Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Has it been a year already?


I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned that I’m not fond of Valentine’s Day. And no, I’m not a single young Harlot bent on giving woe to everyone else who’s dating. I’ve always hated this atrocious day even when I was happily in lurve. I just hate the conglomerate money-making “holiday” to dupe the stupid and emphasize the singleness of singletons (even if they’re content on being so). What’s worse, the “lonelies” who long for someone feel bad because, well, they don’t have someone. And what about the pressure others feel and, without knowing how, end up coerced into proposing or *gasp* marrying? All for bloody Valentine’s Day. It’s fucking ridiculous.

I went shopping yesterday and, as usual, had to drop by a bookstore. I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or pity some of the men I saw trying to pick out THE card; their embarrassment was obvious in their sweaty red faces. :/ Honestly, it’s almost as bad as watching poor suckers fight over shriveled remains of flowers in a last-ditch effort for a shag.

When it comes to affection, ask Trollop, she’ll tell you I’m greedy. It’s a horrible flaw, I know, but I want it daily—not just one day out of fucking 365. What I’m trying to say is, don’t use Valentine’s Day as an excuse to finally give me some lovin’. Don’t give me red roses; totally unimaginative and they fucking die! If you don’t have enough brains to fill an eggcup, you deserve to be boiled in undiluted Bubotuber pus.

I want someone who makes me smile and cooks nice meals; calls me/leaves me notes/whispers that he wants to do wicked things to me because he feels like it, not because it’s Valentine’s Day for fuck’s sake and he wants to atone all the sins committed within the past year. Give me someone who sends me a jar of Nutella, just because *sigh*; someone who gives me access to his cock on a frequent basis and I’ll show you a woman who’s happily loved-up. *g* Of course that doesn’t mean I don’t like getting expensive gifts LOL, I do!—but I don’t need it if that’s your way of showing me how much you love me. Love doesn’t come with a monetary value and I refuse to buy into the philosophy that it does.

With that said, here’s a fabulous site where you can send your loved-one an anti-Valentine’s Day card LOL. Why not seduce your lover with humor? I’ve always thought a charming guy who makes me laugh is fucking sexy. ;)

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31 comment(s):

Anonymous Kimber said...

You want a good laugh? Go to the malls on December 24th. 100% guys (and a few of us girls watching). Looking like zoombies...must buy present, must buy present.

Sometimes to mess with them, I'll walk up to some absolutely hideous sweater, pick it up, looking all intrigued, and then put it down. Usually that sweater will be fought over.

Yeah, I'm evil.

2/13/2007 04:42:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

I wrote a long comment for this post and I have no idea where it is!!! *Grrr*

It went something like this... I too hate vd "yada yada yada yada" take this pill from 6-8 days and call me when the swelling goes down!

2/13/2007 04:43:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Admit it, you're jsut lazy. :@

Kimber, oh LOL. I've seen those zombies. I too always cram during Xmas (it's a sickness :S) waiting for the last days to buy all my presents, but i think i look more like a storm than a zombie, trying to go to as many stores as possible, in the last minute, trying to find a certain something. By the end of the day i feel like i've been trying to outrun a freaking horse. :/

2/13/2007 04:52:00 PM  

Blogger Vanessa said...

LMAO! Love the card.

I'm not big into celebrating Valentines either. My BF usually gives me flowers and of course I accept those. But to go to lengths to celebrate it, of course not.

2/13/2007 05:13:00 PM  

Blogger Danielle De Barbarac said...

I dont hate valentines day but if you think about it, vd is a pointless holiday. You don't have to wait for feb 14 to give your girlfriend a bunch of roses or to take your wife out. Oh well ... loved the cards!

2/13/2007 06:00:00 PM  

Blogger Lorelei said...

Harlot, LOL. I loved this: "I'll show you a woman who's happily loved up".

Ok, I'm going to check out the cards now ;).

2/13/2007 06:34:00 PM  

Blogger Lorelei said...

"Nothing says I love you quite like saturated fat and slutty lingerie". LOL. I'm thinking of sending my jerk of an ex a copy of that "rose" card. :P jk

2/13/2007 06:49:00 PM  

Blogger George said...

Hey ... isn't it the thought that counts? LOL

2/13/2007 07:15:00 PM  

Blogger Lily Moon said...

Harlot, I sooooo agree. VD is the worst day ever! If you have a man they usually just buy you things so you'll have sex with them and they always assume to give you a lingerie. WTF? When you go out, all you see are couples. Most of them aren't even enjoying themselves because of the weather but they're forced to spend the day out since that's what you're supposed to do during VD. Then, there are the girls who brag about the gifts their boyfriends have given them, how big the gift is, how expensive and so on. VD sucks because the guys are in it to get sex and the girls just want to brag to their friends on how expensive the restaurant was!!!!

2/13/2007 07:38:00 PM  

Blogger Rachel said...

LMAO. Love the cards! Too funny! I sent some to my friends as well.

As for Valentine's Day, I like getting flowers. To be honest I think I'll be a bit mad if my wonderful boyfriend actually forget to give me some. I guess it's just the tradition and I'm used to it, but I'm not asking him to give me the most expensive gift. One piece of daisy is enough, lol. In fact, we're not even going out tomorrow. Just going to rent some videos and eat popcorn all night. :)

2/13/2007 09:41:00 PM  

Anonymous Ollenska said...

LOL. Harlot, I love the cards!

I think Valentine's Day is overrated, but it's damn lonely if you just broke up with someone or you want to be with someone and you can't.

I will never get married on Valentine's Day. No offense to those who got married on VD, but I guess it's a little trite for me. My grams got married on VD, bless her. Thank God it didn't become a tradition in our family!

Olly

2/13/2007 10:22:00 PM  

Anonymous Gun_Wielding_Bitch said...

