Monday, July 23, 2007

My, what a funny little penis you have, dear

I *HATE* forwarded emails. I always ignore them, even the ones with plenty of exclamation points warning you that “YOU MUST READ THIS!!!” and “PASS IT TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!” Nothing against the senders (as most of them are my friends) but forwarded emails are pointless and they fucking clutter my clutter-less inbox! If I want to read some jokes/poems/haikus, see funny/disgusting/shocking twittery, be inspired/touched/gagged—I know where to look, man, honestly...

It’s the same reason why I never forward them to others—much less post them here on TBB. But, gotta admit, there’s this one I got the other day, and I couldn’t resist: “Things NOT to Say to a Naked Guy.” :P (Fine. FINE. I’m reading HP7 and can’t be bothered to write something! *hmph* I pwomithe a free-forwarded stuff tomorrow—or evah—and to not take offense if you won’t read this list, you ingrates. And yes, feel free to add more! *g*)


1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it’s cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don’t we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It’s more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4 inches bigger.
13. It’s ok, we’ll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there’s an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of Clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!

31. I didn’t know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won’t take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn’t know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it’s hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I’ll go get the ketchup for your French fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where’s the rest of it?

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4 comment(s):

Blogger Mailyn said...

LMFAO!!! Oh I hate spam mail. That's what I call them as well. It's like your friends want you to suffer just because they got them! I get TONS of those and they are annoying.

Did I miss the HP discussion?!?! Ugh. I read it in one sitting. Shoot, I didn't even sleep! But I am waiting to review it until after most everyone is done with it since nobody would even comment on the spoilage if I did.

Did you finish it yet???

7/23/2007 10:48:00 AM  

Anonymous donna said...

True confessions: I dont read them. I pretend if they ask. That's right, I LIE.
There's something about Fridays that makes all the "forward-ers" regurgitate at everyone they know.
I have politely requested they not, and it will last a week or so and then AHHH back again! I figure since I have asked and they have ignored, oh delete delete delete.

7/23/2007 01:34:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

LOL. I suffer te same thing as Donna. I tell my friends that I appreciate it that they remember me, but please not to send me anymore forwarded emails. They will stop but after a while I'll be receiving a lot of it again! Nothing you can do but to delete.

7/23/2007 02:52:00 PM  

Blogger Joshua said...

So good to be back!
Be kind enough to re-visit me and click one of my ads.

7/24/2007 01:13:00 AM