notebook incident, I decided to vacuum out his truck for him and found the missing notebook under his floor mat. I shouldn't have but I peeked to see what he wrote, and he only did the first week's exercises, but basically it said that he hated that I was always bugging him for sex. I talked to him about it and he said that after I had miscarried in 2000, he was afraid I would get pregnant again, because I had had health issues with the first two babies.
Well I had the third baby safely and had a tubal done and after that he was very into it again.

I don't know why I just told everybody all that except- well, After having 3 kids and not losing the 40 punds that came with them, I am more self-conscious than ever. Yet my husband grabs my butt more, (Thank God I married a Latino that likes a big butt)and wants it more and maybe we had to go through a period of adjustment with each other,(even if it had to take 12 years to do it).

I guess I agree with Swinger that normal is what is comfortable for you as a couple.

That being said, I still want it more than my husband but am more understanding of his worries with work and the hours he puts in, and his upbringing (La Loma vs Barrio) and how that shades him being the bread winner and yada yada yada.

But my question now is- How do you tell someone that you have been with for 14 years that sometimes you don't want to be treated like a wife all the time, sometimes you want to be treated like a Puta?

Any realistic suggestions?

11/08/2008 12:40:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

This weekend the BF got sex twice AND a blowjob! I thought that was pretty good but he claims it was just OK quantity wise LOL

Sheila, maybe it all has to do with different sex drives? Or perhaps worry/stress affect everyone differently. Lizzy for ex. uses sex to relieve stress. I for one can't have an orgasm unless I'm very relaxed and worry free. As far as being treated like a "puta" I guess that depends on what you mean. I'm into very sweet and loving sex; I don't like any sort of hard core stuff but I know a lot of people digg that.

Swinger, Really? I thought people that were into swinging had hot-banging sex lives?!?! I was totally "uggh-ed" by swinging before, but now I'm very curious about it. Not sure it's something I could do, but for some reason it's more feasible -to me- than a threesome/orgy. Are you guys happy with your arrangement?

Dumspirospero, you are sooooooooooooo not the only one! LOL

11/11/2008 09:38:00 AM  

Blogger The Swinger said...

We're very happy with our arrangement! The most important thing to remember is that you have to communicate. When jealousy issues come about, you have to talk about it. When you're uncomfortable with something, you have to say so. And before you even start swinging, you have to set your rules (for example, my wife and I never play alone).

I'm happy to answer more questions, and you can read about our exploits on my blog.

11/11/2008 01:32:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Swinger, would you be interested in doing a "guest bitch" for us?

I think it would be interesting to know the fact vs. fiction aspect of swinging. I for one have always wondered about the jealousy issues, and specially curious to know if sometimes swingers fall in love with other people and leave their partners.

Let me know :)

11/14/2008 09:10:00 AM  

Blogger The Swinger said...

Certainly! That sounds like fun, and I always enjoy correcting peoples' misconceptions about the lifestyle.

11/14/2008 09:40:00 AM