George,
Yes, it is the thought that counts but it has to be your own, ORIGINAL idea, not some cliché of flowers and chocolate. Something specific to your girls likes and desires. If I came home to a clean house (or at least a house I didn't have immediate cleaning to do) and dinner was ready and as I sat down and ate my man was behind me, in my ear, talking dirty... Well, I would like that MUCH MUCH MUCH better than 1/2 dead flowers and cheap chocolates, well, if the man followed through on the naughty talk.

I thought I was going to be bummed this year since this is the first single VD I've had in 8 years but I thought of my past vds and the ex SUCKED at them.

Always roses, browning on the edges, cheap drug store chocolates like Russell Stover or something and I don't even like chocolates, and some stuffed animal that I gave to goodwill later in the year because I am an adult and don't need stuffed toys lying around taking up space.

This year me and 2 of my recently single guy friends are going to the bar and that sounds better than my last 8 vd put together.

2/13/2007 10:57:00 PM  

Blogger ...dance? said...

I'm mostly indifferent to Valentine's Day, but I also sort of feel the same way about Christmas and birthdays -- if other people didn't remember those days (and remind me about them), I probably wouldn't. :D

The "Happy Tuesday" card made me check to make sure today wasn't VD. If I received that on a non-Tuesday it would probably throw off my entire week; I have no sense of time.

Is the "At least Tom loves you" referencing Tom Cruise as "God"/the head of Scientology? Or something else altogether?

That said, any excuse for (dark) chocolate is a good day, IMO. :)

2/13/2007 11:17:00 PM  

Anonymous ~Cassie~ said...

Love the cards! LOL. I can't believe those are free. I think they're really good.

Dance?, you're right about the "Tom loves you" LOL. Tom's a retard, bleah. And no need for any excuses to have some chocs :)

2/13/2007 11:35:00 PM  

Blogger Shoshana said...

Valentine. My kids school wanted all my kids to give a card to each of their classmates. Each. Are they kidding? At 3 dollars a pop? I have plans for these money. Lots of new release this month you know.

Plus we broke another Pokemon CD from the library. I guess I own it now.

So, I just spent a surprisingly pleasant 2 hours making Valentine cards with my kids for tomorrow.

We have to make about 36 cards for my kids. They're not so crowded in their class, but still 12 to each of my 3 students add up.

I don't even know what I want for Valentine. Really. Maybe a free pass to my old butt back. Where do you think I can get those? Without a surgeon I mean. Don't want to die while someone's sucking fats off me. Yuck!

2/13/2007 11:44:00 PM  

Blogger Polly King said...

I'm not a fan of Valentine's Day either but I welcome all the flowers, gifts and chocolates. :P

I really loved the cards. I even sent one to my dad. LOL. Hey how come there's a "happy Tuesday" card there?

2/14/2007 12:02:00 AM  

Blogger Polly King said...

Mmmm... what exactly is a bubotuber pus?

Soshana, a card to each classmate? That's a lot!

2/14/2007 12:04:00 AM  

Blogger Aggie said...

I'm not big on it either ... all year round good stuff, or don't bother just for a day. I sent a card to someone because it had an "inside joke" in it, which made us both crack up laughing. Totally random find, but a true find. It was appreciated for that reason.

2/14/2007 04:02:00 AM  

Blogger Jolie said...

Loving these cards. I sent all my single friends the "At least Tom loves you" one. LOL!

2/14/2007 07:17:00 AM  

Blogger Petra said...

Me and my husband don't spend a lot on Valentine's Day but we usually go out for dinner.

Now those of you who are into VD, LOL, I hope you all have a good one. :)

2/14/2007 09:29:00 AM  

Blogger SarahReznor said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2/14/2007 11:40:00 AM  

Blogger SarahReznor said...

i love that website!!! I dont hate V day that much, hubby and i had our first real date on V day totally by mistake! we didnt realize what day it was untill we saw all the reserved tables at the restaurant and asked the waitress wtf! so it's a special day for us regardless :)

2/14/2007 11:41:00 AM  

Blogger Isabella said...

Happy Valentines Day to all :D and er, Happy Non-VDay to the others. LOL.

I don't hate VDay, I just don't care I guess. I like receiving flowers of course, especially when it's with chocolates. :P

The cards are fabulous! Thanks BBs!

2/14/2007 11:58:00 AM  

Blogger Jordis said...

This day SUCKS. I am stuck here and bored. Sigh..

Did you know there is actually an Anti-Valentine's Day Handbook? LOL Here's the link from amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1595140492/002-3936942-3708010?v=glance&n=283155

Love the cards!

2/14/2007 02:00:00 PM  

Anonymous spiros said...

"I want someone who makes me smile and cooks nice meals"
Where should one apply for this job? :)

2/14/2007 02:13:00 PM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2/14/2007 03:27:00 PM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

My husband got me flowers. Sigh. Yes, I do not hate Valentines Day at all. I agree though about how irritating the marketing of VD is, not to mention everywhere you look it's either red or pink!

2/14/2007 03:28:00 PM  

Blogger Lollie Rose said...

Spiros honey, I think you'll have to get in line. ;) Shoshana, I helped my daughters made some cards too. I actually had fun. LOL

2/14/2007 03:29:00 PM  

Blogger Seb said...

Originality is the key to Valentine's Day...

2/14/2007 04:44:00 PM  

Anonymous Mikal said...

I totally agree. And I learned in my philosophy classes about the human rights abuses done to the workers who produce the 3 most *popular* commodities on Vday --> Flowers, Chocolate, and diamonds.

2/15/2007 03:55:00 AM  

Blogger Rachel said...

Originality and creativity. That should be it.

2/16/2007 10:45:00 PM