Thursday, November 20, 2008

Twilight eye candy (er, sort of)

Once in a while I disentangle my naked limbs from Raoul’s and incur in things that don’t involve his beautiful mouth. ;) Shocking, isn’t it? But a girl has other needs, ya know. Anywho, because of the ten minutes I spend out of Raoul’s bed, and in the computer now and again, I’ve had no other choice but to notice the bleeding travesty—in the form of ads—that is masquerading as Twilight the movie. Alas, despite all my complaints (one would ASSUME they’d listen to me, hmmph!) Twilight was filmed with Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen. Still no clue how it happened but I think it involved drugs and magic (probably lots of Imperio curses and Confundus charm).

Regardless of my incessant whining and moaning, I gotta admit I can’t wait to see Twilight... just so I can make fun of it afterwards, hee. :P I’m worried about one thing though: I honestly don’t know how I could watch the entire movie without laughing my head off because I’m as sure as Trollop is a lunatic that I’ll be watching it with delusional fans who’ll pretend the movie is OMG-OMG-*squeee*-purrrfect and nothing is optically offensive. (Yeah, they’re high on meth.) Ohh, Xenu save me... Not sure if it will help to have Raoul kiss every inch of my body but my golly I’ve gotta try something!

NOTE: I didn’t get the chance before to comment about Breaking Dawn but it must be said: For months, Stephenie Meyer teased and teased with Edward’s nipple, calling to me, luring me, making me CRAVE it nightly to suckle on it like a starving baby. You’d think I’d be orgasmic after having read it. UGH! Never thought I’d hate a book more than I hated Outlander and Story of O! Swinging, super sperm that isn’t really sperm, lochness monster, taking back most of the vampire myth she built—WITHOUT EXPLANATIONS AT ALL—just so Bella can have every fucking thing?!?? Dunno what kind of hash Ms. Meyer’s been smoking but I thought she wrote a clusterfuck of scifi for idiots. :/ (To be fair, despite the fact that Jacob is an annoying jerkwad in Eclipse, stupid dog, I WUV him as the narrator. *g*)

If you want to punish your poor eyes, please do continue after the jump...

I can’t decide which pic is the best: the one where “Edward” looks like Yogi Bear’s cousin or an extra in a crappy zombie movie, or the one where he looks like an Ebola virus victim or a kiddie porn model. Hmmm...

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11 comment(s):

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

I gotta say I thought Cedric was hot in GOF. WTF happened to him?

Also, what's up with those dark cirles? And i thought I had problems LOL

Last, but not least, Harlot must have added that arm pitt hair on the last pic b/c who in their right mind would allow himself to be photographed like that?!?!?! it's like the attack of the arm pitt hair LOL

11/20/2008 03:37:00 PM  

Blogger Marg said...

Very strange armpit hair.

I will see this eventually, but I can't say that Edward does anything for me so far! Maybe I just need the movie magic to be able to see it!

11/20/2008 03:47:00 PM  

Blogger Vicious Trollop said...

There's something really wrong about that last pic! He looks like a kiddy porn user or something. And who would want to see that scrawny looking guy in undies? WHAT THE FUCK?

11/20/2008 04:44:00 PM  

Blogger DumSpiroSpero said...

I kind of dig one of the pics trying to give him golden eyes. Just one, though, the rest are fugly. Also, wtf is wrong with him. Every time he's out in public at a premiere he looks like he hasn't bathed in a week. He's taking some decent genetics and ruining it!

11/20/2008 06:57:00 PM  

Blogger Tara Champagne Dean said...

What the hell is up with his hair? It looks like he is trying to revive A Flock of Seagulls or something equally painful along those lines?

11/20/2008 08:00:00 PM  

Anonymous Sheila said...

It looks like he is trying to be Edward Scissorhands' younger brother without the charisma.....ugh armpit hair- so not manly looking. And he does have the bod of a twink- so not appealing to this alpha male lover!

11/20/2008 09:13:00 PM  

Blogger Thomas J. Brown said...

I agree that Twilight looks weak, but at least La Push is nice.

11/21/2008 01:41:00 AM  

Anonymous Gabrielle said...

I feel the exact same way Harlot. It's so frustrating that the uber dedicated fangirls will refuse to see what is wrong with the movie because of their loyalty to Meyer. The vampires look like crap. I can't see anything remotely beautiful about them. They seriously just look scary. And all I am hearing from these girls is how hot Robert Pattinson is.
Trollop, I agree that he was good-looking as Cedric. But as Edward? He looks unkempt but not in a sexy way. Rather, in a "I haven't slept or bathed in a month" way.
*sigh* It has such potential....
I know I shouldn't judge before the movie comes out, but it's soooo hard not to =(

11/21/2008 04:40:00 AM  

Blogger Alice said...

Ew. NOT Edward Cullen.

But I'm no huge fan of Twilight (HATED the second book. What was it called? "Bella's a retard"?) and I have even more dismal views of the movie.

11/23/2008 03:29:00 AM  

Anonymous jaded said...

The movie SUCKED! I have never been a theatre where people screamed and cheered over the actor playing the main character (Edward in this case) before he has even said a word. His acting wasn't the greatest and the book is waaaay better than the movie. Surprise, Surprise! In my opinion, don't waste your time or your money.

11/23/2008 08:55:00 PM  

Anonymous shoshana said...

I forked out 15 bucks in audible and bought Breaking Dawn for my ipod. OMG. The reader is a whiny bitch. I can't believe she got the job reading that stupid book. Why would they pick a whinny voice to read that already awful book? I don't even know what to say after I wanted to choke that reader. It's the only twilight book I listened in audio. If i hadn't paid for it, I wouldn't have sullied my iPod with it's presence.

12/06/2008 09:28:00 AM