Monday, April 9, 2007

Harry Potter dies!

I would bawl like a loon and would then spend my every leisure moment fantasizing and plotting ways to slowly torture and deliver J.K. Rowling to a painful PAINFUL death (that witch!)—that is, if Harry actually dies in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. But, I gotta admit, some of these are pretty funny!

Ways Harry Potter Dies in Deathly Hallows

11. Gets very drunk on butterbeer and has one-night stand with Dementor. Finds out its “Hump of Despair” is way worse than its “Kiss of Death.”
10. Scar actually a time bomb set by Voldemort, making Harry’s head explode in a bloody mist.
9. Luna Lovegood provides Harry with some bad acid. While tripping, Harry thinks he can fly without his broom and dies jumping from window in astronomy tower.
8. Heart attack from high cholesterol brought on by a lifetime of eating sausages.
7. Murdered by Ron after Hermione gets caught holding Harry’s wand.
6. Smothered by Veela breasts.
5. Disgruntled Snitch frees a bunch of Bludgers and sends them after Harry.
4. Decapitated by Hogwart’s Express in game of “chicken” with Draco Malfoy.
3. Trampled by a mob of liberated house elves.
2. Becomes Animagus. Turns into mouse. Gets eaten by Hedwig.
1. Harry becomes paralyzed when thrown from back of Centaur. Inspires wizarding community with inspirational struggle towards recovery, but dies from bedsore infection.

Ways Harry Potter Dies in Deathly Hallows: Part 2

11. Neville Longbottom finds out about the prophecy and gets jealous. Pushes Harry to his death down the stairs then bungles attack on Voldemort. Evil wins.
10. Catches Wizard’s Syphilis from Ginny Weasley.
9. Harry becomes Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, and you know how that turns out.
8. Contracts bird flu from infected owls.
7. Voldemort snipes him with an Avada Kedavra, then corpse camps Harry for eight hours.
6. Hagrid crushes his spine doing Heimlich maneuver when Harry chokes on one of Hagrid’s biscuits.
5. “Accio butcher knife” spell goes horribly wrong.
4. Accidentally walks in on Professor McGonagall naked. Tears eyes out. Bleeds to death.
3. Unaware that the Pensieve has been replaced by a Fountain of Acid, dips his head in.
2. Harry begins messianic cult. Gives up hope of ever killing Voldemort. Passes out Deadly Draught to students who complete largest group suicide pact in wizard history.
1. Blood can’t reach brain after a casting Viagrus Eternus on himself.

What do you think is the most possible scenario? Any theory as to what will happen in the end of HP7? I want to see Sirius again, *sniff* alive. And if it’s not to much to ask, I would prefer an ending where Draco gets eaten by a blast-ended skrewt after he gets boiled in undiluted bubotuber pus. Die, you bloody bastard!

**Source: BBspot (Despite their name, Trollop and I don’t know these pervs. :P)

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13 comment(s):

Blogger Ladybug said...

LOL! I love it Harlot. My favorite - "Becomes Animagus. Turns into mouse, gets eaten by Hedwig." ;p I don't want Harry to die and I wish Dumbledore would come back.

4/09/2007 05:45:00 PM  

Blogger Vanessa said...

That's funny. I still believe Harry won't die. I think fans will riot or something and JKR has to consider that. Besides, good always wins over evil.

4/09/2007 06:56:00 PM  

Anonymous dreamer said...

Sheez, I nearly had a heart attack when I saw the title of this post! But I must admit that these are hilarious!

As for what really happens in HP7, I have one theory, but it's sort of weird and I don't want to share it with anyone in case it's way wrong.

I, too, wish to see Sirius again. I love Sirius. ;)

4/09/2007 08:41:00 PM  

Anonymous Dreamer said...

Oh yeah, and Dumbledore must be resurrected!

4/09/2007 08:42:00 PM  

Anonymous Gabrielle said...

I think Sirius will be back. His death wasnt final... I hope he does anyway!
Didnt JK say that Dumbledore isnt going to pull a Gandalf so hes gone for good now? I dont know.. Maybe everyone dies.

