Monday, March 26, 2007

NO: A simple two letter word?

I don’t know how to say NO. Anyone else have this problem?

I don’t mean this in a literal sense, I’m sure no was the first word out of my mouth LOL, and I assure you I abuse it often enough (not nearly as much as fuck though!), but even so, it’s very hard for me to say no to people I care about (and some I don’t!). Even when it’s for things I really really don’t want to do, I find myself dragged along to places I don’t want to be in, nodding my head when I mean to be shaking it, and doing things for others I wouldn’t, in a million years, do for myself. *sigh*

I don’t understand why I do this! It drives me nuts, to be honest. One little word could’ve saved me so much embarrassment and grief over the years. You should see the stuff I’ve let others haul me into: mostly funny in hindsight but awfully mortifying, boring and/or torturous at the moment.

I think to myself, “It’s not so hard, you know? N.O. Easy peasy,” and then I realize it will never happen. *sigh* I just know that for the rest of my life I’ll have a “no, thanks” at the tip of my tongue and “sure, I’m game” will spill out. I’m a wuss.

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11 comment(s):

Blogger Shoshana said...

Trollop, the book to read is WHEN I SAY NO I FEEL GUILTY. It's an old book, but I made strides in saying now without feeling back that I said no...which is pretty ridiculous in itself.

Send me your address, I'll send you my extra copy. At first you'll feel really silly reading and acting the exercises out loud, but the pay-off is worth feeling dorky.

3/26/2007 06:45:00 PM  

Blogger Tisty said...

I know exactly what you mean Trollop!!! If I don't learn to say it soon I'll have yes'd my life away.

i am improving however. I've worked hard and can now say NYES with some confidence.

1 letter down, only 1 more to go, and in this case the ending is everything!

3/26/2007 08:50:00 PM  

Blogger Di said...

I think you should combine your two favorite words into a resounding "fuck no!"

In my last conversation with my best friend's mom before she died, she gave me the best advice to avoid overcommitting. Whenever someone asks you to do something, say, "That sounds really interesting. Can I give that some thought and get back to you tomorrow?" I think some of the moms in my kids' schools haven't sold a single roll of wrapping paper in years just by using that strategy!!!

Think of the possibilities! It allows you to say no to their voice mail, calling when you know they won't be home. It allows you to use the magic of e-mail...combined with your wizardry with words...leaving them senselessly admiring your syntax while forgetting what they ever asked you to do!

So, wuss not, young trollop. When in doubt, take the Scarlett way out:

"I'll think about it tomorrow!"

3/27/2007 06:37:00 AM  

Blogger QB said...

Oddly enough, I USED to be like that. Then along about the time I hit my 40's and felt like I'd become "me" and comfortable in my own skin, I found my inner curmudgeon. Add a husband diagnosed with cancer (he's fine now) and I realized that doing things I didn't want to do, or taking shit from people, was wasting my time and taking me away from things that had a higher priority for me.

Now, "I can't" and "no" fall quite easily off my tongue. I've even reached that glorious freedom of not bothering to follow it up with a reason or excuse. Just straight and to the point: "No, I can't."

3/27/2007 12:59:00 PM  

Anonymous karamia said...

Yes, dear Trollop, as you get older and have even more demands on your time (yikes!) it becomes a must to say no. Once you have kids you get to practice on them, and then you can spread the "no" around to everyone else in your life.
And QB is quite right- the Holy Grail of saying no is when you no longer give a reason. It's very liberating!

3/27/2007 01:55:00 PM  

Blogger Aradia said...

I can relate! I say “YES” to people I like and care about because I don't want to hurt their feelings or reject them. Sometimes I'm sure saying YES is bringing me grief. I know I'm going to torture myself over agreeing with them, but still; I say “YES!” and pay for the consequences! Am I sick or am I sick? One reason is I don’t want to disappoint them. I’m a people-pleaser. I want every one to like me! And the other reason is I like them and don't want to hurt their feelings.
I think Di’s suggestion is a good one, just postpone answering them! After a while they get the hint and won’t come to you anymore (although there is the risk of excluding you from their circle).
Anyway if you find a perfect solution, post it here! I may need a lesson or two in dealing with unwanted requests from friends!

3/27/2007 02:12:00 PM  

Blogger Catherine said...

I've never had much trouble saying no but I have experienced what aradia was talking about first hand. While I was at high school, my friends quite quickly stopped asking me out. It's kind of a 'strike three, you're out' situation. Unless you have reached the point in your life where you are allowed to say no without discrimination, you have to sprinkle a few yeses in there to keep in the game.

I can't believe I, of all people, just used a baseball metaphor. We don't even have baseball in my home country.

3/28/2007 04:50:00 AM  

Anonymous Lola Lovegood said...

Trollop,

Marriage and kids will take care of that! LMAO

3/28/2007 01:28:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

Shosh, I would love to read that book! And I'm a big enough geek that I love books that make me do excersises LOL :P Tks.

I'm not sure why we feel guilty about saying NO when we don't want/have time to do something. It's a horrible feeling and sometimes I'd rather deal with whatever a "yes" will bring instead of risking feeling the "guilt".

3/28/2007 01:30:00 PM  

Blogger Vanessa said...

It's hard to say no to people you love, but you shouldn't let anyone make you do things you'd rather not do :)

3/29/2007 11:36:00 AM  

Blogger Harlot said...

Why then do you always say NO to ME? :(

:@ I really hope you get peppered with freckles this summer!

3/29/2007 04:18:00 PM