4/10/2007 01:51:00 AM  

Blogger Duvy said...

I don't think Dumbledore is dead. :S And I think we will see Sirius again, maybe through that mirror Harry still has BUT NEVER USED IN THE FIRST PLACE. /me strangles Harry for being an idiot.

And even if Harry dies, that doesn't mean good won't win. :D But, yea, I hope he doesn't. >.> Harry+Ginny=woot But, not as yum as Hermione+Snape. I'm sorry, I can't help it!

4/10/2007 01:52:00 AM  

Blogger Petra said...

I have to agree with Duvy about the mirror. WHY Harry forgot about it is just maddening!

I hope Harry doesn't die. I think we'll still see Dumbledore; his portrait is now in Hogwarts so at least that we're sure of. I want to see Sirius again as well. I wonder what really is behind that veil in the Ministry of Magic.

4/10/2007 03:01:00 PM  

Blogger Jordis said...

I think Sirius will be back. It's not like we saw him die... I'm one of those who believe Dumbledore ordered Snape to kill. I think in the end Snape would probably sacrifice himself for Harry.

4/10/2007 03:03:00 PM  

Blogger Jordis said...

BTW did you hear that Daniel Radcliffe will appear in American Idol on April 24. (or is it 25?) He'll make an appearance with Helena Bonham Carter who will play Bellatrix Lestrange in movie 5 :D

4/10/2007 03:05:00 PM  

Blogger Zeenii said...

Hahaha! I like the "murdered by Ron after Hermione gets caught holing Harry's wand"

I've meet overly possessive guys like that, and I wouldn't be surprised if somebody dies.

I LOVE Draco! My friends think I'm weird because of that. He's just so confused and lost and unloved! And the whole bad boy aura, I like!

BTW, Trollop, I hope you feel better soon. There's always a good reason behind everything that happens, just remain strong yeah (=

GIRL POWER! I learn in school that ladies are more mentally strong and we're able to push ourselves to the extremes and cope will BS better than men.((:

I'll keep you guys in my prayers! Cheers~

4/11/2007 07:57:00 AM  

Blogger Nozomi said...

Haha! That's great. My favorite is number 7 of the first list. XD

4/12/2007 06:05:00 PM  

Blogger Aradia said...

Hi every one,
I don’t want to read about Harry’s murder. I want him alive and happy with a nice girl. Although not Ginny, that Weasley girl is just too boy-hungry! And can we have Sirius back please?
So can’t we think about ways to have Voldemort killed (like throwing Nevil Longbottom on his head) without killing Harry? Ooh and maybe when Voldemort dies because he was so powerful that veil between the land of livings and dead would tear and Sirius falls to this side unharmed? And then Fawkes turns to Dumbledore, happy and healthy?
By the way, you should be ashamed of your evil influence, Harlot!!! After all your talks about Edward and Bella, I caved in and have been reading “Twilight” and “New Moon”. I finished the books in 3day flat and now I’m anxious to know what will happen. Is he going to turn her? She is such a Klutz, she probably gets herself in a life and death situation and he would have no choice! Ah, well! But I have to point out I didn’t fall for Edward. He is such a seventeen year old romantic! Too young for me! But his father Charlise? Hooom! I just can imagine such a perfection he would be!!!!!!!! So dreamy, so lovely….(I’m getting dizzy here!!!) ;) :D
Think positive thoughts and hope every things ends well!

4/12/2007 10:58:00 PM  

Blogger Harlot said...

ARadia! I'm soo glad you loved the books. :D Aren't they wonderful? I can't wait for ECLIPSE, already reserved myself a copy LOL. I wish you could have joined our TWILIGHT discussion, that was fun. :) Sometimes it's frustrating--i want Edward to turn Bella already but i know if that happens, the series will more likely to end soon. Oh well.. I just don't want Bella to pass 20 before Edward turns her since he's only freaking 17!

Yep, Carlisle is hot but Edward, *sigh* he's to die for.

4/13/2007 05:01:00 PM